#brainthings

Your brain consist of about one billion nerve cells (neurons)

Each neuron is connected making up roughly a trillion connections. Memories are stored throughout these connections, the result of all this is that brain has the capability to store around 2. 5 petabytes of memory.

To put it into perspective. That is enough storage it would essentially allow you to leave a DVR running on a television consecutively for over 300 years and still not fill up the memory space.

So, no wonder you can't forget it, or let it go. There is not a single thing wrong with you, your brain has just cataloged and saved all the "threats" you have encountered.

An emotion only last 90 seconds.

Seems inaccurate, right? If the emotion only last 90 seconds then why does the feeling hang around for days, weeks, or maybe even months?

Well first, we have to remember that our brain catalogs those negative emotions and experiences better than positive ones because it is doing its best to help keep us alive and safe.

With this in mind we can infer that our negative experiences are going to linger in our thoughts a lot longer than the good ones. So, simply put, every time you think about what made you feel bad your brain runs through the rolodex of emotions and pulls the exact one that was present at the initial negative experience, and now your brain is sending your whole body messages telling it that you are back in that negative scene.

Although you consciously know that you are not back in that situation, your subconscious does not, and by constantly thinking about the bad things that happened to us we constantly replicate the feelings along with the experience and those feelings begin to manifest into a whole mood, and now, you just feel mean, nasty, and negative.

HI, I'm W and I want to share my thoughts with you. My chaotic, melancholic, random thoughts.

Sometimes shower thoughts,

sometimes bad grammar,

sometimes depressing,

but it's all me.

I'll try my best to keep this blog updated, but I can't promise anything. I really just need a space where I can put my thoughts outside of my head for a bit.

I like to talk to people so if you want to chat it's fine by me.

I think I’m in one of my weird moods where I feel dissociative or something. I just feel like something isn’t complete or I need something to be whole, and as a result I’m rejecting where I am now. I don’t know how to describe this. It’s almost like a weird tightness inside of me, and I don’t know how to unravel it. At the same time, it’s a calm sort of anxiety/restlessness. Like things are moving a bit more slowly. 

At the same time, this is when I’m at my most creative, linguistically. This is when I write, when I think deepest... I’ve always used these moods as a sort of catalyst for any creative work I need to do. I remember in the series Heroes, there was a character that would do drugs and then have visions of the future and paint them. I’m not like him in that drugs has never been a part of this. And I certainly am not good at almost any kind of art. But, I do feel somewhat trance-like when I’m in these moods, like I’m channeling something. I’d love to know concretely what is responsible. It’s not entirely unpleasant. 

Mabel would give you a hug and remind you that your brain is lying to you when it says that. Talking to people isn’t “bothering” them, and they won’t be mad at you for apologizing. For example, I do not feel remotely bothered that you sent me this message! If you’re apologizing for something you did wrong, it might still take them some time to accept it. If you apologize compulsively, they might be bewildered and tell you to stop--and if you can, that might be something to bring up when your brain isn’t being so mean to you.

Even if you know what’s going on, it’s hard to believe that your brain is lying. If you can, spend time with people who will prove it wrong--family, friends, a counselor. Isolating yourself feels easier, but it can just feed into the negativity and make things worse. At the same time, brainthings like this come and go, and if you need to just hide in Sweater Town for a while when they’re at their worst, that’s okay too.

A trick I use sometimes when my brain is bad is to bake cookies for friend gatherings I might not have been able to bring myself to go to otherwise. It can’t be bothering people if you bring them delicious baked goods!