#biker!cassian

His head shot up into my direction. His chest heaved and his breathing was heavy as he tried to calm himself down. “Cass, are you alright?” I asked him as I closed off the distance between us. My breath got caught in my throat as I finally could take him in. Fists clenched and knuckles split. His shirt was ripped apart as if someone tried to get a hold of him, some buttons were missing. A bruise blossomed under his eye, hues of red and blue formed on his puffed skin where he took some hits. A split in his brow leaked with fresh blood running down his cheek. But that took nothing away from the proudness he still had on him.

My hands flew up to his face, gently grazing his skin with my fingers. “Cass what happened?” I stared up at his wild eyes. “Nothing.” he clipped and looked the other way. “That doesn't look like nothing.” My eyes bounced from his to Rhysand’s, waiting for an answer.

“Tamlin happened.” Rhys explained shortly and I froze for a second.

“What did he do to you?” My focus was on Cassian again, hoping to get some answers out of him.

“It’s okay. It’s just some small scratches, nothing I can't handle. I’m driving home now.” he said shortly, trying to step around me. It didn't look like small scratches to me.

I turned on my heel and pressed my hands to his chest to stop him from getting to his bike.“You can’t drive home like this Cass, you’re way too upset for that, you’ll cause an accident if you don’t calm down. And someone has to take care of your wounds.”

“She’s right, Cass.” Rhysand said firmly, keeping a healthy distance between Cass and the door of the pub. Probably to be able to catch Cassian uf he tried to turn around and run back in to hit Tamlin.

He glared at his friend before he looked at me again, he sensed that I wouldn't take no for an answer. It took three long exhales until he unclenched his fists and nodded faintly at me, the storm in his eyes had calmed down.

“I’m gonna call an ambulance. It’ll take you to the hospital.” I said to him, fishing for my cell.

“No.” he clipped and grabbed my wrist. “I can't go to the hospital! They would report that to the army and it would be added to my file. My application process would be obstructed. What would that look like? A vice general with a record of freaking out and beating the shit out of civilists. Not happening.”

He was right. They would instantly kick him out and would never let him apply ever again. All the years of hard work would be destroyed.

I let my cell slide back and he let go of my wrists.

“I don’t live far away from here, just a ten minute walk. Let me take care of you.” I pleaded with him to be reasonable. 

“Fine.” he growled and his chest verberated beneath my touch. He pocketed his keys and let me take his hand in mine to drag him with me. We didn't speak as we walked down the streets. I opened the door to my apartment and I went straight into the kitchen to fill a bowl with ice cold water and get some towels and the first aid kit. 

I got back to the living area to find him standing in the hallway, just inches before my threshold. I nudged my head to the side and a furrow appeared on my face. “Why are you standing there?”

“You said you allowed no man into your home.” he said, his eyes fixating on mine.

A gentle smile quirked up and I slowly stepped over to him. Taking his large hands in mine. “I’ll make an exception for you.” and pulled him inside. He hesitantly crossed the threshold “I swear I’m alright, YN, no need to fuss around. “

“Sit. Don't argue.” I bossed him and I slowly sat him down on the sofa. The room dwarfed around him as he sat like a whipped pup in the cushions. Chin on his breast, shoulders slumped and his hands laid slack to his sides, petting absently the velvety cord fabric.

I sat the bowl on the little sofa table and kneeled down between his legs to inspect his wounds. He watched me silently as I dabbed the wet towel over his knuckles. His hands were so large beneath mine and he hissed as I sprayed the antiseptic over his marred skin.

His eyes took in my every movement and I tried to focus on not pressing on his wounds. 

I dabbed the towel carefully over his bruised face, cleaning him from the dried blood. I could feel his gaze on me, heavy and unrelenting. I tried to ignore it, to focus on cleaning the cut along his cheek, but my dedication only wavered the longer he stared.

His face was breathtaking up close, carved with sharp angles that were softened by the flickering glow of the apricot apartment lights. There were small scars scattered across his skin and I wondered how he got them. A smattering of freckles dusted across his nose and cheekbones from the time he spent in the sun. His lips, full and pillowy, parted slightly as he exhaled, casting a swing of warm air between us. The intoxicating smell of peppermint with a hint of whisky made it even harder for me not to let my mind wander.

My fingers trembled just barely as I reached for another clean cloth. My eyes flicked to the dark scruff along his jaw. Would it be rough against my skin if I kissed him? Or would it be softer than it looked? The thought sent heat curling through my stomach, and when my gaze drifted back to his, I found his own locked onto my lips.

His breathing had changed just slightly. A little shallower, a little uneven. As if he felt the same pull that I did. As if he, too, was wondering what it would be like to close the small distance between us.

Focus YN. I told myself

“Tell me what happened?” I whispered to him softly. 

“Tamlin.” he snapped, his jaw tight.

My body felt rigid at his name but recovered quickly and dabbed the cloth on his brow “What did he do?”

"Said some things about you." His voice was low, rough.

Our eyes locked as I looked up at him "Cassian..." I wanted to tell him to let it go. I didn't want him to fight my battles, that I was a grown up woman.

"I couldn't let it slide, YN. The way he talked about you, The names he had called you-" he said sharply with anger in his voice. "I just…he deserved it."

I sighed, continuing to clean his wounds. "I appreciate you standing up for me, but getting into fights isn't exactly the answer."

He smirked, wincing as I pressed the butterfly bandage to his eyebrow. "Felt like the answer at the time." I rolled my eyes but my fingers remained gentle on his heated skin. “You’re way too cheerful for someone who just got into a bar fight.” 

He watched me with this intense and burning gaze "And you're too good to me." he said amused. My body heated up under his stare, my mouth felt dry suddenly "Someone's gotta keep you in one piece."

He reached out, his fingers brushing lightly over my wrist, giving me the opportunity to pull it back. But I didn't. "I like it when you take care of me."

My cheeks turned impossibly pink, a fire ran up and down my body as he smiled at me with those gorgeous eyes. I fought helplessly with the smile that mirrored his. "Just don't make it a habit, okay?"

“Fine.” he exhaled and nodded.

“Promise me something?” I asked, folding my hands around his.

He just gazed at me and nodded again.

“Promise me that you won’t ride your bike when you’re angry. Or when you’re sad. I’ve read stories of people being too reckless when they’re driving upset. And I don’t want you to get hurt.” I paused for a moment. “You should also drive with gear, people around here need you, you know?” I explained softly.

“I promise.”

A small smile spread across my face and I leaned towards him and pressed a soft kiss to his bruised cheek before getting up and taking the red watered bowl and the first aid kit with me. 

The floorboards squealed under his heavy frame “Thank you, YN.” He pulled his jacket on, turning to leave. “You’re going already? I wanted to warm up dinner for you, you know…for defending my honor.”

Cassian

I stood there rooted to the ground, my stomach churning as she mentioned food.

“Are you hungry?” she beamed at me, wiggling the tupperware in her hands.

How could I say no to that? “Starving.” Not only for the food but mainly for her. For the girl that didn't take me as only the brute forged by the army. For the girl I could actually talk to and was interested in me and not only my rank or my body. I peeled out of my jacket and sat down again on the sofa. In no time she had warmed up a  bowl of carbonara for me. The first bite was like I tasted a piece of heaven. “That is so good.”

“It’s just some noodles.” she chuckled and her cheeks turned pink at my praise. I moaned at the second bite and rolled up the spaghetti on the fork.

She sat next to me and looked puzzled at me as I devoured the meal. “When was the last time you had a decent home cooked meal?”

When was the last time I had a real home cooked meal? I was single, so I only bought pre packaged meals from the store if I didn't order takeout. The scraps on base were like dog food, dull in contrast to the finely seasoned dinner she had cooked. I remembered the meals my mother had made for me. But that was long ago. I must have been silent for too long and stared at the empty bowl in my hands.

She smiled at me, understanding that it was too long ago. “Would you like another?” she asked and took the dish from me. I nodded and  noticed that I grinned at her like a fool. She petted my shoulder reassuringly before vanishing in the kitchen. “Have you been a chef in your last life?”

“No,” she said leaning in the hatch, looking over at me, “my dad wasn't home much and I had to eat real food, so I bought some cookbooks and, I don't know, I just began to follow the steps. I think I was like nine or ten when I started. Then I also cooked for him and prepared some food that he also could take with him for lunch.” She shrugged it off but her smile didn't reach her eyes. That’s a lot of independence for a young child. I imagined little YN coming back from school, finishing her homework until her tummy grumbled and started cooking in the evening all by herself. Somehow my mind drifted even further. I pictured her in my mind, when she was a teen and did all the chores by herself in the cabin of - laundry, cleaning, vaccuming - I swore under my breath as rage piled up inside of me. I cursed her father for leaving her all by herself too often and too long, making her be a daughter and a maid at the same time. She must have heard what I murmured as she answered. “It’s okay, Wheels. My dad had a lot of stuff on his plate and I made peace with it. I talked to him about that some years ago and he recognized that he treated me wrong. We’re good now. He’s a really good man.” crinkles appeared in the corner of her eyes at the memory and I let it drop with an exhale.

She shut the microwave with a loud thud and I took in her living room. Some plants sitting here and there. Soft and vibrant colors alternated, cozy blankets waited in a basket, half burned candles were on every surface but in a very organized way - probably the love for order came from her dad. But what took up most space were the brown moving boxes that were stacked, nearly scratching the ceiling. “What’s in there?” I pointed to the towers.

“My books.”

“They’re all full of books?”

An amused giggle fell from her lips as she handed me the second bowl with a larger portion than before, even a little twig of thyme sat in the center right now as decoration. I sighed at her small gesture that meant everything to me. She dropped next to me on the sofa and perched an elbow on the back. “Just half of my books. The rest is at my dad’s. One time, a wall in my room came down. Crashed like a house of cards under the weight of the shelves of my books.” She paused and from the expression she wore on her pretty face, I knew she was guessing my thoughts. She started to read when she felt alone. She needed an escape from balancing school and household and dove into her romance books.

“You really are a book dealer. Ever thought of writing one yourself?” I leaned back to get a better look at her.

“I took some writing lessons in school and uni, the inspiration is there, I have some drafts, nothing serious. But actually I feel like I need a real space that’s dedicated to writing. The bed’s too cozy, this table-” she threw her thumb over her shoulder, “feels odd because I eat there. I tried to do it in the library but it feels too much like work and not enough like fun, the café’s are too distracting…you know what I mean?”

“Yeah I get that.” I was mesmerized by her eyes, the stars that shone there, talking about writing like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. I wanted her to keep that thought in her mind and not give up on it just yet.

She opened her palms to me and said. “Get out of your shirt.”

“Usually I get taken out to dinner before that, sweetheart.” I wink at her. Her pink cheeks and shy smile were adorable. But then she raised an eyebrow staring down at the empty bowl, then up again. She had a point. I peeled out of the shirt and handed it over to her while she pulled out a sewing kit, her delicate fingers in search of buttons that match the remaining ones. Now I could comprehend how her dad must have been feeling - having someone around who cares and makes him feel less alone. She made it seem so effortless, taking care of me. My heart sparked, I’ve never noticed how much I craved that.

And I did notice how her eyes lingered on me. On my bare chest and arms, the scars and scratches, the tan lines and the trimmed fur. She swallowed heavily and bit her lip before she flushed and tried to concentrate on the buttons. I decided that this was my favorite version of her, all flustered and nervous, having a half naked man beside her. I forced myself to breathe again, I forgot to do it as I took her in.

I got up with the dirty bowl. She tried to snatch it from me but I intervened. “You did the cooking, I do the cleaning.” No discussion. It was the least I could do for that sweet and kind girl.

“All done.” she announced when I was back but instead of slipping into the shirt, I let it fall over the armrest, hoping to let that pink of her cheeks remain there. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“You wanna watch some TV?” she asked and threw a blanket over her crossed legs, staring up at me with pleading eyes. She didn't want me to leave, even when the reason for her rule break was over. Maybe she did not want to be alone. How could I deny her?

“Sure.” I plopped down next to her and unfolded the blanket for her, then I stretched my arm over the back of the sofa again to sit comfortably next to her, at least that was my excuse. She switched through the channels until she found something. I laughed “Love Island? Really?”

She scoffed and giggled. “What? I can’t always read serious books. Sometimes a girl needs some light entertainment.” I melted under her gaze and hit the start button. “Love Island it is.”

One episode turned into two, into three…and fuck I really enjoyed it. Not the series but having her around. Having her close and do those normal things like watching TV together. Chatting over it and pulling those cute giggles from her lips at my comments on the ridiculous things the contestants just said. While the fourth episode rolled, she tried to get more comfortable and ended up cuddling into my side. I helped her rearrange her blanket and my arm fell around her shoulders. “Is that okay?” I asked her, testing the waters. I didn't want her to feel uneasy in my embrace. “Very okay.” she answered and laid her head on my chest. I was really fucked. Having her skin to skin did things to me. I let my cheek rest on her head as I played with a strand of her hair, twirling it between my fingers. I breathed in her sweet perfume and the smell of her conditioner. My pants felt tight again and I was thankful that the blanket hid the bulge between my legs.

Calmness settled over me and I didn’t want this moment to ever end. I could stay here forever with her in my arm, her little form cuddled to my side. By the end of the episode her breathing had evened out - she had fallen asleep and I didn't dare to wake her up and leave. I lowered the volume and let my head rest on hers again, nuzzling into her again before I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

Being away from her made me realize that I never wanted just to be her friend. But I swallowed it down - the way other men had failed her, scared me and prevented me from becoming just another disappointment to her. I swore to myself that I would never fail her. 

I was happy to be home again and I wanted to be everything she needed from now on. 

My heartbeat fastened with every mile that I came closer to her street. I had a mental breakdown in the middle of my bedroom, because I wanted to look good for her but I didn't know what to wear. Piles of shirts and pants laid all over the space. Never ever had I thought that I would have a clothing crisis. - Dress shirt?  Too formal. T-shirt? Too normal. Joggers? Trashy. I was a mess until I found my white Henley and pulled my jeans out of the dryer. I spent way too long with my hair, combing it back with some styling gel I bought and washing it out again because I looked like a pencil pusher. I ran out of time and just pulled it into a half bun again, like I always wore it. A final spray of cologne - amber, bergamot and musk -  before I was on my bike.

I pulled up on the sidewalk in front of her house and willed me to take deep breaths. Fuck. My heart almost sprang out of my chest from the thought of seeing her at any  moment. I barely balanced my hamlet on the polster and turned around when the door of her house fell shut.

“Cass!” she chirped and ran down the stairs.

Fuck.

She looked even betther than I remembered. A short dusty pink summer dress, her hair flowing behind her. She sprinted and jumped in my arms. I pulled her against me and spun her around, breathing her sweet perfume in. “You’re back.” she whispered and hid her face in the crook of my neck, her breathing tickling me.

I put her down but my hands stayed on her sides taking her in. Bright glittering eyes I got lost in. 

“I've got something for you.” I turned around to grab the bouquet of roses that matched the colour of her dress. Happy accident. Her eyes grew wide and she hesitantly took them.

 “Cass, they’re beautiful. How did you know they were my favorite?”

 I was a lucky bastard, I just picked them because they reminded me of her. I shrugged and my smile grew into a wild grin. She pursed her lips and looked up at me. “But this isn't a date.” 

Yes, I asked her out for a ride but I never put a label on it. I never wanted to scare her away with big words. So I kept my intentions to myself to keep her comfortable, because I would never dare to force her into a role. I didn't want to lose her, even if it meant swallowing my feelings for her to keep her in my life - I needed to keep her as my friend even if it crushed my heart. I told myself that I could live that way.

“I don't need a date to get my best girl some flowers.”

“Fine, you win. I love them.” she smiled.

I took her in. “Didn't I tell you to wear some pants today?” I folded my arms across my chest, not satisfied by her ignoring my orders. I texted her before we met that she had to wear pants, because we were going on a ride - cant risk her dress to be windswept and showing an inappropriate amount of her skin. 

“But I do! They’re under my dress.” She chimed and I wondered how on earth she fit pants under that short excuse of a dress. How flimsy they must be. I wondered how thin and delicate her panties must have been to be hidden beneath her small pants. My jeans felt too tight. It drove me wild how perfect her legs looked, usually she never wore such revealing clothes.

“You ready for a ride?” She nodded and placed the flowers back between the handlebars so I could still see the speedometer. I was happy that she didn't get back into her apartment to store them there in the first place. If she had vanished behind that door again, I would have feared that she would never come down again. The wind shield would protect them from getting ruined and I imagined that she was happy to carry them around throughout the day. It made me feel that she wanted to show them off to the world. Maybe even show off that she was proud to be by my side.

I put on my helmet instantly and pushed hers on her head too. “Chin up.” I ordered as I struggled with my trembling hands to fasten the clip. Suddenly she felt too near, my nostrils flared as her perfume hit me and clouded my thoughts. Her hands firsted my shirt for stability. Those beautiful eyes stared at me and I lost all concentration. I just couldn't get the cords right and she pulled up her hand and slapped my visor shut, giggling like a schoolgirl. She would regret that teasing. I grabbed her by the chin of the helmet and yanked her closer staring in those glittering eyes, she was grinning wild, I could tell, her cheeks were high up. She tried to find my eyes behind the reflecting visor. “Careful, sweetheart. You do that again and I throw you over that bike and spank your ass raw.” I threatened her but she only giggled louder. “Sorry, Captain Wheels.” I strapped the string tight and hoped that she didn't take notice of that light bulge forming in my pants. 

“Hop on.” I ordered her, the teasing game  long forgotten.

“Cass! You installed a backseat?”

“And pegs... for you.” I grumbled playfully. I got to the shop this morning to finally buy them in the store just down the road from my apartment. Couldn't have her sit on that plastic forever. 

She quickly followed my instructions on how to mount and she held onto my shoulders until she was seated snug behind me. My skin burned where she touched me, then her hands wrung around my waist, setting a new kind of sensation. I could never get enough of having her this close. Riding with her was the only way, the only excuse, I had to be this close to her.

I pulled up to the street and with every stop we made, she grew more confident as my backpack. When I sped up she pressed herself onto my back until I could feel the soft mountains of her breasts against me. Her hands stayed intertwined on my stomach and after every bump and overtake I petted her hands gently and slowly, encouraging her to hold onto me. My heart beat sped up as she found excuses to touch me elsewhere while we drove. Her hands wandered over my arms, holding onto my muscles until more than just butterflies fluttered through me. Fuck, she must know what she was doing to me. Did she? I cautiously began to let my hand glide over her knee, letting my thumb draw light circles on the soft flesh there. She didn't shy back and I held her by the back of her knee as she spread her arms to the sides, pretending to fly. I adored every second of it. Having my girl- Having her so close to me, enjoying the things I liked too, made my heart skip a beat. When I stopped at reds, she found my shoulders and began to massage the knots that formed there and I hoped she wouldn't hear the strangled moans I left over the intercom. When we drove off again, her hands roamed over my pecs and abdomen, around my waist, testing how it was to hold onto every part of me. My breathing got heavier and a certain heat blew more blood into my crotch. My hand petted over her bare shin and thigh, she giggled as I tickled her but she didn't tell me to stop touching her. It was heaven on earth.

 I showed her some good districts where she could rent her next flat. I approved them before, by looking at crime statistics and all other kinds of reports to find the best one’s fitting her - walking distance to work, not too far from a park and cafes, robbery-free avenues with intact street lamps, so she would get home safe even when I couldn't pick her up. We took walks through every one of it and I bought her some ice cream and waffles when we stopped for a break. In the end, we were driving slowly to my district and through it. Apparently she liked it best and asked all sorts of questions about it, which I happily answered. Would she consider living here? Closer to me?

We came to a halt in front of my house and I threw the bike into park, extending a hand to her to get down before I stood up. 

“You live in there?” she stared up, taking in the beautifully renovated multi-party house. “Wait till you see the view.” I answered, taking her hand in mine and pulling her inside.

I took us a short ride in the elevator and I pushed the door open. Her eyes widened at the large open space of the combined kitchen, dining area and living room. I kept the furniture the estate agent put up - the cognac colored leather sofa and the heavy wooden dining table and the four large plant pots. They were not empty when I moved in, but after being gone for the first tour, the green plants turned into gray-ish brown crispy versions themselves. I never replaced them, because history would repeat itself. 

“Did you take this?” she asked and pointed to the wide picture that stretched over half of the wall, hanging above the sofa. 

“Yes.” I let the memory pass through my mind. I had a weekend off and drove the whole time. I found that nice hidden viewpoint above the city. The sunrise was spectacular and my bike looked too hot not to take a pic of it. 

“That's amazing.” she smiled and my heart warmed at her comment. I figured that most women don't like when men hang pictures of their cars and bikes. But YN wasn’t most women.  

Then she gauged the floor to ceiling windows. She practically stormed outside to the balcony and leaned against the railing, letting the breeze pull on strands of her flowy hair. “The view is breathtaking.” she mused and I stood next to her, our elbows grazing. “Indeed it is.” I answered but I didn't mean the skyline. A shy smile crossed her face as she locked eyes with me, catching my love drunk gaze. In answer she laid her head on my arm and took in the view over the city before she chirped. “Show me the rest?”

Passing through the living room again we went down the corridor. “What’s in there?” she asked, pointing to the closed door.

“Nothing really, but go ahead." She pushed open the door. It was a mostly empty room but had the same view over the city.

“Actually the apartment is too big for me alone. I have two spare rooms, this here and the other one is just filled with laundry and my working gear. I liked the distinct. It’s closer to my work and I wanted a view. I had no idea what to do with that room.” I gestured around. It was a half lie, because when I was gone I had the perfect idea, but I couldn't tell her yet -  it would be too much too soon. 

She smiled widely at the view but came after me when I showed her the rest. Gear room not too interesting so I pointed to the next room, “Bedroom.” She peeked in, not wanting to invade my privacy but she saw the huge mirrored closet in front of the bed and the heavy curtains. “Bathroom’s, there. Nothing special really.” I said but her eyes went wide. In contrast to hers it was a dancing studio…Hidden toilet, on the other side was a large walk in shower and there was a bathtub opposite the double sinks. “Nothing special, really.” she quipped sarcastically and pranced back into the kitchen and we started cooking together.

I took out everything I had there for her to prepare the lasagna and pulled out a bottle of wine, filling our glasses. We chatted over everything and nothing and she ordered me to sit on the island and watch as she cooked. She turned around to get the large pan from the cupboard, she got up on her tiptoes, stretched out her fingers and her dress rode up the tiniest bit just before the crease of her ass could fall out. A breath caught in my lungs at her exposed skin. She was cuteness and hotness in person and whimpered a bit as she couldn't reach it. My cock jerked at those sweet sounds. I stepped behind her, lightly pressing my front to her back and pulled the bowl down with ease. She smiled brightly at me as her hands grazed mine and it pushed the air out of my pipes. 

 We decided to eat outside. She set the table while I enlightened some candles. She cocked an eyebrow at me before I answered “What? You like candles, they’re all over your place.”

“I do. I just-” her cockiness evaporated and blood rushed in her cheeks. “Never mind.” she smiled shyly.

We ate with the most beautiful view. She had the most delicate table manners and I felt like a total brute as I forked up dinner. But she didn't mind. She repeated that she liked how much I enjoyed her cooking. I could never get enough of that. I poured her another glass of wine when she began to feast on the chocolate ice cream with Baileys that I got us for dessert.

The glittering city was muted by her presence. Her face caught the last rays of sun and she glowed like a goddess. Eyes closed and smiling, she still had that pretty lipgloss on. It sparkled on her juicy lips and I imagined what they would taste like - peaches or cherry? I leaned back in my chair, stretching out my legs. One of them brushed hers and I didnt move, neither did she. 

I drank her in, my gaze marvelling on her. “This feels like one of those scenes from one of your books.”

She let out a playful scoff and opened her eyes just a slit. “What do you mean?” she cocked an eyebrow.

I smirked and scooped up the last bit of my ice cream and slowly dragged the spoon over my tongue. Her gaze was glued on my mouth and my cock jerked in response. “You know exactly what I mean.”

“Have you been snooping around in the boxes in my living room?” her head tilted and she fought a smile, crossing her arms. 

I let my head fall back along with my laughter. “Snooping is not necessary. You leave them lying around like breadcrumbs, just begging me to judge what you're reading.”

She smirked at me and leaned back, challenging me to go on.

“Let me guess,” I tapped my chin as if I thought really hard. “If this is one of your books, the brooding MMC stares at her like she hung the stars while pretending not to notice.”

Her smile widened and she uncrossed her arms, leaning forward.

Bingo.

She spooned some ice cream. “First of all, he’s not brooding. He’s really in love with her. That’s why he stares at her like that.” and smiled shyly at me. 

I propped an elbow on the table and rested my chin on my fist, gazing at her - just like I did before. “Like this?” 

Her cheeks turned pink and her confident smile falters, ignoring my question. “Second, she always notices.”

My smirk deepened. “Do you?”

She forced herself to concentrate on the dessert and took a slow bite. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

I let out a low chuckle. “I don't know, sweetheart. Feels like you're living in one of your romance novels right now.”

She plopped the spoon out of her mouth and pointed it at me. “If this were one of my books, you’d have to do something grand. Like standing in the rain and confessing your love to me.”

My leg pressed more against hers as I leaned in. I let my voice drop. “You want me to stand in the rain for you?”

She opened her mouth but shut it again quickly. I hit the bullseye. 

“You’d catch a cold.” she said nonchalantly but her smile betrayed her.

My grin was cocky. “Would you take care of me if I did?”

She pulled her gaze from mine, grabbed her wine and took a sip to hide her smile. “Shut up, Cassian.”

I threw my head back and laughed. The air between us stayed electrified and our banter got on while we sat at the balcony, while the orange of the sky was swallowed by the darkness. 

I cleaned off the table, leaving only the wine glasses and flickering candles between us. I wiped my hands on a dish towel and glanced at YN. She was staring into her glass, twirling the stem between her fingers absently.

“You okay?” I asked carefully as I sat down, moving my chair closer to her. I laid my arm around the back of her chair.

She blinked, as if shaking herself from her thoughts, and smiled softly. “Yeah. Just...  I still trying to wrap my head around everything. Your tests, what happens next.”

Was she afraid that I was leaving again soon? Has she been racking her brain about our relationship the whole time?

My thumb brushed calming circles on her arm. “Well, the committee is deliberating right now. Shouldn’t be much longer before I know if I got the position.”

“You will.” She grinned, leaning back just a bit to shoot me a smile. “I mean, it’s obvious. You’ve worked your ass off for this. And you’re the best. They would be fools if they didn't take you.”

I shook my head with a laugh. “You sound surer than I am.”

“Because I am sure.” She nudged her shoulder into my side. “I’m proud of you, you know?” her eyes flickered with warmth and my hand pulled her just a bit closer to me and she didn't move back.

“That means a lot.”

She tilted her head. “So? How were the tests?”

I hesitated, rubbing over my jaw with my other hand. “Grueling. Long. They push you in ways you don’t expect.”

Her brows pinched. “You don’t want to talk about it?”

I exhaled. “Not really.” I didn't want this evening to take a wrong turn. She knew a lot about the army, but that wasn't something for this kind of night. She nodded and didn't push me for answers. Instead, she sipped her wine, then asked. “So what happens if - when - you get the promotion?”

I smirked at her correction and let my hand comb through my hair. “Things will change. I won’t be in the field as much. My job will be more strategic... planning missions, overseeing training, making sure the bases are running smoothly. I’ll be working directly with the general, handling logistics, coordinating between battalions, making sure troops are ready for anything.”

Her lips parted slightly and she laid her hand on mine on the table. “That sounds... huge.”

Her hand looked so little in contrast to mine. She was all soft and my body begged her not to remove that touch. “It is. And on top of all that, I’ll be staying at the base most of the time. I’ll only be deployed if something serious happens or if I need to inspect our camps for a week or two.”

Her fingers tightened around my hand. “So you’d be in Velaris?”

 “Yeah. I’d be home more.” I met her eyes and they glowed. My heart picked up its speed. Heat rushed through me and I heard my pulse in my ears. “You’d like that?”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Obviously. It’s…” She hesitated, then exhaled. “I like having you around.”

“And I like having you around.” my hand found her head and I pressed a soft kiss on her crown. She sighed and we fell silent, just watching the glowing city beneath the star sprinkled sky. 

When she wasn't looking, I gazed at her. She looked good with my arm around her. She felt just right here next to me. Then an image crossed my mind. Of her being happy and content, living every evening like this. Having dinner together and talking for hours. Of her living here in my apartment, living with me. My heart skipped a beat as it slowed its pace. 

She looked so calm and serene in my arm. Some months ago, I didn't allow myself to imagine having someone by my side. But now, all I wanted was to have her right here with me. I would be a good man for her. I’d provide and protect her, keep her safe. I’d make her laugh and she could lie in my lap while reading for hours. I saw us in my apartment and with the time going on, I also saw a family here. She once told me that she wanted to have kids. I would be a good father, too. Calmness flowed through me at the thought that she and our future would turn this apartment into a home. Our home.

I drove her home and came to a halt just before her door, like usual. I climbed down but when I turned around I found her still sitting on the rear end, arms crossed with a smug grin on her face. Her food tapped impatiently at the peg. She didn't want to come down by herself. A grin grew on my lips as I closed off the distance between us. “You’re a real backpack princess, you know that?” I mused and wrapped her in my arms to lift her down. “You made one of me, Wheels.” she smiled proudly before she pulled her hands from my shoulders, tucked in the pegs and began to hop towards her door.

YN

We stood in front of the open door to my apartment. I quickly set the helmet with the flowers in it on the console table before returning to him - the roses did just fine, they must have been freshly cut and we’ve only just lost one petal. The wind stuck it to his visor during the ride and I swished it away, so he had full vision again.

He stood on the other side of the threshold, the dim light of the hallway casted warm shadows across his handsome face. He looked so rugged in that henley with his jacket slung over one shoulder, his helmet laid by his feet and his hair was still windswept by the ride. I leaned on the doorframe and I bit my lip at the sight before me. 

“Thank you for today.”

“I have to thank you. Not many are badass enough to get through a whole day with me.” His smile was dazzling and my heart leapt a beat as his gaze stayed focused on mine. I was hypnotized, I couldn't break free from his eyes. My lips parted as I wanted to say something, just to keep him a couple more minutes here, but nothing came out.

“What is it? You okay?” he asked gently, tilting his head.

“Yeah,” I quickly said and the way my cheeks flushed betrayed my nerves. “I just…” I trailed off and pushed from the doorframe.

His smile softened into something gentler and his voice dropped to a low rumble “What’s on your mind? I swear I won't bite.” His words startled me and my mind drifted to his perfect teeth, wondering how they would feel grazing and nibbling at my pulse. His hand cupped my cheek and drove me back into reality.

I let out a shaky breath as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “What if…” I hesitated. Was I really doing this? “What if I wanted this to be a date?”

For a moment the words hung between us and my admission must have knocked the breath clean out of him. “You want this to be a date?” he asked.

“Sorry, it was silly. I shouldn't have-”

“Will you listen to me for a second.” he efficiently stopped my rumbling and my eyes snapped back to his. “It can be whatever you want it to be. I’ll take whatever you want to give me. We can be friends if that is what you want or it could be a date. Hell, I hope that you really want this to be a date. But know this-” he said firmly tilting up my chin with his knuckles, “I will not be pressuring you into anything, sweetheart.”

My heart almost sprang out of my chest at his words. He wanted this as much as I did? He just said exactly that and his eyes didn't betray him. My words were a mere whisper. “What if I wanted you to stay?” lust burned in my eyes and I hoped he felt the same as I did. I stood on my tip toes, my arms slung softly around his neck. He made me feel courageous and exhilarated. 

He leaned down a bit for me. A low rumble purred in his heaving chest. “What about your rule?” he asked, his hands grazing the dress on my waist. He was barely touching me - lingering as if he was waiting for me to allow his touch. 

My lips were just an inch from his. “I’ll make an exception for you.” I whispered. Not even a second later he pulled me flush against him, closing off the distance between us and crashing his lips to mine. The kiss was filled with hunger and longing. Slow at first, testing if I would shy back but I wanted to taste more. I moved my lips eagerly against his, drowning my senses with him.

Without releasing me he kicked his helmet and jacket into the apartment before his foot shut the door behind us. I tugged him down to deepen the kiss. He answered by biting down on my lower lip and a soft moan escaped me. A low rasp fell from his lips, like I just freed a beast out of his cage. He leaned down to pull my thighs up so I could wring my legs around him. He got over to the sofa and sat down with me on his lap straddling him. My hands dug into his neck and tangled in his hair drawing him closer to me. My tongue dipped out to ask for entrance and like a hungry wolf he began to taste me. Teeth and tongues and lips transformed us into a heated mess as his hands were all over me - grazing the skin on my neck, holding my back and his large warm hands kneading my waist and hips through the thin fabric of my dress.

I took his hands and guided them down so he could put them on my ass. He almost lifted me up as he discovered my soft flesh, barely covered by the small set of pants I wore. “You really want that?” he asked with a breathless voice. We stilled and I cupped his cheeks, leaning in closely. “I want all of it. I want you.” I admitted and let my hands wander down his pecs and his abdomen to pull his shirt over his head. Without a sound the fabric hit the floor and my hands were on his skin, trailing along his tattoos, muscles and the trimmed fur. His eyes widened as he pulled me even closer, angling his hips until I could feel his crotch between my legs.

He gently cupped my cheek and gnawed on his bottom lip as his eyes dipped down and back up “You can have all of it, sweetheart. Fuck-” he swore as I began to hump on his lap. “But I’m going to do this the right way. I’ll go slow, I wanna enjoy every moment that you’re giving me.” he says in a deep, rough tone that leaves my skin pebbled.

He was right. There was no need to rush. I wanted to devour every second of this. I swallowed hard and ran a hand over his shoulder and his neck. His eyes closed and his head fell back as he let out a deep satisfied groan. His pulse was hammering against his skin and some primal instinct awakened in me when I began to suck on that sweet point, while my hands traveled around every dip of his muscles. He fisted my hair and lifted my face up, finding my lips again. It’s rough and starved and his beard tickled against my soft skin. His tongue finds its way past my lips with commanding dominance, tasting every corner of my mouth.

His hands wandered to my back, just to clutch me to him, pressing his chest against mine. A breathless moan escaped my lips as I felt his muscles against me. “I thought about you so much when I was gone.” he murmured. “The thought of you kept me going, made me push harder, because I knew every second brought me closer to this, to you. And I thought about having you right here - just like that.” he said with a rumble rippling off his chest.

He was touching me everywhere - cupping my ass and squeezing hard, running his hands between my breasts up and down over the fabric, kneading my hips under my dress. Wetness pooled between my legs with an imperative desire that jolted through my whole body. I wanted all of him. Needed all of him. My hips started to rock against him, positioning my hips to rub against his prominent crotch, hoping to find any sort of release for the burning that roared down there. My head fell back with a moan when I felt him twitching beneath me. 

His hands moved to my waist, holding me flush against him before my world spun as he moved to lay me on the sofa with him above me, so close that we breathed each other's air. “I wanna taste you,” he growled lowly in my ear. “I’m going to put my fingers inside you and then I’m going to feast on you. I want you to scream my name when I make you come right here.” A whine fell from my lips and suddenly, he was on his knees right in front of me, all so slowly pulling the sorry excuse of my short pants down my legs. His hands moved to my hips, adjusting me just the way he needed it, delicately pulling my dress up to my waist, fully exposing my lace-covered core to him. 

His eyes were trained on my lower body as his hands spread my legs. Then his calloused fingers ran slowly up my legs, massaging the soft skin there, sucking and nibbling along the way, lapping on every inch he covered. Every touch was accompanied by my moans and my eyes rolled back into my head, his kisses got lighter and his touches weightless as he neared my center. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby.” he rasped, then patted soft kisses over the lace. “I wanna make you moan my name again and again.” And then his tongue lapped all over my panties with hungry groans. 

“Cass.” I moaned loudly and he massaged the skin over my hips, then hooked his fingers in my underwear. “I’m gonna take these off now.” All I could manage was a strangled nod as I lifted my hips for him to pull down the drenched lace.

“Look at you baby.” he said, his voice barely above a low whisper. “You’re so beautiful.” His hands kneaded the smooth skin on my thighs as his breath fanned over my core and his thumb ran over my soaked and swollen slit. “You’re so wet baby. Is that all for me?”

“All for you Cass. Please.” I mewled and bit my lip, begging him not to stop. His fingers glided over my exposed pussy lips until his thumb brushed my clit, earning a gasp from me. He smiled widely and one of his fingers pushed into me easily through my wetness. "You're soaked." Cassian pushed slowly in and out, his breathing got heavier while his mouth parted in wonder as he watched me, swallowing his digit. A guttural moan escaped him as he kissed my thigh again. “That’s it, baby.” he rumbled as he felt me tightening around him, sucking him in and trying desperately to hold him.

He added a second finger and I spread my legs wider for him as he curled them inside of me. My body trembled and twisted under his touch, heat ran down my spine, urgent to seek any more friction and I let my hips roll anew frantically. I had no idea how much I needed him like this. That he would be like that. Possessive and dominant, easily manhandling me.

“Cass I…”

Then his velvety soft tongue brushed over my folds. I opened my eyes to find him staring back at me with the tip of his tongue against my sensitive jewel. “Oh fuck.” I cursed with a shuddered breath. He grinned before moaning and dragged his broad tongue over me. He closed his eyes as my head fell back into the pillows with my body quivering for more, building up that coil that started to form inside of me. His fingers started to move again, slow at first until he picked up the pace as he learned quickly what I liked. “You’re gorgeous.” he whispered before taking me back into his mouth, sucking gently as his fingers pumped into me, against that spot. 

“Fuck.” I cried and arched my back, pushing myself against his mouth. The sensation grew as his tongue worked against me with his rough beard heightening the friction. He kept playing with me, pulling moans and whimpers from me as he angled his head and took more of me into his mouth, lapping on my juices. He listened and watched me almost coming apart in front of him, closing his eyes to hide the haziness and blown pupils of hazel and lust.

My hand reached for his head, tangling in his hair as he kept running his mouth on my folds. He pumped deeper into me, working me closer to my climax as he purred against my clit, having me squirming and whining for him.

Ruthlessly, he built up that coil that began to sink deeper into my core while I pulled him harder against me, fisting his hair. “Cass, I’m close.” Every muscle of my body tightened until it taunted beneath his unrelenting touch. Finally, I snapped and cried out as my orgasm hit me, releasing the hot explosion of pleasure.

“Yes. Cass.” I cried for him.

I couldn't tell how long he pulled that climax but I never wanted it to end, I never wanted him to stop but he slowed his touches, allowing me to ride it out on his mouth. His fingers were still buried inside of me, keeping me full as he leaned over me, covering me with his body. I wrapped my arms around him, still trembling beneath him. He watched my soul crawl back into my body and kissed me, letting me taste myself on his tongue. Just then his fingers drew out, holding them against my lips. “You’re delicious.” he stated and I sucked them clean for him, moaning for the pleasure he just drowned me in.  

My legs didn't stop to shake as he tugged me in his embrace, nuzzling his head in the soft skin where my neck and shoulder connected. Then he let me sit on his lap again and I collided against him, my body limp against his strong form. “You did so good for me, sweetheart.” he cooed and ran his hands along my spine. He kissed his way from my neck up to my jaw, kissing away the tears that ran down my cheek until his lips found mine again, soothing and reassuring me with his mouth.

He looked at me with fire in his eyes, burning into my bones. Never had a man looked at me like that, with such desire. I needed to feel him, feel him inside of me and give back that seed of a feeling he just planted in me. I wanted him to feel good and started to rock against him, smearing my wetness on his crotch, smudging my juices where a little stain of precum started to form.

His head fell back against the cushions and he gripped my hips angling me against the bulge. But the heat inside of me threatened to burn me alive and I pulled away, kneeling before him and kissing my way down his body. His muscles tensed where I left bites and kisses along the trail of his pecs and abs. His lange hands massaged my shoulders as I fumbled with his belt and began to undo the buttons of his trousers.

“Let me help you with that.” I cooed at him.

But suddenly he lightly pushed me back and gazed down at me. “Sweetheart as much as I adore your faith in me…I won't last long if you keep looking at me like that.” his fingers gently traced my jaw and played with my lips.

My eyes softened as I let my hands feather over his covered cock. “I don’t care, I need to taste you.” I bit my lip. “We have the whole night together.” my eyes darkened as I began to pull down his trousers and underwear. 

His cock sprang free and all I could do was gawk at the sheer length of it. I gauged how it would fit into me and wetted my lips in anticipation as my world narrowed down to the one drop of precum leaking for me. I was hungry for him. My hand found the angry red head and trailed weightless circles around it, smearing the drip all over it and using it to let my fingers glide around his girth. 

His head fell back with a curse on his lips as I fisted around his member and pumped long luxurious strokes over him. “I often thought to have you like this,” I began to pace my movements “to have you full in my hands and begging me to lick you.” I whispered, tracing his drawn brows as his hand drifted to cup my cheek. “Baby, please-” he growled with closed eyes and his hips jolted against my hand seeking for more friction.

When he opened his eyes and when our gazes locked, I let my mouth sink down on him. Inch after inch I embraced his length, pausing to adjust to him. He hissed at the connection and throbbed in my mouth, his hand now fisting my hair, keeping it out of my face. “You’re gonna kill me if you're going on like that.” he cursed and I pushed forward until he was sheathed fully inside of me, my nose dipping in his soft pubes. 

“Fuck.” his moan only encouraged me and I drew my lips back to the tip of his cock just to push down seductively again. My other hand began to massage his balls as I picked up the pace, taking him deep into my mouth. My tongue slid over him with every motion, curling at the top before flattening and giving way when my head dipped down again and again. I let my head bob down on his silky cock. 

My hand and mouth worked together as his balls drew tight and he cursed under his breath. “Baby, don't stop.” and with that he gave my head a soft tug, keeping me down with his cock deep in my throat as he coated me with his wet hot cum. He pulsed in my mouth as I milked him dry. I let my tongue swirl around him once more.

“Fuck…” he cursed as I leaned back. His chest heaved wildly and glistened from a fresh layer of sweat. Instantly he leaned forward, holding my jaw and tilting it so our eyes locked. “Open up.” he ordered and I yielded, showing him proudly that I swallowed every last drop that he gave me. A chuckle fell from his lips as he praised me, running his thumb over my swollen lips “Good girl.” The nickname made me docile. My clit snapped for his praising voice and the hunger in my core was back scolding me.

All I could do was smile. Drowned in lust I sat in his lap again, straddling him, feeling him softening but still long between my legs. I pressed lazy kisses to his lips and he answered by kneading my sides, pressing me down to his crotch until the heat rose again. “Take me to the bedroom.” 

There was no convincing needed as he stood up, secured me in his arms and speeded to the bed while I kissed him stupid. Before he even sat down I could feel him harden against me again, growing quickly with every kiss that I peppered on his strong neck. Low groans rumbled from his chest, motivating me even more to grind down on him. He took a deep breath before he pulled back to look at me again. Drunk on pleasure, his eyes roamed over me like I was a goddess to be worshipped. His hands all so slowly pushed down until he reached the hem of my dress. “I’m going to take this off.” 

He pulled the thin fabric gradually upwards, marvelling at every inch of skin revealed . I lifted my arms until he was able to free me and let the dress fall to the floor. My bra-less tits bobbed free and I finally was completely naked for him. His hands shook lighty as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing, feathering over my upper arms innocently “You’re perfect, YN.”

“Please touch me, Cass.” I begged, feeling betrayed by his hands barely touching me. It was his undoing, the confirmation that he needed and his warm hands began to travel slowly over my finally exposed body. I needed him closer so I took his hands to cup my breasts. A low growl fell from him as he touched me eagerly as if I was his most precious possession. His pupils dilated just before he placed a soft kiss on my sternum. I exhaled deeply. I was putty in his hands and finally his mouth found my nipples and caressed them. Nibbling and biting, pulling soft moans from me. 

I held onto his shoulders as my hips began to move again, working against his hard cock, rubbing lazy circles along his length. “My gorgeous girl.” he praised as he let himself fall back on the bed, his eyes still roaming over my moving body. 

“I need you inside of me.” I said it like a prayer when I saw him sprawled out before me. He looked like haven. Cassian stared at our connected hips. He exhaled sharply and his hands grabbed my hips to lift me up, helping me to position his member just an inch from my slick gate. “You really want this?” he asked for permission as if he couldn't believe that we were really doing this.

“I wanted this for too long.” I whispered and nodded, then he slowly let me sink down on him, his hands guiding me on my thighs. Our eyes locked as his tip slipped inside and he held his breath, enjoying every inch that was swallowed by my holiness. A loudless moan fell from my lips as he filled me completely and my body went limp and rigid at the same time. My hands found his pecs as he gave me the time to adjust  “Ride me, baby.” he called and throbbed inside of me. His pulse set a spark in my folds and my mind drifted higher. Finally I was riding my biker - riding him into the sweetest oblivion. My body began to move under his command. “Just like that.” he groaned and his hands dipped in my flesh, helping me find the pace, tilting me until his cock rubbed against that devine spot.

“Cass,” I cried out as I sped up, too impatient to keep it slow. I needed him, all of him and I was done waiting. With every thrust I drove closer and my motions became ragged and desperate. His thump found my swollen clit and circled around it teasingly. “Give me one more.” he said and pressed harder against my sensitive spot. Like a tamed animal I followed his order, ready to pleasure us until we were back to Eden.

“Choke me.” I ordered with a whine and his hand was on my neck instantly, controlling the blood flow to my head until I swam on emotions.

Whimpers and moans fell uncontrolled from my lips and my head fell back as he built up my second climax. “Come on, sweetheart.” he said and his flat hand hit my ass letting that hot bolt drive through me, heightening my pleasure even more. “Let me see you when you fall apart for me. I’m gonna make you feel so good.” he said firlmy with a breathless snarl, drawing his brows together. 

My breaths became ragged as he sped up his thumb and pushed me to the rim. “Come for me.” he growled with a plea and I followed his command. Just like that, he shoved my orgasm into me. 

“Oh God.” I praised him and rode my climax “Cass.” I fell forward as if there were no bones left inside of me but he caught me before I could collide with his chest. He softly pulled me to his front until the spasms had eddied away and cradled my weak body against his, petting along my spine. “You did so good for me, YN.”

He was still inside of me, thick and hard and Cassian turned us over so he could lie on top of me, taking over control. My legs wrung around his middle, allowing him to angle his hips against mine. His elbows were on the sides of my head and he brushed strands of my hair out of my face. “My pretty little girl.” he praised and kissed me deeply, pushing all of his emotions onto my lips as began to pump into me. My nails clawed half moons on his back, driving him mad while kissing him until he forced himself into me, rutting his cock deep inside of the divine space between my legs.

“I need you to come inside of me.” I prayed and tried helplessly to let my sore muscles wring his length. He chuckled at my weak attempt and cursed under his breath as he let his hips snap onto mine.

“My perfect girl.” he praised as he could feel me tighten around him again. “You’re mine.” he said between thrusts, peppering kisses all over my damp face. “I want you to come with me. And I want you to say that you’re mine when I push you over the edge.” he instructed as I whimpered beneath him, already so close.

“Cass, I-” I whined, feeling that coil dipping lower with every thrust as he rutted into me like a feral animal. He bottomed out just a couple more times until he hit that sweet spot that sent us together into bliss. “I’m- I’m yours, Cass. Only yours.” I cried out as our orgasm hit and he coated my walls white. Deep groans and ragged slow strokes brushed my inside as he came with me.

Cassian was still inside of me, his broad body covering mine as our hearts pounded in sync. His breath was warm against my cheek, uneven and heavy, matching my own as we came down from the high together. We didn't move for a long moment, completely lost in the haze. His lips brushed over my jaw, my temple, slow, savoring kisses that sent hot shivers down my spine. He cupped the side of my face, his thumb stroking gently over the cheekbone, his other hand smoothing over my waist as if he feared that it was only a dream.

"You're incredible," he murmured. His forehead pressed against mine, and I let out a soft, contented sigh. I let my fingers thread through his dark hair, damp with sweat.

"So are you," I whispered back, pressing a kiss to his lips. I could feel the way his body relaxed at my words, the tension ebbing from his muscles as if he'd been waiting for that reassurance.

He shifted slightly, careful not to crush me with his weight, but I wrapped my legs tighter around Cassian's waist, not ready to let him go just yet. He chuckled softly with a grin, nuzzling into the crook of my neck, his stubble scraping against my skin until I giggled under his touch.

"You're not letting me go, are you?" he teased, his lips curving into a lazy smile against my collarbone.

"Not yet," I teased. My fingertips feathered over his broad back, soothing the angry red marks I had left. I could feel his steady and strong heartbeat beneath my palm and I decided that it was the sweetest melody.

We stayed like that, tangled in each other - letting slow and loging touches roam over each other - his hand sliding over the curve of my hip, my fingers tracing idle patterns along the spine and ribs. We found cloud nine, quiet and with unhurried intimacy that we both yearned for.

Eventually, Cassian rolled onto his side, bringing me with him, keeping me tucked against his chest. He pulled the sheets up over us, his arms securing me against him as he kissed the top of my head. “Stay like this.” he murmured into my ear, his voice already heavy with exhaustion. "I'm not going anywhere," I promised, tilting my head up to press a kiss against his jaw and melting onto his body.

His arms tightened around me, and with our legs tangled together, our fingers intertwined on his chest, we drifted into sleep.

He turned to me on his knees and his lips curled into a confident smirk as he set his tools down “I feel great. I did everything right in the last tests, and I’m going to pass the next ones too. No doubt about it.”

No hesitation. No insecurity. Just him being sure of himself, and why wouldn’t he be? He was the best for the job.

“I believe in you, you know that.” I said simply returning the smile.

“Thank you,” His gaze softened before he exhaled and rolled his broad shoulders. “I’ve got three weeks off now before the final round. Feels nice to breathe.”

I could tell he wasn’t just talking about the break. He wasn’t weighed down by this. He wasn’t hiding doubt or fear, and I knew he wouldn’t, not with me. Maybe it was because I’d grown up with my dad in the army…because I understood what these tests meant. Or maybe it was just because it was me.

And I loved that. I was happy that he could be relaxed around me with this theme.

“Well,” I said, closing my book with a teasing grin, “you better enjoy these weeks, Vice-General-to-be. Because once you get that position, I’m going to demand a celebratory dinner.”

Cassian chuckled, shaking his head as he picked up his tools again and went back to his bike. “Deal. But only if you promise to let me take you on a ride afterward.”

Like I’d ever say no to that.

Things have been good since Cassian returned from the tests. What am I saying - things were amazing. We were officially dating now! We had seen each other every day since the night we spent in my apartment. He drove me to work and picked me up after every shift. We fell effortlessly into rhythm like we’ve been together for ages. We went on walks through Velaris, visited the street food market or cuddled up on his sofa for a movie marathon. Some afternoons I lounged on his balcony with a book in my lap. Cassian would stretch out on the lounger beside me with his arms crossed behind his head, dozing off as I read. His quiet and steady breaths soon turned into light snores. I smiled to myself as I gazed at him, knowing that for all his strength and potency, he was never more at peace than when he was with me. Then there were the rides - he always took the most scenic routes, petting my hands and legs while my arms were wrapped around him. 

He even rearranged his wardrobe and told me to leave some clothes there, so I had something to change. Not that I needed much to cover myself when I was with him. Truthfully we spent a lot of time naked on his sofa or the bed.

But I also cherished the little moments like this. Cassian was working on his bike - he said something with the tension of the chain was wrong and now he was kneeling on the ground changing the chain. But he also wanted to spend time with me, so he made me a cozy sitting spot for reading right behind him. I marveled at the sight. A thin white tank top that strained against his bulky muscles - oil and grease and delicious drops of sweat on his forehead. He forgot his hair tie, so I leaned forward pulling his hair back, binding it into a bun with my pink scrunchie - he looked fantastic. I adored seeing something of me on him but he refused to let me put a hair tie on the handlebar…he said it would make it too girly and it was his masculine bike and not a barbie ride. We agreed that I was allowed to put one sticker of my liking on his helmet though. I was in panic and I saw the joy in his eyes at that. I had to find the perfect sticker and place it in the ideal spot. After some days I found it. An imprint from a pink kiss on the right side of his helmet, so everyone he overtook could see he had a backpack princess.

Cassian let out a low whistle “All done.” And wiped the back of his hand across his forehead, smearing even more grease onto his skin. His white tank top was long past saving, clinging to his sweat-dampened chest, dark smudges of oil streaked across. 

I snapped my book shut and folded the blanket, stretching my arms overhead with a lazy sigh. "So, is she okay again?"

His head whipped around, eyes narrowed "He," he corrected pointedly, placing a possessive hand on the handlebars. "And yes, he’s okay again."

 "You’re really that sensitive about your bike’s pronouns?" I smirked.

"It’s a machine, YN. And it’s a he." he rolled his eyes.

I just shrugged and grinned, waving a dismissive hand. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"You know, I should make you apologize for that." he stared me down for my mocking offense. 

“Apologize for telling the truth?” I cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Wrong answer.” he growled. Before I could react he was on me. With a swift movement he grabbed me and spun me around. I was bent over backwards, the tank cold against my skin and my ass on the seat with my back arched, one hand held me down on the side of my neck while the other gripped my waist. We shared our breaths as our faces were mere inches apart.

"Still think you’re funny?" he murmured, his voice a low, teasing rasp against my ear.

A smile grew on my face and my breath hitched as I found myself trapped between the bike and Cassian's large body. “You know I’m funny.” I shot back teasingly. My fingers reached up, collected some grease from his arm and smeared it on the tip of his nose, smiling up at him. "Are you gonna punish me for that, Wheels?"

He grinned down at me, the hazel in his eyes burning "Oh, you really shouldn’t have said that."

Before I could quip back he crashed his nose on my face and painted my cheeks and nose black before he put his lips on mine. Wild and unrestrainedly he kissed me, a playful reprimand. He nipped at my bottom lip, stealing the last of my sass while his hand at my waist began to tickle me.

I giggled against his mouth, half breathless. "Cassian, stop! I'm getting all dirty!" I looked down on me, where he had touched me.

He pulled back just enough to glance down at where his grease-covered hands had left smudges on my shirt and arms. He grinned wickedly. "You were a bad girl, YN. Sounds like you need a lesson. I’ll have you scream sorry for that."

“You swine.” I squealed, swatting his chest but he only laughed at my weak attempt to free me. Then he dipped back to steal another kiss. "Guess that means I’ll have to clean you up."

"That sounds suspiciously like an excuse," I muttered as he pulled me back to my feet and slapped my ass. I jumped at the loud clap and chuckled as my cheeks blushed. I loved it when showed how he owned my body. “I don’t need an excuse to get my hands on you, backpack princess.” He grabbed my ass again and squeezed me hard, earning another excited squeal from me. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew how wet it made me when he touched me there and I could feel the dampness in my panties instantly. Before my hand could drive down to feel if he was as hard as I expected, he swatted my hand away and grinned before giving me a last peck and he stepped back.

He parked his bike in the garage and put away the camping chair and his tools before we took the lift to get upstairs. It was very comfortable not to walk the five levels and gave him extra time to push me against the mirror and kiss me again until the lift pinged and the doors opened.

“Now get your cute little ass in the shower.” he said and slapped my back again teasingly. 

“Won’t you come with me?” I asked, batting my lashes. I became fascinated with the way how responsive he was. He got in the mood from the most innocent touches, least to say when I let my hands glide down on his arms from behind when he was sitting at the sofa, I could watch him getting hard in mere seconds. I made it a game to rile him up until he couldn’t contain himself anymore and manhandled me, taking what he wanted right there and then.

“You don't know what you’re asking for!” he warned and threw his shirt away after stepping out of his pants, a bulge already forming and daring to spring free.

He trailed after me, helping me get out of my clothes and gently pushing me inside the large walk-in shower. He turned on the hot water, letting the space fill with mist as he kissed me hungrily. “Cass, wait-” I said between kisses, lightly pushing at his chest.

“Please don't tell me to stop.” he begged, lowering his head to look into my eyes.

“I don't want you to stop. Gods I never want you to stop. But… let me wash you, please.” I begged with a seductive tone. He looked rugged and daring with all that grease all over his chiseled body. But I needed to feel him. My body craved to feel his beneath my palms. I could never get enough. The way his muscles tensed when I touched him drove me crazy. His breath got uneven and shallow every time I let my fingers run down on his sun kissed skin. I loved to watch his irises dilate when I grabbed his most delicious parts.

 I took his hands and stepped with him under the warm spray. I lapped a washcloth with soap and began to run it slowly over his fingers. Slowly, I stripped the grease from each of them. First the pinky, then the next - I wondered how a wedding band would look around that. It would be the happiest day of my life if I could slide a golden ring on that one day. An exhale fell from my lips and lightning bolted to my clit as I washed the next two. I remembered how those two could make me scream after mere minutes - even less when his thick thump helped.

The veins on his forearms stood out as I let the cloth glide over them, freeing his skin from the black streaks. I did not spare his upper arms even when they were not dirty in the first place. His biceps flexed as my fingers softly flowed over them and I couldn't hold back to grip them, digging half moon marks. A low growl reverberated from his chest and my heartbeat sped up. When I looked up at him his eyes were already on mine, lustful and passionate. I felt my knees weaken under his gaze and he leaned down to push a longing kiss to my lips, it was slow and light as if I would break under his touch. “Does this feel good?” I asked and a smile ghosted over his face while my hands massaged his shoulders.

“Please don't stop.” he said with a whisper and his eyes stayed fixated on my face as I ran my hands over his shoulders and neck. His head fell back and he let out a deep breath when I finally found his pecs. Slowly, I placed lightweight kisses all over them, burying my face in the middle to drown myself in him. When I got to his stomach, his dense sixpack tensed and relaxed as I spread my fingers all over them. 

I spared his face for the last part. I could never get enough of admiring his ruggedly handsome face.The washcloth left light red marks on his skin when I finished cleaning off his face. I cautiously placed my palm on his cheek and he leaned into my touch. His eyes fell shut and he purred against it, his beard scraping softly against my fingers. His brows slightly furrowed, getting lost in my touch. I wondered if he had ever let anyone become this intimate with him. Perhaps not… I knew he had relationships before but the way how unrestrained he was, the way he melted beneath my touch told me that they never got to this level of comfort. It made me proud to be able to give him that - Being safe and cared for. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as his face relaxed. But suddenly something else mixed into my feelings - something dark. I already knew that he had grown up as an orphan and that made me realize that he had no one that looked after him for too many years. It broke my heart that he had to go through that but at the same time I was glad that he let me near him and allowed me to be there for him. All I wanted was to heal his wounds and make him feel safe.

“What are you thinking about?” he rasped and I snapped out of my thoughts. His hand came up to lift my chin.

“Just that I’m happy that I can be there for you.” I let a smile blossom on my face, the sincerity of my words hung in the air and his face softened.

“Only you.” He said it as a fact. “I cannot wrap my mind around that such a beautiful woman is letting a simple brute like me near her.”

I opened my mouth to argue but his lips were capturing mine instantly, pulling my body against his. Slowly and yearning he moved his lips against mine. The cloth slipped from my hand and landed on the tiles next to our feet as he wrapped his body around mine.

I spread my fingers, rubbing calming circles of shampoo on his arms and shoulders before he curved his neck to give me better access and murmured. “That feels so good. Don't stop doing this.” as my hands traveled over his body.

Cassian’s hard length dragged against my stomach, slow and deliberate, the friction sending a delicious ache straight to my core. Heat coiled low in my belly, pulsing with every teasing press of his body against mine. A soft whimper escaped me as I clenched my thighs, desperate for more of that intoxicating pressure. Sensing my need, his hands skimmed down my sides, his breath hot against my ear as he murmured, “You feel that, sweetheart? That’s what you do to me.”

I kissed his chest and low groans fell from his lips as I massaged his head with shampoo, letting the hot water wash away his tenseness. 

I let my hands wander down the valley of his torso until I could grab his member, pumping him a couple of times. He throbbed in my touch and hardened even more, his balls drawing tight. Then he stepped away with a grin. “My turn.”

He turned me around so my back was against his powerful torso and his large calloused hands sprawled out on my skin, covering me with the soft bubbles. His tender touch let me melt against him. He started with my arms, while he kissed the delicate skin just beneath my ear. Then the shoulders and my back, making sure not to miss a spot. I let my head fall back onto his chest, exposing my neck to him and pulling him down into a sloppy kiss as his hands cupped my breasts to thoroughly wash them, squeezing and twisting my hard nipples. My moan was mixed with a hiss and my knees buckled under his touch. He already knew how I liked the pain - how it turned me on and drove me mad. Cassian rolled the sensitive buds between his fingertips before giving a sharp pinch, drawing a startled gasp from my lips. “Fuck, you love that, don’t you?” he rasped against my ear. His voice was low and thick with hunger. His cock twitched in response to my mewl. 

I opened my mouth, ready to fire back some retort, but he twisted my nipples again - harder this time - ripping a strangled sound from my throat instead. A dark chuckle rumbled from his chest as he nipped at my shoulder, murmuring, “That’s what I thought.” His cock was between my ass cheeks, rubbing it slowly in the fold as his hand drove south, playing around my thighs and circling closer to my entrance. I grated my body against his, enticing him desperately for more. “Open up for me, baby.” I obeyed and spread my legs for him, melting into his touch “Good girl.” 

I whimpered as he finally started laggardly rubbing my clit, letting his finger draw slow circles all around it. “Fuck.” I cursed. Stroke after stroke I felt my stomach coil tighter. My free hand gripped on his forearm that held me up around my waist. I was weak from the rising pleasure, he turned my legs into jelly. “Your pussy is so soft for me sweetheart. So responsive.” he praised and a moan fell from my lips as one of his hands grabbed my ass, spreading it even wider. The hot tip of his cock pushed against my back entrance. I jolted in his arms and he pushed me hard against the cold tiles, trapping me between the wall and his body. He moved his cock up and down, while his fingers never stopped their movement. “This-” he said in a rasp and slapped my folds softly, earning a whimper that made me wetter if that was even possible. “all belongs to me.” Another slap echoed in the small space as he hit me again and another whimper fell from my lips. “All of you.” he said possessively and my knees weakened at his husky voice next to my ear.

His hand wrapped around my throat, pushing down on my pulse point and angling my head towards him “I’m going to put my cock inside of you now, baby. You will behave like the good girl you are.” he bit down on my shoulder hard - marking me as his and a low moan bubbled up in my mouth. “And then I’ll let you come.” The filthy things he said to me were my undoing and I had to clench my thighs together in fear that I would come right there on his fingers.

His feet pushed my ankles further apart until I was fully spread open for him, stretching my ass out for him embarrassingly obedient. “Cass please, please fuck me. I need you.” I cried, my cheek flush against the tiles. With a grunt he buried himself inside me. Inch after inch he pushed himself inside my pussy until he bottomed out and filled me. I was a mess of moans as I adjusted around him, his fingers drew painfully slow circles around my clit. “You’re taking me so well, baby.” he rasped in my ear and began to pump into me. His pace was slow and deliberate, I could feel every inch that moved inside of me and I grabbed his neck to bring it to my throat again, demanding him to leave a burgundy mark. He chuckled darkly “So eager. Wait up baby, I’ll make you feel so good.” and bit and sucked down on the delicate skin on my neck. He picked up the pace and began to rut into me. The misty hot air was filled with our moans of lust and the slapping of our wet skin. Hot tension rose up in my core. “Cass-.” I mewled but the words evaded me. I wasn't able to form a whole sentence as he sensed how close I was. 

He grunted in response and matched the pace between my legs with the one from his cock. “Now come for me. Come all over me while I fuck you.” his cock rocked into me. His other hand slapped my ass so hard that it would leave a perfect red imprint of his hand. “I want to feel all of you.” He said as his hand caressed my my backside, pushing me over the edge with his thumb inside of my small hole. Cries and moans echoed from the steamy walls, my climax had me seeing stars and falling limb into his strong arms. The black out he made me feel was too much and not enough at the same time. 

With a final push he coated my walls white while biting into my shoulder. I held onto him not to slip out of his grip. As our breathings evened out he turned me around, pulling me into his embrace “You’re so beautiful when you come for me. Fucking gorgeous, that’s what you are.” he murmured in my ear and kissed my head as we swayed in the shower.

YN

The sun submerged behind the horizon and was replaced by the glittering starlit sky over the city of dreams. Elain and Azriel invited us and some other friends over to their rooftop terrace to welcome the first days of fall. Cozy fires flickered in large iron bowls and benches and lage chairs surrounded the warm flames.

I turned around from my seat to see where Cassian was with our mulled wine. My eyes widened as I saw some girl standing too close to him for my liking, beaming up at him and giggling at his every word. I could see that he was only polite and made a couple of attempts to get back to me, but somehow she just didn't stop talking to him. I saw red and pushed out of my chair. Envy welled up with every step I took closer to him. His head shot in my direction as I closed off the distance and pushed between them, pulling him down to me and kissing him wildly. I was marking my territory. He was mine and she should know that she had no chance with him. Breathless, we pulled apart and found her gone. I smiled up at him, proud that she got the message. “I like it when you get all jealous.” he smirked and kissed my cheek before handing me our drinks. “I didn't want her hopes up.” I said nonchalantly and shrugged my shoulders.

“I’m gonna get to the bathroom and be there in a minute. Save me a seat?” he said, placed a soft kiss on my forehead and then and sent me off with a little slap on my ass. I smiled to myself as I made my way back to my seat.

Cassian

One second after YN left, there were some new guys coming up the stairs. I’ve never seen them before, they introduced them as David and John. I shook their hands and wanted to push past them down the stairs as one of them said. “Look at that cute ass of hers.” my eyes shifted along their looks, darted at YN. “And a pretty face as well. I wager she’s tight between her legs too.” he laughed darkly and nudged his elbow into my ribs before he let John wander towards the group. In a swift movement I grabbed David by his collar and yanked his head over the railing, then leaned in and whispered in his ear. “Very pretty. Very off limits. Very mine. Very ‘I’ll shoot you’ if you even look at her again.” He just whimpered, feeling the raw wind around his head, hanging four levels above the ground. “Understood?” I snarled and I shook him with force to look at me.

He exhaled with eyes blown wide with angst “Understood.”

I yanked him back, no one else took notice of us thanks to the darkness. “Now get out of my face.” and let go of his shirt. 

My shaking hand drew through my hair as I pulled out my cell while making my way down stairs.

YN

Vroom vroom. “Oh sorry, that's mine.” I interrupted Feyre’s story and pulled my phone out. I recorded Cass’ bike rumbling and set it as my ringtone when he sent me messages. A text from him appeared. 

Meet me in the small bathroom down the hall in five.

I listened absently to Fey’s story before excusing myself and going downstairs into Elains and Az’s apartment. I knocked twice on the bathroom door. “Cass? Are you alright?” The door was yanked open and he pulled me in, locking the door behind us. “What’s wro-” my question was silenced as his lips crushed against mine. His hands found the back of my thighs, pulling me up so I sat at the countertop with him standing between my legs. His tongue invaded my mouth deliciously eager. My arms were around him in an instant with my hands buried in his hair. I pushed myself against him, suddenly there was too much fabric between us. My jacket was gone first, then he pulled the other layers off my torso just to bury his face between my breasts. Teeth and kisses were peppered all over them before he sucked in one of my peaked nipples. I threw my head back with a moan and held onto his shoulders before my hands wandered down to his pants. He was rock hard and by now I was completely drenched. “So eager for me?” he rumbled and looked up to me through his lashes. The words dried out and all I could do was nod. 

“Get that pants off for me,” He ordered while he unbuckled his belt and loosened the buttons of his jeans.”Right now.” I jumped from the counter, lost my shoes and pulled down my pants alongside my thong. I grabbed it before he hoisted me up again, leaving me hissing at the cold stone beneath my ass that was so at contrast with the heat that pooled between my legs.

In one swift movement I had my bright red underwear around his neck. He groaned as he was finally able to smell the wetness on the delicate lace that was dangling around his throat. “You’re real territorial.” he praised with a low chuckle and my eyes darkened as he kneaded the softest part of my thighs.

He was still fully dressed as he stood between my legs with hooded eyes, devouring the sight before him. Me spread wide open, bare, flushed and yearning for his touch.  “Touch yourself for me.” He ordered, his voice like gravel and silk all at once. My breath hitched and I let my hand slide down on my body, trailing my fingers down my stomach. His jaw tightened, a muscle ticking as his hand adjusted the bulge in his pants. 

My tongue wetted my lips at the sight before me and I let a finger slip inside of me, pumping in and out slowly, imagining it was him who fingerfucked me. I added another one.

“Not enough, is it?” His voice was a dark caress, his gaze burning me alive. I whimpered, pressing deeper, but it was nothing compared to what I truly needed. 

“Please, Cass.” I moaned.

Cassian smirked. “Already begging like a good girl?” Heat surged through me while my body ached at his words, at the way he owned me with just his voice. My head fell back and I let out a whimper, still missing how full he always made me feel.

“Show me how much you need me.” He loosened his belt, the leather sliding free with a sinful hiss before he wrapped it around my throat, yanking it tighter before tilting my chin up so our eyes locked. He leaned in and his lips ghosted over my ear. “Now, beg.”

I swallowed against the taut leather. “Cass, I need you.” My other hand grabbed my tit and I pinched my nipple while the other one pumped in my folds, I closed my eyes, imagining it was him. But it was so use. It wasn't him. “Please fill me.” A strangled moan fell from my lips.

“Louder.” he growled and slapped the side of my thigh, his other hand groping my ass, his fingers digging in my soft flesh. His command only made me more aroused, more wet for him. “That wasn't good enough.”

“Please fill me with your cock. I need you inside me.” I whimpered as his hands grabbed on my thighs again. They sure would leave blue and black imprints of his fingers. Tears stung in my eyes and I rubbed my clit. “Please take me as hard as you want.”

I couldn't contain myself anymore and my hand slipped in the hem of his jeans, yanking his crotch to my entrance while the other one fisted his shirt, pulling him closer over me. 

“This can be all yours. Only yours.” he whispered as he kissed me hard and pulled on the long end of the belt, tightening it even more and strangling off my air.

“Only mine.” I breathed out and a tear ran down my heated cheek. My fingers opened the buttons of his jeans, pulling his cock out. I whimpered as it pressed against my stomach.

“I wanted to scratch out her eyes,” I said between sloppy kisses, completely melting into his touch as his thumb circled closer to my folds. “I wanted to bite off her hands,” he kissed his way down my neck around the makeshift collar, then my collarbone and tits, “I wanted to throw her off that rooftop for laying her hands on you.” I stretched my neck for him, letting him suck and mark me up so that everybody could see. His breath tickled my skin as his thumb finally was where I wanted it to be. A deep guttural moan fell from my lips. “Cassian.”

“Look at you. You’re so beautiful. Is that all for me, baby?” he asked without stopping his kisses. “Yes, all for you.” I breathed and felt my core tighten under his touch. Without warning he pressed only the tip of his leaking cock onto my entrance and I jolted at the sweet connection that I was yearning for. “You just gotta say the word, sweetheart.” he toyed with it and coated it in my slick.

“Please.” I whimpered, holding onto his shoulders, my nails digging into the fabric of his jacket.

One of his hands grabbed the back of my neck, angling it and forcing me to look into his wild eyes. “Please what?”

“Please, Cass. I need you. I need you inside of m-” I couldn't even finish my plea as he bottomed out and pushed all of himself into me. Air was caught in my lungs as he filled me completely and without resistance. He grabbed my ass for leverage and started to pound into me. More tears welled in the corners of my eyes as he drove in and out with an incessant pace. I became a puddle of moans and his thumb began anew to stroke the jewel between my legs. “Cass, I’m close.”

“You’re not coming until I allow it.” he sped up his movements and my brain shot down. I had to bring up all my will to hold back and to obey his dirty order.

“You’re mine.” he snarled at me, looking down where we connected, letting the room be filled with our flesh slapping together. “You belong to me and nobody else.”

Heat rose inside of my core and was met with the cold shower of goosebumps that ran over my burning skin. I moaned again an incomprehensive string of curses and he leaned in and growled at me. “Say it.” he rumbled with his deep lust filled voice. “Say you’re mine and I’ll let you come on my cock.”

I whined. “I’m yours. I’m only yours, Cass. Plea- please I’m yours.” 

“Good girl.” he praised and rubbed my clit harder and I felt myself melting around him. Time ceased to exist as my climax hit me and I fell onto his chest with tears streaming down my cheeks. “Mine.” he growled again and followed suit, covering my inside with the hot lightning of his sperm. He slowed his pace, letting me ride out the orgasm until he leaned his head forward, our foreheads connecting. We were both spent and breathed in each other before he pulled out suddenly.

He took a step back, inspecting my crushed form and knelt down to pull up my pants.

 “Wait.” I whimpered and wanted to grab the thong that still dangled from his neck. He swapped my hand away and pushed to his feet, staring into my eyes with a warning tone. “You remember the game we played some nights ago?” he asked and palmed the wet space between my legs - collecting the leak and pushing it in again with two of his fingers. I did remember. I was his “little Miss attitude” that day. He teased me but stopped every time I was close as a lesson. I became slut with a lightweight head, moaning constantly for him and hour after hour he forbade my climax to explode until he finally released me.

 “Keep my cum inside of you. Lose one drop and I won't let you come for a week.” he threatened with a husky voice and grinned down at me. He grabbed my chin between his fingers. “Understood?”

I frowned at his nasty command but I knew there was no way out. I had to comply. “Copy.” I answered and pulled my pants up before covering me in my layers again.

“Good girl.” he praised and sniffed my underwear before he tucked it under his collar.

We got back to the party upstairs and I let Cassian pull me onto his lap. He knew how much I loved to cuddle after we had sex and needed to cling onto him. I nuzzled into his embrace, his free hand stoking luxuriously along my leg as he sipped from his beer, listening to the story that Az told. I thought the orgasm helped me to come down but in contrast it worsened. Knowing that he still had my underwear around his neck and his cum inside me - it was thrilling to know that he belonged to me and that I was undeniably his.

YN

“Cass?” I rubbed my eyes pushing me up from the mattress, looking around to find him in the dark of his bedroom. All I could hear was him pulling up his jeans, the buckle ringing against the metal buttons. “Cass, baby what are you doing?” I asked , still not sure if this was a dream or if I was awake.

He was with me for a second, leaned down and pushed my chin up with his knuckles “Sorry for waking you up. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.” I pouted and threw the blanket off of me, swirling up the air that completely smelled like him.

“I can't sleep. I’m going for a ride.” he said, zipping up his jacket.

“Are you okay? Can I come with you?” I asked, letting my legs dangle from the bed when my hand searched for the lamp on the nightstand.

“Yeah I’m good. I just need to clear my head.” 

“You sure you’re okay?” I stood and took his hand into mine, searching for his gaze.

“I’m fine. I just can't sleep and thought I could take a drive…you really want to come along?”

"Yes, of course. But only if you want that, too.” I really wanted to be with him. I suspected that his thoughts of the last tests wouldn't leave his mind as the days drew closer. And I knew that he liked it when I took late night rides with him.

“I’d really like that.” he answered softly. “But I don't want to rob your beauty sleep.”

“Shut up and get me one of your shirts.” I spat with a giggle. He helped me into my pants and picked me up bridal style before carrying me downstairs to his bike. “Helmet kiss.” he demanded and I leaned in, connecting the chin of our helmets softly, gazing into his hazel eyes.

He swung his leg over his ride and held out a hand for me to climb behind him. 

“I’m going a little faster this time alright? You’ll be safe with me.” he said, petting my hands around his middle.

“Okay.” I said and he pulled up on the street and reached forward to shut his visor for him. 

Cassian

She was my angel. I never expected her to ride with me when I needed time to think at night. But I adored that she made time to come along. Honestly it felt better when she was right behind me and when we were together. The butterflies in my stomach remained and flared every time she stroked my chest, my biceps or tried to massage me between my legs while we were on the empty highway. I regret making her wear those gloves, every bit of fabric was too much between us, but safety comes first. Fuck it was the best feeling - riding my bike and having my girl right behind me, while all she could think about was how she could pleasure me. One time when we were on an empty road in the middle of nowhere she teased me and slipped her fingers in my pants. My girl needed me and I stopped the bike. She was on her knees in seconds, begging me to take away my thoughts. Her mouth was on me, taking me so well and taking her time thrilling me for my climax. She was so needy and I made it my mission to help her with that. When I didn't lick her when she was sprawled out over my bike I answered her love language by petting her knee and calves constantly, with slow and long strokes. I held out my hand to the side, ready for her to weave her fingers between mine.

But it was also her soft and vulnerable side that I had to protect at all costs. The way she got excited every time she was able to hug me from behind when we stopped at a red light made me question how I got this lucky. Every time before I went riding, she checked my helmet and cleaned it for me. I loved when she enjoyed the feeling of flying behind me, with her arms stretched out to the sides - I locked my hand behind her knee to make sure she wouldn't fall off.

She was aware that I didn't always want to speak, so she sat silently behind me in my warmth and listened to my playlist blaring through our connected speakers. After more than an hour I reached my favorite spot on the outskirts of Velaris. A nice lookout above the glittering city. The city of dreams before us, the girl of my dreams next to me as we sat on a bench, with my arm around her. 

The next weeks apart from her will be hard but it would be over soon, not like the last time. I just couldn't stay away too long from her. She became my everything. My reason to smile, to breathe - she was my world.

It hurt me not to be close to her and the first time I left for the tests was torturous for me. For her as well. I recalled the text we exchanged and how sweet she was to send me notes throughout the day. I would never forget her panicked texts and voicemails she left me when I wasn't able to answer. Since my mom was gone I never had someone in my life that cared for me the way she did. It set me at peace, knowing that I could always come back to her and that she would be there no matter how bad things went. 

She was everything to me. She inspected me every day when I came home from work for new bruises and cuts and insisted on patching me up. When I wasn't able to make it in time to the library, she went grocery shopping, came with her key to my apartment and cooked the most delicious meals I had ever tasted. She sat with me in silence and petted my head when I laid in her lap and listened to my stories from work. She always knew what to say and oftentimes I found myself wondering how clever her answers were. Whenever I followed her suggestions it turned out better than I thought. I worshipped her for that.

I got flowers for her on the regular and I stopped at every bookstore that we passed on our rides. She used to say that she had enough books and that they never fit into her tiny apartment but that didn't stop me from buying her two or three if she couldn't decide which one she wanted more. I would never forget the stars in her eyes that lit up in this moment and that I put them there. My sweet YN. My angel. My backpack. She never stopped me from going on a ride, only when she reminded me that she was afraid of me riding when I was too emotional. I held her when she cried over the love interest that gave everything for the other one in her romance books and when she had a hard day I did everything possible to make her day better. Running her a bath or lighting her favorite candles, tucking her in the fluffy blankets that somehow ended up cluttering my living room. I loved that more of her was in my space and the image of a life together grew in my mind. 

“What are you thinking about?” she asked with a small voice and looked up at me from under my arm. Her fingers brushed some of my hair behind my ear and I leaned into her touch.

“You.” I said it honestly and without the dirty tone that was driven from lust normally.

“Me?” She asked, pressing for more information and I wanted to give it all to her.

“I just like to think about you. About us. And how much my life has become better and better since I have you.” My hand cupped her cheek. “I like having you around and let my “little Miss attitude” kick my sorry ass.” I earned a chuckle from her.

“You need that sometimes.” she laughed and kissed my cheek. I pulled her up, so she was straddling me, her hands ran around my shoulders. I enjoyed the feeling of her bare hands tangled in my hair and grazing the skin of my neck. In return my hands circled between her hips and waist under my jacket that I had thrown over her, so she wouldn't get cold. She bit down on her lip and I ran my thumb over it, freeing it from her teeth. “I think about you a lot, YN. I stopped trying not to long ago.” my hand was on her cheek locking our gazes “I’ve fallen for you, YN. Completely.”

Her breath began to hitch and her eyes widened “Cass…”

“I don’t expect you to say anything back,” I rushed to add, “I just needed you to know.”

“I love you too,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper, choking on emotions. My body went rigid, only my eyes blinked. Did I hear her right? The next second a grin spread across my face. “You do?”

She laughed deeply - to me it sounded like an angel singing. She was the most stunning and beautiful woman in the whole universe and the best was that she was only mine. “Yes, of course.”

I forgot that my breathing stopped and sucked in air, before I could react she had her lips on mine. Slow and yearning lips moved against mine, so soft and warm. I savoured the moment, storing that memory deep in my mind. I pulled her closer to me, I didn't know how to stop. She always had that effect on me. I consumed her, deepening the kiss. “Say it again.” I rasped against her lips.

She smiled. “I love you, Cass.” I exhaled, letting my air brush against her lips “Yeah?” 

She nibbled on my lips this time, leaning into my body and her eyes darkened “Yeah.” Her low voice sent a pang into my pants and my cock jolted. She began to rock her hips, fully aware of how strangled I was in my crotch. A soft moan fell from her lips as my mouth wandered along her throat. That was it. 

I stood up with her in my arms and brought her over to my bike. I sat her down on the seat sideways and ordered. “One hand on the handlebar, the other on your seat.” I knelt before her as I kissed my way down above the fabric, drowning in the smell of my shirt on her, our mixed scents did things to me. I undid her pants and pulled them down, freeing one of her feet from her shoe to release one of her legs from the jeans. “Enjoy the view, sweetheart.” I chuckled as I kissed my way up her legs. First I kissed the inside of her knee, then I softly bit the plump flesh of her thighs, letting her odor cloud my senses. When my mouth covered her lace veiled mound she let out a moan and her eyes rolled back in her head. I kissed my way around, finally pushing her panties to the side to dip my tongue inside of her.

I groaned lowly at the contact and pumped my tongue in and out. “Cass-” she whimpered and gripped my hair to pull me closer, to pull me where she wanted me to be. She arched her back as my tongue blazed a trail on her thighs again before I rubbed it all over her clit. She spread her legs further apart, allowing me to lap on her hungrily. “So sweet.” I murmured, “You taste like mine.”

“I am yours.” she answered in a rasp and leaned back more to give me better access. I plunged two fingers inside of her and curled and stroked her from inside. I flattened my tongue against her jewel for even more friction. She rocked against me and I had to dig my hand on the back of her ass to pull her closer on my face. “Come for me, baby. Let me hear how good I’m making you feel.” I moaned against her. Her voice was breathless as she praised me while I circled her clit and picked up the pace of my fingers, adding another one. She couldn't hold it back anymore and cried out my name as her orgasm slammed into her. Her legs shook as she rode out her high on my face. 

I pushed up onto my feet and leaned over her to whisper in her ear. “I’m going to fuck you just like this. You better hold on tight, sweetheart.”

“Please, Cass.” one of her hands fisted the shirt on my neck to balance her body on the bike. I had my leaking dick out in mere seconds and wasted no time, pushing into her. Her head fell back as I slammed into her, she was so tight around me, I filled her completely. My fingers dug into her hips as I pummeled into her with force. Whines and whimpers fell from her lips. She loved it rough and hard. I pulled her hair taking even more control, so she could get lost on me. She submitted to me devotedly, letting me dominate her in every way. Skin slapped on skin as my cock throbbed for her. “I’m going to fuck you raw like this every day, so that sweet pussy knows she belongs to me. You’re mine.”

“Yours.” she answered breathlessly and I felt her flutter around me, her second climax washing over her unhinged. I followed suit, letting her orgasm milk me. With one final thrust I buried myself into her, pushing against her cervix and riding out that bomb that exploded inside of me and into her. My breathing was ragged and uneven as I leaned my forehead against hers, our air mingling. “I love you so much, you have no idea,” I rasped and pulled out of her without warning. “I’ll take you home now.” I declared and helped her into her clothes again.

YN

He made a total mess of me and I couldn't get enough while he drove towards his apartment. I teethed off my glove and let my hand slip beneath his shirt, sliding my palm over his pecs and hard ripples of his abdomen. His stomach contracted beneath my touch, he adjusted his position - my invitation to let my hand slip beneath his waistband, fisting his length again and giving it some strokes to keep him hot. He let out a guttural groan as my fingers moved along his girth while he cruised. It was killing him not to be able to touch me like he wanted to, he only hooked his hand behind my knee to give me better access. His eyes stayed on the road and all he could do was to speed up to save up some seconds until we were in his living room again. 

The sky was painted in soft hues of pink and blue as he got behind the kitchen island to pull out a pan and a bowl. “What do you think you’re doing, Cass?” I asked him with a teasing tone.

“I thought pancakes for breakfast?” he gave back, his eyes wide.

I shook my head and freed my torso from his shirt, letting my bare tits win the argument for me. “I don't think so.” I said and began to walk to his bedroom, losing the rest of my clothes on the way, cluttering the floor.

In so time, he was behind me and swooped me up in his arms to carry me back to bed.

The comfort and safety he offered me was something I’ve never felt before. At least three times a week he came to pick me up from work and we strolled through the Rainbow, just talked in front of the store or he drove me home. Sometimes we watched an episode of Love Island together.  He even got me my own helmet. “Safety first.” he said nonchalantly, securing the strap under my chin. I was getting really used to having him around. It was just…easy. We could talk for hours and still had things to say. Or we walked in silence, just enjoying our surroundings. When he smiled at me my heart dropped and I knew I matched the glitter of his bright eyes when he looked at me. Fuck. I was falling. Hard. 

“We’re here.” I announced standing in front of the restaurants before greeting the girls.

“Promise to text me?” I asked him and my head short circuited when that dazzling smile spread his lips. “I promise to text or call whenever I can. But I don’t know where they will bring us, so reception may be poor and I can't reach out.”

“Okay.” I said, spreading my arms for him. He reached around my middle and pulled me up to his chest, my feet dangling in the air. It was so hard for me not to wring my legs around him. He tightened his grip around me and let his hand drive over my back when he whispered in my ear. “Be a good girl for me and don’t do anything stupid.” I chuckled at that and he let me slip to the ground again. 

I reached up a hand to cup his face and he leaned slightly into my touch. “Come back in one piece, Wheels.”

Our sweet moment was broken by the high pitched whistle of Feyre “Get a room.” She cheered at us but Cassian threw her a look and rolled his eyes before they found mine again. He took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles before releasing it. I missed the gentleness of his touch instantly and my body began to burn where he had just grazed my skin. My body screamed at me to close off the distance again. I was going crazy.

“You have a lovely evening, ladies.” he waved at us when I took my seat next to Elain.

I watched him go and my eyes landed on his delicious backside. The thin shirt he wore did nothing to hide those glorious back muscles and his juicy ass almost burst his army pants. I wanted a bite. My staring didn't go unnoticed by the girls and they asked me all sorts of questions. How often do we see each other if we’re not spending time with their ‘inner circle’. If he finally asked me out on a date. If I already kissed him.

“I’m serious, stop it. We’re just friends.”

“Friends don't look at each other that way.” Nesta said, cocking a brow. “And they sure as hell don’t pick each other up constantly or text all the time.” her smirk grew as pink tinted my cheeks. And they went straight to scarlet as my cell pinged. I was sure she rolled her eyes at me as I frantically pulled it out, opening Cassian’s text “Have fun, sweetheart. Call me if you need anything.”  

A wide smile split my face and I looked up to take another look at him but he already  was gone.

I wanted more. But I knew Cassian didn't. Feyre and Elain told me that he didn't do dates and all that stuff, he wanted easy one night stands and I was happy that he never brought up the theme of how he hit on other women. He did not want a girlfriend. He was far too busy with work and he would definitely miss his late night rides. I changed the subject and they let it drop.

Here I was. Sitting alone in my room on a saturday night, not knowing what to do with myself. I didn't feel like cooking or watching TV, neither reading nor doing the chores. He said I shouldn't do something stupid so I spared myself a late night walk. One day he told me all about the things he would label as ‘stupid’. Walking at night by myself, opening the door to strangers, staying in bars with too many drunken men. He lectured me “Don't get on another man's bike. Or take candy from weirdos.” 

 I would lie if I said that this overprotective side wasn't just one of the greatest turn ons. I knew how furious he would get if he learned that I broke one of his rules. Not that I wanted to cross that line, I just enjoyed that he tried to take care of me even if he couldn't be around.

I stared at the cell in my hands, hoping that he was okay. I haven't heard from him in days. So I decided to text him real quick and to my surprise he answered.

Why did he had to go on this mother's forsaken time? I began to wonder how hard those tests must be. He must have talked them down and it worried me even more. Did he even get a scheduled sleep or did they torment him and pull him out of bed all the time? The accommodations couldn't be luxurious, more like field beds and bunks in some mold-rotten tavern. I wished I could have smuggled a cozy blanket in his backpack, so that he had some piece of home with him, even if it was from my apartment. Something that reminded him of the world outside of the army.

Later that week I decided to send him some text throughout the days. I hoped he would appreciate the small text and pictures and that they would lift his mind when he felt disconnected from home.

The alarm was blaring deafening over the sounds of the wakening Velaris. I hid my face beneath my pillow, only my hand snaking out to grab my cell. I debated throwing it out the window, but it was a little too early for such drama. I dug out of the piles of thin blankets and was hit with a beam of sun, blinding my eyes. I groaned and blinked furiously to focus on the screen, my vision still clouded from  the bright light before I was able to hit the right button to swipe off the alarm. I pulled the phone with me, back under the sheet finally able to detect that noisy bomb. Then I saw it. An unread message from Wheels.

My breathing hitched. He wrote back two hours ago. They really fucked with his sleep scedule and I made a mental note to google how to reset this kind of jetlag. My finger hovered over the message as my heart hammered in my chest.

damn YN, I leave for a few days, and you're befriending birds, eyeing other bikes and cheating on our favorite takeout spot? 

should I be worried?

but seriously… I love these

I might be freezing my ass off in the middle of nowhere, but seeing a piece of home …even if it’s just your breakfast or you complaining about work, makes it easier

keep them coming, yeah? I don’t wanna miss a single thing

My tiredness was forgotten instantly. I read the message over and over again until I was too late and had to skip breakfast to make it to work on time. The bad mood from the last days gone, I grinned from ear to ear the whole day. He liked the messages and he wanted more. I was so happy about him answering, because I knew he was okay when he did. 

Over the next weeks I sprinkled random messages here and there and watched my cell like a hawk in hope to see the screen light up with his name. It took hours or sometimes even days for him to answer. When I didn't hear of him in days I became afflicted. I knew from years of my dad’s deployment how hard the tours are on both ends. Missing each other and fearing constantly that something bad had happened. But knowing this didn't make it easier.

 I wondered how long and often Cass might be gone when he gets that position… three months- a year could grow quickly into nine. How could I make our friendship work when he would be gone for work infrequently? 

Not being able to talk on a daily basis. No text wor days and weeks. The lack of physical contact often took its toll when people couldn't see each other for longer periods.

That was probably the reason he didn't do dates and didn't want a girlfriend.

That’s what Feyre and Elain had told me the night he saved me from Tamlin, when I told them - perhaps too easily - that I wasn’t looking for anything serious, too. It hadn’t been hard to stay back then. Not when I’d only just arrived in Velaris, when I had other things to focus on. A new job, a new city, a new life.

But now… now, I wasn’t so sure.

I had told myself it didn’t mean anything when Cassian started texting me all the time. That he was just being friendly when he swung by the library with tea, when he made sure I got home safely after my shifts. That it was normal for friends to do things like that.

But were his other friends texting him as much as I did?

Did he send them pictures of the sunrise when he woke up too early? Or did he tell them about the stray cat he always saw on his way to the gym? Did he check in with them just to ask if they were eating enough, sleeping enough?

I told myself it didn’t matter. That what we had was good, was safe, and I should be grateful for that. To have a good friend, not only Elain, that took care of me in this new city.

But now he was gone. Gone for his army tests, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Couldn’t stop hoping that when he finally got his phone back, I’d be the first person he messaged.

Because maybe… maybe I started to want more. More than just his friendship. More than the late-night conversations and the rides on his bike that weren’t dates but felt like they could be.

Maybe I wanted to be his.

And maybe his mind had changed and he wanted me, too.

It rained for three days straight in Velaris. I talked with my dad on the phone and he said the weather in Illyia was just as bad as it was here. Fuck. I begged that the field training in the wilderness wouldn't be happening right now. He must be completely drained and it’s way colder up there than here in the city. Rain means no fire and no fire means no warmth. Hopefully his equipment was waterproof and he didn't have to sleep under a rock. Shit I was really worried about him so I sent him a text.

One day I met E for a girls day at the spa. We went to the sauna and steam baths before we had massages and facial treatments. But it was no use, because nothing helped to peel my thoughts from Cassian.

I haven't heard from him in too long. I knew that he had to stay concentrated and didn't need me to constantly ask if he’s okay - too much distraction. Two weeks have passed and I began to lose the joy of life. I stopped reading our text messages because it hurt too much recalling the past.

I ran down the endless white halls of the hospital. The stinging scent of antiseptic burned in my nose as I stopped to breathe in more air. I didn't remember how I got there, only that I had to find him. If I was too late now, I’ll never see him again.

My shoes squeaked against the linoleum as I crushed against the front desk. “Cassian,” I choked out, my heart hammered in my chest. “Where is he?”

The nurse looked me dead in the eyes “No visitors allowed.”

No. No, that wasn't right. I had to be there for him. I shook my head and yelled in her face. “I need to see him. Please.” my voice cracked and a lump in my throat formed. The nurse’s eyes darkened. “I can’t let you in.”

A sharp, splintering pain cracked through my ribs as if someone had tied a rope to it, pulling at it just to rip it out. The air was caught in my lungs. He was all alone. He was hurt. He needed me by his side.

Fury was all I felt. It soared through me and set me in motion. I shoved past the desk, ignoring the nurse calling me to come back instantly. Doors and walls blurred as I sprinted down the hallway. Staff and orderlies tried to stop me, but I thrashed against them, clawing and biting my way through their bulwark.

Then, there it was. His name on the door.

I crashed through it and my heart shattered.

He laid on a hospital bed, motionless. His face was pale beneath red and blue bruises that painted his cheeks. The stitches along his temple were crusted with dried blood. A tube snaked into his mouth and IV’s trailed from his arms. Beeping machines surrounded him and his eyes were closed. He was Too still. Too quiet.

My feet ate up the distance between us and I reached for his cheek. “Cassian?” my voice cracked. This couldn't be real!

But he stayed still. “Please, Cass. Please, wake up for me. Don’t leave me alone.”

The scene before my eyes blurred and I woke with a ragged gasp. I was sitting in my bed with my heart slamming into my ribs. My pulse drummed through my ears and my hands shook as they covered my face.

Just a bad dream. It was just a bad dream. 

I tried to calm myself down. I threw the sheets around to find my cell.

I unlocked it. 

No texts from Cass.

I read our texts again, fearing that I missed one where he told me he was in hospital. But there wasn't anything like it. The fear still sailed in my veins.

One time when my dad was on tour I dreamt that something happened to him, just to be woken by the call that told me they would pick me up and get me to him… I just really needed to hear Cass’ voice. Hear that he’s okay.

I had asked Az and Rhys if they heard anything from him. Az worked with some super secret agency from the police and Rhysand was the governor's son. So I hoped that one of them might pull some sort of information of how the tests were going. But they declined. They said even if they knew something they weren't allowed to tell civilians about it. Shit.

I panicked and dialed Cass’ number. It rang but he didn't answer. Trepidation soared through me and I opened our text thread.

Between my texts and unanswered calls I stared at the screen, willing a reply that never came. My fingers hovered over the keypad more times than I was proud of. With every hour it became incredibly harder to do anything than to sit in front of my cell. 

That was until I found out that pacing through my apartment mildly prevented my heart from sinking further. My stomach was in knots and they dared to drown me. I tried to call him again but it got straight to voicemail. I left him another embarrassing message. 

When the evening approached the silence suffocated me. I turned on the tv but it made me even more frantic. My hands shook and I sent him the last text. A couple of minutes later I called him again, leaving him another voicemail. I tried to hide the wobble of my lips as long as I spoke but when I set the phone down, tears streamed down my face. I curled up on my sofa, staring at my dark phone when I wasn't looking out my window, hoping to suddenly hear his bike arriving. Hours ticked by and I gave myself pep talks that he is alright before spiraling downwards again, emptying another package of tissues. 

Then a notification pinged. My heart leapt when I saw his name. I fumbled to unlock the screen and a long message popped up.

The knot in my chest loosened when I read the message over and over. He was fine, just exhausted. I imagined him slumping back to camp. Taking a long hot shower and wolfing down his dinner before falling asleep on a too small field bed. I felt guilty laying on my comfy sofa, warm and safe but suddenly tiredness took over and I drifted to sleep.

Five days passed since I last heard from Cass. He told me there were two more tests left. It was Tuesday night, minutes before one a.m. when the landline rang. My dad was the only one who called that number, he hated all that modern texting stuff. I groaned and cursed my dad for calling that late as it didn't stop ringing. I grabbed it, rolling my eyes, pressing the green button and speaker. But the line crackled like someone crushed aluminium foil into small balls.

“H-hello?” I asked, but was met with the electric humming. “Dad is that you?”

A muffled voice whispered my name robotically. Then silence. My skin pebbled and blood pumped too fast through my veins. My fingers trembled around the receiver and bile rose in my throat as if trying to suffocate me. I feared the worst had happened to my dad. “Dad?”

Only the crackle of the line answered. If it was him he would waste no time telling me what was going on.

“Is this a joke? I’m gonna hang up now.”

“Hey sweetheart.” Cassian's voice didn't sound like himself. Like the sunshine had vanished and darkness pummeled him. He sounded tired. He sounded depressed. Tears stung in my eyes. Something wasn't right. I knew those calls. My dad used to make them when shit got really down.  

“Cass what happened? Are you okay?”

Seconds filled with crackling ticked away but I heard how he sucked in a breath. “I really needed to hear your voice.” Another pause. “How are you?”

He wanted to know how I was?

He was on the hardest tests the earth might have ever seen and he asked me if I was okay. I wanted to heal the brokenness in his voice. I wanted to pull him into my arms and tell him everything was going to be alright and shield him from the horrors that he had seen. He didn't deserve to be tormented by those horrors, he was a good man. The best. Cassian did deserve to feel okay again. Pressing on telling me how he was wouldn't help nor would my tears of sorrow  be of any use to tim. I needed to give him a piece of home and normality . I tried to give him that by answering honestly.

“I’m okay. Things are normal around here. Work is exciting, we got many new books and I try to enjoy the last days of summer as good as I can. The sunsets are really nice, I wish I could see them from your apartment." Did I say too much? Maybe it was a cheesy thing to say but it was the truth. The humming got louder and pierced deafeningly in my ear as I waited for an answer. My heart pounded in my chest and my breathing became shallow. Why wasn't he saying anything?

 “Cass, you’re scaring me.”

“You got nothing to be scared about. I just…I was operating a scenario for the last days and fucked up shit happened. One of my warriors got hurt and I had to complete the mission and make sure he survived. He’s okay now, but…”

“But what?”

“I’m thinking about you. A lot. It reminds me why I’m doing all this. Keeping the army heads up, they must be ready if something happens and we have to protect our court, our city…you.” Cassian rasped.

The dam broke and relief flooded through me, so fiercely that it knocked the breath from my lungs and my eyes watered. He was okay. Thick drops of tears ran down my face and I gripped the phone tighter to my ear as if it could somehow cross the distance to him.

My heart twisted at his words.

I’m thinking about you. A lot. 

Warmth curled around my heart, my throat tightened as if tendrils of ivy clenched down on it as I tried to swallow. The rasp in his voice echoed through my mind. He had to shoulder so much weight during his tests and yet, in the middle of all that, he’d thought of me.

He exhaled with a deep sigh and my pulse stuttered in response. My heart skipped a beat and fresh tears dropped into my lap as butterflies made of metal fluttered in my stomach. The tremor of my fingers got stronger and I feared that the phone would slip out of my hand.

“Cass…” I stammered and hid my small sniffles and wiped the tears on my cheeks.

“Will you be there? When I come home?”

“Of course I’ll be here. I've been waiting for you this whole time.” All the texts I sent him practically laid my heart open. Of course I was waiting for him here. My next words just shot out of me without control. “And I… I think about you too. How you grin when you’re eating what I cooked for you. The way my heart pounds when you’re picking me up after late shifts and get me home to make sure I'm safe. How gentle your hands are when you lift up my chin.” I chuckled at the last sentence. “And that I can't pull the smile from my face when I read the messages you send me, because I know that you’re okay.”

“Yeah, me too.” there’s my old Cass.

The crackles got louder again. “Cass, are you calling me over a tin can? I can barely hear you.”

He chuckled “Kind of. Used all my privileges to get that walkie talkie type of oldschool phone to reach out to you. I don't have much time. Tell everyone I say hello, would you?”

“Of course.” I answered and I heard his small chuckle over the electronic humming.

“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. Stay safe for me okay?”

“Okay, but you too, Wheels.”

Almost a week has passed since Cassian called me. My heart hammered when I saw his name on my cell. No, it was thrashing to jump out of my chest when I heard his voice.

“Guess who’s finally on his way back to Velaris in two days.” his husky voice chimed on speaker from my cell.

“Wheels, if this is a joke, I swear-”

“No joke.”

My cell nearly slipped out of my grip as I tried to hold it closer. “Two days?” my voice was out of control and pitched higher than I anticipated. I felt dizzy, as if the room around me stretched and contracted. I was breathless and my heart pounded wild and unsteady in my chest. I was sure he could hear my pulse through the line. I couldn't contain my legs from bouncing beneath the table. My palm grazed my bottom lip as if it could trap the joy spilling over. “Two days!” I whispered to myself. 

I bit my lip and smiled wildly as I planned the day he would come home inside of my head. I could call all of his inner circle and wait to surprise him in front of his apartment, they surely know where he lives. I could make a welcome home banner and we could fire confetti cannons. Then we could have a barbecue on his large balcony. We could watch the sunset together. I could finally hug him again and see his handsome face smiling at me. 

“You still there?” he asked. 

How long haven't I been answering?

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just overwhelmed. I was starting to think you’d fallen off the edge of Prythian.” I teased and tried to easen up my sprialing mind.

“Nah, too stubborn for that. Plus, I couldn't leave you hanging.” he chuckled and paused, contemplating what to say next.

“I was thinking… We can celebrate my return…  together. Just you and me. How about I finally take you on that ride? A real tour of Velaris, Wheels-style?” He offered in a husky voice.

I instantly threw all my plans overboard - they couldn't compare to his idea. I jumped out of my chair and got over to the calendar that hung on the wall over the console to circle his homecoming day with a thick red sharpie.  

“I’d love that, Cass. But I want to drive. You wanna be my backpack?” I mused, my voice dripping with irony.

He just laughed at that nonsense. I imagined how he would throw his head back when he did that. “No chance, sweetheart.”

“Pity.” I chuckled. “But since you're dragging me around the city, the least I can do is cook you dinner after.”

“Deal!” He shot back and I could practically see the grin on his face.

I played rain and crackling fire sounds from my cell, while I dove into my newest book - I finished the one on my eReader the evening of Elain’s party.

The new one was a hockey romance book with all the good tropes - fake marriage, single parent and a devastatingly good looking main male character - Well built with tanned skin, broad shoulders, dark curls and hypnotic eyes. I clenched my thighs together, he reminded me of Cassian. I began to devour it. The main character, Krum, just came back home from a game and I stopped paying attention as the bell of the store chimed.

”You won.” she said, sitting on the countertop, still wearing my jersey, but her thick thighs are bare, garnering all of my attention.

“I did.” I kicked off my shoes and pull my T-shirt over my head. “Are you my reward?”

“I am.” Her knees fall apart, giving me a glimpse of the most perfect-”

“You look really cute when you’re concentrated like that.” a rich male voice said and my head shot up. The air was caught up in my throat as I looked into two gems of irises. With one arm on the counter, Cassian leaned over to glimpse at the book that laid open before me with a devilish grin on his lips. My cheeks heated under his strong gaze. The tingle in my core was pushing before he arrived from reading, but looking in his eyes almost made me explode. Fuck. He must have noticed what kind of scene I was reading as his eyes bobbed over my face.

“Are you stalking me?” I asked cockily, trying to shift his stare away from me.

Cassian

“You said you worked in the library on the rainbow. ‘Just put two and two together.” No need to tell her that I visited two other book stores before I came here to find her. You could call it stalking if you put it to the test. But I had to see her again.

“What can I do for you, Wheels?” her sweet voice mused and my knees nearly buckled at the nickname.

“Ah.” I really almost forgot why I was here in the first place. I pulled the note from my back pocket and handed it over to her, careful not to graze her fingers because I knew my whole skin burned for hours after the last time her hands were around my middle when I drove her home. Even though I didn't touch her, my mind wandered into a nasty direction. I wondered  what it would feel like if she marked my back with those long nails of hers. I felt very uncomfortable in my pants.

 “I need a book.” I grinned like an idiot. I could have gotten that book from every other store but I knew she could order it for me. I hoped that she wouldn't see right through me with those sharp eyes of hers.

“Let me take a look for you.” She opened the screen and glanced at the note again. “Strategy and Misconceptions on Leading Troops” she said it as a question when she looked up at me again with her head slightly leaned to the side. I gulped. My hands got sweaty.

“Yeah, I need it for work.” I explained.

I looked at her intently, while she was searching. She wore tailored washed out jeans and a loose fit knitted sweater that did nothing to hide her waist. The fabric slit down from one of her shoulders and exposed her soft skin there.

“I have good and bad news for you.” she began and handed back my note. “Good news, I can order it for you. Bad news, it could take anything between three to fifteen days to get here.”

“Sounds good.” I answered and she squeezed her eyes, leaning forward in order to read something on the screen.

“We could send you an email when it’s here.”

Deep breaths, Cass.

 “Or,” I began and pulled my cell out for her, “You could call me and then I come and pick it up.”

Her eyes bounced between me and the sleek black device before the corner of her lips tugged up. “Smooth, Wheels. Very smooth.” Now a full smile stretched her lips and she took the phone and entered her number before sliding it back to me. I feared that my chest might explode. Her dazzling smile made my heart rate skyrocketed like a diabetic that ate a whole chocolate cake.

“Bookdealer, huh? Should I be worried?” I let out a little laugh as I said the name she gave herself in my phone.

She giggled and if that wasn’t the most angelic sound I’ve ever heard I didn't know what else. “I also deal with late-night reading addicts and my black market ring on paperbacks is astonishing.”

So sassy. That idiot grin was back on my face and my cheeks started to hurt.

“Give me a ring, then I’ll have your number. I’ll text when the book is here.” she said holding my stare.

 I stood there rooted to the ground, not ready to leave just yet. “What’re you reading there, ‘it any good?”

Her cheeks grew with a pink tint that begged to be kissed. She slid the book towards her, trying to hide the letters from me as I turned my head to read the lines. Was that embarrassment? Was she reading something dirty?Fuck my cock twitched at the thought.

“Just a romance book. Yeah it’s pretty good.”

I nodded slowly with a smirk “Add that to my tap when you finished it.”

She crossed her arms on the low table and her glorious tits almost spilled out of her shirt as a wave of her flowy hair fell over her shoulder. It took all my will not to look down at her cleavage. “I never took you for a romance-guy.”

“Never judge a book by its cover, sweetheart.” I mused back and peeled myself from the counter. “Looking forward to your text.” I said it like a goodbye.

“See you later Wheels.” she smiled and stared at me as I stepped over to the door, almost crashing my nose on the glass.

YN

 I just came home from work as my cell pinged and I let the heavy bags with groceries slide from my shoulders to take a look at it.

I smile at my phone and my cheeks heat up. He’s bold with his flirting. I had to give him that. But there was something else. It was also sincere. Every text he sent called for me to go on messaging him. It was like a maze and I was excited to look behind the next corner. I stored away the groceries and only left the ones on the counter that I needed for cooking. 

Two days had gone since Cassian and I texted. The rain punched incessantly against the windows as I sat on the desk in the library. Like on any other rainy day it was very calm around here. Only two customers so far…no one goes bookshopping during such weather conditions, so I take my sweet time to unpack the new books that just came in. Only the last book makes me halt. It’s an unusual format with well over a thousand pages. I turned it around to peek at the cover, cursing under my breath as the weight almost slipped out of my touch. Strategy and Misconceptions on Leading Troops. 

I let it sink to the desk and rummage in my purse to fish out my cell to send Cassian a quick text that his book is here. Two check marks appear but he doesn't answer right away, so I let the screen go dark and lay it on my desk.

The other books were labeled, entered and on the shelves as I came back to the table and checked my cell again. No text from Cassian. I pressed the loud button to max and got back to reading the last pages of my romance book. 

My concentration dried out as my eyes wandered to my phone embarrassingly often. Suddenly a loud ping rings through the quiet and the screen lights up with a text from Cassian.

Sassy Bastard. I didn't miss him. That was what I told myself but after our first texts the smile on my face said otherwise. 

I pulled up his texts every evening and reread them. They made me think of the way he grinned at me. The image of him roared back behind my eyes and how his gaze captured me and left me breathless. How his strong hands gently handed me his cell to enter my number and the funny moment how he almost smashed the glass door as he stared at me when he left. I chuckled at the memory. 

But I couldnt spend half of the time daydreaming about those small incidents. I willed my thoughts to the last pages before me in hope they would distract me from Cassian.

The end of my book left my heart beating. It was very cute, finally they married and the little daughter of the hockey player had wanted the woman to adopt her. A real happy ending. Luckily, the library had every book from the author and I quickly got up to snatch the next one of the series. 

 I began to read it instantly - ten pages, fifty pages, a hundred pages. The day dragged by and the time creeped nearer the closing time. I checked my cell again to see if Cassian dropped a text that he would be late or come back tomorrow, but nothing. My heart sank in my chest. Like a candle that was blown out at the thought that I wouldn't see him today. Maybe I did miss him. Time flew by as I was lost in reading. My tea went cold and I looked up at the clock - almost five! I shut the book and put it in my purse before leaving a note on a post-it for my colleagues in the morning, that I have borrowed it and would bring it back tomorrow.

 I rushed to check around the library, that all customers were gone and shut off all computers and beamers in the workspace. I grabbed my  purse and lastly flipped off the lights and stepped outside.

 The small glass roof protected me from the raindrops above but my shoes wetted at the puddle that swallowed the doormat. I turned the key and rattled at the door, checking if it was closed firmly. I turned around to assess my situation as the loud ramble of a nearing motorbike echoed over the heavy rain in the street. With a screeching noise it pulled up on the sidewalk right in front of me. Sleek black and with a mountain of a man that dismounted and pulled off his helmet, shaking the drops of rain from his hair like a wet dog. 

“Please don’t tell me I’m too late.” he said breathlessly and strode over to me to stand under the little roof. Drops of fresh water dripped down his forehead and dipped into the collar of his jet black leather jacket. A smile spread over my face as he towered over me. “Only two minutes.” I mused as I looked up into his handsome face. I could get lost in those eyes. Fuck. I did miss him. “Any chance you could reopen and I could fetch that book?”

“Of course.” I turned around to unlock the door and slipped with him inside, not caring to flip the lights back on. The soft hue of the lamp on my table was enough to grab the book and envelope it with a plastic bag to shield it from the rain. “There you go.”

“Thank you, YN. You’re a lifesaver.” his chest still heaved heavily and his eyes were blown wide as if he couldn't believe how lucky he was. He tucked the book under his arms and followed me outside. Again, I locked the door behind us, a shiver ran down my spine as my thin cardigan was half soaked already. I was about to say goodbye to him as he opened his mouth “Let me make it up to you. Would you like a coffee? There’s a little cafe just down the street.”

Before I could decline he added. “Come on. Just one coffee. I insist.” How could I say no to those puppy dog eyes? A hot beverage would be good right now. He must have seen the goosebumps that grew on my skin.

“Make it tea and I’m in.” 

A toothy grin ended in dimples on his cheeks as he shrugged out of his jacket and hung it over both our heads crouching down to fit under the makeshift umbrella. “Tea it is. Ready?”

I just nodded and we began sprinting down the street. After less than ten steps we didn't care to dodge the puddles anymore because our shoes were already soaked. We slipped into the crowded cafe, giggling at our escape from the world sinking beneath the water. His deep laugh was music to my ears and I couldn't resist but hold his gaze. The air seemed electrified around us. My eyes dipped down to his mouth. Pillowy lips on sun tanned skin. Would they taste like sunshine or rain, I wouldn't know. With the last drop of my willpower I pulled out of the fantasy and scanned the room. “Over there.” I pointed to the table in the corner.

“Take a seat. Would you like milk for your tea?” he asked. A real gentleman.

“Sugar and lemon please.” I answered and made my way over to the last free table.

Cassian

I nodded at her order. She turned around and my eyes stayed glued on her backside. Bad Cassian. I was able to protect her hair from the rain but her leggings were wet and became slightly see through, revealing thin lacy panties on her perfectly shaped ass beneath the fabric. Lucious and soft hips that grew into a delicious waist. My pants felt tight suddenly and my balls contracted. I felt like a feral teenage boy again as my cock hardened embarrassingly fast. That woman will be the death of me. I had to release a breath to calm my heated nerves. 

With two cups of stemming tea, I slipped next to her on the bench. The tiny and cozy cafe was packed with other people that escaped the rain. I had to move closer to her until our thighs were pressed together and I had to lay my arm around the back of the cushions behind her so she wouldn't fall off the bench. Even Though is was a bit possessive to lay my arm around her, she didn't lean away from our forced proximity.

“So tell me about that book.” she said before blowing the steam from her cup. Plush lips in a perfect heart shape let my thoughts drown again. I wondered how they would feel against mine. Would her mouth kiss or bite its way down on me until it reached- Bad Bad Cassian.

 A knot grew inside my throat and I hoped a cough would ease it away. 

“You said you needed it for work?”

“Yes, uhm. I just applied for a higher position and I have to take some lessons and seminars. One of them includes handling interactions in stressful situations. I’ve been on some tours, so mutual respect, leading and loyalty is a given. We're under much pressure when we’re out there - sometimes it leads to internal conflicts that weakens the unit. I wanna prevent mistakes and need my warriors to openly communicate with one another and with me. This,” I tapped my finger on the book, “should help me to get better at that.”

“That’s impressive” a small pause as she sipped on her tea before tilting her head. “May I ask what position?”

I just shrugged and swirled my tea in the cup. “Vice general first, then general, if I’m lucky.” I almost whispered my answer. No need to brag about it.

Her jaw fell and her eyes grew wide but then her mind seemed to still, she got all calm as if she was a clam shutting her shell “Huh. Why?”

I smiled and chuckled dryly. "Not the reaction I'm used to." 

“What do you mean?” She blinked at me and the frown of confusion on her face was one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

I leaned back and fumbled with the corner of the pillow, my eyes fell on her hands as she warmed them on her cup. "Usually, when I tell women I’m in the army, they start drooling. It's like... instant hero points."

Her brows flew high. "Drooling?"

“Oh yeah.” I chuckled at the uncomfortable memories. “They hear 'army guy' and suddenly my arms become the most interesting thing in the world. Next thing you know, they're touching them, biting their lip, trying to get in my pants."

“Wow. Such hardship.” she snorted sarcastically. She really must think I’m a womanizer and use it just to get a lay.

"Hey, I'm not complaining." I chuckled and held my free hand up in defense. 

But a frown knitted my brows. "But you... you just asked why."

Her shoulders shrugged and lightly bumped into my pecs before she stirred her tea absentmindedly. "I mean... yeah. There's gotta be more to it than just being 'super hot army guy.' So, why'd you join?"

“You think I’m super hot?” I grinned at her mischievously.

I caught her red-handed. She rolled her eyes but grinned. “Just answer the question, Wheels.”

I losened an exhale and tapped my fingers against the table, kind of mirroring her body language. "I grew up in a little town in the Illyrian mountains. Not exactly the easiest place to live. Kinda tough you know?"

Her expression softened and I knew she understood not to press me, asking where exactly I came from, she just asked “Tough?”

I tried to sound as nonchalantly as possible as my mind drifted back to Windhaven ”Yeah. Not many ways out. Fighting was the only thing I was really good at. The army... it gave me a way to escape."

Her doe eyes found mine, carefully reading me. “And now you’re trying to climb the ranks to prove yourself?"

I shook my head. How was she able to pull those words out of me? "Nah. At first, maybe. But after a few years, I realized there’s a lot that needs fixing. And the best way to change things? Climb the damn ladder and actually do something about it."

I never wanted to be in a higher position just for power. I wanted to be there to work on the faults.

A soft smile tugged on her lips and color blossomed on her cheeks and something like- admiration? "That’s... honest."

My eyebrow shot up."You sound surprised."

A chime of laughter fell from her beautiful mouth. "A little. Most guys don’t think about changing the system. They just go along with it. Use the system to make the guys beneath them go through the same shit and call it man up."

My lips twitched "Well, I like a challenge."

The gears turned in her pretty head, her gaze thoughtful. "I get it, though. You already know my dad’s in the army, too. I’ve seen what battles, tours... war... do to people. It’s not just cool uniforms and glory. It’s... a lot."

Damn, she must have had her fair share with her dad. He’s a sniper and that guys are a different kind of breed.

 I met her eyes again and we didn't need to say more about it to understand what we mean. "Yeah. It is."

Comfortable silence settled between us and she leaned back until her neck met my biceps behind her. But she didn't flinch away under our touch. I imagined waking up to her sleeping in my arms, her hair spilled all over the pillow. And I could get used to it. Then she finally broke the silence with a small smile. "Guess I should start calling you “General Wheels” then, huh?"

I shook my head but the grin betrayed me. "Don’t you dare."

Her grin pushed the air out of my lungs and my heart skipped a beat. "Too late, Wheels."

I took her in and I was mesmerized. There aren't many women who understand how it is like to actually be in the army. To be honest, I’ve never met a woman who knew. I tried to get more out of this sweet girl, she still was a puzzle that I needed to complete, too many fragments were gray. And I wanted to see every color of her. I gazed down at her, my eyes flew over her delicate hands, the way she held her spoon and that delicious smell of her perfume - heavy and juicy with a hint of a sweet flower that was foreign to me alongside a mysterious undertone of girly musk. I drank her in and wondered how her hands would feel on my cheeks when she cradled my face after returning home from a long day at the base. I imagined the peace that would drift through me seeing her in our shared home and closing the distance between us, keeping her trapped in my arms. My eyes flew to her purse, the clasp open because the book inside was too big for the lid. Whenever I saw her she had a book on herself and I wondered if that was the usual ‘her’.

"You know, I gotta ask... why are you so into books?" I nodded to the book that peeked out of her purse not ready to drop the flow in our conversation.

Her glance drifted to her bag and she shrugged as the glitter in her eyes returned when she told me “I guess it started when I was a kind. My dad was gone a lot because-” because he was in one of the deadliest companies that existed, she hadn’t had to speak those words out loud. Maybe those wounds were too fresh, maybe she feared that they would rip open again if she told me more. “I had a lot of time on my hands.”

I just nodded, hanging on every word that fell from her lips. I knew what she meant. I knew that the families of those who served had their package to carry. Lots of time alone when they were gone, unsure when- if they would return home and in what condition. Weeks or months without contact made some people crazy - do crazy things. But I sensed that her broken heart began to heal from the horrors that her dad didn't leave at the battlefield. She cared about her family, her friends, maybe even about me - someday. “so, books were your escape?”

She smiled faintly but her eyes didn't meet mine. “Yeah. Partly because I needed something to drown out the nightmares he brought home. But also… I loved- love the romance stories. They were this perfect little world I could get lost in when everything else was too much.”

Her words cut deep and I practically saw her heart split open. It was clear that she longed for those intimate romances, the safety with a partner, the trust…All I wanted to do was take it in my hands and mend it until it was healed again.

I tiled my head, too encaptured by her presence and honesty “You believe in all that? The fairytale endings?” I hoped that it didn't come out too harsh, the least I wanted was for her to feel mocked by my question.

She sighed and melted even closer into my touch as it was the best fucking feeling in- well ever. She almost cuddled to my form when she said.  "I know it’s all fantasy. Happy endings like that don’t happen much in real life." She glanced up at me, a small, wistful smile on her lips. "But it’s nice to pretend sometimes."

I watched her for a moment, how the silence stretched and I could tell there was more to it. Something warm sparked in my chest and I leaned in slightly, my hand rubbing softly up and down her upper arm “Maybe happy endings exist. You just gotta let them in.”

She rolled her eyes and let her head fall fully onto my arm, looking up to me sheepishly, only inches between our faces. “You mean I should let you in?” A grin appeared on her lips, showing off her perfect teeth, her cheekbones full and plump over her smile.

“Well-” my hands got sweaty and an unknown nervousness rode through my body. I let my fingers drive though my head, combing back my curls trying to conceal the eagerness that she triggered inside of me. It made me too aware of how near we were to each other and all I wanted was to close the distance between us. “I’m not telling you anything, sweetheart - I’m smarter than that to tell a woman what to do.”

Her head felt so warm and right laying on my arm and she looked up at me. “Good boy.” she praised and fuck I hoped that she didn’t catch my cock jumping in my pants. Her eyes fluttered shut at the same moment a deep sigh escaped from her lips.

“You’re exhausted. Let me take you home.” My hand fully weaved around her arm and rocked her softly as if trying to not let her drift to sleep.

“It’s okay, I can walk home, it only takes half an hour.” 

“I’m definitely not letting you walk home all by yourself.” She opened her mouth for a retort but shut it again as she saw me shaking my head slowly, staring her down until the message sank in.

Then a smile spread across her face “Fine.”

YN

He was right. I was completely drained by the day, even if nothing really happened. It must have been the hours of me staring at those pages of my book. And my heart skipped a beat at his incessant chivalry - other guys would have just let me go walking down the dark streets. He slowly stood up and extended his hand to me naturally, as if he did a hundred times before. Thoughts evaded my brain and I absently let my hand slide into his. Warmth and calloused fingers threaded cautiously through mine. It didn't even affect him in the slightest as I leaned all my weight onto it as I pulled myself up, taking him as leverage. As he took me outside, calmness and the sense of safety emanated from his touch over me. I could get used to that. Having him close. Our hands touching. Leaning onto him after a long day, seeking the comfort he offered. But not only that. Innocent thoughts were replaced by naughty ones - how his fingers would feel around my neck, playing with the airflow before entering the holiness between my legs. One finger then two and a shot of hotness… made me clench my thighs together when we finally stood before his bike, the pouring rain had finally faded and merged into a soft sprinkle mist. 

He held up his jacket, ready for me to slip into it. “Come on, safety first.” he grinned and I surrendered. He zipped it up for me and put the helmet on my head before he hoisted me up in his arms to put me down on the back of the bike.

“Remember what I told you last time?”

“Hold onto you while driving, hold onto the tank when stopping and don’t lean into the other direction.”

A proud smile stretched his lips “Good girl.”

Holy. Fucking. Shit. A hot lightning rushed into my core and my skin tingled, letting the small jewel twitch. It was the hottest thing he ever said to me and I regretted hearing it, because I needed to hear it again. Definitely material for when I’ll be soaking in the bathtub later.

He let the bike become alive and I secured my hands around his middle as he pulled the bike onto the street. The light of the lanterns rushed by as we cruised through the dark streets of Velaris. The wind blew his scent into my nostrils and if I hadn't held on tight I would have certainly slipped from the sensation. Musky and a rich male perfume let my mound cover itself in slick. I could feel every muscle of his ripped front against my palms through the thin and damp material and it made my stomach coil. I saw myself using the image of his bare chest for my night pleasures.

He halted in front of my apartment and hit the killswitch. He kicked down the kickstand, turned around in his seat and secured one arm around my middle to let me slide down on the side. I shrugged out of the jacket and I instantly missed his smell around me. His shirt was still a bit wet and clung to his frame, showing off every set of powerful muscles. I had to clench my hands into fists to hold them back from touching his pecs. He zipped it up and I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that his broad muscles were now hidden by the leather. Small drops of rain began to fall again as I pushed the helmet over his head. “Get inside before you’re getting all wet again.” he ushered gently as he pushed his book under his jacket.

I jumped up the first stairs to the door of the house I lived in when a thought crossed my mind. I turned on my heel and bounced down the stairs again, his head shot to me as I closed off the distance and I leaned in slowly to press a soft kiss on the outside of his helmet where his cheek was. His eyes were blown wide as our gazes met. Did he just blush? “Thank you for taking me home. See you soon, Wheels. Good night.”

“Good night sweetheart.” he whispered and the hand that somehow found the little of my back lightly pushed me towards the entrance door again.

I beamed at him, running upstairs. The door of my apartment fell shot behind me and I caught myself almost hopping to the window that faced the front. I looked outside only to find him gazing up at me already, as if he was waiting for me to turn on the light and see that I was really home. My eyes sparked and I waved at him. His frame shook from a chuckle before he nodded at me and the loud rumble of his bike roared to life. I stayed by the window and regarded him until he pulled his bike up and drove down the street. 

I moved in only two weeks ago. A small space just down the street, barely fitting the few things I brought. The bedroom was so small that it left only a small corridor for me to press through to get to the bathroom. But it was mine alone and I adored it. The sofa and the small dining table took up the most space of the cramped living space adjacent to the tiny kitchen, only separated by a hatch. But I had a balconette that looked over the street with pots of bright flowers that Elain arranged for me as a housewarming gift. Petunias in yellow and orange sat between geraniums and pansies. There also was a single pot with herbs - basil, oregano, rosemary and mint. I loved to cook and that small detail warmed my heart. Every time I opened the window, the wind brought the sweet, rich smell of the flowers and herbs into my apartment. Sometimes even a bee but I had no doubt the bright petals pulled it outside soon.

Cheers and omitted laughter drummed through the air at the top of the house. Of course I noticed how the guys next to us watched me, checked me out and whispered to one another which of my features they liked best. They were all the same, just looking for a beauty that only waited for them to come and get her. Bile rose up in my throat as I tried to not eavesdrop what they were saying. “Talk to her”, “I know she likes it dirty”, “Have you seen that ass?”, “I’d give anything for a taste of that spectacular boobs.” they weren't as subtle as they thought. It was probably the alcohol that loosened their mouths. But it only enhanced their looks that were plastered on me, like I was their shiny new toy.

I clung to Elain as we sat next to each other on the bench with her inner circle, as she called it until Azriel and Rhys suddenly began to cheer and chant at the guy that just arrived with their hands up in the air, awaiting his embrace.

As he emerged from the stairs I didn't think he would ever cease to grow more in height. He was at least five inches taller than any guy next to him, easily towering over all of them. Black boots and washed out jeans sat beneath his white dress shirt, two or three buttons were loosened and exposed his impressive pecs, dark swirls of tattoos grew across. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, showing off his veiny forearms that were tinted by the same black and gray tattoos. A thick neck where one could anchor a yacht held his handsome face - three days of stubble and a bone structure that would make any of the old gods glare with ire. A chiseled jaw and dark brows framed his face alongside his dark locks that he had halfway up in a manbun. His deep voice reverberated from his chest as he pulled Az and Rhys in a tight hug.

 “I almost forgot what you looked like.” he chimed as he embraced them. I mimicked Elain as she got up from beside me to greet the man. He pulled her into a bear hug before she glanced between me and him.

 “YN, this is Cassian. Cass this is YN. My friend from the dance lessons, remember?” She gestured between us and I would have tripped over from that look in those beautiful hazel eyes if I didn't shake his strong hand, keeping me rooted to the spot. 

“Of course, I do. That’s why we're here, aren't we?” His handshake was firm and warm and I was startled by the wide smile he wore on his face as he looked down at me. “Hi.” was all I could breathe out as I willed my body back to my senses.

 He was handed a beer instantly by one of his friends as he sat down on the last free space, right next to me. His biceps bounced my arm as he gestured, while telling the story of the last weekend to his friends “...and of course you had to take that bottle from behind the bar.” he massaged his cheeks, which were blushed from laughing as his brothers almost doubled over backwards from giggling. His form was impressive and he was funny, I had to give him that. But he was probably the parade-specimen of the guys I tried to hide from. Good looking, full of themselves and a womanizer like in all history books, having five on each finger and losing them as soon as they fall out of his bed.

Feyre leaned forward, her forearms braced on the table and smiled. “So, YN. Where are you from?”

“Illyria. I grew up there in different places and always wanted to live in a big city.”

Nesta rose a brow. “Illyria? Lots of army bases there. You don't seem like the typical camp-type girl.” 

I chuckled at her comment. “Yeah, because I wasn't. Kept to myself, you know. Studied a lot."

“What do you do here?” Feyre chimed and sipped her wine.

“I found a job at the rainbow in a library.”

“That sounds peaceful.” Nesta sighed with dreamy eyes.

I smiled at her. “Yes it is. I love it. I help people with their research or just find their next novel. And the best part, when a new book comes out I get to read it first, because the orders arrive a few days before the release.”

Nesta’s eyes glittered and Feyre mused. “Enough of the book talk. YN have you been to Rita’s already? It’s our favorite club, you must come dance with us sometime!”

I stumbled over my words. “No. I mean - thank you, but I don't really do clubs.” I shied and wanted to crawl in my shell like a little snail.

“Don’t think you can escape forever.” Feyre laughed but dropped it. I blushed. “I'll take your word for it.”

“So…do you have a boyfriend back in Illyria?” she asked quickly, scanning the men all over the rooftop terrace as if she tried to find the perfect match for me. Elain exchanged looks with Cassian for whatever reason but I ignored it. They were friends and probably had some silent conversation. I snorted with a chuckle. “No. Left zero broken hearts.” At that Elain grinned wildly and turned back to us girls. She bumped my shoulder teasingly. “By choice or lack of options?”

I tiled my head to her and sighed. ”Let’s just say Illyrian males aren’t exactly known for their charm.” I shrugged and added. “Honestly I’m not sure I even want to date right now.”

“Smart.” Nesta gave back and thankfully we went to themes that did not circled around only me. I nursed my Mimosa as I told the story of how I helped Elain getting her moves right after we clicked on our dance lessons as one of the shit talking guys from before came up to our table, as if no one else was there and staring into my cleavage “We’re playing beer pong and my team needs another player to make it even,” his thump flew over his shoulder and my view angered at the long table where the guys from before set up cups, letting them slip out if their hands as they saw me looking at them and giggling towards each other like five year olds. “I could use a beautiful lady that would show them how it’s done.” his eyes flew over my body hungrily before they landed on my eyes again. “And maybe afterwards, I could show you how I do it.”

Disgust and rage soared through my body as I heard Cassian mutter a curse right next to me, he must have thought the same as I. Another male, testing the bounciness of the ball on the table top chimed in. “Yeah you should show all of us what you have.” and was encouraged by his teammate as he clapped on his shoulders. 

That was exactly why I was against that huge gathering. E pushed me to come and I wondered if those were her real friends or if they only waited for Az to be out of sight to get their hands on her - or onto me. 

“Maybe next time,” I answered as politely as I could before I took the last swing of my drink.

“Oh come on! Play with us. Don’t be a prude. I’m sure you could handle something stronger to swallow than that pussy cocktail you have there.” he said with a foul tone, earning applause from his friends.

They were definitely not Elain's friends.

I begged the mother that the others didn't notice the trembling of my hands as I pushed up from my seat, brushing Cassian's arm in accident. “As I said, no thank you.”

"You heard the lady. Now shut it." Cassian glared at him and the man retreated without another word to his group.

I leaned down to Elain half whispering to her. “I’m going to get a drink and some air.” and left my glass there before I strut past the beer pong table, feeling their poisonous gazes burning on my backside.

Before I reached the stairs I faintly heard her calling “Let me know if I can help you with anything.” and caught Cassian glancing after me with something like pity or sorrow crossing his face.

The kitchen was empty as I climbed down the stairs and stood at the sink, splashing water to my face and my neck after finally being able to wash my hands. Why can’t they leave me be? I cursed under my breath but before I reached out for another glass, my hand fell to my chest. My heartbeat rose and I felt my pulse drumming in my veins - probably not the right time to have another drink. Instead, I grabbed my purse and made my way down the steps, out of the door and sat on the still warm granite staircase that led up to Elain’s and Azriel's house. 

I took a deep breath, muting the music and sing-alongs that drifted down from the rooftop. Finally some peace and quiet. I pulled out my eReader and opened the last chapter that I read. But even the intriguing romance novel couldn't drown my thoughts. 

Why are they all the same? Liars and idiots who only cared for themselves. Looking for an easy hookup and a fun night, just to never call again. Or if they called again they wanted something easy until they met another fuck-me-girl and have her on the side - texting them just after they had me in bed. I was done with men. I was done with all of them. That was one reason I needed a fresh start. To get my head clear and not be some chick to another moron.

“You okay there?” a deep husky voice said from behind me. I didn't even hear the front door falling into its lock as I was too much not reading the letters that sprawled before me. As I looked up, the sky was dark and lit by a thousand stars. I turned my neck further until I recognized Cassian hopping down the stairs “Everything alright?” he asked again as he leaned against the pillar on the end of the stairs putting a reasonable space between us.

“Yeah, I just- I just needed some air.” I half-lied. I really looked forward to meeting all of E’s friends but I wasn't prepared for those jerks. He was probably one of them. Seeing that douchebags failing to get me, now it was his turn it seemed.

“Don’t listen to a word they’re saying, they’re pricks, really.” he said, leaning his head to the side as if he understood why I needed an escape.

I chuckled, “I wasn't prepared for that babbling, bumbling band of baboons.” I said dryly and was praised by a laugh that rolled from out of his chest and that dazzling smile was back.

“Look, I’m sorry that they treated you this way. They’re assholes. I don't know why Elain invited them anyway, nobody likes them to be honest.” 

“Thank you. So you’re not friends with them?”

“Cauldron no! I stay as far away from them as possible.” he chuckled. “What are you reading there?” an easy smile graced his sun kissed skin. Did my heart just skip a beat?

“Nothing really, just wanted to finish the last chapter in peace.” I just nodded my head pushing the button of my eReader to light up the screen again, hoping to make it clear that I wasn't interested in him but he offered, “Can I take you somewhere?” He gestured to the motorcycle that was parked on the side of the road. A beautiful sports machine with certainly too much ps under the hood. It was huge and all black except for the bat-like wings that were painted on the side of the tanks in glowing red. 

His smile was genuine. Maybe he wasnt as bad as the others, but still I shrunk even further into the small space that I took in on the side of the steps. “No thank you, I’m good. I live just down the street here.” I shied at his nice invitation. He pushed off the banister, took his helmet and hid his face under the all reflecting reddish shield. One of his large legs swung over the bike and lifted the kickstand. He turned the key in the ignition, hit the kill switch and pressed the start button. “It was nice meeting you, YN.” he waved at me before he let the engine rumble alive.

“You too. See you ‘round Wheels” I half-yelled at him as a goodbye.

 He pulled into the street and let the engine howl twice before he was gone faster than lightning.

Before I could respond, the doorbell rang. My heart kicked up.

“Gotta go, happy solstice man.” I said into the phone as I stared at my beautiful background picture. It was a photo of her on my bike with gear and helmet, so at odds with the orange sunset. 

“Yeah, yeah. Go woo your girlfriend. Happy solstice.” He said with a cheer and hung up. I shook my head, setting down the whisky before heading to the door. Fuck I need to calm down. I opened it and my sweet YN stood there, bundled up in her coat while snowflakes melted in her hair, crowning her with a glittering halo.

She beamed at me, “Hey you!” and stretched herself up on her tiptoes to steal a kiss from me. My heart skipped a beat as our mouths moved together. I made a mental note to see a cardiologist soon to check if that pump was still intact. I smiled down at her “Hey yourself. Get in here before you freeze.”

She stepped inside, letting me help her out of her coat. Once she was settled and the chatter about our day was finished I turned to her. My palms were too sweaty and my heart pounded in my chest. “Since it's Solstice, I have something for you.”

Her brows lifted. “For me?”

I nodded. “Close your eyes, baby.”

She frowned a bit and gave me a wary look but obeyed and shut her eyes. I waved a hand before her face, testing if she wasn't cheating. Then I palmed her shoulders and turned her around three times for good measure. “Cass,” She giggled. “I’m getting sea sick.”

Then I gently took her hand and led her down the hallway. When we reached the room, I positioned her carefully in the middle of it. I stood behind her, pressing my front to her back while my arms wrung around her middle.

“Okay,” I murmured next to her ear, breathing in her perfume. “Open them.”

She blinked her eyes open and her breath caught in her lungs. Once it was an unused room with some clutter in it. For the last few weeks I had transformed it into a cozy library for her. Shelves on every wall, painted in her favorite color, filled with some of her books that I stole out of the boxes in her apartment. An oversized fluffy reading chair where we would even fit in together sat in the corner, next to a small table and a lamp that produced the perfect light for reading. Beneath the window I had placed a beautiful wooden desk that she saw when we were at a flea market. She ran her hand over the smooth surface sighing, because it was too big for her little apartment. When she didn't look, I paid the seller and had it delivered to my place the next day. The already lit candle stood next to the small pile of blank sheets and the pen I had laid out.

She was silent for a moment, taking it all in. Then she turned in my arms and laid her hands on my chest with tears in her doe eyes. “Cassian…”

I watched her nervously “Do you like it?”

All she could manage was a nod before her hands slid over my shoulders, interlacing them behind my neck. My hands immediately pulled her in tighter as she buried her face in the crook of my neck. “I love it.” she whispered “I love it.”

A stone fell from my heart, free of the heavy weight, my emotions swam high. Seeing her happy about her cozy studio let me forget all the hard work I had put into it. Finally, she had a space to follow her dream.

I pressed a kiss into her hair. “Good.” I hesitated then pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. “You told me so often about needing the perfect space to start writing…and you said you liked the view so I thought-” she didn't even wait for me to end my sentence as she pulled me into a kiss, soft and filled with her gratitude. “Cass, thank you. It really is the perfect spot to start writing again. You’re the best.”

“I’m glad you like it. Because I was hoping… maybe you’d consider moving in.” I paused and watched her reaction, her face was blank as if I spoke a different language. “You have most of your stuff here already and we're here all the time. You can see the whole skyline from the windows…” I stepped a bit back so she wouldn't break her neck from looking up at me.

She considered the offer “Move in…” and I circled my thumbs on the sides of her waist soothingly.

I nodded. “I love having you around. So why not make it official?”

A slow, radiant smile spread across her face. “You really want me to?”

“I really do.”

She bit her lip, as if trying to contain her excitement. Then she beamed at me and a hot shower ran over my spine “Then yes. I’d love to.”

There it was again. That idiotic smile that only she was able to plaster on my face. I leaned down to kiss her again, slower this time, so she could feel every ounce of my feelings for her. When we finally pulled apart she laughed softly. “Well, I guess this Solstice just got a lot better.”

I chuckled. “Yeah? Think your dad will agree when we tell him?”

Her expression turned slightly nervous. “Well, we’re about to find out. Are you ready for dinner with him?”

I smirked. I’ve heard so many stories about the legendary Alexander YLN. I was excited to meet him, his CV was impressive and everyone knew the heroic stories about him. It took only his name to have soldiers tremble in fear. But meeting him as her father ticked my nerves. Fuck, I hoped he would like me. I pushed my doubts  down “Oh Please, I’ve survived battles. How bad can it be?”

She just shook her head as I helped her back into her coat. “Famous last words.”

YN

Cassian's hand was sweaty in mine as we stepped into the cozy, dimly lit restaurant. I’ve never seen him so nervous before. He constantly adjusted his shirt and jacket, it was hilarious. 

I spotted my father, waving us towards the table at the corner. Broad shoulders and neatly cut hair that was salt and peppered. He wasn't as large as Cassian but that didn't make him less impressive or terrifying. Most people freaked at the mere sight of my father. They changed direction when they spotted him in the streets and avoided eye contact. Usually he wore a grim face and that same kind of calmness that Cassian had - a soldier through and through. But now he was smiling at us and stood as he pulled me into a soft hug “Hey dad.” I chimed as he petted my back “Hey, princess.”

Then he took Cassian in with sharp assessing eyes before he broke into a smile. I watched Cass closely, he was frozen to the spot and his eyes were blown wide. “So, you must be Cassian. You did a great job at stealing my daughter’s attention.”

Cassian grinned and shook his hand firmly. “Commander. Pleasure to meet you.”

My dad chuckled, he liked it when people respected the ranks, even when Cass was above him in the food chain. “Vice-general.” he said firmly before nodding and gesturing us to sit. Cass pulled out my chair and I glanced at my dad who had wonder and admiration written all over his face.

My father raised a brow, clearly pleased. “You did your homework, son.”

“Only the best for your daughter, sir.” Cassian shot back smoothly.

I rolled my eyes. “Can you two not flirt with each other?” Both men laughed as they sat down, at ease instantly. I could tell already that they liked each other. That made things way easier for me. He was never a fan of my boyfriends before and only a few made it far enough to even meet him. He always said they were too pampered and too weak - not good enough for his little girl. But Cass was different. He grew up in the army and knew the drill. Since he was young he worked his way up, proving his abilities. He was dedicated and that was how he climbed the ladder in his branch against the odds.

I had one of my hands on Cassian's thigh, stroking soft circles on his muscle. More for my reassurance than for his. During the dinner, my father talked with Cass about military stuff. He congratulated him for passing the tests and on how he was doing as vice-general. I sipped on my wine when they chatted about movements and tactics, my dad tried to trap him into gossiping about other branches and commanders but Cass handled the situation skillfully. His eyes were beaming when my dad told him about some of his adventures, it was like watching a little kid standing in front of his superhero.

Soon the conversation flowed to more personal matters and my dad told him embarrassing childhood stories about me. “I need more wine for that!” I huffed and refilled my glass. Cassian poured me a glass of water, he always did that - stay hydrated. 

He told the story of how I made a special collage for him when I was in preschool. “She smiled so brightly at me as she handed me the picture. But I knew I saw those flowers before. Turns out she cut it out of the curtain from the kitchen window and glued them to the paper before coloring them with every color of the rainbow.”

“Daaaaaaad!” I groaned and my cheeks burned red, I hid my face behind my hands.. I wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole.

Cassian practically howled with laughter, pulling me into his side as my dad poured  whisky for them.

“And once when we were cleaning she sucked up the water from the bucket with the vacuum.” My dad was unstoppable now. “You should have seen the look on the face of the guy who had to repair a water damage on a vacuum.”

“You were adorable, sweetheart.” Cassian smiled down at me and kissed the crown of my head. “I’ll make sure not to leave you alone with water and electricity when we’re cleaning the apartment together. Can't have you get electrocuted.”

My dad grinned, clearly pleased by the way Cass handled me. Dad exchanged looks with me, silently asking if we were living together. I dipped my chin and intertwined my hand with Cassians on the table. He only nodded and the corner of his mouth dipped up in reassurance.

After dinner, my dad reached into his jacket and pulled out a neatly wrapped package, sliding it across the table to me.

“Happy solstice, princess.”

I unwrapped it carefully. Inside was an old well worn storybook. I recognized it instantly, it was the one he read to me as bedtime stories when I was little. My fingers ran over the cover and my eyes softened. “Our book.”

He nodded. “You’re so far away now, you should have a piece of your old home with you in your new home.”

My throat bobbed as I swallowed thickly “Dad…” he gently ran a hand over her cheek “Thank you. Actually I have the perfect place for it.” I smiled at Cassian and he had the same thought as me as my mind slid back to the library he built for me. 

After dinner ended, we stepped outside. A thin layer of fresh snow crunched under our shoes. My dad pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek goodbye. “Would you give us a second please, princess? I’d like to have a word with your man.”

Here it was, his infamous speech. My eyes went wide and I looked up at Cassian with fear in my eyes. But he smiled down at me with a reassuring look, telling me that he would be okay. “Wait for me at the bike, sweetheart?”

I hesitated for a moment and threw my dad a look asking if he really had to give Cass the talk. His face was stern, he wanted to do that. I nodded and walked off.

Cassian

As soon as she was out of earshot her fathers expression turned serious. “You seem like a good man, Cassian,” he started. “And I can see my daughter trusts you. But let's get one thing straight-”

I sucked in air and straightened my spine. Her dad was some inches smaller than me but that took nothing from the way he wore his deadly form. My stomach knotted looking into his piercing eyes. 

“If you ever hurt her,” her father continued, voice low and firm, “I don’t care how big and bad you are or what your rank is, I will make you regret it.”

I didn’t flinch. Instead, I smiled firmly, nodding once.

“Understood,” I said. “And I swear to you, I’d rather set myself on fire than hurt her.”

Her father studied me for a moment, then nodded approvingly. “Good answer.”

With that, he clapped my shoulder, this time in something closer to approval. “Now go,” he said, tilting his head toward where YN waited by the bike. “Take my daughter home.”

I grinned “Yes, sir.” and saluted before him and strode toward her. My heart felt lighter than it had in a long time. I took her hand after I checked that her helmet was on safely and guided her onto my bike.

The door swung shut behind us and I let out a content sigh, kicking off my boots and helping her out of hers. “He really likes you, you know that?” She said, smiling at me as I stretched myself out on the couch. “You really think so? I like him, too.” 

“Yes, I could see that he’s very impressed by you. I don't want to talk about my ex boyfriends but he never talked more than necessary with them and gave them short and sharp answers if he even acknowledged them. You’re the only one who had a conversation with him and even pulled a laugh from him.” It was the truth, I was surprised how easy Cass made it look to get along with my dad.

“What can I say, I’m a funny guy.” I chuckled and pulled her next to me. The night had been perfect. She loved her solstice gift and dinner with her dad was easy banter. 

“I wanted to give you this earlier.” She pulled a small carefully wrapped package from behind her. A shy smile played on her lips as she held it out for me.

I straightened and smiled at her “Sweetheart, you didn't have to get me anything. All I need is right here.” She lifted her palm, urging me to take it. “But I wanted you to have that.”

I raised a brow and took the package from her hand, unwrapping it slowly. My breathing stopped as I held up the small silver bell, shining in the cozy light of our apartment. I ran my thumb over the smooth surface.

“You got me a guardian bell?” I asked her softly and she nodded with a proud smile. It was a good luck charm for bikers. It was said that they protect them during travels and help them find their way back home. However it was considered bad luck to buy them by oneself - they had to be given from a loved one. It should be attached to the lowest point of the bike, to catch evil road spirits so they could do no harm to the rider.

The only thing I could do was stare at it, my throat worked around something thick. I had never been the type to believe in luck or charms, but this - this was different. Because it came from her. Because it meant that she worried about me, wanted me to always come back to her.  “YN…” my voice was hoarse as I turned to her, “This is-” I swallowed, shaking my head. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

She smiled, nudging me playfully. “Well, it means you better be careful out there. No reckless stunts, Wheels”

I couldn't take my eyes off her and huffed a quiet laugh. I reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. “I love you.”

She tangled her small hand in the hair on my neck and pulled me to her lips. That kiss healed wounds I didn't think I had. I felt complete for the first time in my life. She pulled away and smiled radiantly at me “I love you too, Cass.” she whispered. I exhaled as relief washed over me. I tugged her onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her. I would never let her go.

“You know this means you’re stuck with me now,” I teased, pressing a kiss to her nose.

“Good,” she said, grinning. “I was hoping for that.” I chuckled and pulled her in for another kiss - longer and deeper this time.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND THE SWEET WORDS YOU LEFT FOR ME <3