For you, the world

shoutout to my boy shane he is riddled with anxiety, he drinks gross smoothies, his special interests are hockey and sex and they surprisingly overlap quite a lot, he has too many pillows, he has never been calm about anything in his life, he will kill himself if he doesn’t get first place, the worst thing that could ever happen to him is going to a club

Like I just knooooow people are tired of them. Everyone knows without being told that they are having freak sex CONSTANTLY and that they are so in love about it. Like how does it feel to be together for twelve years married for one and you are STILL knocking the walls down every night. Everyone said it HAS to stop at some point and they are WRONG. Second season on the Cens Shane is still coming in routinely with bite marks on the BACK OF HIS SHOULDER and there is only one mathematical explanation for how they got there. Like ohhhh my name is Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov and the only thing I do is win Stanley Cups and have hot freaky athletic people sex with a man who would kill and die for me and I make MILLIONS OF MONEYS while doing it. I know people hate them.

Drunk Ilya not leaving the bar bc Shane hasn’t given him enough kisses :{ cannot leave Hollander until you meet the minimum number of kisses. Okay, Ilya. How many kisses is that. Ilya, big glassy eyes. 500,000.

What if Ilya finds out about Shane’s allergies when he visits him in the hospital? the receptionist who lets him through tells him he can't bring any food items with him and there are half a million "NO NUTS NO LTX" signs stuck to the door and Shane has a neon ALLERGIES wristband on when he makes his cute lil grabby hand for Ilya and he is way too out of it to give a comprehensible answer so he's all "it's cos I can't stab myself right now :) peanuts are evil :(" and he clearly doesn't want to talk about it because he was going to ask Ilya something :) so Ilya goes home already frantically googling and then of course Shane can't be on his phone for a while because of the concussion so while Shane is basking in the afterglow of "he came to see me in the hospital and he held my hand and he said maybe", Ilya is freaking the fuck out reading allergy blogs and having nightmares about Shane besieged by tree nuts

choosing to believe ilya keeps up with russian slang because i know he would love pissing shane off by saying he cant do something because he has little paws