#brainpoop

My reality is harder to look at and navigate but poetically whimsical, ironically witty, scathing and poignant, maybe sharp and dirty sometimes.

But the people around me look like a whole friends episode at once which is to say a lot easier for most people to relate to but me. My brain is fuckywucky. I don't choose to daydream, it's my natural state. I have to choose to participate in reality. And the last thing I wanna be is fake, but the last thing anyone wants from me is my authenticity. So I always feel if I don't play my part and be what the other person expects then I am in trouble with someone for some reason. Fawning. Trauma. Idk probably. Anxiety. Why tf do I even care so much idek. But if I dress how I want and talk how I want then I open myself up to judgements and mean people and I just want to be accepted. So I just dissociate the entire day and my memory becomes a black hole then idk who I am again. Til something trips a memory.

Alas, I’ve never loved the way I am. No not until I saw the way you look at me, it couldn’t be just nothing, that look of happiness and hope, the feeling that whatever you are seeing is worth loving.. and that..yes that alone makes me want to learn to love myself more by loving you.

For you are the great story in my head, running through the pages much like your fingers along my skin, gentle and soothing yet unable to stop, but it doesn’t matter anyway for this story never does end, it goes on and on forever, as love should.

Meanwhile in paralelle universe, Notch jokingly referred the player character of Minecraft as “Hero” because well he’s obviously the hero of this game, and that somehow becomes the canon default name of the character from that moment.