the entire family needs équilibre (balance)

children are separate, capable human beings with their own tastes, pleasures, and experiences of the world

set firm limits, a cadre, and give children tremendous freedom within these limits

if you expect a child to be able to understand and give it the chance, you might be pleasantly surprised

children can attend, or wait, they can adapt and cope with a little frustration - in fact, it is a good skill for them to learn

a polite child knows to say bonjour, au revoir, s’il vous plait, and merci - this lets them to interact with adults and feel comfortable as a part of society

involve them in preparing meals, and naturally encourage tasting by discussing textures, colors, and flavors - if they keep trying foods, eventually they learn to like them

help them be sage (wise and calm) through meals by serving a couple of courses, a new dish is much more fun and interesting than an overwhelming plate of food

faire une bêtise is a small act of naughtiness, not really warranting a punishment - but a few might, perhaps les gros yeux, this allows labeling the offense and distinguishing the severity without labeling the child “bad” or “naughty”

non can be all you need to say, je ne suis pas d’accord treats their action as a poor choice that they have made, c’est moi qui décide eliminates power plays

the perfect mother does not exist

french mothers don’t loose their pre-baby identities

Book Review: Bringing Up Bébé

by Corina

I teach a lot of prenatal education – group classes, private classes, or in my work as a birth doula. In every class I emphasize how someone may be pregnant for 40 weeks or so, labour and give birth for no more than 3-4 days (everyone nervously laughs at this one) but you get the baby for much longer than that; so I encourage everyone to learn a bit about postpartum adjustment and parenting – whether it's by appealing to your village (see Kira's previous blog post) or reading a book.

I recently decided to follow my own advice (for research purposes) and decided to start light by reading Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman. For those unfamiliar with the premise of the book, it documents Druckerman's journey into pregnancy and motherhood while living as an American in Paris.

The book is an easy read and Druckerman is a funny writer but I found myself getting worked up so much that I had to take everything with a grain a salt. Before I talk more about it I should mention that I moved to Canada when I was 14 (14 years ago) and I come from Eastern Europe, so I did not have the same upbringing as many of my (Canadian-born) peers – meaning that I am familiar with many of the things Druckerman talks about.

Here are my thoughts on Bringing up Bebe (don't worry, I won't spoil everything):

The cover – I like it. I know, I know – it doesn't have to do much with what's inside but we are visual creatures. It's simple and I think it works.

The writer – I think Druckerman is a funny and effective writer. I laughed out loud more than a dozen times and I kept reading even when I didn't agree with what she wrote.

The writing – this book is more than Druckerman's anecdotes. She cites studies and authors that support French views on child rearing, but not too many that do not support it (maybe that's a good topic for another book?). In light of the cited work in the book, I was surprised on Druckerman's piece on pregnancy and birth – she talks about the high rate of medicated births in France (especially Paris) and people's positive views on it but mentions nothing of Frederick Leboyer and Michel Odent – both French doctors (obstetricians and childbirth specialist), both in Paris, both still alive, both strong proponents of gentle births with minimal interventions. Do people in France not know about these two very famous doctors and childbirth researchers and advocates in their own country?

There were aspects of the book I thoroughly agreed with, like teaching children to say Hello, Goodbye, Please, Thank You (I still cringe if I imagine myself not using those phrases with another person – my Eastern European parents are proud). I also sort of liked the bit about not encouraging children to become picky eaters (according to Druckerman, in France children eat what is in front of them); however, I have strong memories about being in day care and being forced to eat things I abhorred (I am currently gagging thinking about it). I vividly remember the stress I was under the whole day when I knew something I hated would be served at lunch in day care – and the care takers wouldn't let us leave until we finished. I experience the same stress now if I have to go to a social gathering involving dinner with people I don't know well (and who don't know that I hate bechamel sauce and anything with cauliflower). Will some of these children have similar anxieties?

Which leads me to my biggest problem with the book (amongst many others, like the “pause” and the constant chatter about losing the baby weight) and maybe with French parenting – it portrays infants and babies as entirely rational creatures who need structure, order, and who are striving to happily thrive and to make parents' life easier and more enjoyable (I am not saying that there's anything wrong with that). Druckerman states how much better this all is for both the parents and the children, but we only hear what parents think about this – what about the children? How do they feel about this way of parenting versus how American children feel about their parents' parenting methods? What about family relationships once children reach adulthood? Or these now-grown adults' relationship to the world around them?

I am not French, but my upbringing was similar to what Druckerman describes in Bringing up Bebe and there are aspects of American (and Canadian) parenting I wish my parents knew about and adopted when I was growing up.

Baking French yogurt cake with my bébé...

Ever since I read the book Bringing Up Bébé: One American Woman Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman I have been thinking about that damn yogurt cake that all the French kids eat (and help make) for their single snack of the day, or goûter. I’ve been thinking- this cake must be insanely good if it can make a kid wait patiently for their snack. AND they help bake it?? My imagination has been getting the best of me. Until now. I baked it with my 2 year old.

My children tend to approach baking tools and ingredients like they’ve just come out of a piñata: all hands touch everything, grab everything, and try to pocket or eat most things. Sooooo, we don’t bake together all the time.  I tried this recipe out while I had just one child present (highly recommended).

I followed a googled recipe for “French yogurt cake,” choosing the one that included ‘simple’ in the title. The ingredients are indeed simple. It was a typical grab-fest with the little one. She really wanted to taste the raw eggs. But because there were so few steps in the recipe, I was able to stay ahead of those little hands (this made me happy).

In about 45 minutes total we had two warm little cakes out on the racks to cool.

The verdict: this cake was just...okay. It tasted like a cake, but not like a good cake. I would be sad if this is what I’d waited all afternoon for as my only snack. It was extremely basic. I don’t know that frosting would make it much more than that. I did end up adding some fresh fruit and whipped cream on the side for my second serving (hey, I wasn’t going to let even a basic cake go to waste). My older kid had one bite and was like, I’m good instead of asking for more.