#brillbev

Some nights you need to forget but you know how that goes

Some nights you need to regret but thank God for those

- There are some days when Bev will take bigger sips of the wine and try to forget everything. She can forget the fact that she doesn’t have very many friends left. She can forget that Bob was killed. She can forget the fact that she misses her old friends so much, but she won’t apologize, so she shoots them dirty looks in the hallway and lets disgust filter in to her tone when she talks about them. But sometimes, when it’s just her and Brill and she’s had a little too much to drink, she lets herself cry. She lets herself miss them just a little bit. Because it’s the only time she can. So she cries into Brill’s shoulder while he rubs her back and whispers sweet nothings into her ear.

What good is a beautiful night without someone to spend it with

What good are the stars in the sky without someone to make sure their there

- On their second anniversary, Brill had snuck Bev out of her house and taken her to the park. It was dark and late but he’d spent way too long planning this to not go through with it. He sat down with her on the blanket he’d grabbed from the back of his car and he watched her laugh and smile and he felt so happy. It was when she threw her head back laughing and he’d seen the stars reflected in her eyes that it hit him. This was it for him. She was it. They were forever. So he’d squeezed her hand and told her he loved her and then he’d added on quietly that he planned to love her forever. She felt her cheeks warm as she smiled at him and promised him that she would love him forever.

The way you feel might be normal tonight but in time you will find that it's rare

So take it in now

Cause dreams don't last forever

- Bev was anxious a little more than she liked to admit. She’d learned to hide it or focus her energy onto something else. Unfortunately for her, Brill always saw right through her and knew when something was bothering her. Tonight was one of those nights. Brill was spending the night so she was leaning against him as they both sat in her bed. He had one arm wrapped around her waist and the other one was holding her hands steady. She didn’t even notice her hands were shaking until he’d grabbed them and pulled her closer. She was thinking about the future. About how one day maybe she wouldn’t be this happy. Maybe one day, her dream of a perfect future with Brill would disappear. But he just kissed her head and asked her what was wrong, and like always, she told him everything. And he just reassured her that he was there and he planned to stay for good.

You could wake up in some sunny day

Wondering what happened to all the love you threw away

- Bev doesn’t like to think about the loses she’s had. She can’t think about it for too long or she’ll cry. And she’s Beverly Jitney-Bush, she doesn’t cry. But sometimes, in the early mornings, she’ll wake up with Brill’s arms around her waist and his head tucked in her neck and she’ll think about love. First the thoughts are always about Brill and how lucky she was to find this kind of love with him. But sometimes her thoughts will drift into the platonic love she felt for her friends. She thinks about how she used to sit with Marcia and they’d laugh about boys while doing each other’s makeup. Or how she used to give Cherry advice about Bob and giggle with her when Cherry talked about the sweeter side of him. And sometimes, just sometimes, her mind will shift back to the girl she played with who was messier than the soc girls, she laughed like she didn’t need to contain herself. Bev misses all of her old friends sometimes, but she won’t wonder what it would be like if she’d kept those friends or else she’ll think about the could’ve been’s of her life.

Dance and love and learn to laugh

Though most days are nothing but bad

- Back before they started dating, Bev and Brill had been close friends. He was always there for her. Like in middle school, when her dad and gotten angry with her for not behaving in a proper way at the most recent dinner party they’d brought her to. When she’d gotten home, tears slipped down her cheeks, and of course, her mother had scolded her for that too. So she picked up the phone and dialed the first number she could think of. Brill showed up and her house and in all his thirteen year old glory, he’d grabbed her hand and pulled her into the backyard. He started swinging her around and he felt a smile build on his face when she let out bursts of full on laughter. Not the polite giggles that had been drilled into her head, not the soft chuckles that she did sometimes, but full on laughter. The kind that turned heads and lit up rooms. And when she realized what she was doing, she put a hand over her mouth, slowed down, and started apologizing to Brill. But he just shook his head and brought her hand down, flashing her a grin and telling her that he loved her laugh. It was the first time someone said something like that to Bev. It was the first time someone liked part of her that was truly and completely her.

The worse it gets the more you need someone worth fighting for yeah

- Her life was falling apart. Ok, maybe it wasn’t. But it felt like it. Because in a matter of two days, Bob had been killed, her parents were fighting and it was worse than before, and she was suddenly the only girl in their friend group. So yeah, it kind of felt like her life was falling apart. But she still had one thing to rely on and push through for. Brill. Because he was always there for her, ready to hold her hand, pull her close, kiss her, and promise her it would get better. She believed him. She did that and she pushed through because he gave her something to look forward to. She just needed to finish high school, then she and Brill could go to college, get away, get married, have a family, they could be them. She thought about that future anytime she felt especially down because of everything, and it gave her the reassurance she needed.

When's the last time you said yes and

Jump on the couch you hear the music just give me your hand

- Brill had this ability to make Bev feel so safe that she let herself be childish and free with him. There was one night where she’d spent the night at his house and he’d pulled her downstairs to lay on the couch and watch whatever movie was on. But as the movie was coming to the end, he sat up and asked her if she’d ever jumped on her bed as a kid. She looked at him, confused, as she told him that she was never allowed to. He simply told her that he would be changing that as he held his hand out for her to take and suddenly they were jumping on his expensive couch. She loved it. She loved him. The way he made things that would’ve scared little Bev seem so simple because she trusted him. She loved how much he taught her. He was the one who was showing her that it was ok to simple go with the flow and not have a strict plan for everything.

I can read your mind you know I can

You're just scared that I might actually understand you

So take it in now

- When Brill first told Bev he loved her, she was so torn. The voices in her head were fighting, one of them yelled at her to tell him she loved him too, because it was true, she did, she loved him more than she’d ever thought a person could love. But the other voice yelled at her to run because he was getting too close and if he knew every part of her, he wouldn’t love her. Her feet stayed planted as she listened to the noise inside her head, not noticing the silence that had fallen between them. Then Brill was backtracking. He was stepped backwards and awkwardly telling her that he knew he shouldn’t have said anything because this was new and he didn’t mean to spook her. But as he tried to go to leave, her body suddenly snapped into action and her hand shot out and grabbed his arm, stopping him. But the moment she opened her mouth, it all came tumbling out. She said everything that he could already tell by looking in her eyes. She told him she was scared that he wouldn’t love her if he knew all of her, but she also said that she loved him too. Suddenly she was being effectively shut up by his lips on hers. She smiled gently into the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck, because yeah, she was scared, but he made that feel ok. He made her feel safe, like she could tell him anything and he’d love her anyway.

Dance and love and learn to laugh

Though most weeks are nothing but bad

The worse it gets the more you need someone worth fighting for yeah

- Bev showed up on his doorstep one afternoon and he knew the minute he saw her that something was wrong. He could tell she was using every ounce of strength to not cry. God, he thought she was getting better at that. He opened his arms and she walked into them and immediately melted into his embrace. He knew that telling her it was okay to cry was pointless, so he moved on to what they’d established would help if this happened. He walked her into his living room, turned up the radio, and started swaying with her. Eventually, as the song changed to a more upbeat one, he started moving faster. He could sense her mood picking up the more they did this. Eventually, she was giggling as he picked her up and spun her around then put her back down and kissed her quickly. Eventually, she was pressing her face against his chest as her body shook with laughter and he kissed the top of her head and told her he loved her.

Sometimes you shut someone out and you know how that goes

But you gotta let someone in and thank God for those