#blurryoz

Okay so, for anyone who has followed me in the last year—which is a large proportion of my followers now—and enjoyed my blog—and especially for anyone that I’ve formed a friendly relationship with—basically has you to thank. Before there was Hacks there was Vanity, and you. 🥜🥰 You made me believe that what I had to say about fandom stuff was interesting and valuable, and that fic writers would appreciate my lengthy comments and that I could actually befriend them because of them, and most importantly that fandom friends can be real friends. This might sound sort of dramatic but it’s absolutely true: you changed the entire trajectory of my fandom experience and everything I thought about what fandom could be for me. 🥹

—Thank you for always being patient, interested, understanding, kind, and extremely hilarious! 😊 I feel like I can share literally any fandom takes with you and you’ll respond with your own (much more intelligent) thoughts that expand and enrich my own ideas. You’ve been such a constant for me during the pandemic - really my rock when I was cut off from most of my irl friends - and I can’t thank you enough for always being there for me.

—Thank you for being so calm and level-headed when fandom can be filled with energy that is anything but. We agree on so many things, but I think the sign of true friendship and understanding is that we can disagree and it’s completely fine. We’re always willing to listen to the other person’s pov and never have to worry about being judged or creating an irreparable rift. You’ve been a haven when most of the fandom felt super chaotic and/or hostile and kept me engaged when I otherwise might have bailed.

—Thank you for helping me appreciate just how important my lesbian (and really, my lesbian parent) identity is, and how sharing that with someone completely transcends cultural boundaries. We have profoundly different cultural experiences in so many ways, but the straight couple that lives down the street from me will never understand my day-to-day lived experience like you do. Befriending you made me realize that being queer means I can have friends all over the world who, in so many of the most important ways, are just like me. 🤯

thanks!

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I don’t think I have any other than the very boring “I can fold my tongue like a taco” thing

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

I bought perfume for parents because both of their birthdays are coming up

64: Where is your best friend?

Probably in bed, watching twitch streamers I don’t understand lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

Thanks for the ask! 😊

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Well THIS is a question! So many!!

I tend to get ideas for scenes in my head which I then sketch out or write summaries of and most of them never get written. @piratekane’s ‘i had all (and then most of you, some and now none) of you’ is one of my absolute favourite Vanity stories. I read it when I need a good cry. There’s a couple of other amnesia stories in the fandom as well but all seem to approach it from the point of view that Vanessa gets amnesia. So I’ve been playing with this concept where Charity is in an accident, but it’s quite dark because she’s forgotten what happened with Bails’ trial and it’s all just too emotional and as the show’s been going on and Lisa got ill and then died it’s been getting harder because of all the stuff she would need to forget. I might get back to this one or I might leave it as one of my snippet fics... I’ve also been playing with the idea of doing kind of a twist on a Groundhog Day AU. But that’s a big project and I just don’t have the time to commit to it right now.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

I’m going to assume this means fic that has actually been published because some of my other stuff has been so hard to write that the only person who has seen it is @jmflowers and tbh it’ll probably stay that way.

‘Leave all my regrets (to sink like shipwrecks)’ was a SLOG - teenage boy POV is too hard. I was so happy when I powered through but I’m still not completely happy with the result.

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Oh, I reckon Vanessa’s been sure of Charity’s affections at least since Charity chased her down the street and told her she cared about her.  But even before that, she knew that all the ridiculous games around the time of the auction were just for her and not actually to attract the attention of any random men (or Rhona).  

I think it’s fairly clear that Vanessa has become adept at reading Charity and knowing how to draw reactions out of her.  And some might say that’s the ‘playing games’ that Vanessa claimed she didn’t have time for.  However, I would say that Vanessa’s ‘games’, if you want to call them that, were actually just fairly acceptable normal behaviour.  And she was adhering to Charity’s own rules about their non-relationship. She explicitly asked if Charity still wanted to be casual before she went to the gay bar.  Sending someone you’re close to texts and pics from a night out isn’t unheard of.  It just so happens Vanessa was fairly certain what it would do to Charity.  

And it worked. And it forced Charity’s hand. Because it’s one thing to claim to want to be ‘casual’ and ‘no strings’ when she thinks Vanessa has no other options and no desire to find any.  It’s quite another when faced with a selfie of Vanessa and some other woman.  

I thought you might be so I’m extra excited you did it, and I endeavored to make sure it was appropriate for public consumption. 😉

I’m going to try and reign in the degree of crazy fangirl (a littttttle), but truly I owe so much to @blurryoz and I can’t say enough wonderful things about her. She helped me come increasingly out of my fandom shell by supporting me in all of my posting endeavors, and being a true friend during what has been a deeply insane year. 

(1) Going to start with the thing that all of you know about her - she’s an incredible writer, and her fics make this fandom 1000x better! She has original ideas, and thinks so deeply about the characters and what they would actually do and say. She takes the time to plan out these longer works where all of the developments and turns make sense, and the build to the climax feels natural and thrilling. She writes moments that are sweet, sexy, angsty, funny; moments that make me feel totally gutted. And she keeps writing even when life gets in the way and it takes way longer to finish something than she planned. Her commitment and diligence are beyond impressive. Seeing her work get the recognition it deserves (especially her most recent fic), not only here but on Twitter, has made me so proud and excited for her! Anyone who has not yet read The Apartment - WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

(2) She’s been here basically since Day 1 and stuck around for all of us. I know there are probably others of you who watched The Cellar in real time and are still here, but I have the impression that there are many more who have (understandably) taken a step back since then, or (like me) joined the fandom much later. Having someone like that in the fandom who has seen it all and still loves Vanity and wants to write for them is a real gift. And she continues to be incredibly supportive of the rest of us who are still writing, posting, giffing! Her cheerleading of my posts and my Vanessa liveblog is a big reason why those things exist at all. 

(3) She is really steadfast and dependable and kind. She has so much on her plate, but puts up with me constantly pestering her with Vanity theorizing, real life crap, general wlw fangirling, and whatever randomness I feel like bothering her with on a given day. And by “puts up with” I mean consistently responds such that she’s become a hugely comforting constant in a year full of upheaval. I also think it’s hard to be 100% honest on public platforms, even about stupid fandom shit, for fear of retaliation (*waves at mean anons*), and I always feel safe to be 100% honest with her and know it will be okay. That’s been especially important over the last few months as our ship becomes something of a slow-moving car crash.

(4) She has so many brilliant thoughts about Vanity and Emmerdale that she mostly squirrels away for fics, but guys, it’s really brilliant. I literally said this week, completely unironically, “You are so wise.” My understanding of the show and characters is so much richer for talking to her. It’s at the point where my perception of what has happened in a given ep isn’t fully formed until I get her thoughts.

(5) She has excellent taste in non-Emmerdale media! I trust her to only recommend me good things, and she actually reads/listens to/watches things I recommend to her. As someone who has spent most of my life trying to get my friends to consume culture I love and often failed, that has been really special to me.

What’s your favorite nostalgic song?

I’m going to cheat and do like 3 songs because I love music and I love nostalgia and I could easily do a list of 50 songs, so 100 is really reigned-in for me ;)

Dancing Barefoot - Patti Smith - My wife’s family is extremely cool and open and just fun to be around--and before we had a toddler, pretty much every family gathering devolved into a semi-drunken dance party into the wee hours (even though 80% of the participants are over 50 :P). They have introduced me to a lot of amazing music over the years--most notably, Patti Smith, Leonard Cohen, David Bowie, and The B-52′s--and I could easily fill an entire list with songs that instantly transport me to dancing with people I love, in an old farmhouse in the middle-of-nowhere, at 11:00 pm on a Friday night in mid-autumn or winter, with the fire-crackling--but this is my favorite one of the bunch.

Zombie - The Cranberries - There used to be a bar in my city that did “Queeraoke” once a month, and for a few years after university, my friends and I would go pretty frequently. (It is exactly what it sounds like--gay karaoke, mostly lesbians because of the neighborhood). I refused to actually sing because I cannot sing, but one of our friends is legitimately a singer, and this was one of her go-to songs. The way it crescendos and becomes like a sonic wave overtaking you always makes me really emotional on its own, but the memories attached give it additional heft. (Pro tip: if you wear an “I <3 Hot Moms” shirt to a gay bar as a baby gay, lesbian moms will hit on you! ;)