#bendevi

Well, NHIE finished strong after the fourth season got off to a rocky start. The first three episodes were... messy, honestly, but then the story picked up steam. By the time we got to the final two episodes I was bawling pretty much the full way through.

NHIE also continued to flex its mature understanding of nuance, its appreciation for cultural differences, and its determination to keep its characters flawed and realistic. And including a game of Never Have I Ever in the finale? Fab.

All in all, it's a great ending to a great show. I loved it.

Ben and Devi

I've seen people complaining that the end relationship was predictable, or that Devi should be single, and kindly: no. <3

It fit Devi's character to end up in romantic love with someone, because the entire show has been about love for her. Love for her family, love for those who have died, love for her friends, love for her mentors, and yes, romantic love in all the aspects that entails (physical, intellectual, emotional).

The other thing that I think is beautiful about their relationship is that they both push each other in all these ways--physical (obviously), emotionally (Ben's final realization in New York was chef's kiss), and intellectual. They both get to go to their dream schools in part because of each other. Not only have they been pushing each other to excel since before the show started, but Devi helps Ben finish his schoolwork, and Ben encourages Devi to write that final letter to get into Princeton.

Ben's early acceptance to Columbia, which seemed a given given, well, his father and nepotism (I appreciated the show behind upfront about this), ultimately still almost gets sabotaged by his own repressing of other aspects of his life (which parallels Paxton, Blair Quan, and more, and isn't exactly new--see Ben's physical issues last season). This contrasts him with Devi, whose self-sabotage is always doing too much too suddenly. She's been trying so hard all along, but sometimes you need a final cheer to push you over the finish line.

Ben and Devi, Ethan and Margot

Ethan is dark!Ben. Margot is dark!Devi. On paper it's great.

Except... Margot was really, really annoying. I'm sorry, I found nothing remotely redeeming about her. Ethan at least served a purpose. The reason I think the first three episodes are so rough is that they focus on Margot but seem to not know what to do with her. But more about that later on.

Ben's speech about why he chooses to be with Margot in the first episode is well done and shows how much growth he still has to do. Because an essential part of love--of a mature kind of love and relationship--is that you are challenged to become a better version of yourself. Ben and Trent, in episode 2, shy away from this. Trent breaks up with Eleanor because he's afraid she'll break up with him, and he wants to do it first. Ben stays with Margot because she offers him superficial challenges, but nothing substantial in terms of his flaws.

That said, Devi making peace with Margot (numerous times) was narratively necessary because, of course, Margot's kind of a literary shadow (just not really well done). It also showed how much Devi's grown.

Trent + Eleanor

Trent's character is also really well done. That's how you deepen a comedic character. (Ethan was also dark!Trent in some ways; hence, Eleanor's crush on him.) Yeah, Trent's a stoner and not so bright. But, he loves Eleanor. He adores her, and he wholeheartedly believes in her. It's heartwarming to see.

I wasn't surprised they broke up early on, but was relieved they got back together. I think it was a funny inversion of what you'd expect, because El moving on to bigger and better things seemed like a natural progression. Yet, as the scene with El's mom showed... that's not what bigger and better is for Eleanor.

Yes, Eleanor still wants to grow. Yes, she still wants to be an actress and a director, and she's good at it.

But she doesn't want to leave her family and loved ones behind.

Eleanor knows what it's like to be left behind. And obviously it's not the same to leave a teenage boyfriend as to leave your own child like her mom. But, Eleanor ending up back with Trent was, frankly, narratively perfect for both their characters. Because Trent was helping her in her growth, and always had been from Season 3.

I also think they handled Eleanor's dreams and her complicated mother relationship well. The dream itself, even if it is far-fetched, even if it is unlikely to happen, is not bad. Pursuing it also is, in fact, positive (they paralleled this with Devi's dreams of Princeton). But, one of the best parts of dreams? Is the people you meet along the way, the people who cheer you on. It's a metaphor for life.

Paxton (and Lindsay)

Paxton's arc I think is one of the best in the series. I loved his journey from boy who was considered "hot guy" who sucked at school to the point where it was comic becoming a teacher. The episode where he helped Eric join the swim team was actually really powerful.

And, I didn't even roll my eyes when Devi told him he was an even better friend than boyfriend. On paper it's a cliche line, but it totally works within the characters' arcs (and of course the actors' portrayals!). Lindsay also seemed like much more than just a consolation prize to the guy who ends up outside the triangle--their relationship paralleled his with Devi, and quickly got me invested.

His final advice to Devi: "don't reinvent anything" also fits really well, because when Paxton at first refused to be Devi's boyfriend it was because Devi's image wasn't acceptable after the two-timing thing. Then, Devi's anxiety during their public relationship, the anxiety that actually ruined their romance, was because she didn't think she fit with Paxton or "made any sense" with him. But, she does fit with him. As a friend, and as herself.

Blair Quan + College

Blair Quan was also dark!Paxton--someone who lost themselves because they were always the Best in high school. The best student, the most popular. And then at college, everyone was the Best. And suddenly you're nothing.

The situation with Blair Quan was really realistic for how college can be for people, and in how the show (admittedly briefly) addressed the fundamental unfairness of college admissions. I work in higher ed, and... it's not fair. Nothing about it is fair. Professor Warner telling Devi outright that she "should have" gotten into all the Ivies actually meant a lot to me, because it's true.

For any readers of this who are applying to schools, there's a degree to which your merit matters, and there's a degree to which it's up to sheer luck. If they reject you, it's almost certainly not because you're not on par with other applicants. Hard work does not get you into prestigious schools. That's a lie. It gets you to a point, but it also gets a lot of other people to that same point, and then there is nothing at all you can do. It's up to luck.

Fab (and Addison. Kind of).

Fab's arc was interesting, but I feel like it peaked in season 2. I did like her conflict this season though, particularly with messing up about lying to Devi. The scene where she and Devi reconcile was beautiful, and the show handled it really well--giving empathy for Fab as for why she kept it a secret, while also pointing out that the lying was the fact greater problem than the initial applying.

The negative is that... I like Addison, but I wanted more. It kind of sucks that the queer character is the one whose romance doesn't come with two complex characters getting development. And sure, Fab isn't as important as Devi, Ben, or Paxton, but the fact that they wrote a compelling romance between Trent and Eleanor and gave Trent some damn deep character development despite him being a comedic character shows they were more than capable of writing a complex character romance for Fab. Addison is really just... kinda there, and we get no development for them at all.  Which sucks because I would like to have learned more about them! They had potential, especially as a parallel to Trent!

Nalini and Andres

Nalini and Andres were a little more out of left field... that said, Nalini clearly has a type! She likes guys whom she argues with first. I still preferred the hot doctor from Season 2, but that had less to do with Andres and more to do with the fact that I found Margot so irredeemably annoying. Still, I appreciated Andres' growth in realizing that he'd been spoiling Margot by catering to her every whim. This was itself a nice contrast to Nalini, who hurts Devi by being too hard on her.

That was especially a flaw in the early seasons, but Season 4 really showed how much Nalini has grown. She does mess up with her response to the college debacle, so her flaws are still there, but she's so much better than in Season 1. For example, Devi lashing out at her mom after she got deferred was irrational; Nalini really didn't deserve any of that, and yet Nalini still met Devi where she was at: with a chip salad, addressing her fears. It was heartwarming.

Even when Nalini then does mess up with the "stupid" comment, we know she didn't mean it in the same way Devi fears she did (that that's all she can be, rather than that yes, Devi did a dumb thing). When she comes to help Devi pack, it's genuinely heartwarming. I honestly think Nalini and Devi's relationship is one of the best in the show, if not the beating heart at the center of it.

Pati and Len

Now, Pati. Pati and Lens' relationship parallels Kamala's romantic drama--not just with Manish in Season 3, but also with Steve in Season 1. Pati is also very clearly where Devi gets her drama from, and I stan.

I also liked the parallels between Len and Pati and Ben and Devi. They are both Indian-Jewish couples, and Pati and Len's wedding of course marks a grand romance for them... and a grand romantic gesture for Ben, who arrives to tell Devi he loves her.

Kamala (and Manish)

Kamala's arc this season was good as well; I just wish we had seen more Manish than just in the finale. Still, at least Manish did have an arc in the previous season. Though, it was a nice twist to have Kamala's arc be not about romance, but about her career.

Where Art Thou?

I also missed some other side characters, like Rebecca Hall-Yoshida and Jonah.

Margot & Aneesa

The overall show was filled with callbacks to past seasons that were really well utilized, in that they showed the character's growth. Unfortunately, in one instance, this came back for the worse when they repeated one of their biggest writing mistakes from Season 2.

Devi is, simply put, absolutely not morally responsible for reporting Margot to have lied about her alibi for vandalism. Yeah, Margot ultimately didn't do it--but Devi didn't do anything wrong by reporting that. In fact, the principal should have actually done her job and checked the alibi with the teacher; it's like 101 common sense.

Clearly this is a callback to Aneesa (the episode even has Devi reclaiming the nickname "crazy Devi," which started there). However, the shame is that the writers didn't learn from how they bungled the Aneesa plotline, and they did. Here again they hold Devi responsible for something she frankly is not morally in the wrong for. The show also mentions the Aneesa incident and calls Devi "a liar and a bully" for it, but she objectively didn't lie? And frankly Aneesa bullied Devi more than Devi bullied her and was never called out for it.

While I think it's a flaw, it COULD theoretically work from a psychoanalytic theory in that really all that Devi can control is herself. She can't force others to do what she wants, even if it's unfair. And that's part of maturing is realizing that (and it's not the same thing as selfish focus). You can't control the world, even when it's unfair and even when other people are frankly wrong.

I did like more or less how Margot was resolved in the end; namely, that she was not there among Devi's friends at the end. I also liked that Aneesa did defend Devi in the final episode from someone mocking her about the Clean Sweep. It just would've matter more if Aneesa's actions had ever been addressed.

The Principal + Professor Warner

Also, while in general the show is great in its portrayal of teachers and satire of other teachers, the principal sucks and she's not actually funny. She acts like another teenager, but unlike some of the other teachers/adults who are framed well, she's framed as being more or less fine instead of with the critical lens of the others. And she isn't.

Professor Warner stands in stark contrast, because she is wise even though flawed. The principal is just... awful. I'd never liked her, but this season made me hate her.

The Therapist + Grief

Now that I've gotten my salt out of the way, let's end with a positive and a theme.

The therapist's final session with Devi in the penultimate episode--I bawled.

“When I first met you, you were a closed-off, angry little thing... But look at you. Look how far you’ve come. You faced your trauma, and you came out on the other side.” 

They used this to emphasize the show's main theme: grief. Despite how this quote makes it sound, the show doesn't actually frame grief as something to move on from. Instead, it's something that accompanies you.

Grief is like chasing a dream. Grief is part of life. It is love itself, but a painful part of it, and grief never, ever stops. You never "get over" someone's loss. You never stop loving them.

But, you learn to see them around you, and in you. In the dreams you planted together, like Devi's dad telling her about Princeton. In the loved ones you shared, like how Devi yells at her imagination of her father that he's not here, but then Nalini arrives to help her pack.

Just because someone's gone doesn't mean they stop influencing you, or stop being a part of your life.

There will always be moments of pain, like Devi in the final episode with the imagination of her dad. But, there will also be moments of feeling them again.

Watched the latest season of the teen dramedy that is one of the most nuanced shows in existence at the moment, and it's official: NHIE gets better with each successive season. Which says a lot.

I am generally wary of time-skips, especially when they aren't established precedent, am wary of sudden changes to love interests, am wary of late love interest additions--all of which NHIE Season 3 has. On paper, it looked like something I'd be wary of. In actuality, it creates a story that is a compelling continuation of seasons 1 and 2, sets up a strong final season, and is itself a beautiful exploration of love and growing up.

NHIE is thematically very strong, and it conveys its themes primarily through its focus on relationships of all sorts--family, friends, romantic partners. A great part of growing up is understanding the depths and limits and changes in our relationships, after all. So let's review this by focusing on the different relationships in the show.

Des and Devi

I didn't expect them to introduce a third love interest, so I was skeptical it would work without making the series feel cluttered. To my surprise, it did.

Des is like Paxton and Ben in appeal, which teh show directly states. He's intelligent and motivated, but also super hot. He's also Indian like Devi--really the full package, on paper at least.

Except. Except, Des is also like Paxton and Ben's worst traits combined. Des is, like Paxton, a bit of a coward, and like Ben, he's condescending. Unlike Paxton and Ben, and unlike Devi, Des has no desire to grow. He doesn't even desire to grow up, not truly, which makes him an impossible fit in a season that focuses on growing up, on taking the next steps in life. In this, Des stands in sharp contrast with Paxton, who applied himself, got into college, and graduated, in contrast with Ben, who learned he needed to rest and focus on more than just his ambitions, in contrast with Trent who grew emotionally through Eleanor challenging him to make amends with Paxton just as Devi challenged Paxton to make amends with his exes, and in contrast with Devi...

Nalini and Devi

One of the chief ways Devi grows this season is that she comes to understand that growing up isn't just about having sex and a boyfriend and college. It's also about asking for what you need from loved ones, about looking back at mistakes with compassion for yourself, and about appreciating the dreams that got us to where we are now, even if they are not our forever dreams. Life is a series of steps, which Devi comes to understand.

I have loved seeing Nalini's relationship with her daughter develop over the course of the story. Instead of punishing Devi for dating without her permission, when she finds out Devi and Paxton broke up, she consoles her daughter. Prioritizing Devi's feelings over the simple rules shows growth for Nalini... growth that was further emphasized with the Des and Rhaya disaster later on.

When Nalini tells off Rhaya for what she says about Devi, I was cheering. Finally. She points out all that Devi has been through and Devi's own strength, and refuses to allow any mistakes Devi might have made to distract from Rhaya's own issues. She defends her daughter, and shows how proud she is of Devi.

Nalini's contrast with Rhaya was also intriguing. Nalini's a flawed mom, make no mistake, but she's come a long way from her harshness towards Devi in season 1. Rhaya seems like a supportive mom on the surface, the opposite of harsh, but the reality is that by coddling Des, she's creating a mommy's boy. And I don't mean that in a complimentary sense. Des is weak. When he makes mistakes, Rhaya coddles him and can't possibly believe it could be his fault. As a result, Des is a far weaker person than Devi. He's afraid to stand up for what he wants, and he's afraid to stand up for his loved ones. He's all talk and no action. Rhaya's coddling is actually much more controlling that Nalini's strict rules for Devi, and even worse, it actually works in making Des subservient to her.

As for Nalini herself, I personally hope her relationship with Dr. Jackson comes back in season 4, since Ben/Devi should get focus, and Nalini's romance with Dr. Jackson seemed a clear parallel to Ben/Devi.

Eleanor and Trent

Eleanor and Trent are the couple I never expected to work, and yet they work so well. They're weirdly in sync despite being so different. I love them. When Trent strode in to fulfill Eleanor's dramatic fantasy of her first time, without even knowing about it--just--that was one of the best first time scenes I've ever seen and it was just as zany and weird and touching as these characters are.

Fabiola, Eve, Aneesa, and Addison

As for Fab... I'm a bit sad about her relationship with Eve ending, but not that sad because we didn't really know much about Eve. I had hoped that Eve would get fleshed out, though, but alas, not to be.

I do like Addison, a lot in fact, but I also hope that if Addison sticks around, they flesh them out since they have no more personality than Eve did (lots of great chemistry with Fab, though). Actually, I think the writers should flesh Addison. out, because if the only relationship where the love interests remain fairly one-note and personality-less is the queer one... not great.

Aneesa continues to be somewhat of an oxymoron for me. I really like her. And yet everything about her is just stick-on, which is probably a testament to Megan Suri's charisma. She's not really much of a character in her own right. The eating disorder never came up again, nor did her being a Muslim, which is fine, except that these were framed as important earlier, and then they weren't. Same with her being bisexual. I just can't be interested if she's just kind of there, but she's fun to have around.

Kamala, Manish, Prashant, and Pati

Pati is a savage. She is so a Regina George, and she has a frenemy, and I want her to direct my life.

Just kidding.

But in all honesty, I love her and how her concern for Kamala actually breaks up the family for a bit. Kamala's refusal to listen about Manish is actually the perfect bookend to her arc in season 1. In season 1, Kamala did not stand up for her romance with Steve to her traditional family, despite Steve wanting her to. However, Steve was a dick who had zero appreciation for Indian culture. Prashant was much better, and rooted in Indian culture, but still, ultimately he and Kamala were not compatible.

But Manish is a good foil to both previous love interests. He's Indian-American, but he doesn't know pretty much anything about Indian culture. Unlike Steve, however, he's very eager to learn, because he knows it's important to Kamala and her family. That Kamala does stand up to her family to defend him really shows how she's grown, and also shows that this is the right relationship for her.

As for Kamala, I think her arc is pretty much done. The only top-off I think left is for her to decide whether or not to marry Manish (and the answer, I think, should be yes, for her character arc). I love her breaking up with Prashant in that it is shown that what she did to Prashant was really hurtful, and frankly wrong. However, they ultimately want different things, and that's okay. Not every relationship has to be forever for it to matter.

Which brings me to...

Devi and Paxton

Like with the Kamala-Prashant-Manish triangle, the Devi-Paxton-Ben triangle is well handled. No one is demonized, and no one is the right choice. It's more about how the characters come into their own as burgeoning adults, and how they make each other better.

Devi's development this season was lovely. I love Devi, but she was driving me absolutely insane with her overanalyzing everything with Paxton the first few episodes. Yet by the time the season was over, her maturity was evident, believable, and inspiring. She listens to her therapist more, she comes to understand herself, and she is more mature in her relationships with her friends and family. This is most evident through her changing relationship with Paxton.

I've said before that Devi and Ben are clearly endgame, but that they could never be together if it weren't for Devi and Paxton getting together in the meantime. I stand by that based on this season. But Paxton doesn't just help Devi grow (and vice versa): he helps Ben grow too.

Like with Kamala, I also think Paxton's arc is basically finished, but I do think he'll stick around to influence Ben's arc as Ben tries to decide about Margot and Devi. (Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Ben is the one who needs to grow the most next season rather than Devi!)

What I've always liked about Paxton's character is his inherent contradiction: he's at once very brave (think protecting Rebecca), and also has cowardice as his worst flaw (avoiding girls he sleeps with, being afraid to be seen dating Devi, etc.) His cowardice comes from his own insecurities, and having him fess up and own his mistakes this season, plus make reparations for them, was great. He also then realizes, when he's chosen to speak for graduation, that he cannot control what others think of him.

The facts are still that he was chosen to speak because his peers want to see him do a sexy dance or something, and because he's hot. However, Paxton makes the final choice to say no to cowardice about others' expectations and assert who he is: he uses his speech to show how much he's changed.

The ending scene where Devi thanks Paxton after his graduation speech for being her dream was probably one of my favorite scenes of the entire series. The brilliant way it explores grief--and does so without cheapening Devi's silly teenage crush, instead showing how powerful it can be--really stands out in a sea of condescending "choose the right guy, not the one you have a crush on, silly girl" fare directed at teenage girls today. Paxton helped Devi walk again. He helped her love. He showed her she had value. They don't have to be endgame for that to be the case, and their enduring friendship testifies to this.

Ben and Devi

Devi then having a touching moment with her mom and then going to have sex with Ben as the season's last scene was beautiful. Devi's relationships with her friends, her boyfriends, and her family aren't islands that exist of themselves. Instead, they feed off of and into one another. Through Nalini listening to her and encouraging her, through her being able to voice her true feelings for Paxton, she's able to be brave enough to go after what she wants: to have sex, and to have sex with Ben.

Whether or not Ben is mature enough to have a relationship with Devi, though, I don't know. I kind of think this is set up as the major conflict next season. Ben still thinks Devi is leaving for Shrubland, and he's planning dates with Margot.

My current interest?

👉 Never Have I Ever 😊 Team Ben Gross!

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