Mar 30, 2024
She makes life so soft and safe
I feel like I can be vulnerable
I can be loved
Maybe I'm not a monster after all
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She makes life so soft and safe
I feel like I can be vulnerable
I can be loved
Maybe I'm not a monster after all
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I'm so scared he's going to leave me, or I'm going to have to leave him... I don't want to, I love him I love him so much I don't want to be without him. I just want to be chosen for once. I want to be more important than I am. I know I'm useless, I know my existence makes everything so much fucking harder, but I just want to be important enough to be picked. I want to be enough to change for, I want to be enough I feel so fucking worthless right now.
my bf and i got into an argument that lasted hours long and he said that i’m a horrible, mean person that contributed to his trauma. mind you i’ve been nothing but supportive and understanding towards him — and from my POV the way we’ve been communicating lately has been going well up until earlier this morning. every time i bring up something that’s bothering me, he automatically dismisses it and says that i’m “being too depressing” and it’s ruining his mood. all i’ve asked for is effective communication; in which he got upset about after i haven’t heard from him all day saturday going into sunday night. he was being condescending towards how i was feeling when i wanted was to be heard.
i honestly don’t know what to do or think anymore. he decided that we needed a day to get our thoughts together and regroup (in which i also agreed with). during times like this i genuinely feel alone. as of now i’m starting to get afraid of opening up to him about my feelings because i don’t want to turn it into another argument.
i wish i wasn’t soul tied to him. i love him so much to the point where it’s physically and mentally taking a toll on me. during times like these i want to SH and relapse so bad but every time i look at the scars i’ve given to myself over the years i feel ugly.
i don’t ever think i can be happy because it always comes in glimpses. i wish my brain wasn’t wired this way.