Okay!!! Yall its time for Beth thoughts of the hour everyone get a snack or a drink and let me ramble for a moment. Yes I took many philosophy classes in college.
@moonlightndaydreams @hyunsvngs @queen-in-the-shadows
I think I figured it out. I only came across or had this realization of all things to reading a Pornstar! Chan x reader? Idk where it is or I'd tag the person who wrote it to thank them. But they wrote a scene where the girl was not just like giving that chan head...it was the description of him. Of the feelings associated with what they were doing.
To look at someone in their wholeness, to see it all, from the us that walks out of the house to do errands and work, to the innermost self that is scared, and vulnerable and was there at the beginning of the lies we tell ourselves. Was there at the beginning of when the outside world built us the walls and cages we trip over now. That scared small person still lives in there somewhere and in situations like sex and intimacy it bubbles up as far down as we shove it. It lives in the eyes of the 'are you sure' and 'Is this okay'. As if to love is to not jump in and save them, but to acclimate and swim over and ask if they want company.
That is why I think Stray Kids, not only works, but thrives, for they want to exist in the paradox that is innerpersonal self, and exterior self. Thats why I love Chan so much? I think? I think in the interest of survival there was built a stronghold that had only a few doors. Or at least I don't think he knows where those doors are anymore? But to the outside person its obvious. Like in Labyrinth where Sara says there is no door its just a wall, but she walks forward to see there is a opening to get to the goblin city. We as people are so microscope lens, inner person, get through the day, we often forget just how magnificent the other side of the coin can be, as if its not the same coin, forget how life and things can be.
I have walked through hallowed ground, heard bells in cathedrals, stormed castles, felt on my hands and knees stones that have been road cobble since before plato, there is ocean trenches of inner personal brouhaha that one person alone has. Just a normal person. Even the boring people have this.
So to even have the smallest .00000000000000001% of that wide galaxy that is Christopher Bang. I am grateful. He is soft and comfort like sleep overs, like hot coffee in the morning, like fuzzy socks, like jokes you only know about that make you laugh.
But I don't think there is a thing on this planet that could sway me from the desire to reach inside that boys mind and pick out the worms and decay that has grown in there. For I look at him and I see the darkness there. I think you'd be blind not to notice, but I also see the light. I see how he has balanced the scales. Even in that smallest percentage its like trying to measure the sun by its reflection on the moon. Or counting the stars before knowing they rotate based on the position of the earth.
Stray kids the members themselves are the most human people I have seen in their position. There is gloss and sheen and hiding the dark icky things away, but you cannot hide behind stage lights the deepness one has inside. And so I like the fic, would be so enamored and transfixed to devote lifetimes to see the wholeness of those men. The true wholeness of one's entirety.
