My Poetry

I know I need to

But they still smell like the dogs I'll never get to hold again

I need to clean my car

But it's the only place I see their fur now

I come home as excited to see them as they used to be to see me

Sometimes I crawl in their pen to sleep on their beds and under their blanket

What am I supposed to do

They avoid the removal

They search for where I put them

They run to me when I pick them up

Their first home gave them away

Their second trapped them in a cage with an older dog that bullied them

The third house gave them to me

I have so much love for you

The time we have will never be enough

You deserve to have love

Ricochet

Through all your happiest and hardest moments

Being held and reassured that the loss was never about me

Or I feel like I have divorced my ex-life

And I'm being guided to my new one by excitement

Which is better? Which do I choose?

Am I who I always have been or who I am going to be?

Do I settle into comfortable discomfort or stumble through a new transformation? 

Why can I only lead one life?

Who told me that is all I get? 

I want everything I could be in any version of myself

Did I leave a hair on your shirt?

Will it go everywhere with you?

Fall off in the dirt?

Did you find it and recoil with disgust?

Finding out how you react to part of me 

Could save me from this feeling

To feel like I was worth loving

That there is nothing wrong with me

There never has been

And the people who made me feel there was are the problem

But I think your touch could smooth over all my rough edges

If you said one nice thing to me, I would believe it forever

My name off your lips could bring me back to the light

Even if you don’t need to,

Don’t talk if you don’t want me to remember

Don’t teach me if you don’t want me to make connections

Don’t introduce me to what you like if you don’t want me to love it too

Don’t join me if you don’t want me to love you

I will cling to any love I can get

You love to know

You smile with friends and family

You chuckle when my jokes are bad

You listen to my boring stories

You hold me even when I’m wrong

If it isn’t funny, why are you laughing?

If it didn’t mean anything, why do I feel like this?

If I wasn’t welcome, you shouldn’t have invited me

If you don’t want me to love you, don’t humor me

If you don’t want to know, why did you ask?