SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN

it looks way more academic than and.,😎

Word. I need all the love I can get. I've decided that this year can send or give me whatever it wants, but 2018, this, this will be the first year I truly take.I'm taking from the universe this year. I think everyone else should as well. Yes, continue to give, but if you see an opportunity to take something then by all means TAKE IT!This is your year. This is our year. Snatch the fruit from the vine, squeeze it into a glass, mix with your favorite alcohol (or don't if you can't that's cool too 💚) and enjoy.

dear Anna, I love you & at this point there's nothing more that I can do this is your fault it's the way you rip the air from my lungs & dangle it in front of my face just enough to take a deep breath of a shallow return just enough to keep one hoove in front of the other it's the way I wake up and tell you good night in a universe that thinks fourteen time zones can stop fingers touching & your fingers are the only fucking reason I roll out of covers it's the way when I clock out you see a sunrise I haven't seen yet but your smile let's me know his warmth will come to me again it's the way you've shown me enough of your darkness the way you drown in it it's the way your hand breaks the surface and the bubbles make love to what little space exists between our intertwined fingers & it's the way I reach for your hand in a mirror image maybe it's my fault maybe you love me & the only thing you can do is inhale what little air I give you in sharp pains that wrap around your ribs but never bruise maybe you put one foot in front of the other too maybe you day dream the same things that make sleep easy for me now it's one thing to count miles it's one thing to count hours but our today and tomorrow and yesterday are split into distances that birds make nests of salt in & yet our wings still flap maybe we did this together maybe time and distance are things better reserved for black board equations maybe this is how it will be maybe this is how it's always been I'm sorry the stars are so lazy I've whispered wishes to clouds knowing that at one point they'll catch a current to a place far away from the polluiton of a downtown & I haven't heard back yet but I look up now and Anna, Anna there are clouds and I'm tucking this letter into their folds in hopes you wake up tomorrow and it's raining so you can take a drag of a cigarette hold your head outside the shelter of your porch pull your hair back close your eyes and let every letter sign my name on your cheek we're fucked but not by the way the sun shows you himself first not by the way the wind dies down in a loop to return not because the stars don't want to sprinkle some magic in the rain we're fucked because at the end of the day distance and time mean something but mean very little compared to the way bubbles burst in confined space love, bryan

it will fall

love, dad

I'm not afraid of the first time you hear I love you & you know I mean it I'm afraid of the first time you hear I'm sorry & you know I mean it I'm afraid of my mouth throwing a rock of the glass blown building you've constructed inside you where you keep our dreams & where you keep the person I am but I might not be I'm also afraid of the first time the fire spills from your eyes & inserts your tongue between my ribs & I die in your arms on a night we will let brew with the morning coffee & you'll say sorry you'll say you love me & you will mean it you can shave off my hair until my scalp is a forsaken trophy & you can slide my muscles from bottom to top and slice every sinew with your teeth you can break the levies of my blue ocean until it becomes crimson reefs at our feet you can break my bones with the wooden songs of your consonents & vowels until the particles get lost in spaces joints weren't made to connect I'll just be a bundle of nerves electric sparks covering splinters and syllables coagulated waves without shores stones regurgitated as mud & a smile that will still be yours I'm not afraid of that I'm afraid of crooked branches that will block out our sunshine I'm afraid of rockslides too heavy to clear a path through I'm not afraid of loving you & meaning it I'm afraid of the first time you question it in the moments before silence breaks the porch

the sun writes letters to a midnight lake

I want to show you

Dear you, You've mistaken my desire to help people with an actual love for everyone. Guess what? You just became no one. Let me tell you something because I know you are reading this. You are nothing. You are what I fight against and guess something else? I'm still fucking breathing You can't beat me and you never will. You are pathetic. You are a coward. You are a rotting corpse that will spread an infectious disease to all the vultures and buzzards in the region. They will die of sickle cell hacks and stomach viruses that download your inadequacy into the soil the broken wing dive bomb craters the falling bodies of your shit ass empty offspring create. And the dust will block out the sun, and your whispers will create a sinkhole in the Earth and all those rivers of fire will spill over and consumer every inch of island, peninsula, continent, and sea. You will be the end of not only an age, but a world. You are a child's wish learning what a bubble burst in mid flight means. You are fucking nothing. I am fucking something more. You don't hold power in your hand. You hold a name. A fucking catchy name. When you surface with it, and you probably won't, I will make sure it becomes a part of your blood. Because like most bad things in life, nothing is deserved, and you will have the ghosts of 16,000 people on your hands. Moms who try, but never do and fathers who wish they could. Men that can't let go, and women who must. People who can't live unless they drink, and those who can't if they do. The drug addicts. The script kids. The fuck ups. I'm a fuck up. I'm no one special. I just know how to flirt with a pen. I know how to fuck my mirror doggie style and not need dinner and a movie to do so. Oh yeah. I don't call back either. So guess. Guess what you did? You taught me something today. You taught me today that I am a dangerous person. I have the ability to rally the scrabbles of society and make us feel that it would crumble without us. So keep the fucking name. I have a fucking army now. We don't know who you are or why you did it but we don't care. You've given me my greatest gift in taking my greatest accomplishment. Knowing the devils of this world need a reason to pray. So keep the name. We will be back. So enjoy the victory in this battle, but remember it's all about the war. I'm a fucking warrior. sincerely, a god you made

Somehow, brokensoulsuploads was deleted today and I'm not sure how. I've contacted support and they sent out a generic shit template that had nothing to do with my issue. Please submit a ticket and ask that they restore the page. Worst case scenario, it's coming back, but for it to suddenly disappear is a soul crushing experience. Like, it's fucking gone. So please submit a ticket and please tell them to contact me. There's no way it's just "gone" and I feel like if I can drum up some support the page will be restored in a quicker fashion. Thank y'all and I'm sorry

when hydrogen & helium meet they feed each other beauty my days are swallowed by half nod love letters my heart writes my brain & my teeth long for the ink stain your tongue will leave I blow smoke into these neon lights & trace our silhouettes while the music is playing & they dance in the way lips say everything when only our eyes are open I want to know what your skin tastes like in the morning when your spirit returns to it I want to hear the way the waves of your heart crash against the sands of your lungs and when you say Home I want you to think of the hole inside me with your picture frames it has a patio with coffee and ash stains & you lost a sock under the couch I want you to think of the valley that wished to be an ocean & woke up the next day with coral reefs I wish you could see the desert without dunes that became rolling hills perfumed in petals that giggle and stretch when they bloom to the song of your presence my bones turned blue holding their breath waiting not for a hand to wrap around their skin but for another skeleton to acknowledge how brightly I could outshine helium if only I found the perfect amount of hydrogen

dear Ollie, it's Christmas Eve there should be presents underneath a tree from me from santa claus but there aren't & they aren't because daddy is full of a lot of things & magic isn't one of them it's Christmas Day and you should have your model spaceship with batteries I ordered Tuesday but got an out of stock email Friday & nothing could be sent nothing could be picked up I just sat at my desk & pretended to work a half day while fathers while mothers traded stories about plans and wish lists sons and daughters made & I sat and read then reread that email hoping I read it wrong but son, daddy is full of a lot of things & magic isn't one I'm afraid to cut my veins not because of blood because I would rather feel the way the broken promises I make pulsate the bones around my lungs than watch them paint the grass in the color of Love that will never be good enough I quit drinking but only long enough to know that I can't & that I shouldn't because I thought the light at the end of the tunnel was the way your mom's eyes and your cheeks needed my smile but I got to the end of the tunnel I got there son & it was the beginning of all the things I haven't done with a torch lit by all the things I should've I sit and listen to music I wish I could write & I sit and write words into poem I wish I didn't need to & it's not that I don't want to write to you anymore I just don't want to live the reasons behind these words I'll never tell you It's Christmas Day this bar is full of people broken in the same & different ways and the sound feet make when a new pair come in & sing their way to an empty seat is a jacket for me but I still shiver because this company is the type of company who know they weren't enough not even here the game is on & the kitchen is closed but there's a Chinese delivery driver who doesn't seem to mind returning every thirty minutes or so but his feet don't seem to play the cracks the same last night we went to Grandma's again and we said another prayer & I watched them again I thought about you again I thought about family & once I left I drove to a different bar to start this letter & the glass made the same sounds I hide underneath hoodies in the winter when the wind reminds me I'm human & I hide behind a tie at a business casual workplace to cold call strangers to trick them into thinking I'm human & I shiver I sell but a humain being is something I've unbecome maybe one day I'll be a better person maybe one day I won't all I know is this bag I carry is full of a lot of things magic isn't one of them & there's an empty space under a tree the letters of my name fit perfectly love, dad

identity & breathing

because I’m the only one left with wings & your hips shake penetrated by my name

dear Ollie, I'm sorry these letters don't come as often as they should & I'm even more sorry they exist in the first place one day you will read this book & you will read her book but a book I hope you'll never read are all the stories the world writes & will write about me it's easy to be the good guy with a backspace key & it's easy to be a painter when colors are muscle memory & your letters are the only poems I need to edit because the only colors that matter are shades of blue that turn red I've found songs that write themselves are usually the easiest to sing & son, I can't sing but my lungs don't know that thoughts don't mean anything but I think about you constantly so our memories & my dreams are my everything I know I don't do enough I know I never will & that's why I'm here that's why the cigarette smoke never leaves & that's why the whiskey won't let me either I've failed you to a point there are no options I've failed you to a point severity is no longer an adversary & I've failed you to a point trying doesn't matter but I fall asleep with what little grace God has for me he keeps in the pockets of his jeans & I wake up I keep trying I poetry because it may be the only way you will know me there's a difference between strength and stubbornness I am weak but I don't bend easily ask your mother but do so kindly even though she's a full bloom who laughs at the snow when we meet it's very important to let go of anger to let go of blame & if you've read the other letters you know why I write in a way that I will always be here for you I write for you because backspace is the only keystroke I get right I'm a good writer & I'm a good poet only because I'm a bad man I'm a bad lover & a father is the worst title I've ever been buried beneath right now you are my everything & you always always always will be I would say I'm sorry but sorry & fatherhood only belong together if you drop the hood & there's a reason I wear a hoodie I name my devils so I always have someone to say goodnight to & one day I'll paint a picture I hope you'll never see but don't ask questions about where I was or where I'll be keep your fingers on the page so you always know where to find me love, dad

I am no one special I am no one worth keeping I am no one breathing when you read me when you hear me the voice in this poetry is coming from a place the past the present & the future argue about what time a broken clock holds in steady hands I've come to realize my heart is a starving artist without a medium & it's a genius in a world survival isn't a thought I've come to realize the most beautiful song isn't sung it's hummed & good intentions are sand castle waves that never meet a shore line my happiness is a novel that can't be put down written by an author who abandoned the ending who fell in love with the sound ink makes instead of the way binding breaks & I feed a chameleon I met at the bar crickets & I'm not sure if that's the right diet but he teaches me a new way to fake a new smile every night & he doesn't complain as much as I do to myself in the mirror every morning when no one not even me is listening I just wake up to dark eyes that I could swear were lighter yesterday & moving lips trying to regurgitate sounds like a childhood that never ends but I go to a new job think about old friends I live somewhere between what is & what isn't & I can never figure out which side of the is I woke up on today so I pretend that I'm special that I'm worth keeping that I'm breathing & everyone buys it everyone thinks I'm human so now I only think about if their chameleon is as well fed as mine