#bill smart

As an communication coach & entrepreneur, I often reach out to other coaches to discuss how they’ve developed their business, talk about their processes, challenges, etc. I set up a call with a fellow coach recently & we started with introductions & a bit of background about how we got into this line of work. After we each spoke & engaged in some small talk, the coach told me that they wanted to give me “a gift,” & that I should take a deep breath (& apparently prepare).

Then the critique started. My fellow coach told me that at the beginning of the call, I wasn’t very clear about my objective & what I wanted to get out of the conversation. Secondly, I spoke too quickly, gave too much personal history, & wasn’t succinct enough.

Okay…my first response was one of being stunned (but I guess I was warned to take a breath). Then as we were running out of time, my southern manners kicked in and I thanked the coach for being frank & willing to take the time to speak with me and wrapped up the call.

Then I hung up the phone & I felt like shit.

What just happened? I was looking forward to connecting with a new person, getting an opportunity to “talk shop” & what I got was a critique. I certainly don’t fault the coach - they genuinely felt they were helping me out - & indeed they did. It just didn’t feel all that great on the receiving end. Part of this was context & part of it was the critique itself.

Was there any truth to the critique? Certainly, which is what made it so hard to hear. Part of the southern culture in which I was raised encourages plenty of conversation before you jump in & “get to the point,” so my lack of setting up a clear objective most likely got muddled in my historical chatter. I probably could have abbreviated my “how I got to where I am now” story & been more succinct. Additionally, I wouldn’t have felt the need to speed up my rate of speech if I’d not been trying to cover so much material. 

While I didn’t go into the conversation expecting a critique, it did give me an opportunity to stand in the shoes of my clients. While receiving feedback is key for growth & development, it was a reminder for me that taking criticism isn’t easy.

As Sheryl Sandberg says in “Lean In, Women, Work & the Will to Lead”:

…the truth hurts. Even when I have solicited feedback, any judgement can feel harsh. But the upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.

This week, I had the pleasure of seeing the incredible Holland Taylor take on the formidable role of Ann Richards in "Ann." While the show was a tour de force, what lifted the roof off of the Lincoln Center theater was the attendance of Bill & Hillary, Gabby Giffords, and Meryl Streep.

After chatting with Holland Taylor backstage, Hillary looked up at some of us gawking down as she walked below toward the parking garage, and said to us "Wasn't she amazing? She was JUST like that in real life!" She took the focus off of her and shifted it onto Holland Taylor and her astounding performance - something that we all collectively shared. It wasn't about her, it was about us.

I was recently coaching women CEOs seeking venture capital as part of Double Digit Academy, a boot camp in NYC organized and led by Julia Pimsleur, a veteran fundraiser, Forbes blogger and Little Pim CEO who's been through the trenches and has vast knowledge to share.

When seeking VC funding, there is a list of things to prepare. You need to understand your market and be clear about how you're going to make money, of course - but at the core is your story.

Why are you doing this? What is the problem you are solving, the need that you are meeting, and why are you so passionate about it? Get down to the root of what is driving you to act. Get personal.

One CEO stated that she wasn't comfortable talking about her personal life - which is understandable. What was fascinating was that once she DID talk about the personal reasons she started her company, she had the entire room captivated. The passion that she felt was undeniable. She struck storyteller gold.

But this was an emotional place, and she expressed concern about "going there" when pitching for funds. When telling your story, touch on the personal, possibly tender point, but keep your focus on the exhilaration of crafting a solution. Practice telling the story. A lot. But don't ever lose connection with the personal passion that's driving you to make things change for the better.

Your passion will illuminate you. Your audience will experience it with you and be moved to take action.

One piece of advice that seems to have made it's way into the cannon of public speaking tips is "just picture the audience in their underwear." From the Brady Bunch to the current reality show The Pitch, this is bad advice that just won't die.

I would like to kill this advice once and for all.

In his excellent radio interview on NPR with Regina Brett, Scott Berkun traces the origins of the underwear advice possibly to Winston Churchill, who while being an excellent speaker, "was also an alcoholic, so a lot of his advice about what he did probably doesn't apply to most people."

There are a lot of things you can do about nerves, but adding the visual of your audience in their underwear most likely will short circuit and distract you from why you're speaking in the first place. 

OK, so what CAN you do about nerves?

Cut yourself some slack - everyone feels nervous before they speak - just acknowledging that to yourself can take some of the pressure off. Avoid starting my saying "I'm really nervous...I don't do this often." The audience might not even realize you're nervous, so no need to sabotage yourself.

Avoid caffeine, bubbly drinks, heavy meals, and alcohol beforehand. I've had to discourage more than one client NOT to drink before they speak.

Practice - Go through your presentation out loud until you've got it down cold. The fact that you've got it under your belt will alleviate a lot of the anxiety you feel. There are many things you can't control, but practicing is one that you CAN.

The day of your presentation get some physical exercise to help expel some of the energy that your body generates. You could probably lift a car with the adrenaline that'll be pumping through your body, so work some of that off beforehand. The is one of many great points made in Scott Berkun's excellent book Confessions of a Public Speaker, my number one book recommendation to my workshop attendees at General Assembly & Brooklyn Brainery.

Remember to breathe deeply, slow down and keep it conversational.