#bent

I fear I have sex dysphoria and my biggest thing is my chest and my voice. Oh well...

Being very self-aware (I guess this is helped by my OCD) and having mental disorders is a new type of pain because every spiral or action or emotion is not just itself. You know it, dissect it, and so it feels like toxic attention seeking, it feels like you're mocking yourself, mocking others, mocking your disorders... it makes you feel like a fraud.

Sometimes I'm like "Wish I could draw like that, been drawin as a hobby since I was 10" then I'm like "you are still just a hobbyist with life problems and depression so severe you'd go months without drawing a single thing and this is also why you stopped doing completed lineart on non-pixel art a few years ago, and in those droughts of happiness you hate whatever you do manage to do so you prolong it. You are not going to show the same progress as somebody who does this for money (closest thing to currency that you've done is deviantart points) or somebody who didn't teach themself the entire time like you, so be nicer to yourself for being where you are despite all of that." Then it's like ok :) I'll forget that in a couple hours

A walk won't fix abuse man if I am told to walk alone with my mind again I'll cave

I'm not afraid of confrontation, i just have learned it does nothing from people who practice another preachers sermon, does that make sense.