#boykin.txt

How come there is no boarding school au featuring sam and dean as a pairing ? im not looking for porn nor explicit content, i want intense and slightly unhinged, close enough to canon actually. i dont mind castiel either but all there is to be found is destiel and that is something i am not looking for.

i must be searching wrong. there's no way it doesnt exist already. such a simple prompt.

the show fails to understand what it means to consume like dean does. the gravity of what's implied is horrifying and never acknowledged. worst, it's a redundant joke. dean raises the bottle to his lips and the camera laughs. the script laughs at us laughing at dean while he drinks himself to death.

i hate the show for being so weak and trying to make it look like it's nothing. nothing but manly, a little bit sexy maybe. like you can ride that train for so long and just go on with living like a normal person.

alcoholism

smells like shit and vomit and soon after decay. it beats your brain into pulp and makes it look like dirt when it starts running out of your ears and nose in a hospital bed.

it makes you dumb

even when it's out of your system. you think it's under control but suddenly you're not you, you've been robbed of what you once were, and what you could've been. you speak dumb, and you write dumb, and you read dumb because you're not functioning. you've been robbed of autonomy. and your people, they wipe your vomit, they wipe your ass because you shit yourself. and you get scared of yourself, cause you smell and you look like that guy, that guy who died on the sidewalk because nobody wanted to feed him. and your people, they try to tell you that you smell alright and that you're not that guy, but you don't trust them cause they're not your people anymore. people to whom? you're not there. you don't make decisions cause you can't; you've been dumb dumb for a while now. at some point, you die, but it's not an easy death like you thought it would be. not like in the movies. it takes its time, it's agony. you die and your organs spill everywhere, by every orifice. you're not there but you feel it nonetheless. every leaking pipe is bleeding in your belly. you feel it.

every time dean raises a bottle to his lips

completely unrelated to supernatural, and completely random; what do you think i smell like? based on approximately nothing, because you know nothing of me, but still, what do you guys think.

would you please drop words in my inbox? please, please, please. make me question my mind, make me get out of myself.