#bi realization

Very very glad to be able to talk about this masterpiece now!

Was not an easy process to say the least. I kept putting it off as if it was some chore I left for the end of the day kept thinking about kissing girls and being like "nahh no way, I'm not gay, nope that was just random" and then after playing life is strange I went "oh there it is" haha that's my story.

Also apparently everyone knew but didnt clue me in ✌

As a preteen, telling my female friend (we met at age 3) "Man, I wish one of us was a boy, because then we could have been like those childhood best friends that grow up together and fall in love."

Feeling jealous when my roommate said a lesbian hit on her at the grocery store.

Wishing for a while that instead of marrying a guy I could just live with one of my female friends and adopt kids.

Feeling self conscious about wanting to cuddle with my friends.

Literally HAVING A CRUSH ON A GIRL, which I vocalized online and dedicated a whole damn sideblog to before getting sucked back into a homopobic environment and signing it off as a fluke.

Having a dream about aforementioned crush girl asking me to help her practice kissing (which btw was the premise of the very first gay kiss scene I ever saw).

Having a dream that my female roommate asked me to marry her and run away with her (to Oklahoma??)

Writing a "straight" fanfic with "platonic pining" in which the main character writes a letter she never intends to send to a girl she admires and wants to be "friends" with. Let's be real. It was a cheesy sappy love letter, including sentences like "I don't think you realize how wonderful your smile can make someone feel."

Having a dream about dancing with a guy who turned into a girl and kissed me.

And finally, this iconic moment:

I am so grateful for the online community that helped me finally accept and EMBRACE myself. Giving your friends a space where they can feel safe to be true to themselves is so important.

Their kinds hearts

Their loving smiles

Their intelligent conversation

Their encouragement 

Their trust

They must never know

I bury this deep within me

So I don't feel like a traitor amongst them-

For they want to flee the ogling 

The whistles

The judgment

The hurt-

And they will not turn their backs on me

They want to be seen

As a person, not an object

Just as I long to be seen

I understand we haven't spoken but I hope you know how important you are to me. But thinking of how we were, I realized I crushed on you even though I didn't quite see it yet and it's one of my greatest mistakes that we lost touch during middle school and high school. I didn't know what liking a girl was supposed to be like. I had no one to teach me about love except for Hollywood but all those movies were straight romance not bi or lesbian ones.