Hi would you like to hear a story about how my parents are the worst?
Gordy is my dog, he's a rescue with trauma. Red tag means "potentially dangerous" because he's attacked a dog. We've learned about his needs and he's happy with us. He has to walk with a muzzle and needs to go in his kennel if people come over...but just at first because he actually really likes people. But he's afraid of animals and kids and because of that, he is a biting danger. I know him very well now and know when he likes someone or if he's spooked, and it's always kids and youthful energy that he can't handle.
My parents agree to take care of him over Thanksgiving so the SO and I can visit SO's parents out. of state.
This is the first time, so I take a lot of time with instructions and repeat very explicit directions.
"If your grandkids/my nephews are coming over, Gordy gets the muzzle and locked in his kennel, or you put him down in the pole shed."
"I know he's sweet to you, but it's alarming how fast he can turn."
"Do not, under any circumstances, let him near kids and if anyone is coming over, muzzle and crate. Muzzle and crate. MUZZLE AND CRATE."
Well, guess what.
My mom is the kind of person that thinks she knows better. She doesn't listen to facts, she just goes with her gut (a true Trumpy through and through) and she's standing around on Thanksgiving and the kids are over and she's thinking "L (the oldest of the boys) is 16 years old. He's not a little kid and he likes dogs. I bet Adira's wrong about this. I bet they will be friends. Hey L. You want to meet the dog?"
Nobody sees them go out.
But also, nobody sees them come back in, my mother ushering her grandson to the bathroom to patch him up and tell him not to tell anyone what really happened.
Gordy bit my nephew in the FACE because my mother doesn't listen and makes bad choices.
This is not unusual for my mother and it's my fault for trusting her. I didn't think she'd actually gamble with her grandson's safety though.
L is fine. He had to go to the doctor for antibiotics because it got infected (because my mom thinks she knows how to clean a wound and no, mom, douche isn't a antibactirial agent) and he could have lost an eye. But he's fine. We've talked and he feels bad about it and I've let him know he shouldn't and how much he's loved, so much, more than the dog, more than anything.
BUT WAIT. IT GETS WORSE.
Did my folks contact me about this when it happened? NOPE.
They waited until we drove in the Sunday after Thanksgiving. They let us greet Gordy and play with him. They made a roast. My mom sat at the table but didn't eat with us, she had a bad stomach that day and she wasn't saying much, just playing on her phone and jiggling her foot and I'm like I know these fkers, something's up.
My dad waits until we're almost ready to go before saying, "I have to tell you something, and I feel bad and failed you and it's all MY fault. I'll tell you the story, but you can't ask me any questions."
Okay, that's not a weird thing to say at all. WHAT.
He proceeds to tell me that he wasn't there and doesn't know what happened. He only says he didn't know L was outside. Then, all of a sudden, L came into the room with a bandage on his face and said the dog bit him.
SO and I were shocked. We asked if L opened the kennel. We asked if the kennel failed. We asked if Gordy got his muzzle off. Dad just kept saying I don't know and begging our forgiveness.
He actually said the silent part out loud that he wouldn't have even told me about it, except the doctor had to ask L about the dog and take the owner's name and if it got reported and I got a call about Gordy and Gordy had to be put down, he wanted me to know it might be coming.
My mother stayed silent.
We left, shocked and angry.
I thought about it that night and understood immediately what happened. Because I know these fkers. I called my sister (L's mom) to apologize the next day. She wasn't angry with me, just our parents and we talked about it and bonded over the emotional trauma of living with our mother's toddler behavior and our father's insistence on enabling her.
She put L on the phone and he told me the truth. Because of course he did. Mom brought him out there. Mom opened the cage. Mom told him to get down and pet him. It was all mom, just like I'd suspected because I KNOW HER BULLTSHIT.
Queue a month of just fuming about the lies, grieving the loss of my relationship with my parents, figuring out how I could get out of Christmas without lying about an excuse, but not bringing it up either because Christmas isn't the time. The way I saw it, I had two choices: stay home or go to their place and try to be civil and risk blowing up in front of L. That's the last thing I wanted, because I don't want him to think he had anything to do with this.
But there was a Christmas miracle: L's brother came down with bronchitis and my sister's family weren't coming to Christmas. There's just her and me and her husband and kids in our family (SO goes to his family out of state). So I just texted and told my folks "Whelp, no worries. We'll have to do it another time."
And that seemed like that. Give me time to calm down when I can talk to them like an adult.
BUT WAIT. IT GETS WORSE.
Last night my dad leaves a message to call him.
Ehhhhh, nah.
Then a text that he's very sorry about how he handled the Gordy thing and please give him a call.
Oh. So he's put it together that I'm avoiding them because of this. Fine. I'm not ready to engage, so I write him and my mom an email that boils down to:
I'm not ready to engage
I'm disappointed that you lied to me
You not listening to me is a pattern and it makes me feel like a child and that's not fair
I know what mom did and that doesn't surprise me but y'all lying about it and then covering it up like I wouldn't find out is a lot worse
I'm done with the midwestern game of sweeping things under the rug like there's no consequences and everything's normal; that's too exhausting for me and I can't live like that
I know you want me to forgive and forget and I'll do so on my own time but for right now y'all broke my heart and I need time and space.
The big takeaway here being "you need to start listening to me" and "I need my space" with bonus "I'm devastated that my mother and father flat out lied to me."
This is a test, and my dad proceeds to fail it by calling and leaving a message and asking me to call him. DID YOU NOT READ THE EMAIL. NO YOU DID NOT BECAUSE I SAID SPACE. SO ALSO REFUSING TO LISTEN I SEE.
BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE.
He finally realizes that I'm not talking to him over the phone and writes a one-line response to my email. I'm gonna copy it here and bold a part of it that will be relevant in a minute.
"Thank You, I understand some of your feelings, I promise to try harder to be a more honest person and treat you with all the respect you deserve. I Truly Love You With ALL My Heart, and will be looking forward to a better relationship."
My sister texts me: Did mom call you? Me: No. why. My sister: call me.
I do, and she proceeds to tell me that my father is depressed about everything and my mother is just la lala happy as a clam that she got off without blame. Yesterday, my sister says to my dad, "You need to make mom call Adira and apologize or this isn't gonna get better."
He says ok, he'll do that. So instead, he tries to call me himself (presumably to tell me to call mom on my own, trying to manipulate me into doing the work). This is the missed call from last night.
But now my sister's pissed because now she knows that dad had no intention of doing the right thing and he's lying to her about it.
So after I get off the phone, I get an email response from my mom:
"I apologize to you and [SO] for my deception. This was ALL my fault and I take full responsibility for my actions. Please don't blame Dad for protecting me from myself. It breaks my heart that I broke your trust and I hope one day you will forgive me. I love you, mom."
I will invite you to take a look at that wording and compare it to my dad's.
You see what I'm getting at? Would it help the mystery to know that my dad has access to my mom's phone and her accounts?
I screen shotted it and sent it to my sister.
Me: are we believing this? This is not how mom writes. My sister: Nope.
THAT FKR TOLD ME IN ONE BREATH THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE A MORE HONEST PERSON AND THEN IMPERSONATED MY MOTHER TO MANIPULATE ME INTO FORGIVENESS.
I don't think I have to tell you that this has had the opposite effect of what he wants.
Flashback to the day I talked to L and confirmed that we'd been lied to and my parents were pulling bullshit.
I told the SO that day that I don't need this anymore and once they leave for their Florida winter, I'm driving to their house, loading up all my leftover things in storage there, and I'll be done with them.
He said the most loving, understanding thing to try to calm me down. "I won't say that you're overreacting, but you should maybe tell them how you feel and not to treat you this way anymore. And if they still do things like this, I'd understand you cutting ties."
He's still out of state but we've been talking by polo. He says he'll have his truck ready to roll whenever I need.
And that's the story so far! Thanks for letting me vent!
*screaming laughing it's all the same rn*
Prep your partners before bringing them home for the holidays
