For as long as I can recall, I’ve been complimented on my intelligence. I, a junior college drop-out/ the guy who doesn’t like his job, but has kept it for 12+ years/ the man who has remained in a bathrobe with snot-plugged nose for the last two days... intelligent. Baffling, right? As crazy as it sounds, people truly believe this, which caused me to stop and think about why people are led to believe this blatant lie. Is it really that I’m of a higher plane of thought, or is the rest of the world devolved to the point of hopelessness? The following are my findings as to why I believe others have erroneously praised my brain power. Apply these things and, for the low, low price of 16 installments of $49.95, you too, can become recognized for your intellectual prowess.

Listen - Sounds simple, yet this is the one thing few apply regularly. In order to participate in a conversation, you’ll need to exercise your ability to shut your fucking mouth, and just listen to what someone else is saying. Even in moments where you feel like you’re two steps ahead of the conversation, or where the person you’re speaking with is completely off factually, listen to what they’re saying. The less you flap your gums, the more intelligent you seem. Give people fewer abilities to hear the stupid things that fly through your brain and allow them to have your undivided attention. Hell, you might even learn a thing or two. 

Do not fear being wrong - As I’ve grown older, I’ve found an increasing number of people who fear being told they’re wrong. They don’t take a side on any conversation. They’re somehow neutral on all subjects. This is, in fact, not true. Sure, there are things we’re all indifferent to, but you have a brain. With it, you have thoughts and opinions that are uniquely your own. Utilize these to formulate opinions. Share them when the opportunity arises. Know that you can be wrong, but that’s entirely okay. If you find yourself in a situation that you’re ignorant on, just say so. You don’t know how many times this happens to my ig’nant ass on a regular basis. As my good friend, Mr. Kendrick Lamar incessantly reminds me, “Bitch, sit down. Bitch, be humble.” Solid Advice, KL! At the end of the day, more will admire your ability to speak to something then be completely neutral to everything. 

Know your audience - This should go without saying, but you really need to know the people you’re around and formulate your conversations around them. With some, I might not discuss more than the cultural relevance of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Others, it could very well be how Trump’s MAGA campaign is a lightly masked Nazi regime, rooted almost entirely out of racism. Intelligence is the ability to apply knowledge and skills... but that’s different for every cat. Yes, we’re all multi-layered people, full of complex thoughts and emotions.. but sometimes the best “intellectual” conversations are spoken over a bowl of cereal and some cartoons. Adapt to your surroundings and watch as you impress a wider swath of people for entirely different reasons.

Live a stereotype - Seriously. Do you realize how many times I’ve been told “Oh, that explains why you’re so smart” after a person has learned of my homeschooling background? It happens far too often and is rooted strictly in an odd stereotype. Other homeschoolers I’ve met have just as wide a range as those within the public school system in terms of their ability to apply knowledge. Here’s the truth.. homeschooling is just school.. from your home. And in the case of my siblings and I, we were often left with our books to figure it out ourselves. I can’t tell you much in the ways of Science, History, or Math. I’m absolutely a dolt when it comes to scholastic endeavors. I’m a sight reader, with only the ability to learn a word and memorize.. but sound like a moron when I have to spell something out. Truth. 

Oh, another stereotype... wear glasses. Who knew that my eyes deterioration translates into more compliments of intellect than ever before? How did that ever even become a thing? That guy wears glasses so A.) he must be a nerd.. and B.) he must be really smart. No motherfucker, my eyes don’t work properly. I don’t wear these because I want to. In fact, I can’t wait to get LASIK and be rid of crutches. Until then, this is my curse to bear.