This was composed so many times and lost over and over again or accidentally deleted and it's been scraped and pieced together for about a year now and I always lock it in my notes and save it everytime I re-do it. I think it is now time to let all of you go; and unlock this from my clipboard and give my heart the freedom to be happy again.
I think it took so much of me to be the caregiver I always wished I had, for you... and I may never get that, but maybe you can get what you need if someone has the blueprints of all I learned with you...
As any other vapid girl, it must start with a quote, one I've found fits and it does it beautifully, at least for me.
"They all turned their backs on us because they knew if we held on tight to eachother... we were something fatal... but we fell into the wrong hands."
To the girl who loves him next;
I fucked shit up to the point of no return and the boy this letter is about deserves what I had the potential to give him... had I not been battling demons stronger than myself at the time.
If the first time you meet him it feels like you're in fucking 6th grade meeting your new best friend, talking a mile a minute and never wanting to sleep because you're so excited you found someone this amazing... (I think we spent 3 sleepless days and nights talking and falling so quickly in love it was worse than some freak hurricane, it caught me by surprise and to this day i know ill never laugh that hard again or be that happy again) then listen please, for everything that is holy please just read this a million times so he finally can have the life he deserves. I promise he is worth every fight every melt down every public scene... I fucking swear on it, but you won't know if you don't learn how to help him out of these situations.
The first few times it's going to seem like a fucking nightmare. Please stop and understand me when I say this... "imagine how he feels". As humans we are not very good at seeing beyond our own selfish existence, so it's going to take some actual effort, he's fucking worth it.
Learn his triggers and listen to what the fuck he's saying even if it sounds crazy to you, listen to those words because there's meaning behind them. It's not just to freak out its not just to embarass you and its certainly not Any fun for him. Keep cold water with you for these moments. He needs it to drink and splash his face with.Do not be afraid to jump in a cold shower with him with your clothes on, because no matter how shitty it sounds now... it's some of my favorite memories to look back on, being able to calm him and hear what he is trying to say because you've learned how to help calm him and you've become that much closer. I would sing to him, i wont give the details of that song or that part as its something i want ro keep to myself, it was my favorite song and i havent listened to it or sang it since the day i droppwd him off at the airport.
Don't lie to him, however fragile his ❤️; it can withstand the hard truth, but the sugar coated lie is a slap deep into his soul, please don't break his trust. It's so sacred and beautiful. I know right now you don't think you can handle him, and I'd love to be selfish and tell you to send him on an airplane to me because I miss my best friend and lover, but if you stick this out... he will make you the happiest girl in the whole world. I know from experience. Please do not hurt him. Because if I find out about this, you will have alot bigger troubles than him not being able to let go. He is sensitive and messy and fun and sweet and chaos and perfection... but don't ever make him feel like he is not enough, he isnt... and don't ever make him feel like he's too much... he isn't. He is a perfect portion of all and he taught me how to love myself and he taught me patience in the purest form.
If you give up easily, you can come join my sad club...
Yours truly, GHOSTGIRL (R.I.P. DEVIL GIRL)
