#biscuitrequest

There were those who didn’t believe in Soulmates, those that thought the system wasn’t fair. But what was fair about fate? It was just a way to bind two people together. Forever. You either got lucky or you didn’t, there’s no in between— soulmates are simply a random occurrence. And the world was too cruel to give everyone the same happiness.

You were one of the few people who didn’t believe in soulmates despite the evidence they were real being all around you. You didn’t believe in the fairytales from poets, the grand, romanticized adventures about those looking for their fated pair, those who traveled across the world, suffered many hardships, and finally, by the wonderful power of destiny, found their other half. 

It was all a joke to you. It was unhealthy, too. Imagine spending almost your whole life wishing upon a dazzling shooting star for a soulmate to take you away from the loneliness and the imaginary scenarios, making them true, only to find out they died or broke the tie. Or to pathetically plead to the otherworldly force that created soulmates each year for someone to save you, to love you, for it to not be answered?

It was your own personal experience— something you believed to be a forever thing.

 It wasn’t.

.

The crescent moon grinned down upon you mockingly, its light illuminating the streets. Everyone seemed to always have a destination in mind, somewhere they knew they had to go. You were always lost.

 A bitter wind nipped at your face and hands, and you pulled your scarf up more.You looked at the heavy brown-paper bag in your hands and sighed, you had to go back home. Those all familiar feelings bubbled up inside of you once again: hopelessness; fear. These feelings made you hurt, they were empty feelings that just seemed to grow bigger everyday, making it harder for you to have control. You clenched your fists to stop the shaking, even dug your nails into your skin. It didn’t help. 

(Even if you did right, you’d still get punished).

That’s how it always started: the trembling. It started from your fingers and made its way through your body till you’re shaking. When you shake you no longer have control of your nerves. If you’ve lost control of your nerves, you get dizzy. Then you’ve lost the ability to breathe properly… and you drown. 

You ripped your gaze away from the bag that held bottles of tequila and champagne and forced your feet to move forward. Though, too caught up in trying to prevent yourself from getting overwhelmed, you failed to notice the wild animal scurrying on the sidewalk in front of you. A shriek left you and the bag in your hands dropped as you jumped out of surprise, its contents smashing and spilling out on the floor and your shoes. The smell is strong, and you wrinkle your nose. 

There goes your chance at having a peaceful night.

You hope they’ve fallen asleep and forgot. When you’re walking up the driveway you saw that the lights were still on. They’ve just forgotten to turn them off. They’re asleep, you told yourself over and over as you're unlocking the door.

They’re not. 

Your mother was still perched on her soulmate’s lap, just as she was when you went out, looking at you expectantly. Your eyes darted to the floor, and a quiet, shaky breath left your lips. 

She noticed your hands are empty and her face falls. You could see the burning color appear on her cheeks— she’s angry now, and in front of her soulmate you’ve embarrassed her? 

“Excuse me,” she murmured as she slid off his lap. She walked past you, heading to the hallway, and even though she doesn’t verbally tell you to follow her or do any type of gesture, you just know to follow her. 

You’re in the hallway, and oh, what a hazardous place to be in. Your eyes darted around the small corridor, taking mental notes of what looked sharp and what could bruise you and what might— “(Y/n).” Her voice was cold and it made you jump, she gave you a what-the-fuck look. “Where are our drinks? Where have you gone to take this long and come back empty handed? Where’s my money? Where has it been spent?” She bombarded you with questions.

“I had them, but…” Should you tell her you were a klutz and dropped it? 

Well, you’re unable to anyways. The moment your mom scrunched her nose up with that glint in her eyes you knew what was coming, yet you weren’t ready for it. It was just so fast. 

A heavy, hard smack collided with your cheek, knocking you off balance to the ground. The trip wasn’t so smooth as your back dug into the sharp dresser edge on the way. You held your cheek, blinking rapidly as pain assaulted your senses. God, your head was spinning, your ears were ringing, and your face burned. You bit your lip to stop any cries. Tears pricked at your eyes and you refused to look at her, your gaze trained to the polished wood boards. 

Your mother has already come up with her scenario, her answer instead of hearing you out. (Not that the outcome would be any different, but maybe less harsh).

“So you decided to drink it yourself, huh?” She scoffed, rubbing at her temples like you were an annoying headache. “I knew I smelt something… You naughty little girl, that was ours!” You still smelt like the alcohol, meaning you must’ve drunk theirs, that’s the only reasonable conclusion, right?

You saw her coming closer to you. She grabbed a handful of your hair and you yelped, forced to stand up. Your legs scrambled for grip underneath you and as soon as it’s gained, it’s lost when your mother’s knuckles collide with your jaw on the same side of the slap. She was not going easy on you, and you deserve it. You deserve this, because this is what you get for not paying attention.

Your vision blurred for a moment and you finally let a cry escape your lips. “Mom!” Your mother rolled her eyes and practically manhandled you to your room, her nails digging into the side of your waist and arm with a bruising grip as she pushed you forward. “Mom! Please stop, it hurts!” 

“Good,” she sneered, fingers digging deeper into your skin. You whimpered in agony. “You had one job…couldn’t even do that.” You’re scared, everything hurts, and you're beginning to tremble again, and this time, maybe you’ll welcome the panic if it’ll give you something else to focus on. 

She pushed you onto your bedroom floor and snorted at your state. “Go to bed. I don’t want to hear anything from you.” Then she slammed the door, the sound ringing in your ears. 

You didn’t have the energy to drag yourself onto your bed, and would rather not risk making things harder for yourself, so you curled up on the ground. The sharp smell of cigarettes lingered in the air, causing your nose to sting, each shallow intake of air more stuttered than the last as you began to weep. The gash on your cheek was painful, and the feeling of a wet sensation let you know that the skin was broken and bleeding. 

You can’t do this anymore. 

You've seen how hard it is for people with mothers and fathers that aren’t soulmates. The judgment, the uncertainty, the hushed whispers. You’ve experienced it first hand. 

Your mom and dad weren’t soulmates, just two people that stopped trying. Ever since your mom found her soulmate (Evan) and broke up with your dad, you were able to see your mom finally in true love, yet your dad was broken. His soulmate, who died before they could meet, awaited him in the afterlife. Not long before they broke up, it was like the Universe decided he had nothing else to live for if not with his soulmate, and he passed. 

Since then, Evan stopped you from finishing your studies to stay home and take care of your mom and the expected baby. The miscarriage was highly unexpected, and you’ve been the punching bag since. Your little brother's death was traumatic for them, and they couldn’t come up with a reason why it had to be that way— so it was pushed onto you. 

It’s your fault, your mom told you; you should’ve taken care of her better, Evan had said, she was too stressed out because of you. You’ll never find your soulmate, they said, creating the first crack. You're unlovable. Useless. Who could ever love you? You’re here because your soulmate left you.

(It was then you realized you couldn’t rely on a soulmate to save you).

With your studies discontinued, your life plans were shattered. You've been forced to live with your mom since your dad died, having no other place to go. You’ve hopped from job to job, saving up money to leave and get back on track, but they take it away from you anyways. You're stuck.

That’s why you decided to run away. 

When Evan and your mom retired to their room, you waited a few hours, then snuck out of your room— for the first time grateful for not having a lock— with a bag packed. You always kept some funds away from your mother, funds she didn’t know about, and today you would use them. The downstairs was quiet, and you made sure to stray away from creaky floorboards. You turned the corner, flinching upon seeing Evan in the kitchen digging through the fridge. You needed to go through the kitchen to get out. His droopy, unkind eyes settled on you. 

“Hey,” he said, frowning as he put his cup down. “Aren’t you supposed to be in your room?”

When he took a step towards you, you bolted, running past him and throwing the door open. A moment later the same door flew open, and you realized he was chasing you. “Hey! Fuck— get back here!”

You ran harder, barely getting air into your lungs as you turned corners and ran through streets, bumping into people. When you no longer heard his voice yelling after you, you switched into a slow jog, then a tired walk. 

You walked a few blocks, then entered a café to rest.

You glanced around the room, noting how cozy it was. It reminded you of how your grandma’s house would have a homey atmosphere; old family photographs hung proudly on the walls, soft music playing from a record player, and the air scented with something that made you warm. There weren't many customers, and you figured it was close to closing. 

You hung your backpack over a chair and sat down, resting your head on the table, taking a much needed break. You would order a drink, but didn’t want to inconvenience the baristas since they were cleaning up. When you felt your eyes closing, you reminded yourself to leave before 

they closed. 

It wasn’t long before you slipped into a nap, the comforting atmosphere lulling you deeper, and ignored the almost overwhelming feeling in your heart. You ignored the tugging sensation on your index finger too.

.

“Excuse me,” a voice whispered, accompanied by a soft tap on your shoulder. When you didn’t respond, she lightly shook your shoulder.

You flinched awake and she furrowed her brows. “Hi, I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t mean to scare you, but it’s closing time and…” She trailed off. 

You couldn’t believe Rosé from Blackpink, global kpop star and ambassador, was in front of you. You took note of the khaki, bear-printed apron she wore along with a name tag,p: the café’s uniform. But more importantly, why was she so much prettier up close? Her blonde hair was in a ponytail, and a couple strands were left out to frame her face. Her eyes were a soft but narrow shape, giving them a natural innocent look, and her nose was perfectly straight and sculpted. The bit of freckles that graced her nose and cheeks made her even more breathtaking.

The ever so reddening of her cheeks let you know that you were staring far too long. 

You quickly stood up and unhooked your backpack from the wooden chair, slinging it over your back. “I’m sorry,” you apologized almost immediately, as if it’s out of habit. Your eyes darted back to the floor, and she felt her heart break. 

Something clearly wasn’t right. 

“I’ll leave now…thank you for waking me up.” Without waiting for her response you started to walk away, unable to endure her curious gaze any longer. Though, a hand wrapping itself around your wrist stops you in your actions, and prompts a quiet gasp to leave your lips. Her touch was electric. You turned back around, trying not to dwell on the warmth encasing your wrist, and faced her. 

Why did she just grab you? She, too, looked shocked. Her cheeks dusted with a light pink as she looked away from you. Did she feel it too? 

Looking down, she noticed the harsh blobs of purple and green peeking out from your hoodie sleeve and her heart jumped for a whole different reason. They were shaped like fingerprints— like someone grabbed you violently. At the realization, she was momentarily rendered speechless. 

She only had one thing on her mind, and it wouldn't be right if she ignored it. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she looked down briefly before looking you straight in the eyes. Her eyes soft with concern, she asked, “Are you okay?” Immediately, you tensed up. You inhaled sharply, attempting to steady yourself by taking deep breaths. “You’re hurt. Who did this to you?” She pressed.

There it was. You could feel tears building at the corners of your eyes, and she definitely noticed. You tried to speak, but your tongue felt too heavy to form coherent words. “I— I’m…” You're fine? You injured yourself?

“Please tell me, I need to know.” Her voice was stern yet laced with a gently concern. You weren’t getting out of this. Her hand loosened its grip, but didn't fully let go. Did she know you would bolt the moment she did?

Your vision started to blur, and you blinked rapidly against the incoming stream of tears. It’s all you can do to keep yourself together. One part of you wanted to tell her, wanted to spill everything, the other held you back and wanted to tell a lie. You shouldn’t burden her. You could take care of yourself. But you couldn’t bring yourself to utter those words.

Noticing your inner turmoil, Rosé backtracked, and apologies were leaving her mouth in a rapid rush. “Sorry, I’m so sorry. That was very rude of me. I’m Chaeyoung. You are?”

You sniffled, feeling slightly overwhelmed. “…(Y/n).”

She smiled lightly. “(Y/n)? Your name is beautiful, I love it. Now… I know I was really forward just now, but I’m worried about you. I can’t just leave this unattended, I— I want to help you…if that’s alright.”

“Help?” You repeated quietly. The word felt foreign on your tongue, even more so hearing it applied to your situation. Usually people looked the other way, not wanting to get involved or merely too scared to. And you’ve gotten so used to it that you felt you weren’t deserving of help. Now, you bitterly wondered why it took so long to come to you, especially in times of need.

“Yes. Do you want my help?” She asked again, softer.

God, yes. Yes, you want help. You could only nod your head, a quiet sob leaving your lips. You hid your face, self-conscious in front of her. Suddenly, you're engulfed in a warmth, such a comforting embrace, and it only makes the tears fall harder. 

“It’ll be okay,” she murmured, letting you cry into her chest. She was taller than you, her chin resting delicately upon the crown of your head. The feeling of being cared for washed over you, easing your stress for a minute, allowing you to take some time to calm down. Her scent filled your lungs, and you could have sworn you smelled a floral mixed with vanilla. 

Once you calmed down enough, you pulled away and managed to whisper a hoarse, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” she replied. “Now, can I know what’s going on in order to help you better?”

After that short moment, you told her - a stranger you surprisingly felt you could trust - everything. You told her about your parents, getting chased as you tried to leave the house, and the origin of the bruises. You kept it brief, however, and once you explained the details of your situation she offered to take you to the hotel she was staying at.

You were hesitant to leave the café, fearing your family was searching the streets for you, she called her manager to get the two of you and you waited inside. While waiting, she asked you a few things about yourself and exchanged some things about her. 

You learned that she had a “complicated" job that left her restless at night, hence why she was helping out at her friend's café. She was humble to a fault, telling you about her friends and how grateful she is to have the opportunities she has now, too. 

It wasn’t long before her manager, a young-looking, friendly woman, greeted you when Chaeyoung opened the car door and the both of you slid in. You’re not good at small talk, but she was a natural at it. It wasn’t long before the conversation flowed freely and you didn’t have to pretend. She made you comfortable.

There was a lull in the air, the only noise being the car’s engine grumbling and the wind whipping by the slightly lowered window. She turned to face you fully, and you shifted in your seat from her gaze. “Do you know who I am?”

You bit your tongue at the question, not expecting it— at least, not this soon. (Was it obvious?) “I do. I mean, I may have seen your face on a few products and billboards.” You pinched at the fabric of your pants, not realizing you were beginning to frown. “Is that okay? I’m not trying to...” Intrude; leach; burden. 

She cut your rambling short with a chuckle. “That’s fine,” she assured. “It doesn’t change anything. I want to do this.” It honestly scared her how much she wanted to help you. 

She has been warned multiple times about “normal people”. 

They’re different, all they see is your fame, you on the stage, what you have and what they don’t. 

She has been used because of her kindness, taken advantage of and lied to. Threatened, even. But somehow she knew you weren’t like them. She was acting on a feeling she couldn’t explain. 

The feeling she has searched for her whole career, perhaps. She pushed the thought to the back of her brain— it was the least of her worries. Now, she needed to make sure you felt safe.

.

You expected she stayed at a quality hotel, but just seeing it— such a large, grandice building, was mind blowing. It was nestled between a street lined with high end brands and local restaurants, drawing eyes. Nonetheless, you didn’t feel any envy towards her. You knew she had worked hard to get to this point in life. 

You followed closely behind Chaeyoung, the guards at their post by the main entrance, intimating you with their blank expressions and bold stances. They gave her a singular nod as she passed, their eyes lingering on you for a few moments with masked confusion. You smiled wryly, imagining how it must look to others, and readjusted the facemask her manager had given you. 

You didn’t want to cause any problems for her.

Chaeyoung was a natural at conversing with people, something you lacked in, greeting the receptionist with a smile and small talk. She had just finished laughing at a joke. “Is there another room available on the same floor as mine?” She asked, glancing at you. You furrowed your brows, confusion reflected in your eyes.

The receptionist clicked around the computer for a moment. “Yes, there is. Are you trying to rent it?”

“I am,” she replied. 

“Okay can you state the guest name and residency? Or are you buying it in your name?”

“In my name—“

“No!” You blurt suddenly, coming closer to the counting. You turned to her, shaking your head. “I can…I can pay for it, Chaeyoung. You’ve already done enough for me. I can’t ask you to do anything more.” There was something in your voice, pleading, which caught her off guard. Why were you so against it? 

She tilted her head quizzically, her lips pursed together. Oh, she would spoil you. She smiled. “No, I can’t let you do that.”

You were flustered, calculating how much she would have to pay: a whole lot. It was definitely pricey for your current funds, but you didn’t care. You didn’t have to stay long… “But it’s only right—-“

”I want to. So please accept, okay?” 

Realizing she wasn’t going to back down, you gave up. (For now). “…You’ll at least let me pay you back after, right?” You really didn’t like owing people.

She pretends to think about it for a moment. “Nope, c’mon.” She grabs the keys from the lady and leads you to the elevator. 

The ride was silent, and Chaeyoung didn’t seem bothered by the lack of interaction. On the other hand, she realized you had a lot going through your mind. That much was obvious from your lack of expression.  

Once she returned to her suite, she would contact Alice or her family for connections to lawyers. Abuse was a touchy subject, getting you to open up would be difficult…

.

The suite was luxurious— spacious and lavishly decorated with high-end furniture, plush carpets, and drapery. The living room was furnished with comfortable sofas, armchairs, and a coffee table. The large windows offered breathtaking views of the surrounding city. Further in, the bedroom featured a king-sized bed with premium linens and soft pillows, and the lighting is carefully curated, creating a warm environment. The bathroom had marble floors and walls, a deep soaking tub, and a separate rainfall shower. 

You re-entered the living space, completely shook. Wasn’t this too much? 

Chaeyoung sat on one of the island chairs, swirling around. “Nice, isn’t it? I recently started booking with this place. They have 24-hour room service and a private chef upon request. There’s also a private lounge, spa, and fitness center— but I hardly have time to use those services anyways...” 

“It’s… definitely nice.” You couldn’t begin to imagine the price for one day— 

“I’m happy you think so, I want you to be comfortable. Are you hungry?” She was already grabbing her phone as she asked, a pamphlet in her hand.

You shook your head, only to be betrayed by your stomach rumbling. She laughed, and the sound made your heart stutter in your chest without warning. She had a cute smile on her face as she beckoned you over. “Not hungry, hm?” She teased. 

“Maybe a little,” You said then, your face heating up slightly due to the embarrassment. She smiled wider, typing in the Suite’s website and clicking on food service. 

“What would you like? This place is really famous for their pastas and stews, but they have almost everything here.” She started listing off items, going from the most popular to the lesser popular dishes (they’re all expensive either way). Halfway through the selections you stopped her, finding a simple meal that was the least expensive yet filling. 

“Can you add the pho and salad to the order? I’m paying for it. You don’t need to spend more than necessary on me.” A stranger.

She frowned at that. “But I’m treating you, still.” 

“I know…but you’ve really done enough for me. I can’t ask for more,” you were adamant. 

“You can,” She emphasized. “In fact, I want you to. And I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I was the one who wanted to bring you here, and I have more money than I know what to do with, so let me pay for your things, please. I want to do this, let me take care of you.” 

You bit into your tongue, mulling over the situation. You knew at this point she wouldn’t let anything go, she’d just insist, and insist, and insist, coaxing you to comply with her lovely smile, and her kind eyes, and her gentle tone that never fails to have you feeling so warm.

“Okay, fine,” You said, and immediately a smile was pulling at her lips, that cheerful mood she had before coming back as soon as it faded. “On one condition: you at least let me pay for the food— yours too.”

“But—”

“I need to do something useful, Chaeyoung. It’s killing me, so just this once, please.”

“Alright,” she reluctantly agreed, almost hesitant to even let you type in your card for the order. “Just this once, and this time only.” 

“Yes, yes, thank you,” You finally smiled. 

The hotel staff didn’t take long preparing your orders, which is likely expected of such a fancy place like this. The servers came in with a trolly and placed the meals on the table. It looked and smelt delicious, and you and Chaeyoung ate right away. 

Sometime while eating, Chaeyoung called for your attention. “Hey, (Y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

You paused, bringing the utensil away from your mouth. You took in a breath, steeling your emotions. “No.” 

She almost choked. “Can I ask why not?”

At that question you became quiet. Even more so than before. Soulmates— there it is again.

Everyone seems to talk about soulmates; finding their perfect someone, and it seems Chaeyoung is one of them. “I don’t.” You answered, smiling wryly. “A long awaited destiny finding your other half? It’s…it’s really nothing but a fairytale.” 

“Oh. Yeah… I guess it’s a little childish.” Once you saw her expression drop more, that look of concern on her face, you glanced away and started stuffing your cheeks with rice again. You shouldn’t feel guilty for opposing the idea— everyone’s entitled to their own options, yet the crestfallen look on her face gave you a pang to your heart. You felt you needed to explain why, and you did. 

“No,I didn’t mean it like that… it’s not childish to believe in. I just— I know they’re real; and it’s great if you find yours and you’re happy,” you began, finding it hard to express yourself. “I just think the system isn’t fair.” What you didn’t say, however, is that sometimes it’s a waste of hoping and dreaming. You’re bound to get tired of it, to give up after a while. And giving up hurts the most, because it means accepting you won’t have that happiness.

“I see,” She murmured, given your response. She smiled again, but you could tell it was lacking. “Well, let’s finish eating. The food is getting cold.“

“Right.” You both ate in silence after that. The mood was heavy, filled with awkwardness, uncertainty, and just— something. You didn’t understand why, however. Why is she so caught up on that rare concept? Why does she care if you believe in it or not? You really couldn’t understand her. 

.

Chaeyoung was standing outside the door, returning to her own suite. “I sent you a text from my real number. If you need anything— don’t hesitate to call me, no matter the time. I’m just down the hallway.”

“Okay,” you nodded. Then she left you alone to your own devices. 

You decided going to sleep would be the best course of action. You avoided checking your phone, worried that even though you’ve turned off your location they’d still find you. 

Just sitting on the king-sized bed made you drowsy, and you were glad Chaeyoung was helping you, because it surely made you feel safer. It wasn’t long before your eyes grew heavy and your breathing evened out, and you were happy to sleep peacefully.

However, it was short lived by rapid-paced banging on the door. Still in the bedroom, you heard the door knob jiggling aggressively, and a few murmured voices. You flinched, immediately reached for your phone to dial a number. It rings twice before she picks up. “Hello? Chaeyoung?” You call anxiously, circling your knees up to your chest as you sit on your bed. 

“Yeah?” She answers lightly, her voice evident of sleep, and as much as you’d hate to rip her from her sleep, even if she said she didn’t mind, but you had a problem. 

“Someone’s—someone’s banging on my door. I don’t know what to do. What if they get inside? What if it’s my mom? What if they hurt me? I tried calling the security but I got no answer. I’m scared.” 

“Okay, okay. Calm down. I’ll be over there right away. Stay in your room for now, okay?” Chaeyoung hurried down the hallway, mindful to not keep you waiting.

In front of your door, a man in a suit slumped against the wall, the hotel staff fussing over him. “Sir, you’re drunk! You’re disturbing our guests, this is not your room. Let us…”

She let out a sigh of relief, knowing the problem wasn’t serious— but still felt tense knowing you weren’t aware of the situation. When the staff got the man off his butt, she knocked on your suite door. “It’s just me. I’m coming in, okay?” With that, she cracked open the door slowly. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw you curled up into a tight ball, crying softly in your bed. Without hesitation, she walked over to the corner of your room where you sat, taking a seat beside you. You leaned back into her arms with a sniffle, looking at her with tears welling up in your eyes. The sight made her want to hold you tighter. “Hey,” she whispered, rubbing your back. “It was just a confused man, he had mistaken the room number.”

“…Really?” You sniffled and pulled away slightly, half-embarrassed you’re relying on her again, half not wanting to leave her arms. She made you feel safe. 

“Yes, the staff took care of it right away. I’m sorry you had to experience that…” She was frowning, frustrated it had to be your room, that you were probably scared out of your sleep because of it, and that it might’ve resurfaced some of your trauma. It pulled on her heartstrings seeing you so shaken up and anxious. 

“Oh,” you nodded, instantly feeling calmer at the news. “That’s good.”

“It is,” she agreed. 

You quietly cleared your throat, realizing the death grip you had on her shirt. Heat spreaded across your nape and face. In front of Chaeyoung, you felt like a middle schooler with a crush all over again. “Thank you,” you mumbled. 

“For what?” She asked. 

You fiddled with your fingers unconsciously, avoiding her soft gaze. Did she truly not know? “For coming here— for everything.” 

Chaeyoung wanted to shake her head and deny it— she did it out of her own violation, afterall, but instead accepted your gratitude. “Of course.”

Something has been on her mind for a while— your presence demanded her full attention; and despite not knowing each other for more than two days, you’ve managed to make her a mess— she felt like she'd do anything for you. 

“What’s that on your finger?” She asked, her voice a low murmur.  It was a red string, tied into a neat little bow, the other linking end tightly wound around her own finger. Her lips parted in shock, realization donning her features. 

“What do you…?” You looked at your finger, only for your words to die in your throat. You stared at the foreign string, heart pounding in your chest and blood rushing in your ears. It couldn’t be.

“You’re my soulmate,” she murmured, sounding so undeniably happy. 

“No…” you whispered, shaking your head. It was useless, though, because the evidence was there. You suddenly felt the need to escape Chaeyoung’s embrace— your soulmates embrace. Before you could attempt to get any farther, another step— there were a pair of arms quickly wrapping around you, pulling you against a familiar chest in a tight, tight, tight embrace. It's warm, unyielding, and you were trapped completely— you couldn't get away even if you fought. "Chaeyoung," you started, sucking in shaky breaths, trying to not get drunk by the close proximity. "Y-You said I'm—I'm yours. Your—soulmate?" You get out, half coherent and half blubbering.

She understood you nonetheless, and hummed in acknowledgment, holding you a little bit tighter. "I did," She confirmed. You hadn't even realized that you’d started crying— but you were, and there are hot tears streaming down your cheeks. They're salty, and they're bitter with disappointment, yet above all they're filled with relief.

You’re soulmates, she said.

The rare, one-time chance concept of being a fated pair— having someone in the world that was meant for you and you alone, your complete significant other, where the world pulled you toward them until that bond is broken by choice. It was a lot to process, and it changed just about everything, but—

“I’m here, and we can take this at whatever pace you want. I know it’s hard, very sudden, but… I want this. I want you, if you're willing to accept me.” 

…. ⚠️

“You look so beautiful tonight,” Chaeyoung told you, following behind you to your shared bedroom, admiring the way your dress hugged your body. It was a black fitted dress that showed off your shoulders and figure. Your hair was tied up loosely with a pink ribbon. 

She changed after the show, wearing something much more comfortable, but still looked amazing. 

You flushed, beginning to take your jewelry off at the vanity.  “That’s the fifth time you’ve told me that,” you said, a smile present on your face. “But thank you, it makes me really happy.  I should say I couldn’t take my eyes off you when you were dancing. It made me….” You trailed off, finding it too bold to confess. Over the course of six months, she’s worked her way into your heart almost effortlessly, supporting and loving you every step of the way. Everyday you're grateful that you were able to meet, even if the way you met wasn’t romantic. 

“Made you what?” Rosie stood behind you and rested her hands on your hips. Unable to help herself, she  bent down to kiss your exposed neck. You closed your eyes, sighing softly as she kissed the side of your throat. “It’s embarrassing,” you muttered, and she sank her teeth into your skin, causing you to gasp. “Ah— Chaeyoung…”

“Tell me, baby.” Her voice held that tone again, the one that had you shivering under her touch, aching for more. 

Knowing you couldn’t convey it through words, you turned around in her arms and wrapped your own around her neck, pressing a soft kiss to her lips as you remembered how she moved to some of their songs’ sensual choreographies and the control she had while doing so. She kissed back, deep and languid. Her palm was hot, sliding over your curves and leaving behind a searing sensation. You broke away from the kiss, your breath coming out ragged as you  looked into her eyes, her pupils dilated. “That’s how you make me feel,” you whispered into the little space between you. 

She responded by pulling you into another heated kiss. The vibrations of your moans against her mouth made her heart hammer in her chest as she began to lift your dress up slightly, wanting to feel your thighs on her hands again. 

Breath hitching roughly in her throat, Chaeyoung felt the tip of your tongue flick at the seam before sliding across its full length. She let you push your tongue past her lips, feeling herself losing herself in the moment, completely surrendering to the sensations coursing through her. (Kissing you seemed to do that to her).

Lips sliding and pressing against each other, tongues touching and tangling, you felt weak in the knees. You squeezed her arm, “Chaeyoung,” you said in between kisses, tugging at her shirt.

She groaned, the breathy sound of her name and the authoritative, low tone coming from you sent tingles rippling down her spine and left her feeling lightheaded.

With one last lingering kiss, she pulled away and led you to the bed by your hand. You laid down first, reaching for her and pulling her towards you. She crawled onto the bed after you, kissing you again. Your fingers played with her hair, combed gently through the locks. “This feels good,” you said quietly, tilting your head for more access, feeling a sense of contentment, desire, and love welling up inside of you. You felt her pause and smile against your skin. 

While busying herself with making pretty marks on your neck, her fingers traced along your bare thigh, making you writhe beneath her, and she reveled in how sensitive you were to her touch. 

She groaned at the slight tug from your fingers threading themselves in her hair as she continued to kiss your neck. “We can stop anytime...”

"No,” You said almost too quickly, gasping when you felt her bite you lightly, teeth nipping at your neck before a tongue soothed the area. "Please, don't stop.” You were ready to go all the way tonight.

Chaeyoung’s heart could burst out of her chest in that moment, knowing that you were ready for the next step, that between soulmates it would make the bond even stronger. She made her way up and kissed you again, now with a fever and tenderness that had a growing hunger.

Your fingernails dug into her back when she darted her tongue slow and deep across the roof of your mouth— in and out, over and over, in a way that made you instantly imagine her mouth traveling elsewhere. The idea alone got you riled up. 

"Chaeyoung, please.." you gasped against her lips as another wave of heat circled through your abdomen and pulsed between your legs. 

"We've got time, my love," She slotted a leg between your thighs, pressing against your center purposefully. “I'm all yours tonight." Her hand slipped between your bodies, hiking up your mini-dress just enough for her to have access to your lace panties.

You gasped and tightened your grip in her hair, subconsciously bucking your hips the moment her fingers brushed across your center. A wave of pleasure overtook your body, and you could feel her edging to dip her fingers lower. It wasn’t long before she felt how soaked you were, how wet she made you, forcing a stifled moan from her throat that vibrated against your lips. You whimpered, tightening your thighs around her hand at the sound.

Knowing what you needed, she quickly discarded your underwear, and dipped a finger in you, making you shudder and squirm. Giving you a few moments to adjust, she watched your face for any signs of discomfort before pumping in and out. You lifted your hips off the bed to meet her pace, her finger reaching deeper with each slow, tantalizing pump. 

You could barely think straight with how intense everything suddenly became, and it only intensified as she added a second finger, pumping faster. There was a coil building in your stomach, moments away from snapping. “Chaeyoung— I’m gonna—” You panted heavily, your face burning, eyes closed tightly. With every stroke, your walls contracted tightly around her finger, making her curse under her breath. "Fuck, love. You're so tight... Are you close?”  

You nodded against her shoulder frantically, nails digging into her back.  

“Then come for me,” she murmured, adding her thumb in the mix to push you over the edge, her fingers relentless, as you arched forward, the pressure in your lower stomach building to such an extent you couldn’t hold back anymore. Your whole body trembled, incoherent words and moans leaving your mouth, your entire body shaking as an orgasm ripped through you. 

All the while Chaeyoung slowed the pace, your body writhing underneath her hand as she pumped in and out, her fingers gliding across your sensitive spot as she watched you come apart for her, helping you ride it out. She felt breathless, and absolutely loved seeing you like that; all flushed and sweaty, needy for her. You're her Angel— her soulmate. 

She kissed you, slow and sweet. “There, love. I’ve got you,” she cooed softly. “I love you, you did so well.”

“I’m so hungry guys, let’s order something already.” Chaeyoung moaned, falling onto Lisa's lap. You grabbed the phone, “is ordering from the hotpot place okay?” You know Jennie liked the food there.

“Yeah we haven’t had it in a while.” Lisa answered.

“Ugh, I don’t care where, I’m starving, hurry, order the usual, please.”

“Make sure you get chicken.”

“Alright.”

The food arrived about twenty-six minutes later. Miso and Lisa immediately dug into it while you made Jennie a plate. Chaeyoung was still on the couch, going on about how she couldn’t move from how hungry she was.

“Lisa,” she called, said girl hummed in response, chewing on a fry, “feed me—”

“No,” Lisa replied. Chaeyoung whined, “Jisoo?”

“I’m sorry, but chicken is more important. Just haul yourself over here,” she laughed.

“(Y/n)? Pleaseee. I promise I’ll share whatever I’m eating from now on.” She even threw in an offer. Usually she doesn’t share her snacks with you, so of course you accepted.

“Okay, you get five minutes.” Five turned into ten, ten turned into fifteen. Then you remembered Jennie still hadn’t eaten. “I think that’s enough, you can feed yourself now you big baby,” she slapped you on your shoulder, “I have a different baby to attend to,” you sang. You warmed up Jennie’s plate and made your way to your bedroom. Jennie was scrolling on her phone.

You sit the plate on her night table, deciding you would feed her too.

“Here, Love.” She moves her head sharply, almost making you drop the spoon. Her brows are knitted and her lips are pulled in a frown. A pout. She drops her phone.

“No! Why don’t you go feed Rosie? I’m sure she’s hungrier than I am.” Fun fact: Jennie was hungrier. You were guilty.

“I'm sorry, it just didn’t look like Chaeyoung was gonna eat if she had to get up.. But I should’ve prioritized you first. Do you still want to eat?..”

“She gets like that sometimes, and yes I do.”

“Okay, do you want me to….feed you?” Jennie nodded. Jennie ate a couple spoonfuls of the soup and rice before she was done eating for now. You put the food in the refrigerator.

“Can we watch a movie?” She proposed, playing with the cover. You started fluffing out the pillows for Jennie to lay on before grabbing the remote.

“Disney?”

“Yeah,” she grabs your hand, giving it a squeeze, “can you make popcorn too?”

“Your wish is my command.” You say in a funny voice, saluting. She laughs as you run out the room off to the kitchen.

As you put the bag of popcorn in the microwave you were called by Jisoo from the living room. She was playing the Nintendo switch on the tv.

“(Y/n)! I need you to be my player two so I can get this last star,” You could see her struggling to solve a puzzle.

“Oh, I don’t know…the popcorn...plus I’m watching a movie with Jennie—”

“It won’t take long! Please? The popcorn will be done by then.”

“…Alright.”

The popcorn was done, it’s been done but here you are still playing the game. Jennie could hear you and Jisoo’s laughter from the living room. You forgot, again.

Jisoo paused the game and your eyes drifted to the clock on the wall; a little more than half an hour has passed. You got up fast, “Jisoo you said it wouldn’t take long, we’re levels ahead of the one you needed help with!” You went back in the kitchen and opened the microwave. The popcorn was cold and stale.

You returned back to the room, coming face to face with Jennie’s glare. “I got distracted…and now the popcorn is ruined..”

“I could tell, you sounded like you were having fun playing the game.” Her voice was sour. You winced.

“Um… Should I make more?”

“No, don’t bother. I’m sure you’ll get distracted again.” That had you physically recoiling. It stung.

“Why are you so…moody today?”

“Well, you seem to be paying attention to everyone else but me! So I’m sorry for acting the way I am, but I can’t help but feel that way!”

“You’re overreact—” You stop talking, regretting that you would ever accuse her of that. You weren’t the one carrying a baby— you had no idea what she’s going through. You looked ashamed, that’s because you were. You desperately thought of what you could do to correct your words. Though, it was too late. Jennie was angry, even more so, hurt.

“Jennie..”

“Get out.” And you did, right away. Her voice was cold, sending shivers down your spine.

You walked into the living room with a regretful face and heavy heart. The girls noticed, prompting them to look at you.

“Oh oh, I sense trouble in paradise.” Lisa joked, trying to lighten the mood, but you just blankly stared at her. You plopped down on the couch next to Jisoo, sighing dramatically.

“I’m afraid I’ve been spending too much time with you guys, and neglecting my wife because of it.”

“Shit,” Chaeyoung chokes on her food, “we’re sorry, we’ve been distracting you the whole day— we have to apologize to Jennie.”

Jisoo, who was already on her feet and had gone to your bedroom to apologize, retreated back to the living room. “I don’t think she wants company, I’m sensing some murderous intent coming from your room,” she looks at you pointedly, “(Y/n), what did you say to her?”

You told them, and in response you received disappointed looks.

“Okay…well, we’ll help you clean up, but then it’s up to you to make her feel better.” Lisa placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Alright, thank you guys.”

They helped you vacuum, wash the dishes, sweep the kitchen, pick up takeout containers— etc. The house looked ‘spotless’ in the end.

“Thank you so much guys.” You sighed, giving them hugs before they left to go to their own homes. “No problem, take care of Jennie, alright?” You nodded and bid them goodbye.

You took a deep breath before making it to your bedroom. Jennie was laying on her side, her eyes closed. You snuck up to the bed, and laid next to Jennie. Her back was facing you. You itched to hold her in your arms.

A couple minutes went by of you just staring at the backside, watching the pattern of her breaths till you couldn’t take it anymore. You went to wrap your arms around her only to be stopped by Jennie’s voice. She wasn’t asleep after all.

“Go cuddle Lisa.” Jennie scoots away from you and you can’t stop yourself from frowning.

You pull her back into you, placing a kiss to her head and wrapping your arms around her gently. She fights you for a bit, but eventually gives in. She stays quiet and you take it as a chance to apologize.

“That was very wrong of me, Love. I didn’t realize I was being such an idiot. I’m sorry for saying you were overreacting when it was anything but. I love you, you're so strong. I’ll try my hardest to make up for it.” Unbeknownst to you Jennie was smiling, small, but she was. She liked having your attention, finally. You massaged her scalp, knowing she likes that, and continued talking.

“You didn’t eat much earlier. I’ll make you something yummy, hm? Are you craving anything in particular? I can make it, or I can go out and get something.” After a beat Jennie turned around to face you.

You brushed some hair away from her forehead, “there’s my pretty girl.”

“So…”

“Do we have milk ice cream? If not, I don’t want you to go out… Can you hold me?” Jennie's demeanor was bashful.

“We do, and of course I can. I’ll just get your ice cream.” You shuffled off the bed, but a tug on your shirt stopped you, “I love you too. Thank you for apologizing.” You smiled brightly in response.

“Thanks for agreeing to pick me up this late,” you spoke to BLACKPINK’s manager as you got in the car, “I had to wait till they were all out doing something and wait till my kids were gone so I’d have time to do this.”

The woman in the driver’s seat, Haebom, just laughed in response. Haebom was the manager of the girls, and also a close friend of yours. When you met Rosé you got to know Haebom along the way.

“So,” she began, backing up from the parking lot, “what are you getting for them? Knowing you, you’ll go overboard.”

“Well, they all want something to do with fashion or video games, small gifts on the side. But as for Chae, I’m gonna get her a gift for our anniversary— and I don’t go overboard.”

“You do, but I won’t argue. They’ll love anything you get them, especially that wife of yours.” You hummed, looking out the window. Haebom drove down multiple streets, turning multiple times but you couldn’t help but notice the same car still behind you.

There was a pit in your stomach as you continued to watch the car. You didn’t want to jump to the conclusion you were being followed because the car you were in was heavily tinted, so what were they doing?

“I think someone’s following us.”

“What? Who?” She kept her eyes on the road.

You squinted, trying to make out the writing on the car following you. “It’s the paparazzi.”

“They must've seen you come out. I’ll try to lose them, we’ll just have to take a detour.”

They stay on your tail stubbornly, unfortunately. Your driver takes a turn once the light is green, but the next thing you know you're being jerked sideways by another car crashing into you.

That simple jerk would’ve been all you got, but no, the car was speeding and it was one of the bigger cars. Your car flipped over and skidded on its roof, hitting the railings of the road blockers.

It’s all a blur from there. Your manager took the blunt side of the hit, so she was able to call emergencies before passing out herself. You were transported to a hospital not long after.

“She’s got internal bleeding—”

“Trauma to the head, get the—” You wish the ringing in your ears would go away. You faded in and out of consciousness as they put you on a stretcher with wheels, the bright lights of the hallway made your head hurt even more. You seemed to be hooked up to some type of a breather.

All this is happening while the four eat dinner, celebrating Blackpink and how far they’ve gotten in life, until Chaeyoung gets a call.

She excuses herself and walks to the restaurant entrance and answers the phone. It’s from an unknown number.

“Hello?” She speaks. She hears shuffling on the other line, “Is this Mrs. Park? Chaeyoung Park?”

“Yes I am. Who is this calling?” It's then when she feels a sort of dread growing in her stomach.

“We found your number in Mrs. (Y/n)’s emergency contacts— I’m sorry to say this, but she’s been in a car accident, we have her at the hospital now—” She almost drops her phone. She feels sick.

The next thing she knows she’s sprinting back to the table to grab her purse, all the while tears are coming down her face. “Rosie? What’s wrong? What happened?” Jennie starts to stand up, so do the others.

“(Y/n), hospital—she’s— I have to go.” That’s all she chokes out. They leave the restaurant (not without paying the bill) and get in the car.

“Chaeng, what’s going on?” Jisoo rests a hand on her knee.

“The hospital called me, from emergency contacts on (Y/n)’s phone— they said she got into a car crash.” She cries, and the other girls start to worry now. The car ride is filled with reassurance to Chaeyoung.

They get there quickly nonetheless.

Chaeyoung practically sprints to the reception desk, leaving the girls fumbling to get out the car.

“(Y/n) Park? I’m her wife— the other three about to come in are her friends.”

The guy gives her the room number fast, sensing the urgency. He also had a feeling he would get his head bite off if he took longer.

She makes it to the room and steps in to see doctors fussing over you. They step out a minute later, recognizing Chaeyoung. And in doing this, they clear her view, allowing her to see you.

You looked awful. There was dried blood on the white sheets. You were hooked up to various wires and tubes to try and stabilize your breathing and keep you comfortable. A tube is placed down your nose and another leads into an IV drip. A heart monitor sits beside your bed, and you’re hooked up to a few other monitors. A bandage covers most of your forehead.

She takes a seat in the chair next to your bed and holds your hand. Her knee bounces as she fights the urge to wake you up.

A little later the rest of the girls come in, out of breath. They, too, frowned and felt tears prick their eyes at your state.

As if sensing the mood in the air you began to stir. You smiled when your vision cleared up and you were able to see Chaeyoung. “Hey..”

“Thank god you're awake.” Chaeyoung ran a thumb along your bruised knuckles.

“You're gonna stay strong for us, right?” You heard Jisoo’s voice. You nodded with reluctance. You had a feeling.

“But…what if I don’t get out of this? I mean, everything hurts…and you hear what the doctor said; it might take a miracle. I think I already used mine up because I have you and the girls in my life.” You tried to joke. Tried to give them an inkling that you weren’t gonna make it.

There was silence after you talked. Your wife broke it.

“You promised— remember?”

“Yeah, I remember. And I will always keep it.” Even if that means you’re not physically here. She grips your hand tighter, praying you’ll be okay.

You know you won’t, because laying here in this hospital bed, all you feel is pain. In your heart and bodily.

You no longer felt anything in your legs, then it went upwards. Your body slowly began to shut down. Then it was hard for you to keep your eyes open, so,

“I love you so much, and I’m…sorry.”

Your words rang in her head, deafening everything going on around her. Why are you talking like you're not going to make it? Like you’re breaking the promise you made?

Chaeyoung failed to notice the way your grip on her hand went limp. Failed to see that the electrocardiogram machine indicating your heart rate had gone flat. Failed to notice the way her best friends began to sob and break down. Failed to register and feel that someone had pulled her into their embrace, a wet liquid dripping onto her neck.

She didn’t understand why you sounded like that—

Chaeyoung failed to recognize anything, until she was back at home lying face down on the cool marble kitchen countertop after downing a bottle of wine. Which was strange to her because she barely drank unless it was a special occasion. She began to open another before pausing.

Where were you? You never would have let her drink that much. Maybe you were upstairs in the bedroom.

Yeah.

So she made her way upstairs, albeit wobbly. She wondered what worried look you’d have on your face this time. Or maybe you’d be disappointed. Or maybe you were asleep, she’d just curl up next to you if you were.

She opened the door to your shared bedroom and turned the light on. Her brows furrowed in confusion because you weren’t there. The bed looked untouched; wrinkle free and made up. So she called Jisoo, who picked up two rings later.

“Hey,” she began, and Jisoo picked up the slurring in her voice. “Are you drinking?” Jisoo’s voice sounded pitiful, small— not like she would sound normally.

“Correction, was drinking. But do you know where (Y/n) is? She’s not here and she’s not picking up her phone,” she let her words linger for a bit before feeling the need to add, “I miss her.”

Jisoo didn’t answer so she spoke again. “Are you still there?” She heard a sigh from the other end,

“Chae…she’s gone.”

“What do you mean? What are you talking about?” She tried to laugh it off, but it was hard because Jisoo sounded serious.

“She died today, in a car crash. Don’t you remember?”

“This isn’t funny Jisoo. I know she’s out with Jennie or Lis—” She broke off. It was like something she’s been repressing— something she was trying to forget, came back; to bite her in the ass and say,

Wake up.

Her hands began to tremble and as she brought them to her mouth, she noticed her lips doing the same. Hot tears shed down her cheeks,

“Mrs. Park, you need to calm down!”

“No, I won’t! You’re lying you’re lying you’re lying,” her head shook rapidly with every word. She had backed herself into a corner of the white room, the smell of antiseptics with undertones of the artificial fragrance contained in the soaps and cleaning supplies filled her nose bitterly. The smell of a hospital.

Her members, well one of them: Jisoo, tried to get her to calm down. The other two were on their knees crying.

“Why do you insist on telling me my wife is dead? She’s not! She’s laying right there, she’s sleeping, she’s just—” She knows better.

Her breaths were ragged and her eyes burned from the coming of tears.

“Chaeyoung, please. We need you to calm down. It hurts me seeing you like this— you have to be strong for those two.”

She pressed herself more into the wall, wishing it would open up and hide her. The walls felt like they were closing in on her. “Don’t tell me what to do—I don’t want to listen, not right now. I need space, please. I need—” Her breathing started to pick up.

Jisoo tried again, softer, “Chaeng…”

“No!” She shouted. She so desperately needed space.

Chaeyoung’s breathing was getting worse and she was hysterically waving her hands around as she made rapid movements. Jisoo’s eyes widened upon seeing Chaeyoung suddenly cover her chest with her hands, clawing at where her heart was.

“(Y/n)’s gone! (Y/n)’s gone! She’s gone! But she promised! She promised me she would forever be with me! She promised, but she left me!”

Her breathing was irregular and she was struggling to breath, clawing at her chest and throat as she struggled to stay afloat. She was spiraling. She was panicking.

You were gone.

Jisoo immediately stepped forward and grabbed her wrists, pulling her hands away from her throat. Lisa and Jennie watched with heavy hearts seeing her like this. It felt like they were losing her too.

“Chaeyoung, listen to me. She may be gone but—”

“No! No! No! No! No! You're lying! You’re lying! She’s not—” Chaeyoung’s voice was filled with pain and tears were streaming down her cheeks as she stared at Jisoo, violently trying to pull her wrists out of Jisoo’s grip. “Let go! Let go! I need— I need space— I can’t breathe, please—” She felt a pinch in her neck, and then she fell limp in Jisoo’s arms. Her pleads became quiet before they came to a stop, and her eyes slipped closed. The doctor had put her to sleep; while Jisoo was trying to calm her down, the doctor had snuck up with a syringe.

“Jisoo,” she whispered, having remembered. Chaeyoung began to sob and she could hear Jisoo sniffling on the other end.

“You're going to hurt for a long time, us too. But we’ll always be there for you, okay? Let us know if you need anything, we’ll come over in a heartbeat.”

“Thanks. I love you guys.” And then the call ended.

Chaeyoung flopped back on the bed. She felt everything and nothing. She was in pain, but numb at the same time.

What was she going to tell her kids? Probably the cliche, ‘your mom went on a trip and won’t be back for a long time, but you’ll see her again’. If she didn’t stick with that, she had at least a week to figure it out since her kids were with relatives.

Chaeyoung didn't sleep that night, because the only thing she saw when she closed her eyes, was you in pain.

The next day started with a bunch of phone calls from family and friends saying how sorry they are. Then it was your funeral, she hated how fast it came. It felt rushed to her. They even let her hold your hand; it was cold. You looked peaceful, but would you still be, knowing she was living like this?

As she watched your casket lower into the ground and heard her kids crying next to her, it was like a message, cruel and unchangeable: this was reality.

Wake up.

(A piece of her got lost that day.)

But despite deep down knowing you were gone— that part of herself she buried, she’ll live in denial— she acts as though you were still here. Still here with her.

The doctor says it’s a coping mechanism…

Everyday, when she cooks, she makes an extra plate. Most of the time it’s your favorite dishes. She places it where you usually sit.

Pathetic.

She eats. Silverware clinking against the plate but she refuses to look up. Refuses to see, to accept that you're not there. That you're not in your chair, eating with her.

The pinks came over with her kids one day and saw her do this when she cooked for everyone. Your daughter asked who the extra plate was for and got silence in return. That’s when they realized it was for you. The atmosphere quickly became, well, gloomy. Chaeyoung pretended to be oblivious to it but Jisoo had enough.

“Dammit Chaeng,” Jisoo said under her breath, getting up abruptly and grabbing her hand, “where are we going?” Chaeng asked as they walked to the car.

“To see a doctor.”

The doctor says it’s a coping mechanism.

Chaeyoung had stopped doing that, she didn’t like making the girls worry about her like that. She turned to more…normal things.

She would talk like she was talking to you. Not in public, but in private settings. She'll tell you how she’s doing, how her day went, how she’s feeling. She sits in her bed, a photo of you in her hand. She hoped you were able to listen.

Unbeknownst to her, you always did.

She starts with a simple, “I miss you.” Then,

"Lisa and Jennie are just as bad, but Jisoo…I know she’s hurting more than all of us. She's hiding the pain, trying to be strong for us." she starts up again, turning herself sideways and tucking her legs in close to her chest, her head rests against the pillows, "and your family…telling them what happened was terrible. I feel terrible because I can't give them more closure."

Chaeyoung starts to sniffle. "But I'm barely hanging on, (Y/n)."

"I don't feel like eating or doing anything….it’s awful,” she sets the picture in her lap and covers her face, allowing her head to push back against the pillows. Her muffled cries bleed out into the night, echoing among the quiet.

"I've barely gotten out of bed or left the house these past few days. I thought things would get a little easier after your funeral, but it's only been harder, and I’d like to say having Hank back is helping me, but I’m not sure anymore. It’s like he knows you're gone too." Her voice is laced with unprocessed grief.

You can only watch. Unbeknownst to her you sit next to her, your hand barely touching hers. If you moved it anymore, it might go through her. She couldn’t see, feel, or hear you.

“Is there anything I can do? I don’t care what the price is, I just want to feel her.” You were close to crying yourself as you asked your Guide.

Your Guide, Jessica, a worker in the afterlife field is trying to help your soul pass on to the other side happily. But you can’t be happy knowing what Chaeyoung and your family and friends are going through.

“Well, first of all there’s no ‘price’ you need to pay, this isn’t one of those things. I can only do so much, but I think, if I get permission from the higher-ups I can make you…unghost-like for a limited period of time.”

“Please. I’d like that.”

“It’s gonna take some time though, I’m unable to do it right now,” her voice echoed, “that’s fine,” you replied.

Chaeyoung, having drained herself, lay on her side curled up. You wrapped your arms around her. She cried herself to sleep, like she did every night. You felt every sniffle and shake of her body. It was a cycle, her crying herself to sleep only to feel worse in the morning.

Jessica gets in touch with you again the next day in the late afternoon. You watch as Chaeyoung makes dinner for herself.

“I got permission. But you only have twelve hours, that’s all I could get out of them. That’s half a day.”

“That’s more than enough, thank you so much.” She hums.

“You have three minutes till you're alive again, so I’d think of a game plan or you might just scare her to death. Oh, and it hurts a little, the process. Make the most of your time, good luck.”

You hid in a closet, having it cracked open so you could see Chaeyoung still. Then after three minutes you felt a buzzing pain throughout your whole body, similar to being pricked by needles, and then it stopped. You touched the wall to check, and your hand didn’t go through, it was solid.

You stumbled a bit apon moving your leg. You have to get used to your body weight now. This alerted the white and golden brown bundle of fur laying in his dog bed. His ears immediately perked up and he strutted to the closet door. He starts to bark at it and you hold your breath in fear.

Hank, go lay down.

Chaeyoung drops another piece of beef in the pan before telling Hank to quiet down. She reached for a bowl and opened the rice cooker.

Hank tries to pry the closet door open and now you think he can smell you. His claws scratch at the door and you really don’t want Chaeyoung to come over here and open the closet. So you open it a little more, allowing Hank to wiggle in. Much to your horror, he barks. You scoop him up in your arms trying to shush him.

In a span of 15 seconds, just about everything that could possibly go wrong, goes wrong.

Hank continues to bark, his tail wagging incredibly fast, hits the lightweight closet door. Pushing it open. He doesn't heed Chaeyoung’s command for him to quiet down this time. You put him down just as Chaeyoung turns around to see what's going on.

She locks eyes with you, and in an instant she's on the floor.

You panic and mutter a curse before plopping Hank back down and running to her. He follows you obviously, happy as ever.

You waste no time in carrying her over to the couch. You rush back to the sink and wet a rag before returning to her side, brushing some hair out of her face.

“Oh, baby,” you pat at her forehead and neck, “I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

It takes about a minute for her to gain consciousness again, but when she does she jumps away from you and is on the floor again. Thankfully, conscious this time.

She’s shaking and her eyes are wide like saucers. “This is a dream,” she repeats like a mantra before slapping her face and pinching any available skin on her arms. That didn’t wake her up. This “dream” if it is that, is only proving to make her sadder.

“You….how?” Her gaze trails all over you, like she’s trying to burn you in her memory. How was it possible you're standing in front of her and she’s not dreaming?

“It’s a long story, but I have time to tell you.”

She nods, “okay. okay.” she allows you to take her hand and you sit on the couch.

“I’ll start at the beginning.”

You told her how after you died in the hospital bed you became, in your terms, a spirit or ghost-like. You explained to her how you met Jessica,

You could only watch as Chaeyoung broke down. It was like you were watching yourself in third-person. You cried along with them, wondering why you're stuck here.

Your hands were see through, plasma like. And you felt light as a feather. You’d probably try and see if you could float it you weren’t so heartbroken.

You heard footsteps, thinking another doctor was going to come in the room, but it was instead people in suits, with the same ghostly aura as you. From there you met your Guide. You were asked to choose who you’d like to visit, because you were an unhappy soul. You chose your wife.

You told Chaeyoung, who has now moved into your arms, that you’ve been listening to her. Sending her signs, little things to make her day a little better. And by the end of your talk she was reduced to tears. You kissed her forehead,

“I’m allowed twelve hours with you. And then I’m assuming I’m going to pass on after that.”

“I don’t want to be…selfish, but only twelve? Though, I’m happy you’re here.” She sniffles.

“Yes. Right now is all about you, it’s your call. Did you want to finish eating?”

She began to shake her head. She doesn’t wanna waste time. You stopped her.

“Love, you need to eat. Ramen noodles and takeout aren't the best things to eat everyday. I’m here to make sure you take care of yourself, after all.”

She sat in the kitchen eating while watching you play with Hank. It makes her heart ache, knowing this really is the last time, but it aches in a good way.

She finishes eating rather fast and is quick to put her arms around you again. You were warm. She’ll miss holding you the most.

“Why don’t we go to the bedroom, hm?” You suggest. Though Chaeyoung refuses to let go of you, so you two waddle up the stairs and into the bedroom, her back hugging you the whole way. Hank follows.

You plop down on the bed, holding your arms out for her. She dives into your embrace, “Movie?” she mumbles. You turn on a show that you were binge watching together. Hank curls up at the end of the bed.

It’s two episodes later, with you massaging Chaeyoung’s scalp, when you notice she’s falling asleep. She tries to fight it, occasionally moving around or asking you things, but it's not very effective. Everything is catching up to her, and you massaging her scalp makes her more tired.

“Chae, want to take a nap? You're tired.” She shakes her head and you know it’s her not wanting to waste the time you have left.

“I’ll wake you up, promise. I want you to sleep for at least four hours. I’ll be here the whole time.” She agrees, reluctantly. She moves so that now her head rests on your chest and she lays on top of you. Then she fell asleep, free of tossing and turning.

True to your word, you woke her up in four hours. Your version of waking her up goes like; butterfly kisses all over her face. Her tired and swollen features are returning to normal.

She wakes up with a smile; relieved because you're still here and nostalgic because you really did always wake her up like this. She rolls to the side, and you face her.

Barely-dormant tears now brim again, threatening to spill at any second. "You’d still be here right now if I never went out. You’d still—" She starts, blaming herself.

"Stop. Don't think like that," you soothe, wiping her tears away. "We have no idea what would've happened if I did or didn’t, and getting caught up on the what-ifs isn't going to solve anything. Just know that none of what happened is your fault."

"You have to let go of all this pain," you whisper softly, letting your eyes track all over her face. You'll never get tired of seeing her. She’s beautiful, "and I'm not asking you to forget about me or be okay with what happened, but I need you to accept it and start moving forward."

“That’s easier said than done,” she snarks, instantly regretting it when you tense up.

"All this grief you feel," you continue, "is love that has no place to go. Please don't waste it on this; use it to make all kinds of happy memories. Live every second you've got left to the fullest and tell me about all of it when we meet again."

Some tears fall from your eyes now as well, and you're a bit shocked because you didn't expect to have that ability anymore. Chaeyoung wipes them with her palms before holding your face in her hands. You melt into her touch; you’ll miss her embrace more than anything.

"I have no idea how I'm going to do this without you, (Y/n), but I'll try, okay? I'll do all the things we wanted to with the kids and probably cry the whole time. I’ll live on days and see things that’ll remind me of us and wonder if you’d think the same. I'll do it because I love you, not because I think it'll be easy." She finishes and you smile at her.

“About six hours.” You inform and she nods. Her eyes drop to your lips before meeting your eyes again shyly. She wants nothing more than to kiss you again.

"Will...will you kiss me?" It sounds silly saying it out loud. The question itself sounds ridiculous and even she finds it stupid. You're her wife for god’s sake!

You lean down until your noses are brushing and she feels your lips press against hers. It’s soft, warm. So very delicate. And that’s the thing with your kisses: They’re always so gentle, but they also hold a lot of passion and love. They make her melt.

As soon as you part from her lips Chaeyoung is pulling you back in, kissing you deeper. Her hands roamed. She needs to imprint you this moment in her mind, to remember every feeling and sensation, and pushes away the reality of your impending departure. And she does so as if it’s her last.

One last time.

You can’t help but notice Maddy sneakily eying you from the bar as she waits for your drinks. You avert your gaze to literally anywhere else, not wanting to make awkward eye contact with her.

It feels like it’s been ages since you’ve ordered when she hands everybody’s drinks over. She hands you your’s with a wink, her hand briefly touching your own as you take it from her. You look down to see a scrap of paper, and what you believe to be her phone number scribbled across the bottom followed by a message.

Your eyebrows and nose scrunch at this and Alan can tell something is up as soon as you take a sip of your drink.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, voice laced with concern, his voice a whisper. You put the glass down and smile nervously.

“Oh, sorry. I, uh, think that Maddy is hitting on me?” You said in confusion. Alan eyed you and then turned to steal a look at the said girl over your shoulder.

“Did she?” He asked, surprised. Everyone knows you're married, and to Jennie Kim at that.

“Yeah, look,” you turn the paper to face him, “she gave me her phone number and everything.” He winced as he read the flirty remark at the bottom. “Oh, she’s definitely hitting on you.”

You shook your head and crumpled the paper up and threw it on an empty plate. Even a blind person could see how in love you were with Jennie. So, why, at a celebration event like this, is she hitting on you?

Alan nudged your shoulder, “Jennie’s looking over here.”

When you met her gaze, she smiled. She mouthed “is everything going okay” and an “I miss you” with her famous heart bow and arrow. You gave her a thumbs up and blew a kiss in response. Unfortunately, you and Jennie sat at separate tables due to more friends arriving than you thought. That doesn’t stop you guys from talking another way though.

You continued to sip on your drink, talking to Alan and your friends.

“Hey, how are you guys doing over here? Do you guys need refills?” Came the sweet toned voice of Maddy. She gripped the back of you and Alan’s chair. You turned around.

“We’re fine, thank you. I’m still finishing a drink right now.”

“Are you sure?” Yes you were.

“Alright, tell me if you need anything, you have my number if you change your mind.” Then she left.

Alan began choking from laughter, and you just sat there. “I’ll be right back.”

You head to the bathroom because of all this, you need a break. You stop to kiss Jennie on top of her head and mumble to her how beautiful she looks tonight, and that you're heading to the bathroom.

Once you came back, Maddy sat in the seat where Alan previously sat. You looked around for him, he was catching up with chulichaeng. You sat back down, politely smiling at her before going on your phone. Her gaze burned into your side profile.

“Did you need something?” You wanted to gag at the way her gaze swept over you.

“Yeah, I was wondering why you're not in my life.” She paired that sentence with a wink. Your jaw was dropped in disbelief, though she must’ve thought it meant something else because she went farther.

She laid her hand on top of yours and you immediately snatched it away. That was the last of your patience. You tried to be civil, because again, she is one of Jennie’s friends. Not anymore, though.

You abruptly stood up, making your chair scrape against the ground. Everyone’s attention was on you now, unbeknownst to you.

Your eyebrows were pinched together, and your lips painted in a scowl.

“Okay— no, you need to stop. I’m not interested, and quite frankly will never be. I’m married, do you not see this ring on my finger?” You paused, both of you now looking at your ring. You couldn’t help but smile looking at it, but back to business,

“You have some nerve to do this here, at Jennie’s celebration party. I’ll have you know I’m very happy. Jennie is my world. She makes me laugh, makes me smile, makes me feel like my heart will burst out of my chest. She’s kind, genuine, and so, so loving. I can barely even explain how lucky I am. I can’t imagine life without her, and I’ll be there for her for as long as she’ll have me.” Your voice cracked in the last sentence. Your eyes looked soft, filled with adoration; a look you only had when you were talking about Jennie.

Maddy was embarrassed, as she should be. She got up and left without another word. You sat back down. You played with your hands as you took a couple needed breaths after your speech.

You weren’t prepared at all to be pulled into arms, multiple actually. The girls pulled you into a messy tight group hug. They pulled away and you noticed tears in their eyes; shocker, Jisoo was crying too. They heard your speech and couldn’t be happier.

“Oh, no…why are you guys crying?” You frowned, genuinely confused and worried for your friends.

Jisoo held back her tears as she spoke, wiping the stray ones with her sleeve. “We’re happy for you and Jennie. I’m happy that I can trust you with her heart, and know that she’ll be treated right. We love you guys so much.”

“You guys are perfect for each other.”

“Oh? That’s great Lis!” You smile. Your heart aches dully.

Lisa just told you she befriended her crush, Jennie Kim. They’ve talked occasionally but we’re never able to call each other friends, more so classmates. She’s been crushing on her for a while, you're happy for her.

“I know! Thanks for giving me tips on conversation starters.”

“You're welcome.”

Now, two days later.

“Lisa stop, you look like an idiot,” you whisper before looking behind her, a smirk growing on your face, “she’s coming over here.”

“What? Who? Jennie?! Wait, do I— do I look okay? Are my bangs s—” You put your hand on your shoulders, looking her into the eye, “you look perfect, alright?” She did, she always did. Lisa was beautiful. She nodded slowly. You turned her around, just as Jennie reached you two.

“Jennie..” She breathed out, flustered. You nodded at Jennie with a polite smile before walking off as you mouthed a ‘see you later’. Lisa panicked, her eyes wide, pleading for you to come back. You were the only person stopping her from becoming a nervous mess in front of Jennie. She turned back to Jennie when you were out of sight.

“So, about that…” Jennie began speaking.

You were in class, head laying on the desk as you rolled your pencil and watched it slide down the angled table.

Your pencil was in the middle of rolling back towards you and you were ready to catch it until a backpack slammed on the desk next to you. You flinched before sitting up only to see it was Lisa.

“Really?” You groaned, your heart rate fast from being startled, or maybe it was because of the sight of Lisa.

“Sorry,” she looked sheepish before she remembered what she had to tell you. “Oh!”

“Jennie agreed to meet up after school with me! But before I get to that— oh my god she’s so,” you mentally prepared yourself to listen to her gush about Jennie.

“And then, back to her agreeing to meet up after school with me. We’re gonna go to that new cafe that opened up, get ice cream, and then go to the park— Shit…is that considered a date?” She froze, looking like a ghost just passed through her, and you held back a laugh.

“I mean, it could be considered that. That is what you do on dates, after all.”

“You have to come. I don’t know, watch us and have an earpiece in so you can make sure I don’t make a fool out of myself—” you shook your head rapidly.

“Yeah, no way. That’s weird, I’m not gonna watch you.” It’s bad for your heart.

Lisa eventually gave up trying to persuade you. Then school was over. You waved bye to them as they walked to Lisa’s car, then you drove home.

The next week...well, more Lisa and Jennie.

“Hah! You can’t say that anymore because this time, it’s an official date, not a hang out between friends. She’s letting me court her.”

Your heart twinges. Painfully so. Your smile falters, but you fix it a second later. You don’t think it was noticeable. You force yourself to feel elated.

“Look at you making moves! Is this really the shy, nervous wreck I know?” You mess up Lisa’s bangs, and she wacks your hands away laughing.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see when I ask her to be my girlfriend.” It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It’s like something is clawing at your heart from the inside.

You swallow thickly, and force a laugh out. Dry as it is, it gets out.

“Okay, um…text or call me if you need help picking out an outfit, or if you're freaking out.” You say, just putting it out there, because knowing Lisa, she’ll freak out.

“I definitely will.”

She did call you like she said. Now, you sat on video call, you on your bed while you ate some chips and watched Lisa walk in and out her closet from her phone propped up on her dresser.

“This is hilarious.”

“No it isn’t, I’m having a crisis here and you're eating potato chips.” She deadpanned. You rolled your eyes playfully, brushing off chip crumbs on the corners of your mouth before bringing your phone closer to you.

“So is this fancy or casual?” You asked and she came up to the camera. Her face was one of horror, “I didn’t ask that. Oh my god—”

“Lisa, just text her and ask?”

“Oh… Okay, I’ll do that.” She fumbled around for a bit, “She said dress casually. And she finds it funny I asked her because I was the one who asked her on a date.” You laughed, that’s ironic.

“Okay stop running around like a headless chicken,” you squinted at the screen, “grab that white cropped t-shirt and those tan…um, trousers? Yeah, and change into those.” You saw Lisa’s previous articles of clothing fly across the camera and your mouth became dry.

“Done.”

“Okay, tuck in the back of the shirt in your bra strap. Put your hair down. Alright, and then put that one necklace you always wear on, layer more necklaces, then add some rings— and there you go!“ Lisa stood in front of her mirror now, “Damn, I look hot.” She does.

“Thanks, (Y/n)!” She looks at her phone clock, “oh shoot, I should be on my way to pick Jennie up, bye bye.” She waves cutely at the camera, “Bye Lis, have fun.”

After you hang up, you're reminded of reality. The reality where the girl you're in love with likes somebody else.

Your heart crumbles a little more. Although this time, you struggle to pick up the pieces.

You were stuck asking yourself: Why weren’t you good enough?

Maybe— maybe if you were different, if you were like Jennie, she would love you. She would— No.

You're just fooling yourself. The heart wants what the heart wants. But why did your heart choose Lisa? Choose another’s that wasn’t in love with yours.

You drag your hands down your face.

I hate you, heart.

And then you cried. And when you couldn’t cry anymore, you fell asleep.

You woke up with a text from Lisa about last night, they kissed.

You dreaded coming to school the next morning.

Just like always, Lisa bounded up to your locker. You smiled, albeit tiredly. It didn’t matter how much you slept last night, you were exhausted. She paused upon noticing your drowsy features.

“You look like…”

“Crap? Yeah I know. I didn't get much sleep last night.”

She runs a hand up and down your arm soothingly and you really wish she didn’t. You yawn, before shutting your locker and leaning against it, “what’s up?”

“Jennie,” she begins and you grit your teeth knowing what’s coming, or at least you hope you know; all the while keeping a smile on your face. Maybe they kissed again? Maybe they watched the stars? Or maybe they—

What could be worse for you to hear besides those?

“I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes!” Lisa, unable to contain her excitement, shakes your shoulders. But you're still stomaching her words.

Oh.

Your heart shatters. This one hit the nail on your head.

“I’m so happy for you Lisa!” Your throat constricts and it feels dry, but you get the words out.

Lisa’s smile fades, and you wonder: why? Why is her beautiful smile fading? Why is she frowning, what happened to the glow in her eyes? Why—

“If you're happy for me…then why are you crying?”

What?

You blink, slowly realizing Lisa’s right and that indeed, tears were streaming down your cheeks. You tried wiping your face to stop the tears from falling but they kept going.

“(Y/n),” Lisa goes to wipe away your tears, her eyebrows furrow in concern, “Are you okay? Did I upset you? Please tell me what’s wrong..”

“It’s nothing,” you say and brush off her concern, pulling her hands away from your face, “I’ll just head to the bathroom, alright?”

“I’ll come with you,” she tries and you shake your head, “look, there’s Jennie, talk to her for a bit?” You felt a mix of relief and sadness seeing the feline-eyed girl come down the hallway, you waved her over and as she walked closer toward the two of you she frowned, at your tear stained cheeks.

You smiled, and you're sure your smile gave everything away. You hoped it did, because then you wouldn’t have to explain everything. Then you headed down the halls, ignoring the looks from other students. Ignoring Lisa’s calls.

You didn’t go to the bathroom like you said. You wanted to be as far away from the school as possible, and you hate to admit it, but as far away from Lisa and Jennie too.

You went to a park in an old neighborhood where barely anyone lived anymore, and sat underneath one of the slides. Then you began to sob, hard. Because until now, you never really gave yourself time to let everything out.

Your breathing was irregular and you struggled to breath. You clawed at your chest because it hurt.

You felt like you were drowning. Every time you got closer to the surface, closer to coming to terms that you're not the one she loves and that you have to forgive and forget, you were pulled back down. You were just…