#brian katcher

I always seem to know What to say when you're not around to hear it Oh, can you hear me?

Logan doesn’t react well to Sage revealing that she is a trans woman. He says he doesn’t want anything to do with her anymore and storms off, but once he’s calmed down and the initial shock has worn off, he knows he could have handled the situation better and realizes all the things he should have said. He admits to himself that he didn’t have any idea how to put his feelings into words, which is a struggle he has throughout the entire novel whenever he is face to face with Sage.

The more I give, the more it hurts I wish I was what I wasn't worth to you Am I worth it to you?

Logan is afraid of people seeing him as gay if Sage’s secret were to ever come out, and he pulls away whenever this insecurities get to be too much. Sage on the other hand is so sure of herself and her identity that every time Logan pulls back it’s like a dagger digging into her. She opens up so much and lets a person truly see her for the first time, but Logan is so afraid of how people will perceive him that he decides that a a relationship with Sage isn’t possible or worth it (even though he’s still undeniably attracted to her, so… maybe it could be worth it? To at least give it a shot?)

So, don't let me down 'Cause I can't fall for you again I won't hit the ground No, I won't fall for you again I won't let you down

This chorus is Sage hoping that all of Logan’s back and forth with her will end. Logan is attracted to Sage, but with every hurdle that they reach he backs down. He cycles through wanting to be with Sage and being scared to be with her. Sage wants to believe that Logan is all in, that he accepts her for who she is, and they have moments where it seems like that’s the case, but Logan always runs away at the first sign of trouble. It’s emotional whiplash; he can’t keep being lovestruck one moment then letting her down the next.

And I would burn in hell If I meant that our fire never went out like it did Oh, it did

It’s Sage who breaks it off the final time, ironically when Logan is at a point where he feels he could finally be the person that Sage needs him to be. (Actually in the chapter immediately before this Logan says that he’ll be the be “a man who would never let her down again.” Like, he was ready.) The guilt Logan feels for “absolutely failing” Sage weighs heavily on him, especially since he’s staring down the prospect of never seeing her again. He really thought he could fix everything between them and commit 100%, but by then Sage was moving on.

If we never met, I'd be the kid who hasn't found himself yet Go to college and date a girl who doesn't know how to dress Start a family with a wife and kids, oh God, I hate that shit If we never met If we never met If we (if we, if we, if we)

These lines remind me so much of Logan. He could have an easy dating life, meet someone at college and fall in love… if he hadn’t met Sage. Having said goodbye to her for the last time, Logan moves into his college dorm and meets a girl moving into the same building as him, and he thinks maybe they'll hit it off, but she'll never be Sage. Every girl he meets will always come up short compared to her. He says at one point that not talking to Sage is his loss, not hers, and he’s definitely still feeling that loss by the end of the book. As much as a relationship with Sage scared him, I think he hates his future without her in it, he just realized it too late.

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