#bo ask

J: So as you may have guessed, the movie we’re talking about first is House of Wax (2005). It follows a group of college students driving cross-country to attend an important football game. But they stop for the night in Ambrose, Louisiana… a decision that turns out to be fatal. Mwahahahahaha.  

V: They end up meeting up with not one, not two, but three men - all with varying levels of dangerousness. Lester, Bo, and Vincent. It isn’t until later do they realize they’re all connected. One of my favorite twists, honestly - even though I knew beforehand, I still loved finding that out in the story as it progressed. And man is Bo a snack.

J: Yyyyeah… she has mechanic fever pre-tty bad. As far as the movie goes, the director made a point of using practical effects wherever and whenever possible, which made for a very realistic, very grotesque viewing experience. It definitely made my skin crawl, and Vincent is terrifying. However, the only protagonist I really liked was Nick. Carly and Wade were just as Bo described: completely disrespectful. They were rude to Lester, rude to Bo, and Wade disrespected Vinny by burning his childhood sculptures, breaking into his museum, sneaking around the Sinclair house, etc, etc... In that sense, it was hard to want the protags to succeed. I didn’t feel for them. And the film didn’t try to hide the fact that Paris Hilton was - in fact - Paris Hilton. Even the soundtrack refers to her character as ‘Paris’, so she ended up as more of an Easter Egg than her own character. Wasn’t a fan of that. Even Jennifer’s Body took Megan Fox seriously, and I wasn’t left thinking “they’re just using this as an excuse to get her half-naked figure on a big screen”. But Nick was strong, a good brother, and the slow reveal of his true character was really well done. Overall it was a solid movie with a lot of fandom potential (extra points there). I’d give it… 7/10.

V: I think that’s fair. The effects, the set, the villains? All fantastic. But it fell apart with the protagonists - Carly was alright at some points, but otherwise? Ehh. I mean, I often sympathize with the killer anyway, but this felt like it was intentionally like that. Like, “hey, these good guys suck - like the villains instead; they’ve had it rough”. Nick was fantastic though, I will give him that. I like a bad boy with a big heart!

J: So without further ado, we would like to welcome Bo, Lester, and Vincent Sinclair to the Slasher Party! Along with our two survivors, Nick and Carly Jones!

“Thank y’kindly, ladies~ I think my brothers’n’I ‘ll fit right in these parts,” Bo smirks, his southern charm unparalleled, “And uh, Miss Savana, was it? Seems like it’s a special pleasure to make your acquaintance, ma’am~” He gives the girl a sweet kiss on the hand, at which Jess rolls her eyes. 

Lester tilts his hat off in a greeting, a shy grin plastered across his scruffy features. “Well, heh, hi there everybody. Sure is a pleasure t’be here~” 

“...” The man in the wax mask is quiet. His hands move, and he begins to sign. ‘Thank you for bringing me.’ He says. ‘I look forward to making new friends.’ 

With his sister on his arm, Nick gives a lazy shrug and a shake of his head. “As long as you’re sure it’s safe here, I don’t have any problem setting the record straight on exactly what happened.”

The masked brother already doesn't like this. He crosses his arms expectantly, head tilted downward slightly.

"Learnin'? Learnin' what, Bo?" The youngest tilts his head, oblivious to whatever horrors may be lurking in Bo's 'tutoring'.

"Hey, now, quit lookin’ at me like that. One'a these day's you'll have'ta strike out on your own, Vince. Y'can't keep pickin' up my sloppy seconds. And Lester, you can't keep pickin up... well. Slop.

"So here's how it works," Bo flips over a nearby bucket and steps one foot up onto it, leaning his weight against his leg casually, "When it comes to me, it’s real simple: I see what I want and I make it mine. The best way t'get someone t'say 'yes' is to make sure 'no' isn't an option.

"Pop quiz. Gimme one example of how I might do that; both of ya."

Vincent puts a hand on his face. He points down, 'Your cellar.'

"Oh yea! I was gonna say duct tape." Lester nods in agreement.

"Right, right, but odds are they don't have MY garage. So step one is findin' your own place. Then, clean yourself up. Be charmin'. Invite 'em over alone. Make sure all the doors'r locked and the exits are blocked. Maybe sit down for a nice meal, then pop the question. If your lady or fella's onboard, consider it a success. If they're not, well. Keep 'em there until they are. Maybe toss in a nice threat or two, and I've yet t'meet anybody that can't be motivated by pain~

Now, if they take an 'specially long time t'come around, you'll probably get bored in the long run anyhow, so finish 'em off an' dump em some place good. Any questions?"

The roadkill boy looks down, confused. "But ain't that kinda rude?"

'Everything he does is rude,' Vincent remarks. 'You know a relationship is a thing, right?'

"Sure, but what the Hell would I want with one'a those?" The mechanic scoffs, "Trust me on this one: When it comes t'meetin people, y'get whatcha need outta someone an' that's it, unless they're family. Why do you think I keep you two dumbasses around? Masochism? It's cause blood's the only thing y'can trust.

“I guess th'moral a'this story is that I don't have crushes t'tell, sweetheart. I stopped tryin'a settle down a long, long time 'go. Sorry if it isn't much help. But don' give me non'a that depressin' shit. It just isn't worth the trouble'a gettin' mixed up with someone y'd never be able t'trust. The best advice I have t'give is: go it alone as long as y'can.

“Cheap thrills're better than heartache, I can promise y'that." ‘...’ His twin sighs, coming over and patting his shoulder. 'Shut up, Bo.' "Aw, Bo! Y'sadder than Vince AND me put together!" Lester gets pouty, punching his other shoulder. "Maybe y'should listen t'Vinny about ladies."

"I said no depressin’ shit! And, the Hell does Vince know about women?! Why him?!" "Cause he ain't sad and depressed!" “Why, you--”

'And I've spend more quality time with your "leftovers" than you.' Bo shakes his head in disbelief, "If you're such a Romeo, how about you answer th'question, then." Vincent straightens his back, 'Dinner. A FEW, dinners. Perhaps letters, even. I would know them before deciding if they were worth my while.' He nods. 'My time is precious, after all. They would have to respect my art if they want to live. No question.'

"Seems like y'put some thought into this," Bo arches a brow.

'If you stopped thinking with your downstairs primarily, you might've thought of it first,' Vince retorts. 'I've mused on the idea before. It's not weird.'

"I think 'bout it too!" Lester raises his hand.

Bo subtly strokes his finger with a sneer at his twin. "Alright, Lester, give us whatcha got."

"Okay, hear'me out." He puts both hands up, grinning. "Stargazin on th'bed o'my truck! Maybe a couple beers, light conversation, moooonlit night... an'then I'd ask her to be m'girlfriend!"

'...Simple enough. I like the stargazing idea.' Vincent taps his chin thoughtfully.

"... Heh," Bo can't help but smile, patting his younger brother's shoulder, "Whoever lands you will be one lucky son of a b*tch, you goddamn ray’a sunshine. Vince, toss this kid back in th'road before he outshines us."

The twin chuckles, throwing Lester over his shoulder. 'Here we go. Roadkill duty.'