#bggrizoo

these raindrops no longer hold the letters of your name I stand outside close my eyes try to feel your embrace under street lights smell your lips in puddles I don’t dance I sit on the curb wish on passing car headlights the bottom doesn’t bother me as much as the fall the anticipation of hitting soaring wings instead of wet concrete I wanted to be more to you than what I needed I wanted to fly I wanted this emptiness to be full of words I open my eyes hold out my hands inhale grey droplets shout kisses to xenons taste what I wanted in the abruptness of a half-empty puddle & the swoosh of phantom

Some people will make you feel like this believe me when I tell you it is not a fault of

your

own

rewrite definitions after you collect the letters in your mirror & know

darling there’s no way in fuck I would leave the shelter of your arms

you know I’ve been searching for Home since I left Ollie wrapped in a blue blanket blowing kisses to the Moon

I’m learning to accept that he will always have the most vital pieces of my being & one day I’ll see him I’ll be whole again I won’t be this shell that you hold so delicately in your little fingers

I’ve been a Nomad since the day his brother was born & as much as I’ve contemplated I can’t take my only son from his only brother

I walked the soles off my boots my feet are so bloody and worn my socks are red threads stretching back for miles & miles

Frost was right I have many left to go but now my north star magnetizes northwest

I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t fucking tired I pitched a tent with his mom that blew away in the first wind

I built a house in Austin on the sand & watched my dreams drown under constellations of crest waves

my home town is just a popular phrase people write into Grammy lyrics

to me it’s just another city another place I don’t want to be

this chain smoked backyard used to hold a white, blue and green slide with a swing set & a tree house my father built for my brother & me now it contains two dying trees & the ghost of my first dog Brandy

so darling when you tell me Home is your arms once I open the door to your heart I’ll never fucking leave not because I have nowhere else to go

all those things we built became broken beams buckling under the pressure of the holes left behind by balls of betrayal & never happen agains that you promised

darling you may need to listen a little harder to hear my smile in this song but it’s still strugging to hold the corners of my mouth up for you because you need it just as much