mishacollins: Happy birthday, @OfficialBrianaB! Iād sing you a birthday song, but after comparing our abilities, Iām going to let you do the singing from here on out: store.cdbaby.com/cd/brianabuckmaster
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Welcome to the 9th round of the Supernatural Edits Challenge! This challenge is open to all edit forms (graphics, gifsets, picspams, videos). This monthās theme isĀ demons!
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For @prayforjensen. Happy birthday, Lee! I love you!!
Dean's vision begins fading somewhere around the sixth date. He tells Cas that he should get out now but Cas doesn't budge.Ā
He started losing his heart somewhere around the third.
Dean gets glasses. He hates them at first, always laughs and says he looks like a nerd. Cas adores them, loves to take them from Dean to clean the lenses before settling them back on his nose. He likes the way they go crooked on Deanās face when he falls asleep on the couch, loves the sound they make when Dean sets them on the bedside table right before he turns out the light and kisses Cas goodnight.
The prescriptions steadily get stronger, buying them a little more time. In that time, they whisper their firstĀ āI love youās, Cas moves in, and they travel. Cas takes Dean anywhere and everywhere, from the Atlantic Coast to the Pacific. They stop at the Grand Canyon, drive down to Mexico for a day.Ā
When it seems that Deanās vision will last the fall, they decide to go to Texas for Austin City Limits. They take a few days before Thanksgiving to drive up the east coast and visit some orchards, see a few lighthouses. They spend a night in Marthaās Vineyard and Dean complains about feeling like some uppity Hartford housewife but he holds Cas close that night as they sit on the beach and watch the stars.Ā
Itās when theyāre in Kansas for the holidays that Dean wakes up, puts on his glasses, and sees so difference. He shakes Cas away, starting to panic.
āEverything is still blurry, C-Cas. Why-why- it shouldnātā His breathing becomes ragged and there are tears streaking down his face and Cas cups his chin, heart breaking in his chest as he tries to calm Dean down.Ā
āItās okay, baby. Itās going to be okay. Just breathe.ā
They get through Thanksgiving but Dean asks to go home the next day. The house is quiet as they bring their bags down the stairs, everyone aching to say something, to comfort the man they call son or brother, but they know better.Ā
Deanās goodbyes are hallow and he walks out the door first, leaving Cas alone.
Mary steps toward him, kisses his cheek.Ā āTake care of our boy.ā
They donāt talk much once they get home. Dean dives into bed and Cas calls the doctor, booking an appointment. He gives Dean the space he needs, only disturbing him when itās time for dinner. Dean doesnāt respond, doesnāt stir at all. Cas bites his lip, wants to say more, thinks better of it.
āIāll be out here if you need me.ā
He sleeps on the couch that night.
The doctor has no good news in the morning. Deanās hit his limit. Thereās no point in prescribing more glasses because his vision is going to dramatically decline each day.Ā
āHow long?ā Dean asks gruffly.
The doctorās smile is thin.Ā āIād say about a month.ā
Itās somehow quieter when they get home, like theyāre barely even breathing. Cas was to say something, wants to promise assurances he doesnāt really know. He wants to touch Dean and hold him but itās like every time it comes close, Dean moves away.Ā
He goes into their bedroom. The door closes quietly but still makes Cas flinch like a clap of thunder. He sits on the couch, head in his hands, feeling lost and alone.
Itās maybe been a half hour when he hears a thump in the bedroom. Cas comes out of the kitchen, eyeing the door suspiciously. When thereās no other sound he goes to turn around but stops as something crashes. Thereās another smash like glass breaking and then something hitting the wall and Cas runs, pushing through the door and a photo frame hits his stomach, making him grunt.
Dean stands in the middle of the mess, dropping the lamp in his hand as he stares in Casās direction.Ā āCas? Oh god, did I- are you-? I-I-ā
āItās okay,ā Cas says but Dean starts shaking, shoulders heaving as he bursts into tears.
Cas hurries forward, catching Dean just as he starts to sink, and Cas carries them both to the floor.Ā
āI canāt see. Cas, I canāt see. Itās gone.ā
He doesnāt know what to say, canāt find the words to soothe Deanās sobs. So he just holds him, gathers Dean as close to his chest as he can and rocks them back and forth.Ā
He doesnāt know how long it goes on but at some point Cas drags Dean out of the mess and onto the bed. They lie on their sides, bodies curled toward one another and Cas runs his fingers through Deanās hair, feels Dean drawing patterns on his hip.
āIām sorry for hurting you,ā Dean whispers.
Cas hums.Ā āIt was just a picture frame.ā
āNo, not just the picture frame,ā Dean says and tilts his head back, looking Cas in the eyes.Ā āIām sorry for icing you out. I shouldnāt have done that.ā
Cas lets his hand drift over Deanās face, stroking his cheek, running across his lips.Ā āYouāre scared, Dean. Itās okay.ā
āBut you- you donāt deserve...ā Deanās eyes pinch shut and he sucks in a deep breath.Ā āYou deserve better.ā
Cas bites his lip, fingers walking up the bridge of Deanās nose to brush his eyelashes.Ā āHow can I do better than the best?ā
Dean opens his eyes and Cas thinks he sees tears in them again, a depth of hope Dean doesnāt want to dare believe in and a fear Cas can read perfectly clear.
āIām not going anywhere, Dean,ā Cas whispers.Ā āIām always going to be right here.ā
They donāt go anywhere for Christmas, just lock themselves away in their tiny apartment. Cas canāt help asking if Dean is sure the days leading up to it, because his vision gets darker every day and it wouldnāt be a bad idea to see his parents one last time.
Dean says Cas is the only thing he wants to see.Ā
They wrap each otherās presents with their eyes closed and Cas strings white lights all throughout the apartment because Dean likes the way they blur together. He says it makes Cas look like an angel.
When they go to bed Christmas night, Dean asks Cas to leave the lights on and makes him face Dean as he lies down. Cas goes along with it but itās hard not to want to cover his face with the way Dean just stares at him, never saying a word.Ā
āWhat are you doing?ā Cas finally asks, smiling awkwardly.
āTrying to memorize your eyes,ā Dean says.Ā āDonāt want to forget that blue.ā
Dean goes completely dark two days after Christmas. It a solemn day but they spend it together, always touching, always assuring one another even if they arenāt talking.
The mood brightens little by little as the days pass and itās Dean who begs Cas to go out for New Years.Ā
Cas doesnāt deny being more than a little nervous about it. What if they lose track of each other? What if some drunks get too rowdy and hurt Dean somehow? But Dean assures him all will be fine; he has no intention of taking his hands off Cas the entire night.
They decide to celebrate at one of their local spots, snag a table close to one of the speakers so Dean can hear the countdown playing on the TV. A few friends stop by to greet them. Dean can tell who most of them are by voice but there a few who he has to ask Cas about once theyāve walked away. He doesnāt tell anyone about his vision, doesnāt want their awkward sympathy or drunken pity.Ā
He just wants to drink a few beers and kiss his boyfriend at midnight.Ā
Five minutes to the drop, the bar starts to quiet down, attention shifting to the television.Ā
āYou know, this isnāt so bad,ā Dean says.
Cas arches a brow, sensing a joke.Ā āYeah?ā
āYeah. I mean, itās all mostly auditory anyway. Just listening to music, the countdown. Then you kiss someone. Say āhappy New Year.ā Iām really not missing much.ā
Cas nods, thinks for a minute.Ā āWhat about the fireworks?ā
Dean snorts and waves his hand dismissively.Ā āIām not six, Cas. I can deal without fireworks.ā
Cas leans in to kiss his cheek and Dean can feel the curve of his smile.Ā
The bartender screams for everyone to be quiet as the countdown starts and the bar practically shakes as all the guests start yelling the numbers.
Ten... nine... eight... seven...
Casās mouth moves to Deanās ear and he shivers as Cas whispers,Ā āI love you, Dean.ā
Six... five... four...
Dean swallows and scoots as close as he can, hand coming up to cup Casās jaw.
Three... two...
āI love you too, sweetheart.ā
One.
Their lips touch, sliding together perfectly and Dean can taste Casās beer, can feel Casās hand clutching his shoulder, can hear the crowd around them hollering and clapping as something booms down the street; far away explosions that incite cheers and Cas grips him tighter, bites his lip, strokes his neck.
And yeah, maybe Dean canāt see the fireworks; but he can feel them.
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prompt: thrishaās post
pairings: destiel
word count: 2k
tags: no warnings apply, implied sexual content, deanās appallingly low self-esteem, perceived infidelity, friends with benefits to boyfriends
only on tumblr | dwlts
When Dean woke up in Casās bed with a naked Cas lying next to him and a familiar ache, heād known right away that the night before had ended with some very athletic drunk sex.
When Cas woke up and treated him to round two, he hadnāt bothered to ask questions. Why would he when he could finally have Cas exactly like heād always wanted?
Finally, when Cas rolled off of him and stumbled to the bathroom, Deanās upstairs brain tuned back in.
Hey, dumbass, it said, donāt you think itās actually a really terrible idea to have sex with your roommate and your best friend?
Why yes, brain, that does sound like a bad idea. Except that that was the best sex heās ever had in addition to Cas being the best person Dean has ever known. Okay, so Cas is a bit of a slob and heās so quirky sometimes and heās a runner, which is just weird, but heās a good guy. Would climb a tree to save a cat or drop his own bags to help an elderly lady carry hers. And Dean really wants to keep having sex with him.
So Dean doesnāt question their new arrangement. They havenāt really discussed it since that first day when a freshly-showered Cas flopped down on the couch next to Dean and asked him how he felt about spanking.
This led to an in-depth discussion of boundaries and what exactly they wanted from each other in the bedroom. Which is all well and good, except that it makes their sexy time a bedroom-only activity and now Dean is having some serious feelings-related issues outside of the aforementioned bedroom.
Granted, these issues arenāt precisely new. Dean has been wrestling internally with telling Cas that heās halfway in love with him for a solid two years now, but when Dean fucks it up is he going to lose his roommate and his best friend, too? On the other hand, is he going to spend the rest of his life pining over Castiel Novak? Thatās a firm maybe at this point. So, no, feelings-related issues arenāt new.
There is something that is new, however, and that is the dark hickey Dean has just spotted on Casās hip bone and the fact that Dean is currently losing his goddamn mind over it.
Itās just a hickey, right? Nothing too horrible. The problem is that Dean knows for a fact he didnāt put it thereānot that Dean doesnāt love Casās hips, but itās not exactly a spot heās inclined to leave a hickeyāso that means that someone else put it there and Deanās going to be sick.
He ends up going to the bathroom, actually, but he doesnāt throw up. Instead, he leans his arms against the counter and takes deep breaths. Then, he flushes the toilet and splashes a little water on his face. He looks at himself in the mirror.
This is fine, he lies, youāre fine. Itās not a big deal that Cas is getting some on the side. Itās not like he made you some vow of fidelity. Why would he? A good roll in the hay and a half-decent roommate and thatās all. Youāre not good for anything else and Cas would be certifiably crazy to think otherwise.
After that rousing pep talk, Dean goes back to the kitchen and avoids looking at Cas as much as he can.
Heās not very successful, mind you, but he tries.
He does insist that Cas puts a shirt on if he wants to cook, which is a small victory. Cas is craving scrambled eggs but heās not so good at watching the pan so Dean takes over after a little while and they both end up with a nice plate of egg. Cas likes ketchup with his while Dean just uses a bit of salt and pepper. Cas talks at length about his stupid thesis and his stupid undergrads and he hooks his ankle around Deanās under the table, and Dean tries to remember to breathe.
After suffering through breakfast, Dean plops himself down on the couch with the intent to spend the entire day on Netflix. Maybe heāll take a break to hit the grocery store and grab some more junk food. And whiskey. Maybe tequila, too.
But Cas ends up deciding to stay home rather than hole up in the library, which means nature documentaries and talking about the universe. Itās the sort of thing that Dean loves to do with Cas on a normal day, but today is not a normal day.
Today, Cas is wearing a physical reminder that Dean is not anyone special, that Cas is bright and handsome and so damn good in bed itās a small wonder there havenāt been any indicators before this. Seriously, Cas has probably been hooking up with some other friends of his this whole time.
Maybe theyāre not even his other friends, Dean thinks with growing horror. What if Cas is dating someone? What if thereās someone that Cas takes out to restaurants and the movies, someone whose hand he holds when they talk together in little cafes, when they go to art museums and concerts together? What if Dean is Casās dirty little secret?
Frankly, he wouldnāt be surprised. But it still fucking hurts to consider the possibility.
Maybe he shouldnāt be so upset about it. Really, if theyāre not doing enough to keep Cas satisfied, then what else can Dean do but reap the benefits? Surely, if Cas had a problem, he wouldnāt have turned to Dean that morning with a devilish smirk and wrapped a hand around his morning wood. Heād been so comfortable and into it. So, if Cas wants Dean, even just on the side, then why would Dean fight that? He should be grateful to get anything from Cas, not questioning it.
Heās so distracted by his internal crisis that he doesnāt notice Cas has stopped watching the movie to watch him. Then, Cas leaves over and presses pause on Raiders of the Lost Ark.
āDean?ā
āYeah, Cas?ā
Cas huffs a small laugh. āWhatās up with you?ā Dean shifts uncomfortably.
āNothing, man. Why, whatās up with you?ā He turns to look at Cas, who squints at him.
āDonāt pull that with me,ā he says. āI know when somethingās wrong with you. Youāre easy to figure out.ā
Or just easy, Dean thinks miserably, his mind still conjuring images of Casās picture perfect partner and how confused and devastated they would feel to find out that Cas sleeps with him sometimes. Fairly often, actually, he thinks with a sort of smugness mixed with guilt. Jesus, he needs to get a grip.
āCas, Iām fine,ā he insists. āCan we just get back to the movie already?ā Cas looks deeply unimpressed with his avoidance, lips pursed and brow furrowed as if he can glare hard enough to see inside Deanās head. Dean really hopes that that isnāt possible otherwise heād be fucked, and not in the fun way.
But he relents and clicks play, allowing them both to settle into silence once more. Itās not a comfortable one, though, itās tense with nervous energy and a sort of inexplicable sadness.
Dean thinks heās going to die when Cas needs to stretch, raising his arms up over his head and arching his back with a little groan. The action pulls up his t-shirt to reveal his belly button and hips, that fucking hickey staring Dean right in the face. He swallows harshly.
Eventually, the movie ends, and they transition to watching bad television. Cas gets out his phone to play games while Dean flips through the channels. Itās comfortable, except that Dean cannot keep his mind off of whoever had their mouth on Casās body.
It shouldnāt hurt this much, but it does. Their arrangement wasnāt meant to last, Dean knows that logically, but heās nevertheless hoped that maybe one of those orgasms would open Casās eyes to the possibility of something else, something with more romance than heād ever admit to desiring.
Things come to a head at dinnertime, with Cas standing by the fridge and holding a jar of tomato sauce in his hand and frowning at it like itās withholding the secrets of the universe. And Dean loves him. Oh God, how he loves him.
āI loveā. Wait, shit. Uh,ā he stammers. āItās justāCas, I canāt do this anymore.ā
Cas looks at him with wide eyes. āWhat?ā
āI canātāā He gestures uselessly between them. āThis doesnāt work for me. I thought I could do it but I canāt anymore, Iām not strong enough. Youāre great, Cas, youāre so great and thatās the whole problem really. Youāre perfect and I canāt stand only being yours when weāre horny andāand I canāt be your side piece, Cas. I saw the hickey, okay?ā He points to Casās hip and Cas opens his mouth but Dean cuts him off, he has to get this all off of his chest right now before he chickens out. āAnd I tried to convince myself it would be okay, that just having any of you would be enough, but it aināt. IāI want all of you, yāknow? But I know you would never want that, and itās justājust tearing me up inside thinking about it, thinking about never having you again, but I had toāI dunno, I felt like I had to say something, I guess. Canāt do this anymore.ā Deanās breathing hard by the end of his little rant as if heād run a full marathon, his face and his body hot with shame. Heās tense and ready to flee, wondering if Cas will be so uncomfortable heāll want to leave right away or if heāll ask Dean to pack his bags. Either way, this is going to end badly.
He dares to glance up at Cas, wanting to search his expression for clues, when he notices something is off.
Cas is smiling, wide and gummy. This is Deanās favorite smile and itās so rare; why is Cas smiling like that and why right now?
Still holding the fucking tomato sauce, Cas takes two careful steps toward Dean, close enough to touch.
āThis bruise is from when I walked into the table last night but, yes, I like you, too.ā
The little gears in Deanās brain refuse to turn and process this information. āHuh?ā
āI want the same things you do, Dean,ā Cas says. He takes another step forward, his smile becoming a bit shy. āI want all of you, too.ā The way his eyelashes are fluttering gently makes Deanās heart trip over itself. āIā¦sort of thought we were in a good place? I mean, I really didnāt want to push you into a relationship you didnāt want. I just thought we would talk about it eventually.ā Cas laughs. āI guess weāre doing that now.ā
Dean has yet to form any words. Heās feeling a bit shocked and off-kilter at the moment. He does, however, take a half step toward Cas and reach out to grab the hem of his shirt. He squints at Casās hip and thinks, yeah, thatās definitely a bruise and not the sexy kind. Huh.
āDean?ā He looks up at Cas, whoās biting his lip. āSay something?ā
What could he possibly say at this moment? How could he respond to being offered everything heās ever wanted in the form of his gorgeous roommate and best friend? He takes another step, bringing them chest to chest in their cramped kitchen. Then, he raises both hands in order to cup Casās cheek, to nudge his bitten lower lip with his thumb, and to push his fingers into that dark, messy hair.
āIām the luckiest son of a gun alive,ā he finally says, drawing Cas even closer. āNot sure what I did to deserve this, but I aināt gonna question it.ā
Cas rolls his eyes before he leans forward to kiss Deanās jaw. āYouāre pretty dense for an honors student, did you know that?ā
āDense and blind, apparently.ā
āIāll forgive you,ā Cas says, taking Deanās hands in his own and stepping back. āIāll forgive you if you come back to bed with me right now and donāt get up for a while.ā
āOh, Iām thinking weāre both gonna get up.ā Dean smirks, following Cas to his bedroom with bare feet and an open heart, too.