Hardcore was fun!
A lot of times I beat myself up for being a socially awkward fuck who is poorly adjusted and then I remember the years I spent being afraid and unable to leave my room or house because I was incredibly socially anxious and would be physically ill having to do basic things like step out and get groceries. I remember all the therapy assignments that were ‘step out of the house for x minutes’, the days where I would rely on others to go outside with me, talking myself down from panic attacks outside, needing to have friends on the line in crowded spaces if I was alone.
The fact that I can step out for longer, with less of the adjustments I used to rely on and still be incredibly anxious but persevere despite that is not lost on me. The fact that I can be a little more confident in the fact that I am working at my own pace isn’t lost on me. Shoutout ganja as well.
It’s not perfect but it’s progress. I may always look like an alien who is surveying human behaviour to properly assimilate, but who knows, maybe one day I’ll have enough info to take back to the hive and then I can finally leave this planet !
