#ben rants

Yes, it took a few days to readjust, and it was a lot easier to be bored, but I’ve also felt a lot better mentally. The urge to doomscroll is gone, and I’ve been getting all my news directly from actually accredited news sources. While they are slower and there are biases to be aware of, the information I’ve been getting has been a lot more clear and lacks the dramatized, overtly emotional feel that a lot of tiktok videos about current events had.

There’s also the added matter of the odd alleged censorship on tiktok that’s been going around ever since Pres. 47 got his fingers in it. Frankly, I don’t know how deep in the algorithm he got, and I can’t be bothered to find out.

i feel like i'm 19 again, going through the weird emotions and envy that i felt back then. it's this feeling of very specific nostalgia.

and i can't say that i hate it.

i know that this behavior is toxic, not only to others around me, but most importantly myself. BUT, having gone through this before, i now know ways i can shift this experience into a positive one.

i've had people copy my content. i've had a business copy my content. imitation can come in the form of flattery, but sometimes it's just annoying and petty as hell.

this go around, i'm trying really hard to turn these feelings into motivation. i can't control how i feel about things, only how i act upon those feelings. i want to uplift others and help create a welcoming environment to those who are coming into this community for the first time.

i want to make friends again. i want to explore characters again. i want so many things, and now it's time to dive back into the shitshow and do it.

anyway, here's to starting again.

i fucking hate the therapist and mental health organizations so MUCH and its taking up my brain right now

personally we have been through 2 therapists and 1 psychiatrist, and are about to get another therapist and psychiatrist in a couple months.

none of them have helped. NONE of them.

have anxiety? do a calming activity. surely that wont allow your mind to wander and be more anxious than before. /s

cant focus? just start! /s and im not fucking kidding, a therapist really said this to us. like wow go girl give us nothing!!

afraid your mom is gonna yell and scream at you if you tell her youre a system? wont happen. (it did. it fucking did.)

nonverbal? just talk! just try harder. just push yourself. /s

LIKE. do you know how fucking harmful this "just do it" method is. sure it might work for some people. but telling an autistic person to just "push through a meltdown" or telling a person with anxiety to just "stop worrying" is only gonna encourage MASKING.

masking is so fucking harmful for so so many people it truly fucks with your brain and makes life worse, but for some reason, EVERY therapist we've ever had has encouraged it.

its almost like mental health organizations are made up of almost entirely neurotypicals.

and thats not even getting started on the bias against stigmatized disorders such as autism, schizophrenia, did, ect, or how awful it is to get ANY diagnosis as a poc or low income or afab person

but of course im not criticizing actual therapists because often times they dont fucking know better. im criticizing the psychology courses, the big mental health corps, people who teach harmful behaviours like this.

Anyways the drawing took 12 and a half hours to complete and it turned out so well but now I wanna throw it in the trash so that's great.

But anyways. PSA time:

I know this sounds whiny believe me. But how you interact with creators can really influence the way they see their work/their motivation. Especially if you've 'requested' a piece or they've told you they'll make one for you. This goes out to writer, artist, cosplayers, singers. Every single one of us is a human being and the least you can do is say that you appreciate the effort at least.

Yes, notes are noticed. But reblogs make them feel so much more validated. If you take the time to point out what you like about their creation the creator will most definetly be inspired/more motivated afterwards.

If people are willing to pay millions for a sketch that van Gogh made in about half an hour, you should be able to reblog/ comment on the posts you actually like.

So I'm having a breakdown, my ribs are hurting and we're moving so the house is empty and I can't finish my cosplay on time and I still need to make 5 drawings before comic con in a few weeks and I'm so tired that my body won't let me sleep.

I thought tumblr was the safest place to go and freak out on because I've got like -2 followers on here so like😎

Anyways.

Have fun and drink water Y'all, take your medicine if you still need to, eat something and make sure to try and go outside today.

Yes I'm a hypocrit in saying all of that but I need you all to be healthy.

Also he and my grandma went on a rant explaining why exactly they hate Muslim people and everybody with a different skintone/ethnicity.