#beyondthevisible

When people say “You have so many responsibilities on your shoulders,”

sometimes we fail to realize what they’re really talking about.

But I figured it out a little today. Let me share.

“Responsibilities on your shoulders” doesn’t have a complex meaning—

but rather, a simple truth that’s hard to swallow.

See, from the day we are born until the day we die,

we believe ourselves to be responsible enough to handle small things.

It starts as a child, when we ask our mother to take responsibility for feeding us.

We are safe, in a bubble—happy and secure.

As we grow up, we begin to trust ourselves a little.

Our brains develop, and we start thinking we’re capable enough to handle a little struggle.

We begin picking up things, thinking we’re responsible enough to carry a bit of weight.

Turns out—we are.

We establish trust.

Slowly and steadily, we begin to trust ourselves more.

We start taking on bigger things—

sometimes just making tea for everyone,

sometimes helping someone solve a wifi issue.

We get trusted more—and we keep taking on more and more.

There are times we may fail, too.

That breaches our trust a lot.

We start thinking maybe we can’t handle struggle as well as we thought.

We lose confidence.

We lose ourselves.

Eventually, we may see a small win here or there—and the momentum continues.

The real problem comes when there’s a big breach in trust—

and we fail to show up for ourselves multiple times.

We get lazy. We get occupied.

We get emotional in our day-to-day and keep delaying responsibility.

That’s when we start going down.

The trajectory changes completely.

The “responsibility” I keep mentioning here isn’t just tasks—

it’s societal and moral responsibility:

the responsibility we feel for our parents,

our friends,

our loved ones,

and even through our careers.

The day we start declining badly,

we eventually lose our sense of self

and start believing that we’re not capable enough.

We struggle just to maintain our basics,

yet somehow, we still think we can handle more.

We keep taking more—

and eventually, we get burnt out.

The key to moving forward is actually quite simple, I think.

I kept trying to understand other things,

but nothing worked until I came to this conclusion:

We need to check off at least one area

where we think we can still excel.

or it could be taking care of our family more intentionally.

We need to go back to the basics and spend time there.

Usually, when you’re falling down,

it’s because your foundation has become weak.

It needs your support.

Therefore—

let’s support this.

Let’s start pushing ourselves for small responsibilities,

like just waking up early.

Let’s start there.

Maybe if we start at the basics,

we can become who we want to be.

I’ve often heard the phrase “Think before you speak.” And I’m sure we all have—usually after saying something unnecessary. But every time someone said it to me, it pissed me off. It felt like they were questioning my intelligence. I never stopped to wonder why they were saying it—I just reacted. And I still do sometimes. I think we get clouded by emotions so easily that we forget to think…

I watched the portrayal of Shazia Bano in Haq, and it changed something in me.

All my life, I conditioned myself to believe that life is good. My parents treat me equally. I receive opportunities regardless of my gender. In this day and age, I can stand next to a man and feel equal. And yet, it pains me deeply to see women suffering every single day.

The women who suffer out there are no different from me. They have the same body, the same nervous system, the same capacity for pain, and the same depth of feeling. No matter who gets what, we suffer, not only as individuals, but as a gender.

The colour of the pictures has changed, but the problem persists.

Some girls are still denied basic education. Some are forced into marriage far too young. Some are conditioned to believe that asking for even the most basic rights makes them a burden on their families. Women quietly learn how to adjust, and this cycle continues.

Even today, I see women adjusting everywhere. I have adjusted too.

I once believed that we are all writing our own destinies, that justice is something we can fight for if we want it badly enough. But for many women, justice, the most basic human right, is never within reach. We were not always this way. We had curiosity once. We wanted the same things our brothers did. We wanted a chance to experience life fully, just like everyone else.

For many women, that chance exists only as a dream written in a diary.

Some are so afraid of the idea of freedom that they cannot even dream of it.

We often say that life is unfair. But unfair for whom?

Unfair for the little girl who only wanted to read?

Or unfair for the woman who only wanted to be equal to her husband?

I used to believe that calling myself a feminist openly would close many doors for me. I feared being seen as a threat, especially by men. I wasn’t ready for that discomfort, so I kept my mind closed to these realities. But this was never about how I am perceived. The truth is much larger than that. It is about how women are treated across the world.

I yearn for every woman who is suffering.

Not every victory means every woman wins! 

Some women suffer their entire lives, and the cost of that suffering is devastating. It takes away their pride, their self-respect, and eventually, their reason to live.

And then, you are no longer living.

You exist only as a body fulfilling its duties,

There’s no winning with someone who knows themselves.

You can try, but you’ll lose, because what are you even trying to prove to someone who’s already sat with their flaws? Who’s already accepted them?

You tell them they’re angry? They know. You tell them they overreact? They’ve replayed it a hundred times. You bring up their darkness, they’ve lived in it longer than you’ve noticed it.

That’s the thing.

Someone who’s brutally honest with themselves is untouchable. Not because they’re arrogant, but because they’ve stopped outsourcing their worth. Their worth doesn’t shake just because someone has an opinion.

And the funniest part? When they hear something new about themselves, they don’t break down. They actually listen. Process it. Maybe even say, thanks for telling me.

You can’t humiliate someone who’s already sat with themselves and figured out their flaws. They’ve walked through their own shame and come out the other side.

The more I grow, the more I see it: hiding never works.

Whatever part of you you’re trying to suppress, whether it’s your guilt, your insecurity, your anger: it shows.People sense it. You can’t mask it forever.

Most people imagine themselves to be better than they are.

We all do it.

In my head, I was someone who could handle it: strong, calm, no fear. I mean, we’ve all watched shows and thought, Yeah, I could do that.

Hold the gun. Look composed. Pull the trigger like it’s nothing.

But the second I stepped in, reality hit.

The noise was louder than I’d ever imagined. The guns were heavier, the recoil sharper. I shot one bullet and felt this jolt of fear I didn’t expect.

Suddenly, all that confidence I thought I had? Gone.

And worse, it showed.

No badass energy. Just a first-timer, visibly shaken and out of their depth.

That’s when I realised:

So much of what we call confidence is imagination.

We spend time picturing how strong we’ll be, how well we’ll handle things, but we don’t prepare ourselves for what it actually feels like.

We don’t train. We don’t anticipate reality.

We build shields out of image, not strength.

And when those shields break, we blame ourselves for not being the version we imagined.

But if I had just shown up ready to learn instead of perform; if I had accepted that it was okay to be new, okay to be nervous, I would’ve handled it better.

Less shame. More growth.

That’s the thing: 

Reality doesn’t punish us. Pretending does.

The more you know yourself, the fewer stories you need to hold yourself up.

You stop needing to prove anything.

You let yourself show up as you are: messy, new, sometimes afraid, and still worthy.

You stop wasting energy hiding your discomfort and start spending it learning through it.

And when someone does offer you insight, something real, you don’t get defensive.

You actually appreciate it. Because now you see truth as a gift, not an attack.

That’s the kind of life I want to live.

Where I’m not hiding behind who I wish I was, but standing in who I really am.

Even if that version is still learning.

Even if she gets scared when the noise is too loud.

Because at least then, I’m not pretending.

I remember once when I lost myself and my confidence. I remember I felt nothing except a fear. I didn’t know who I was. I shared how I was feeling to a friend. I remembered she said something that changed so much for me. She told me, I can’t believe you lost your confidence. She said, "you’re the one who taught me how to be confident." This one sentence shook me. You never realize how much of an impact you make daily. It’s quite possible though to forget how much you speak, think and portray daily. 

We all carry the weight of our principles, our lived truths and experiences in our daily life. But, with so much that happens daily, there are times, we forget what we stand for.

Life gives us moments, opportunities, conversations and people. It is entirely up to us what we make of it. It is with our thoughts that we shape our reality. 

Nobody is born evil, yet we all face situations where our humanity is tested. 

Up until we keep choosing to do what’s human, we will live. The day we start acting as animals, we loose the connection to how we came into this world, as a human. 

I know it may seem hard to remember what we stand for at every waking moment. It is extremely tough, I agree too. You don’t keep thinking about it 24/7, but it should be so ingrained in our subconscious that you don’t need a daily reminder. Every moment, every decision should be taken with such sincerity, such honesty that your truths don’t need a minute to be relived. Take some time, think about things that matter to you. Protect them fiercely. 

Protect your idea of this world, this is the only way you can stay sane in this chaos.

We all need some idea that can make sense of our suffering, our hardship and our loss. This idea could be uniquely yours or could be borrowed and shared with people who think like you; whatever it may be, just find something. 

Life without meaning, is just a story with no happy ending. 

From where I stand, I believe in making my own truths and principles. Ideas that can make an impact on this world. 

We all meet different people in our life and they have the gift of adding meaning to our life. Take it as a blessing and remember their presence, their words and their impact. 

Honour those who stood by you and made you a person for better or for worse. When we all start seeing life as a gift, it’s almost impossible to not appreciate it. I know, it’s easier said than done. When we hear about people dying daily, it kills something inside us too, because it’s one of our own kind. 

Have empathy, at least for somebody who’s like us, human.

Moving on from news like this is never easy. It’ll take every ounce within you to find meaning again in this life. But, then it’s also important to remember, 

to live, is to honour the memory of those who died before us. 

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