#bisexual tips

Bisexual Organizations:

http://www.biresource.net/BRC_Brochure_2010.pdf (Bisexual Resource Center: USA)

“The BRC uses bisexual as an umbrella term for people who recognize and honor their potential for sexual and emotional attraction to more than one gender. We celebrate and affirm the diversity of identity and expression regardless of labels.”

http://bisexual.org/am-i-bi/ (American Institute of Bisexuality)

“A bi person has the capacity for romantic and/or sexual attraction to more than one gender.”

http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/AmIBisexual (Bisexual Index: UK)

“This is how we define it: A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all - but their gender doesn’t prevent you from being attracted to them.”

http://www.biuk.org/ (Bi UK)

“Bisexuality (or bi) is commonly defined as being attracted to both men and women. However, many members of bisexual communities tend to prefer the definition: ‘a changeable sexual and emotional attraction to people of any sex, where gender may not be a defining factor’: the emphasis here is on being attracted to more than one gender or being attracted to people regardless of gender.” (under the FAQ link)

http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/03/binet-usa-bisexual-media-guide.html (BiNet USA)

“Bisexual - A person whose enduring physical, romantic and/or emotional attraction is to other people of various sexes and/or gender identities. Individuals may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime.”

http://www.torontobinet.org/bi-culture.html (Toronto Bisexual Network)

“Bisexuality is the potential to feel attracted to and to engage in sexual and/or romantic relationships with people of any sex or gender.”

Activists:

http://robynochs.com/quotes/ (Robyn Ochs; Bisexual Activist)

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted - romantically and/or sexually - to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Other Organizations:

http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/glossary-of-terms (Human Rights Campaign)

“Bisexual | A person emotionally, romantically, sexually and relationally attracted to more than one sex and/or gender, though not necessarily simultaneously, in the same way or to the same degree.”

Community on Tumblr:

http://bifacts.tumblr.com/faq

“Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders, not necessarily to the same extent, not necessarily in the same way, not necessarily at the same time.”

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/idingasbipolyorpan

“bisexuality is, broadly speaking, the attraction to two or more genders. bisexuality is not inherently or transphobic or exclusive of non binary genders—note that there are both binary and non-binary trans people who identify as bisexual. it is possible for bisexuals to be attracted to be attracted to anywhere from two to an infinite number of genders. many times, bisexuals will define their own sexuality as the attraction to both similar and different genders (which encompasses all genders). however, it is important to remember that bisexuals can be attracted to multiple genders without being attracted to people of their own gender. for example, an agender bi person may be attracted to women, bigender, and genderfluid people, or a bi woman might be attracted to men and agender people…..”

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/definitions

“bisexual: the (sexual) attraction to two or more genders. sometimes defined as the attraction to same + different genders; however, this is not true of all bisexuals.”

http://biphobic-bisexual.tumblr.com/faq

“bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders”

http://bisexuality-is.tumblr.com/faq

“Bisexuals have been defining bisexuality as the attraction to two or more/same and other for decades. This isn’t some made-up tumblr joke. Words change meaning. Prefixes change meanings. We didn’t even give ourselves the term bisexual to begin with, doctors did.”

http://nonmono-perspective.tumblr.com/definitions

“bisexual- sexually attracted to your same/similar gender and other gender(s), OR sexually attracted to 2 or more genders. Some bisexuals feel that they experience different kinds or degrees of attraction to different genders/gender presentations.”

http://pinkpurplebluepride.tumblr.com/faq

“Bi: attracted to two or more genders. Some people will define it as “attracted to similar and different genders,” but this is slightly less inclusive than the above definition. I’m of the mind that “similar and different” evolved to satisfy bi=2 prescriptivists, but they are insatiable and forever gross.”

http://thesunnysideofbeingbi.tumblr.com/basics

“…being bi does not reinforce the gender binary. And some bi people are only attracted to men and women–and that’s ok! However, bi is not defined as the attraction to men and women, or two genders. It can be for an individual, but not for our entire community. That definition is not only false, but harmful. (This is not to imply that bi people can’t be transphobic!)

This also means that you don’t have to be sexually attracted to people to be bi. There are so many different kinds of attraction, and to just focus on bisexuality would be excluding a lot of people (e.g. being biromantic).”

http://bisexuwhale-pride.tumblr.com/faq

“What does bisexual mean?

Attraction to:

1. Two or more genders or

2. More than one gender.”

http://themeaningofbisexuality.tumblr.com/

“Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders”

http://soloontherocks.tumblr.com/post/104877455841/nothing-extraordinary-soloontherocks-got-it

“Bisexuality is not half gay and half straight. Bisexuality is not in between gay and straight. Bisexuality is not gay when dating the same gender and straight when dating a different gender. Bisexuality is not gay-ish or straight-ish.

Bisexuality is its own fully independent self-contained complete orientation.”

http://bifaq.tumblr.com/post/124565262825/i-dont-find-bi-means-2-to-be-offensive-and-im

http://julietburgess.tumblr.com/post/17986625411/bisexual-is-not-oppressive-can-we-talk-about

Other things worth the read about the definition of bisexuality:

Bisexual Manifesto from 1990:

http://binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/01/1990-bi-manifesto.html

“We are tired of being analyzed, defined and represented by people other than ourselves, or worse yet, not considered at all. We are frustrated by the imposed isolation and invisibility that comes from being told or expected to choose either a homosexual or heterosexual identity.

Monosexuality is a heterosexist dictate used to oppress homosexuals and to negate the validity of bisexuality.

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.

We are angered by those who refuse to accept our existence; our issues; our contributions; our alliances; our voice. It is time for the bisexual voice to be heard“

https://lgbt.ucsd.edu/education/biphobia.html

http://conditionallyaccepted.com/2015/07/14/bisexuality-part1/http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/bi-vs-pan/

http://www.thisisbiscuit.co.uk/but-bi-means-two-and-others-reason-why-we-should-change-the-conversation/

https://somewhatofsomethingother.wordpress.com/2011/03/27/being-bisexual-means-that-youre-only-attracted-to-two-genders-bi-means-two-two-genders/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/the-bad-b-word-a-need-for-bisexual-acceptance_b_1781589.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/bisexual-gender-binary_b_2425081.html

”Defining bisexuality, just like defining any identity label, can be complicated and controversial. My definition of the label “bisexual” is informed by the work of The Bisexual Organizing Project. It includes people who use labels such as “bisexual,” “non-monosexual,” “persexual,” “omnisexual,” “ambisexual,” “pansexual,” “queer” or any other term that people use to identify themselves as individuals who are emotionally, romantically or physically attracted to people of more than one sex, gender or gender identity. I also recognize that not everyone chooses to adopt a label to describe their sexual orientation, and I also include non-labeling people who see themselves as part of a queer, non-monosexual or bisexual community under my definition of “bisexual.”“

Reasons why the prefix/etymology argument is not a very good one against “bi = attraction to 2 or more”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etymological_fallacy

http://bisexual-dragons.tumblr.com/post/124749476996/i-love-doing-the-october-is-not-the-8th-month-of

http://bifaq.tumblr.com/post/124565262825/i-dont-find-bi-means-2-to-be-offensive-and-im

http://www.thisisbiscuit.co.uk/but-bi-means-two-and-others-reason-why-we-should-change-the-conversation/

https://somewhatofsomethingother.wordpress.com/2011/03/27/being-bisexual-means-that-youre-only-attracted-to-two-genders-bi-means-two-two-genders/

http://bi-privilege.tumblr.com/post/88492965880/but-bi-means-two-fun-fact-did-u-know-we

http://freelgbtqpia.tumblr.com/post/112776160876/how-couldnt-but-bi-means-two-doesnt-it-its-the

http://ideas.ted.com/20-words-that-once-meant-something-very-different/

Bisexual books part 1

A History of Bisexuality (The Chicago Series on Sexuality, History, and Society) 1st Edition

Bi America (Bisexuality) 1st Edition

Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition

Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution

Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way

The Bisexual's Guide to the Universe: Quips, Tips, and Lists for Those Who Go Both Ways by Kristal, Nicole, Szymanski, Mike(October 1, 2006) Paperback

Claiming the B in LGBT: Illuminating the Bisexual Narrative

Bisexual and Pansexual Identities (Gender and Sexualities in Psychology) 1st Edition

I’ve identified as straight, I’ve identified as gay, and I’ve identified—and still identify—as bi. My sexual identity is something of a shapeshifting mass that I can never quite firmly grasp. In the minds of many, I’m confused. But I don’t see it that way. I’ve always been confident in my sexual orientation; it’s just changed over time. For the majority of my life, I was solely romantically and sexually linked to women. But in my late 20s, I started to experiment with men (something I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time) and really liked it. Now, I’m far more attracted to men than women, but who’s to say my sexual preference won’t sway again?

“It’s not uncommon for people’s sexual identities to change,” sex educator Erica Smith, M.Ed, tells NewNowNext. “I know this as a sexuality educator and because I’ve experienced it firsthand. I’ve identified as bisexual, lesbian, queer, and straight (when I was very young). It wasn’t until I was in my mid-30s that I relaxed into the knowledge that my sexual attractions are probably going to keep changing and shifting my whole life.”

According to Alisa Swindell, Ph.D. candidate and bisexual activist, it is not always our sexuality that changes. Usually, it’s our understanding of our sexuality that evolves when we explore what feels right to us. “Our understanding of gender and how it is expressed has been evolving at a rate that has not previously been known (or studied) and that is changing how we understand our own desires and responses to others,” she says.

Many outside factors can influence our sexuality. For instance, Swindell thinks many bisexuals are playing against a numbers game. “There are more people with other gender attractions than same-gender, so more often bisexual people end up in relationships with people of another gender and find it easier to pursue those relationships,” she says.

In her opinion, this sentiment is especially true for women, as there is still a lot of stigma toward bi women within lesbian communities. Men, however, experience a different set of challenges.

“Once [men] start dating [other] men, they often find themselves in social situations that are almost exclusively male and so meeting women becomes harder,” she adds, effectively summarizing my lived experience as a sexually active bisexual man. “Also, those men, like all of us, were socialized to respond to heterosexual norms. So many men who enjoy the queerness of the male spaces are still often attracted to heteronormative women who do not always respond to male bisexuality due to continuing stigma.”

The continuing stigma often pressures bisexuals to adopt a monosexual identity. Take Leslie, a “not super out” bisexual, as an example. Leslie dated a woman from her late teens to early 20s, keeping her sexual orientation a secret because her parents were conservative and she didn’t want to ruffle any feathers. As she revisits her past same-sex relationship with me, she has a realization: “In reflecting on all of that, I think deep down I thought that being with a man would just be easier.”

Now married to a man, Leslie feels like she’s lost her bi identity, though she’s still attracted to different genders. “When I see people I follow online and find out they are bisexual I usually reach out and say, ‘I am, too!’ so I can collect sisters and brothers where I can,” she adds. “Otherwise, as I am cisgender-presenting I often feel like I don’t really have a say but I offer my support.”

This loss of identity is all too common. “Maintaining a recognized bisexual identity can be difficult as monosexuality is still the assumed norm,” Swindell says, noting that showing support—whether that looks like keeping up with issues that affect bisexuals, correcting people who mistakenly call bisexuals gay or straight, or encouraging our partners to not let that slide when it comes up with friends and family are all important for maintaining an identity—as Leslie has, is important to maintaining a bi identity. Smith adds this loss of identity may be attributed to a person’s own internalized biphobia, too.

“When it comes to sexuality in particular, there is rightfully a lot of autonomy given to people to self-identify. If someone self-identifies as queer or bisexual, none of their sexual or relational behavior, in of itself, alters that,” psychotherapist Daniel Olavarria, LCSW, tells NewNowNext. “Of course, there is also a recognition that by marrying someone of the opposite sex, for example, that this queer person is exercising a level of privilege that may alter their external experience in the world. As a result, this may have implications for how that person is perceived among queer and non-queer communities.”

Jodi’s experience as a bisexual person is more reflective of my own: She shares that she’s gone through stages where she only dates men, and others where she only dates women. Available studies suggest that only a minority of bisexuals maintain simultaneous relationships with both genders. In one report, self-identified bisexuals were asked if they had been sexually involved with both men and women in the past 12 months. Two-thirds said yes, and only one-third has been simultaneously involved with both genders.

As for a possible explanation? “It can be really difficult for us to find partners who are comfortable with us dating other genders at the same time,” Smith offers up as a theory.

“If I’m in a situation where I have to be exhibiting a lot of ‘masculine’ energy (running projects, being very in charge of things at work, etc.), then I tend to want to be able to be in more ‘feminine’ energy at home,” Jodi adds, clarifying that people of any gender identity can boast masculine and feminine energy. “Likewise, if my work life looks quieter and focused on more ‘feminine’ aspects such as nurturing and caregiving, I tend to want to exhibit a stronger more masculine presence while at home.”

Bisexuality is, in many ways, a label that can accommodate one’s experience on a sexuality spectrum. This allows for shifts based on a person’s needs or interests at any given point in their life. Perhaps “The Bisexual Manifesto,” published in 1990 from the Bay Area Bisexual Network, says it best:

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.

Sexuality is complicated, and how we experience it throughout our lives is informed by a multitude of different factors—the exploration of power dynamics, craving certain types of sexual experiences, and social expectations can all influence our gender preferences at any given time, to name just a few. Much like our own bodies, our understanding of our sexual orientation will continue to grow.

I’ve come to accept this ongoing evolution as a wonderful and inevitable thing. Imagine having a completely static sexual orientation your entire life? Boring! Being able to explore your sexuality with wonderful people of all genders is intensely satisfying and uniquely insightful, no matter how many others try to denounce what you feel in your heart or your loins.