#blind!dean

Eileen and Max are on a hunt without him. Sam would have gone with them, Dean knows, but Jesse and Cesar needed his help and Cas is on a hunt with Claire. So they’re gone and Sam’s nightmares are back, but Dean has a plan.

Right now, Sam is in the library, probably buried in another book because he’s a weirdo that can’t get enough of them. Dean loves that about his brother, but he won’t say that to Sam’s face.

“Hiya, Sammy,” Dean says, pushing a bottle of beer toward Sam with a little more power than is necessary. He might be blind but he knows Sam’s size and dimensions enough to know the bottle is near his face. Sam’s been elbow deep in research with Jesse and Cesar for the last week and Dean thinks he deserves a break, even though Sam probably won’t take one. With the threat of being hit in the face with it, Sam has no other choice but to take the beer from his brother. “How’re you doing?”

Sam dodges Dean's hand and takes the beer. “Pretty good. Turned out to be a shapeshifting witch, which is a new one, but Jesse and Cesar got it and no one got hurt. They’re on their way back now. I asked them to pick up a big box of eggs.”

“Awesome. Gotta stock up on protein.”

“Garth’s coming to visit and he promised to bring laundry detergent. He should be here in a day or two. Will we have enough to last until then?”

“Oh yeah.” Dean takes his usual chair across from his brother. “And all of our towels and bedding just got washed this morning, so we should be fine.”

“Great.” Sam sits back in his chair. “I need a nap.”

“Then take a nap. I know you’ve been having nightmares again, what with Eileen and Max gone.” Dean waves his own beer a little as he talks, gesturing to the empty library.

Sam sighs. “Yeah. I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Ya know what we should do next?” Dean asks, setting his feet up on the table and taking a swig of his beer.

“What?” Sam asks.

“We should get you your own service dog.”

“My own?”

“Yeah. Cas and I did some digging, and they train service dogs for people who’ve been through traumatic experiences. I’d say you’ve been through plenty of traumatic shit. We could get one of those for you.”

When Sam speaks, it’s slowly. “What would you say if I told you I’ve already been going to regular training sessions for a PTSD service dog?”

Two weeks later, Sam brings Blue home. The big Chesapeake Bay retriever is pretty much the perfect fit for Sam, in Dean’s opinion, and the younger brother dotes on his new companion. Blue is a bit of an attention whore, but that’s okay. Everyone loves him, so there’s more than enough love to go around.

It’s a quiet night in the bunker. Jody and Donna retired early since they need to head out early. Charlie has buried herself under a mound of blankets in the new TV room and is introducing a pretty young hunter named Beth to Game of Thrones (though Dean’s not sure any TV watching is actually happening and he’s not about to go check). Dean is sprawled in one library chairs, socked feet resting in Cas’s lap. Lady is sleeping between them, which is really impressive with the amount of noise Sam and his lovers are making.

All five of them are a little tipsy and Dean can’t remember the last time he actually felt buzzed. He’s been drinking less lately, though, so his tolerance has probably decreased. It’s something that might have bothered him, once upon a time, but not anymore. He feels good.

“He’s gorgeous,” Cas is saying, admiring the big dog Dean thinks is trying to climb onto Max’s lap while Eileen giggles into her beer. “His coat is curly. How interesting.”

“I think it’s a water thing,” Sam says honestly. Max clumsily fends Blue off with some mumbled drunken cursing. Sam laughs and Dean hears the distinct sound of a Blue licking his face. “I’ll have to look into that.”

“It probably means he sheds more,” Dean says with false bitterness. Sam knows he’s just playing.

“You’re just jealous cos my dog’s better looking than yours,” Sam teases in return.

“Nuh-uh. Lady is the most beautiful dog in existence. You’re just an asshole.”

“Wow. Jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean finishes off his beer.

“Be nice,” Cas scolds, tickling the bottom of Dean’s foot.

“I’m perfectly nice!” Dean protests, kicking out. He catches Cas’s side and almost tips his own chair over, but Cas thankfully still has the reflexes of an angel and one hand around Dean’s ankle and the arm of the unsteady chair are enough to keep Dean upright.

“Karma,” Max snickers.

Dean wants to say something snarky or vaguely threatening in return, but Cas’s hand is solid and soothing on his shin, and Sam is laughing in a way Dean never thought he would ever hear again. Eileen whispers something Dean doesn’t pay attention to that sends Max into his own fit of laughter. The three are soon excusing themselves, though, and Dean just rolls his eyes.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he calls after them.

“That’s not a very long list,” Sam replies.

Cas snickers and Dean pouts. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I know,” Cas says, reaching over to squeeze Dean’s hand before standing. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“Maybe. If you get me a new beer.” Dean waves his empty bottle and he can practically hear Cas’s eye-roll. “Gimme one of those fancy ones Elvis brought when he was here last week.”

“Of course.” A soft kiss is dropped on his head and Cas murmurs, “Retirement looks good on you.”

Dean listens to him walk away, smiling to himself. Retirement feels good, too.

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Team Forever: @laughing-at-the-darkness @mrswhozeewhatsis @books-and-icecream 

Team Destiel: @idelifrey @ilostmyshoe-79 @hexparker @smut-fluff-lemons-and-stuff @jwilly18 @ruined-by-destiel @keepingitrealcas @supernaturalfanfix @basic-joy @freedomcraziness​

Ellen shifted, cocking a hip out as she brought her notepad out of her pocket. Right. They were here to order food.

“I don’t think I can hear anymore of your- whatever that was- so,” Ellen said, raising her eyebrows. “I’m sure I know what you want, but, what’ll your friend here, have.” And then she was staring at Castiel again, and he hadn’t even had a chance to look through the menu, with all this conversation going on, so he just said the first thing that came to his head.

“I’ll, um, have whatever he’s having.” Castiel said, pointing to Dean. As if it wasn’t obvious who he was talking about. Ellen narrowed her eyes a bit, and then nodded.

“Cute.” She said, turning to Dean again. “Where’d you find this one, Dean?” and then it was Dean’s turn to flush red, which Castiel would have thought was endearing, if it wasn’t for the comment that had brought it on. This one.

“Uh,” Dean mumbled, and Castiel was desperately wondering how many dates he had brought here. “He works at the coffee place I always go to.”

Ellen’s eyebrows raised again, like she’d heard about the coffee shop before.

“Uh huh.” she said, and Castiel really wished she would go away now, because Castiel couldn’t take any more embarrassment.

“Castiel, meet Ellen. Ellen, Castiel.” Dean said, and Castiel thought maybe he should have done the introductions at the beginning of this whole conversation. Instead of voicing these opinions, he just gave a small wave. Ellen didn’t wave back.

“I’ll be right out with your order.” She said, and then she gave Castiel one final look, turned and disappeared into the back.

Castiel didn’t know what to say. Castiel had too much to say, and for the first time Dean was utterly silent. There was no thrumming of fingers, or quirky jokes. Unlike the comfortable silence before, this silence was awkward and intense.

“So,” Castiel said, because it had been at least two minutes too long and someone had to say something. “Ellen. She’s interesting.” and Dean looked up, and his face was still so handsome, despite the frown that overtook it.

“Yeah,” he grumbled. “She always gets into my business. I’m sorry about that.”

“I’m assuming you come here often,” Castiel said, motioning vaguely to the diner, to no one in particular. “With a lot of other people, it seems.” and he couldn’t help but mention that. The fact was right out in the open, and if he didn’t say something he was gonna choke on it.

“Not that many.” Dean said shyly, and that was a good look on him. Castiel tried his hardest to keep himself from smiling.

“Really?” Castiel asked, and he wasn’t that upset anymore. Dean had to have dated people in the past. Really, Castiel doesn’t have the right to be mad at him about it. Maybe he was allowed to be jealous, though.

“Well,” Dean said, and Castiel could see a smirk forming on his face. “Maybe a few.” and okay, Castiel was definitely jealous, but Dean didn’t have to know that.

Castiel hummed and leaned back in his chair. He wondered if Ellen was disapproving of all the dates Dean had brought in, or if it was just him.

“Does she usually scare your dates away, or is that just me?” he asked, and Dean chuckled, shaking his head. Castiel smiled.

“Well, she’s kind of like my mom.” Dean said. “She just wants to make sure you’re good enough for me.” Castiel raised his eyebrows at that.

“Am I?” he said, because he was curious what Dean thought about it. He was curious about what Dean thought about most things.

“I think it might be the other way around there, Cas.” Castiel’s heart rate spiked at that, and he found himself really needing to change the conversation.

“So, you’ve known her a long time then?” Castiel said, his voice raising an octave or two, and Dean obviously knew what he was doing because he just turned his head downwards, and smiled again.

“Yeah. She’s been in my life since I can remember, really.” Dean said and when Castiel remained silent, he continued. “She was a close friend of my mom’s- dad too- but ever since my mom passed away she kind of, filled the role.” And Castiel wasn’t expecting that.

“I’m sorry.” He said, not really knowing what he was apologising for. Dean nodded, and Castiel wanted to ask more questions, wanted to know more about Dean’s upbringing, but from their previous conversations he feared that it would push Dean away.

“It’s okay, I mean, obviously it sucks but,” Dean took a breath, and Castiel knew this wasn’t something he liked to talk about. “It was a long time ago. I don’t remember her that well.”

“What was her name?” Castiel asked, voice soft. It was a safe question, he thought.

“Mary.” Dean replied, smiling. “It was worse for my brother though. He was a baby, so everything he knows is from stories.”

“You have a brother?” Another safe question.

“Yeah. Sam. Sammy, but if anyone else calls him that he gets pissed.” and then Dean’s laughing and Castiel didn’t know how he could fall in love with a sound so quickly. “Tall, lanky bastard. I don’t know how we have the same genes.”

“I’m sure he’s great.” Castiel said, and he didn’t think he’s smiled this much in a long time.

“Yeah, it’s kind of annoying actually. The smartest kid I’ve ever met, heart of gold. But don’t tell him I told you that, if you do, I’ll deny it.” And Castiel thought this would be a moment where Dean would wink if he didn’t have glasses guarding his eyes.

“I won’t say a word. Cross my heart.” And he found himself motioning the gesture against his chest.

“Hope to die.” Dean continued. “Though, I have to eat this burger before that happens. It would be a shame if I didn’t get to enjoy my last meal.” And if on cue, Castiel heard a bang from the back door opening, and Ellen emerged with two plates in either hand. Two enormous plates. Deam’s head turned to the sound, and his face seemed to light up. Note, Dean really liked burgers.

“Here we are,” Ellen said, placing the plates down in front of them. “One regular, and one I’ll have what he’s having.” Castiel chuckled, and Ellen’s face softened a bit. He wondered if it was a look of approval. He hoped it was.

“Ellen, you’re my favorite person in the world right now.” Dean said and if he wasn’t blind Castiel would think that he was staring longingly at the burger in front of him.

“Oh please, boy. I’m always your favorite person and you know it.” Ellen said, and scoffed. “But I’ll let you two enjoy your meals. I think I’ve flustered your boyfriend enough for one day.” And Castiel definitely did go beet red then.

Ellen turned and walked away, leaving Castiel with a very large burger, and a very red face that, thankfully, Dean couldn’t see.

Castiel thought this would be a good opportunity to fill the silence by shoving a ridiculous amount of fries into his mouth. Dean obviously didn’t feel this way.

“Hm. So you’re flustered?” Dean asked, but it wasn’t a question so much as a statement.

“Hmph.” Castiel grumbled over his fries. They were good, just the right amount of salt, and he thought maybe he tasted a hint of garlic.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Dean said, and then he moved his hands, feeling for the plate. His fingers made their way to the mountain of fries, and then he was picking one up and putting it in his mouth. He definitely looked better eating fries than Castiel did.

“No comment.” Castiel said, after he was finished chewing. Dean nodded, reaching for another fry. Then he moved his hands around the table, obviously searching for something, and Castiel thought he should probably help with the task.

“What do you need?” Castiel asked, and he thought maybe this was a learning opportunity to find out how Dean liked his burgers and fries. He didn’t linger on the fact that he cared about such a frivolous thing.

“Ketchup. Obviously. I’m not a barbarian.” Dean said, and Castiel put that fact into his rapidly growing list of Dean trivia. Then he reached for the ketchup, and slid it over.

“Here.” He said, and when Dean didn’t move, Castiel grabbed his hand and guided it to the bottle. Dean grasped it, and Castiel reluctantly let his own hand fall away. Maybe Dean would need assistance grabbing something else.

“Thanks,” Dean said, reaching to unscrew the cap. Castiel grunted, not trusting himself to speak, knowing he’d most likely say something embarrassing. “You want some?” he asked, after pouring an alarming amount on his plate.

“I think I could probably just steal from yours.” Castiel said, because seriously, that was a lot of ketchup. And apparently this was the wrong thing to say, because Dean’s head snapped up and he seemed to be giving Castiel a very offended glare.

“You will do no such thing.” Dean said, and another fact slid into Castiel’s brain: Dean doesn’t share his mountain of ketchup. “You want some, get your own.” and to make his point, he proceeded to dunk his entire fry into the red sauce.

“You have enough there to feed a small family.” Castiel deadpanned. Dean continued to dunk his fries, and Castiel thought that with someone else it would seem disgusting, but somehow Dean just made it look adorable. Which was ridiculous.

“You underestimate my love for ketchup.” Dean said, dunking another fry before feeling around for his burger. Castiel’s still remained untouched.

“I don’t think I do. But to be safe, I’ll pour my own. I don’t feel like being murdered today.” Castiel said, and for the first time he actually looked at the burger on his plate. The first thing he thought was, massive. Are the portions just bigger here?

“What’s on this anyways?” Castiel asked, his eyes squinting, trying to dissect the mystery in front of him.

“I wouldn’t murder you over ketchup.” Dean started, taking a generous bite of his burger before continuing. “This, on the other hand,” he motioned to his food. “This I would definitely kill for.”

“Noted.” Castiel said, and then he hesitantly picked up his own burger, staring at it quizzically. “And you didn’t answer me. What’s on this?” But instead of waiting for Dean’s answer, he took a small bite, chewing slowly.

“Nah, I’m not gonna tell you that.” Dean said, stopping to take a drink of water. “It’s good though, right? If you say no I might have to go to extreme measures.” Castiel rolled his eyes at that.

“I would like to see you try.” Castiel said, but he was right. It was good. He tasted a sauce he didn’t think he’d ever had before, and decided maybe he’d ask Ellen what it was. Dean wasn’t being very helpful.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, and thankfully it wasn’t awkward this time. It would have been worse if they kept trying to talk with their mouths full. Dean seemed to show his adoration for the food through noises. Very sexual noises. Or Castiel was just imagining things. But he’s pretty sure if Dean moaned in approvement one more time, Castiel was going to break his cup from clenching it so tightly. And he’d rather not be the customer who got broken glass everywhere.

“So,” Dean said, finishing the last bite. “What’s the verdict then?” There was still a small pile of fries scattered on his place, and Castiel wondered if he’d finish them. It would be an enormous feat.

“It was good.” Castiel said, immediately realizing that that was probably not the adjective Dean would want to hear. “Great, even.”

“Hm.” Dean said, unfolding a napkin to wipe his hands. When he was finished he put it next to the many other napkins that had been used already. Castiel didn’t know if he was  a messy eater, or if burgers were just impossible to eat without disaster. Maybe the former. Castiel had only used one.

“Just great?” Dean continued, and Castiel huffed out a sigh. “Not…. superb, or fantastic? Delectable, even?”

“What would you like to hear? That was the best burger I’ve ever had.” Castiel said, exaggerating his words.

“You don’t eat burgers.” Dean said, crossing his arms. “Come on, just say that you’re dying to come back here again.” And Castiel would die to come back here again. But moreso for the company than anything else.  

“If I can ever move again.” Castiel grumbled, rubbing his stomach. Could you die from eating too much? “But yes, I would love to come back here again. For a few reasons.” And where did that insinuating tone come from?

“What would those be? My wonderful company?” Dean said, smiling.

“Hm. No. For Ellen, she probably knows a lot about you.” And Dean’s smile was immediately replaced with a look of horror.

“You wouldn’t.” Dean said, a hint of terror in his voice.

“I would. But maybe I can be persuaded.” Castiel said, and yeah, he was flirting. Which was new and exciting, and terrifying all at once.

“Evil.” Dean whispered, but his mouth was turning up again. “Okay, name it.” And Castiel chuckled at the fact that Dean would probably do anything to keep him from finding out all his dirty secrets.

“Your eyes.” Castiel said, completely serious.

“You want my eyes? That’s weird, Cas, even for you. Besides, they don’t work.” Dean said, shaking his head. Castiel couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his mouth.

“Shut up, you know what I mean.” Castiel said, still wondering how conversation seemed to flow so easily between them. Not that it was a bad thing. “Besides, I remember you promising me something similar if I came here and ate a burger. You’re not going to back out on your promises, are you?”

“Damn you. I thought you might forget.” Dean said, but Castiel sensed that his exasperation was just being overplayed. He hoped it was. “You’re right, I did promise. And I’ll have you know, I’m no liar. Well, most of the time.”

“Quit stalling.” Castiel said, because he really wanted to know what Dean’s eyes looked like. He needed to know, and he couldn’t exactly figure out why it was so important.

“Okay, calm down.” Dean said and then he was reaching up to his glasses, and Castiel sucked in a breath. “Remember, they won’t look exactly like a normal persons. They can’t focus on stuff, so even though I’m looking at you, I won’t be….. Looking at you. You know?” And Castiel realized that Dean was very obviously nervous about this. This probably wasn’t something he usually did on a first date, and Castiel suddenly felt like an asshole.

But then Dean was taking off his glasses and Castiel was seeing his eyes, and all thoughts of him being insensitive slipped away. They were green. Somehow deep and vibrant all at once, and Castiel leaned forward despite himself. Dean was right, there was no reaction in his pupils, but Castiel didn’t care, because now he could see the speckles of hazel brown scattered in amongst his irises. And for a moment Castiel was upset, because so many people were missing out on a part of this man’s beauty. The other part of him thought maybe he was being insensitive again.

Dean started to fidget, and Castiel realized that he should probably say something. Because Dean could be taking this silence the wrong way, and that just wouldn’t do.

“They’re beautiful, Dean.” Castiel said, and his voice was rough. The unspoken you’re beautiful threatened to escape his mouth, and he had to take another breath to compose himself.

“Really?” Dean said, softly. And Castiel was upset again, because did Dean really not know how attractive he was?

“Yes. Really.” Castiel said, and Dean smiled, and this was a new one. It was soft, and intimate, and for a moment Castiel thought that this was a smile just for him, and he couldn’t breath again.

“Thanks.” Dean said. He went to put his glasses back on, and Castiel impulsively reached up to stop him.

“Wait-” Castiel grabbed Dean’s hand, gently, and brought it back down to the table. “Just, one more minute. Who know’s when I’ll get to see them again, with you making me do all these ridiculous things.”

“Oh like it was so hard to come here and eat a burger, Cas.” Dean said, but he let Castiel’s hand guide his own down, and when it was set on the table, he didn’t let go. Just grazed his thumb back and forth against the back of Castiel’s.

Castiel didn’t know how long they sat there, but soon enough- too soon- Ellen came with the bill. She looked down at the table, smirked, and slid the piece of paper next to Dean. Then she turned to Castiel and winked.

He can pay, she mouthed and Castiel covered his laugh with a cough, which made Dean’s head pique up in interest.

“Ellen?” He asked, narrowing his eyes. “I know you’re there. What did you tell him?”

Castiel didn’t bother to hide the laugh this time, let it fall out of him, and then Ellen was laughing along with him.

“Don’t know what you mean.” Ellen said, and she smiled at Castiel, and if that made Castiel feel warm inside, he wouldn’t question the meaning. “See you boys soon, I’m sure.” And once again, she made her exit.

“What did she say, Cas?” Dean said, turning his narrowed eyes at Castiel.

“Oh, nothing.” Castiel said, feigning ignorance, and then thinking better of it. “Just that you can pay, is all.”

Dean scoffed, but he was looking at Cas with a look of- something- something important, maybe.

“Fine,” Dean said, feeling for the paper. “But that means you got the next one. I can’t even read this, Cas, help me out here.”

Castiel grabbed the bill with his free hand, his other one was still occupied, and read the price. Then he had an idea.

“Guess.” Yeah, he was an asshole, but maybe Dean just brought that out in him. “Guess the price, and then we can go.” And maybe he was just using this as a technique to keep this date from ending.

Dean shook his head, but Castiel knew he was going to play along. Of course he was.

“Fine, but just so you know, I’m gonna get it to the God damn dime.”

Gabriel had picked out Dean’s outfit for that day - taking the liberty of putting him in something comfortable so that the two of them could lay around all day. Gabriel gave Dean one of his black tee shirts with AC/DC on it as well as a pair of loose blue jeans. Gabriel, on the other hand, stole one of Dean’s massive shirts, loving the way that it smelt like the cologne he used, and wore a pair of jeans as well.

After the two of them dressed, Gabriel gave Dean a guided tour of the cabin, giving a brief description of each room before watching as Dean felt around with his fingers and cane for every object that was placed accordingly in the rooms. That process took, about, thirty minutes. Dean took the longest to examine the bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom, no doubt making mental images of the room and attempting to remember every inch of it.

They ended in the kitchen and that was when Gabriel pulled Dean down by his shirt and pressed their lips together in a romantic kiss. Dean blushed, tensed, and closed his eyes instinctively. Gabriel pulled back and examined the pink that danced across his cheeks. He chuckled. Dean’s eyes opened again.

“You’re adorable.” Gabriel said.

Dean blushed deeper. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

“No.” He grumbled and smiled.

“Yes.”

“No.” Gabriel could see the smile widening on his boyfriend’s lips.

Without hesitation, Gabriel dipped Dean, causing a yelp to fall from his lips. Dean tensed up and grabbed onto Gabriel in a death grip, his knuckles turning white. Gabriel smirked.

“I got you.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Gabriel raised his brows in mock surprise. “Me?” He asked, his voice laced with sarcasm. “Why would you call lil’ ‘ol me an asshole?” He put one hand over his chest while the other one held onto Dean tightly.

“You gave me a heart attack. Warn me next time.” Dean said, chest moving up and down at a rapid pace.

Gabriel hummed in thought before he shook his head. “Nope.” He told him and leaned down, kissing his jaw and his lips.

Dean kissed him back and felt a sense of relief as he was pulled up from the terrifying stance. Their lips separated and Dean leaned against him.

“What do you want to do today sweetcheeks? Today we are going to stay in and just relax in our new cabin.” Gabriel smiled.

Dean hummed. “I definitely want to go outside and enjoy the sun and the wind.” He said.

“That does sound good.” Gabriel agreed, smiling. He bit his lip. “I can also read to you, we can listen to music, dance, listen to movies…” He trailed.

“Snack?”

Gabriel nodded. ‘Of course, Dean. It wouldn’t be a day in if you didn’t snack on junk food and the occasional fruit to make yourself feel better about yourself.”

Dean chuckled and nodded. “Okay, why don’t you choose what we do first and then I choose. We go back and forth.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He nodded. ‘Well, what I’m really in the mood to do is swing you back and forth in a little dance.” He smirked.

“Gabe, I’m not that good of a dancer.” Dean shook his head, smiling.

“You don’t have to be good.” He shrugged. “I still want to dance with you.”

Dean hummed and bit his lip. “I don’t know.” He said.

“Sure you do.” Gabriel grabbed Dean’s hand and began to lead him to the living room. “Sit.” He said and pushed Dean gently onto the couch. Dean blushed and chuckled. He got comfortable in the his spot before placing his hands in his lap, folded.

Gabriel went around to every window that was in the living room and opened it, the breeze blowing and immediately sending the strong scent of nature flowing through the room. Dean inhaled, shoulders rising and then falling. He smiled at the satisfactory scent that ran through his nostrils. Afterwards, Gabriel moved to the stereo that sat next to the television and plugged his phone into it. It was there that he began to play slow dancing music through the speakers, the instrumental songs echoing through the room. Gabriel turned back to Dean and smiled, helping it.

“Come on, handsome.” He said. “Let’s get dancing.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Then I’ll teach you.”

Dean looked uneasy as Gabriel laced their fingers together and placed his hand on Dean’s waist. Dean didn’t know what to do with his extra hand, clenching it lightly. Gabriel placed Dean’s hand on his shoulder.

“There you go.” He said. “Just follow my lead.”

Gabriel went slow at first, stepping to the side. Dean followed. Gabriel stepped back. Dean followed. Every single step that Gabriel stepped, Dean followed. Soon, the two of them were swaying back and forth as the instrumental music played through the speakers. Dean had leaned his head against Gabriel’s shoulder. Gabriel smiled. He kissed his head.

“Am I doing good?” Dean asked, raising his brow, eyes closed.

“Yeah,” He smiled. “You’re a natural babe.” He rubbed Dean’s side.

Dean smiled and kissed Gabriel’s cheek. “You’re really sweet.” He said.

“So are you, baby.” He said. “So are you.”

“The Afterlife, by Billy Collins.” Gabriel said, reading the title of the poem that was in the page of the book. He sat on the couch, poetry book in his right hand while the left hand massage Dean’s scalp, who lay in his lap, eyes closed and listening intensely.

“While you are preparing for sleep, brushing your teeth, or riffling through a magazine in bed, the dead are setting out on their journey. They are all moving off in all imaginable directions, each according to his own private belief, and this is the secret that silent Lazarus would not reveal: that everyone is right, as it turns out. You go to the place you always thought you would go, the place you kept lit in an alcove in your head. Some are being shot up a funnel of flashing colors in a zone of light, white as a January sun. Others are standing naked before a forbidding judge who sits with a golden ladder on one side, a coal chute on the other. Some have already joined the celestial choir and are singing as if they have been doing this forever, while the less inventive find themselves stuck in a big air-conditioned room full of food and chorus girls. Some are approaching the apartment of the female God, a woman in her forties with short wiry hair and glasses hanging from her neck by a string. With one eye she regards the dead through a hole in her door. There are those who are squeezing into the bodies of animals - eagles and leopards - and one trying on the skin of a monkey like a tight suit, ready to begin another life in a more simple key, while others float off into some benign vagueness, little units of energy heading for the ultimate elsewhere.”

Gabriel smiled. Dean smiled as well, humming. “That was nice.” He said. “A little spooky but nice at the same time.”

Gabriel chuckled and kissed his head. “Let me find a better one. A more...romantic one.”

Dean blushed. He awed and giggled.

After skimming through the book for a while, he stopped on a poem by Robert Frost. “The Pasture by Robert Frost.” He said and began to run his fingers through Dean’s spiky hair. “I’m going out to clean the pasture spring; I’ll only stop to rake the leaves away (And wait to watch the water clean, I may): I sha’n’t be gone long - You come too. I’m going out to fetch the little calf that’s standing by the mother. It’s so young, it totters when she licks it with her tongue. I sha’n’t be gone long - You come too.”

Dean smiled. “Aw.” He said. “You want me to come too?”

Gabriel chuckled and kissed his nose and then his lips lightly. “Of course I do.” He said. “I always want you with me.”

Dean smiled and Gabriel entangled their fingers together, switching the book to the opposite hand. “Read another one.”

“Alright, alright,” Gabriel said and turned back to the book.

“It feels beautiful outside.” Dean said with a wide grin on his lips.

The sun was just setting behind the trees, causing the wind to cool down lightly. As it crept through their back and into their hair, goosebumps rose on their arms. Gabriel and Dean were nuzzling against one another on the porch steps. Gabriel had his back against one of the pillars, legs spread wide with Dean settled between then.

“It really does.” Gabriel agreed, nodding lightly.

“I really love it here. Feels so nice and it’s great to be away from people for once.”

“I agree.” He said. “And it’s really nice to be able to be out here with you.” He nuzzled against his cheek. Dean chuckled. “I really love spending time with you.”

“Really? I love spending time with you too.” He said. “You make me feel like I don’t have a disability and I really like it. You treat me like normal.”

“Well, you are normal. You shouldn’t be treated differently because you can’t see.” He said.

“I just got so used to it in school.”

“People in school are assholes.” He said.

“You could say that again.”

“People in school are assholes.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean-”

“I know.” He smiled.

Dean closed his eyes and leaned back against Gabriel’s chest. Dean had never felt happier than he did at that very moment, in Gabriel’s arms, at peace with nature. He had no one around to hurt him or tease him or make him feel like he wasn’t worth it. With Gabriel, he felt like he was important. Like he wasn’t blind. Well, the only thing he wasn’t blind to was Gabriel’s kindness. He could tell that Gabriel actually cared for him, which warmed his heart just thinking about it, and Dean knew, for a fact, that he cared for Gabe.

“I’m not going to lay on you.” Dean crossed his arms and shook his head.

“Come on, babe. That’s what all other couples do. They lay on each other on a small couch. That is a small couch. Now, why can’t we be like that and lay on each other?”

“Because I’m bigger than you! I’ll crush your tiny body.”

“I’m not tiny! I am but three inches from the average male height, so I’m almost there.” Gabriel raised his brows, pointing at him.

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “No.” He said.

“Too bad.” He said and grabbed Dean’s hand, pulling Dean up and laying swiftly on the couch before pulling Dean on top of him. Dean shook his head and tried to push himself off.

“No, Gabe.” He groaned.

“Yes.” Gabriel smiled and wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him close. He reached down and grabbed the remote to the DVD player and turned it on.

Dean sighed. “You are so difficult.”

“Says the difficult one.”

“Hey!” Dean chuckled.

“Just shush and get comfortable.” Gabriel smiled.

Dean opened his mouth, as if he was going to retaliate, but he shut his mouth and laid his head on top of Gabriel’s chest, hearing the sound of his steady heartbeat. Dean relaxed and snuggled against him. The movie began to play and it was then that Gabriel closed his eyes and began to rub Dean’s back. Gabriel wished he knew what it was like to be blind. What Dean was going through, but he was just there. Gabriel was the ignorant one, not knowing what Dean was experiencing on a day to day basis and it bothered him, though he never took the time to voice his opinion due to the fact that he didn’t want to make Dean uncomfortable or offended. He didn’t know if the fact that Gabriel felt that way would bother him. So, he just kept his feelings hidden deep within his mind and his heart.

After four hours of movies, the two of them decided to go to bed, sloppily trudging up the stairs. Gabriel and Dean both stripped to their boxer briefs and climbed into bed, immediately snuggling into one another. Dean placed his nose into Gabriel’s neck and Gabriel wrapped his arms tightly around Dean. He yawned.

“That was a good day today.” Dean said with a hum.

Gabriel nodded. “I thought so too. I loved hanging out with you.”

“I loved it too.” Dean mumbled under his breath tiredly.

There was silence between the two of them for a while before Dean spoke again.

“What’re we going to do tomorrow?” He asked.

Gabriel hummed and rubbed Dean’s back. “Swimming.” He mumbled. “At the lake.”

Dean whimpered, causing Gabriel to pull him closer.

“You’ll be alright baby.” He said.

“No,” He grumbled.

“Yeah.” He kissed his nose. “Just get some sleep and we will talk and worry about it in the morning.”

Dean nodded. “Okay.’ He said. “Goodnight Gabe.”

They get through Thanksgiving but Dean asks to go home the next day. The house is quiet as they bring their bags down the stairs, everyone aching to say something, to comfort the man they call son or brother, but they know better. 

Dean’s goodbyes are hallow and he walks out the door first, leaving Cas alone.

Mary steps toward him, kisses his cheek. “Take care of our boy.”

They don’t talk much once they get home. Dean dives into bed and Cas calls the doctor, booking an appointment. He gives Dean the space he needs, only disturbing him when it’s time for dinner. Dean doesn’t respond, doesn’t stir at all. Cas bites his lip, wants to say more, thinks better of it.

“I’ll be out here if you need me.”

He sleeps on the couch that night.

The doctor has no good news in the morning. Dean’s hit his limit. There’s no point in prescribing more glasses because his vision is going to dramatically decline each day. 

“How long?” Dean asks gruffly.

The doctor’s smile is thin. “I’d say about a month.”

It’s somehow quieter when they get home, like they’re barely even breathing. Cas was to say something, wants to promise assurances he doesn’t really know. He wants to touch Dean and hold him but it’s like every time it comes close, Dean moves away. 

He goes into their bedroom. The door closes quietly but still makes Cas flinch like a clap of thunder. He sits on the couch, head in his hands, feeling lost and alone.

It’s maybe been a half hour when he hears a thump in the bedroom. Cas comes out of the kitchen, eyeing the door suspiciously. When there’s no other sound he goes to turn around but stops as something crashes. There’s another smash like glass breaking and then something hitting the wall and Cas runs, pushing through the door and a photo frame hits his stomach, making him grunt.

Dean stands in the middle of the mess, dropping the lamp in his hand as he stares in Cas’s direction. “Cas? Oh god, did I- are you-? I-I-”

“It’s okay,” Cas says but Dean starts shaking, shoulders heaving as he bursts into tears.

Cas hurries forward, catching Dean just as he starts to sink, and Cas carries them both to the floor. 

“I can’t see. Cas, I can’t see. It’s gone.”

He doesn’t know what to say, can’t find the words to soothe Dean’s sobs. So he just holds him, gathers Dean as close to his chest as he can and rocks them back and forth. 

He doesn’t know how long it goes on but at some point Cas drags Dean out of the mess and onto the bed. They lie on their sides, bodies curled toward one another and Cas runs his fingers through Dean’s hair, feels Dean drawing patterns on his hip.

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” Dean whispers.

Cas hums. “It was just a picture frame.”

“No, not just the picture frame,” Dean says and tilts his head back, looking Cas in the eyes. “I’m sorry for icing you out. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Cas lets his hand drift over Dean’s face, stroking his cheek, running across his lips. “You’re scared, Dean. It’s okay.”

“But you- you don’t deserve...” Dean’s eyes pinch shut and he sucks in a deep breath. “You deserve better.”

Cas bites his lip, fingers walking up the bridge of Dean’s nose to brush his eyelashes. “How can I do better than the best?”

Dean opens his eyes and Cas thinks he sees tears in them again, a depth of hope Dean doesn’t want to dare believe in and a fear Cas can read perfectly clear.

“I’m not going anywhere, Dean,” Cas whispers. “I’m always going to be right here.”

They don’t go anywhere for Christmas, just lock themselves away in their tiny apartment. Cas can’t help asking if Dean is sure the days leading up to it, because his vision gets darker every day and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to see his parents one last time.

Dean says Cas is the only thing he wants to see. 

They wrap each other’s presents with their eyes closed and Cas strings white lights all throughout the apartment because Dean likes the way they blur together. He says it makes Cas look like an angel.

When they go to bed Christmas night, Dean asks Cas to leave the lights on and makes him face Dean as he lies down. Cas goes along with it but it’s hard not to want to cover his face with the way Dean just stares at him, never saying a word. 

“What are you doing?” Cas finally asks, smiling awkwardly.

“Trying to memorize your eyes,” Dean says. “Don’t want to forget that blue.”

Dean goes completely dark two days after Christmas. It a solemn day but they spend it together, always touching, always assuring one another even if they aren’t talking.

The mood brightens little by little as the days pass and it’s Dean who begs Cas to go out for New Years. 

Cas doesn’t deny being more than a little nervous about it. What if they lose track of each other? What if some drunks get too rowdy and hurt Dean somehow? But Dean assures him all will be fine; he has no intention of taking his hands off Cas the entire night.

They decide to celebrate at one of their local spots, snag a table close to one of the speakers so Dean can hear the countdown playing on the TV. A few friends stop by to greet them. Dean can tell who most of them are by voice but there a few who he has to ask Cas about once they’ve walked away. He doesn’t tell anyone about his vision, doesn’t want their awkward sympathy or drunken pity. 

He just wants to drink a few beers and kiss his boyfriend at midnight. 

Five minutes to the drop, the bar starts to quiet down, attention shifting to the television. 

“You know, this isn’t so bad,” Dean says.

Cas arches a brow, sensing a joke. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s all mostly auditory anyway. Just listening to music, the countdown. Then you kiss someone. Say ‘happy New Year.’ I’m really not missing much.”

Cas nods, thinks for a minute. “What about the fireworks?”

Dean snorts and waves his hand dismissively. “I’m not six, Cas. I can deal without fireworks.”

Cas leans in to kiss his cheek and Dean can feel the curve of his smile. 

The bartender screams for everyone to be quiet as the countdown starts and the bar practically shakes as all the guests start yelling the numbers.

Ten... nine... eight... seven...

Cas’s mouth moves to Dean’s ear and he shivers as Cas whispers, “I love you, Dean.”

Six... five... four...

Dean swallows and scoots as close as he can, hand coming up to cup Cas’s jaw.

Three... two...

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

One.

Their lips touch, sliding together perfectly and Dean can taste Cas’s beer, can feel Cas’s hand clutching his shoulder, can hear the crowd around them hollering and clapping as something booms down the street; far away explosions that incite cheers and Cas grips him tighter, bites his lip, strokes his neck.