#blacklight-wra

“They are trying to trick you Jocelyn, how many times will you fall for it before you finally realize we are all that can protect you.”

Jo sat outside the infirmary, waiting patiently for her “meal”. Having finally gotten used to the tube sticking out of her belly that she used to take in nutrition, she need only wait for Marlis to dispense the paste that she took in to sustain her. Her stomach rumbled once more, and she found her mood was not improving because of it. Her thoughts lingered on what Felicity had told her, that she was going to receive a new face.

“They are trying to trick me, but I won’t fall for it. Not this time, my hopes have been dashed too many times for me to so easily give them the chance to crush them yet again. They have another thing coming if they think to so easily trick me again.”

Jo felt along her hands, lightly rubbing them together. She could easily feel the new calluses, the product of training with the staff she now carried. She was relentless in her training, knowing she needed a way to defend herself. Although far from proficient, she managed to kill some form of varmint the other day. Sitting perfectly still she could hear it’s approach, felt she could almost see with her ears. Like a flash that staff shot out and she heard the whimper of its death gasp, a soft squeak before it fell silent.

Neutral Evil

(As determined by this test)

Relief, the release of all that worried and stressed the poor woman, washed over her like a tidal wave. Jo leaned back and relaxed, let that blissful relief from worry take hold and for the first time in weeks truly felt content. She no longer had to resist, no longer had to be strong. The being or ghost or spirit, whatever it was had committed itself to taking care of her. It gave her advice when she needed it, gave her directions so she wouldn't lose her way, protected her from harm when she needed it. There was a cost of course, but Jo no longer cared. It was worth it, she was no longer alone.

The entity had presented itself to her, when she had been at her weakest. Jo hadn't stood a chance. Morphing itself to whatever desires were prevalent in the woman's addled mind. It wrapped its loving arms around her, held her in a tight embrace. An embrace Jo was sure she would never receive from anyone ever again. Her mind torn and burned as much as her face likely was, she finally submitted and returned that embrace with everything she was. Images flashed and coursed though her inner vision. She could see it now, the benevolent entity that only wished to help her, wished to protect her. When it spoke, the voice again morphed and changed to whatever appeased her at the moment.

"Do you see now my love? Do you see how they have all abandoned you? Desmond cannot face what he did to you, he is too weak to even present himself to you and explain why he harmed you, explain why he took everything from you. And Valucia, off playing with the elements and toying about with that Shaman. You'd think she would have at least stopped by, if only to ease your pain. The rest? Need you inquire, really....do I have to explain it to you again? I am all that you have Jocelyn, and all that you will ever have. But, unlike the others, I long to be with you Jocelyn....I love you more then they ever could."

It just wasn’t fair, at least that is how Jo saw it. She stared at the balled up sheet, knowing it contained what dust and fragments were left of the one she had loved so dearly. She couldn’t make herself take the next step, couldn’t face it any more. The shadows were nearly always present now, lingering nearby and offering the only solace available to her. Was it a nightmare…an illusion….or had she deluded herself into believing everything was going to be ok?

Kierianne’s death had set her back quite a bit, had given the shadows all the opportunity they needed to begin to warp Jo and change her. She could feel it happening, knew it was so…and yet did nothing to prevent it.

“At least the tears have stopped, or is that a bad thing? Is there nothing to cry about anymore or have I become so jaded that I can no longer cry?”

Jo leaned back, lit a match and tossed it into the stacks of wood that lay beneath the iron pot she had piled what remained of Kierianne into. The fire started soon enough, eventually catching the sheet on fire. She watched it burn, the fire growing and becoming a furnace. It reduced the sheet and the quite dangerous remains of Kierianne into a pile of harmless ash. Jo eventually sat up and began to take a walk as the fire raged on. She thought of how her life had changed, how she was behaving and what had occurred. She knew she should be ashamed, that she was becoming a slave to the voices the shadows brought with them.

“I took that poor woman’s eye without a second thought, ripped it from her and made her eat it. What the fuck is wrong with me? What have I become?”

Jo knew she had simply made excuses in blaming the stranger for making her do what she had done to Val. She knew deep down she despised that Torch for being what she could no longer be. Val had been a bright star, and now was dimmed and nearly extinguished.

“Delusions are a wonderful thing if you can make yourself believe them.”

Jo made her way back to the fire, and scooped the now harmless ashes from the pot. She placed them in a rather beautiful and ornate jewel encrusted box she had made for the occasion. As she closed the lid, she felt that chapter of her life close as well, knowing their was no way back now….that road was now closed.