#breaking-up

Hong Dou (Red Bean) - Faye Wong

Letting go of you has always been so scary. The memories and simple happiness of our relationship that seem to drift upwards into black, like flying candles swallowed up by the dark night sky. The constant cold silence that lingers in the air afterwards... the absence of your warmth or company. I can no longer reach out to you in the way that I could a week ago -- no, my presence is an intrusion. Letting go and losing you has been terrible.

I miss you and think about you every day, many times each day, especially in the nights when I'm alone. I'll miss hearing your calls after work, when you used to complain to me about the struggles of your day, the annoyances. I miss that we were a part of each other's day, as we had been for the past 4 years, and now, nothing.

I'm sorry for all of this. I'm sorry I couldn't have walked with you for longer, I'm sorry that there were things about me that I should've sought help to take care of -- but didn't. I'm sorry that our time together didn't take us to the places and dreams that we hoped. I had always hoped to travel with you more, to see more of this world.

Sometimes we need a break from a relationship, and other times we just need to break up. Some relationships are meant to be, and if you are meant to be together things will come together for the two of you. But if it is not meant to be you will not find your way back to each other mentally or emotionally.

No matter what the reason is for the break, your true intentions and their intentions should be clear. It needs to be understood if the break is to take some time apart to make things better, or if it is really just an extended break up because neither of you have the courage to call it quits.

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If you are unsure if your relationship is just on a break or if you have really broken up, I have some guidelines for you.

How To Tell If It’s A Break Or A Break Up

Spending Time Together

If you are on taking a break from your relationship but still spending time together then you are on a break. It means you care for one another, that you like each other, and still want to spend time together as friends as you figure things out.

Dating Other People

If the moment you two decided you needed a break, and one or both of you starts hitting up the dating sites or starts going to clubs and bars seeking someone new, then it is a break up.

Taking a break from the relationship is supposed to be a time to reflect and maybe reconnect, but if you one or both of you is taking this opportunity to see what else is out there then it is time to make the break permanent.

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Frequent Communication

If you continue to talk and text to each other everyday then you are just on a break. Frequent communication during a break means you miss each other, and respect each other enough to keep one another in the loop of what’s going on in your life, and to seek advice.

Sleeping With Other People

If you are taking a break but not officially broken up, you should not be having sex with other people. Sleeping with other people can mean the end of any possible reconciliation.

If one of you sleeps with someone else it will likely be hurtful to your partner. If you are both sleeping with other people on your break, then you are not ready for a committed, monogamous relationship, at least to each other.

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Talking To Your Ex

Now that you’re on a break, you or your partner decide to reconnect with you ex. If you are reconnecting with your ex for comfort, friendship, or sex, it is a break up and not just a break. There should be awareness that reconnecting with an ex would be considered extremely hurtful and like a betrayal.

Sometimes a break from a relationship is needed to give you both perspective. Maybe you had started to take each other for granted or were starting feel your love fading away.

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A relationship break can be a good a thing or just a delay of the inevitable, but al least now you will have a better idea of whether or not you two will come back together.

What are your thoughts on breaks from a relationship versus a break up? Do they work or do they ultimately turn into a break or make the relationships stronger? Please share your thoughts and experience on this topic?

“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.” - Paulo Coelho