#ben handscom

"Let's just get to the library," Beverly said as she joined the rest of you. "Maybe we'll get lucky and Richie will be there."

Thankfully, Beverly was right. Richie was at the library with Mike, but your brother had also apparently killed Henry Bowers in an effort to save Mike.  

You listened to Mike explain what happened as he let Ben take care of the cut on his arm. You noticed Eddie and Richie seemingly consoling each other near the card catalogue, an expression of fury on Richie’s face as he considered the bandage on Eddie's cheek. From the way he kept eyeing Henry's body, you were half-sure he was wishing he could kill the deranged man all over again just for harming Eddie.  

"Where's Bill?" You heard Mike ask as he pulled his bandaged arm towards himself.  

"I don't know," Beverly admitted with a sigh. "We should have heard from him by now."

Mike carefully pulled his cell phone free from the front pocket of his jeans and called Bill. You listened as Mike tried to talk to Bill, his expression growing increasingly worried as he listened to whatever Bill was telling him.

You had a sinking feeling in your gut that told you whatever Bill was doing now wasn't good. When Mike hung up the phone and confirmed that Bill was about to attempt to kill Pennywise all by himself, you knew that the final battle was fast approaching whether you wanted it to or not.  

Once it was concluded that Bill would be going to Neibolt to confront Pennywise, you all decided to meet him there.  

You were relieved when you got to the house and noticed that Bill had yet to go inside.  

"Hey," you heard Mike call to get Bill's attention.  

"Wh-what are you guys doing here?" Bill asked when he turned to look at the rest of you. "You shouldn't b-be here."

"We couldn't let you do this alone, Bill," Beverly told him.  

"Yeah, man," you heard Eddie agree. "Losers stick together."

"But you're all cursed because of me," Bill insisted. "That summer was m-my fault because I made you all go out to the Barrens with me lookin' for Georgie. I can't ask you all to do this."

"Just face it, Denbrough," you started with a smirk on your face that you hoped was covering up the anxiety you felt coursing through you. "You're stuck with us. It’s all of us or none of us."

“Is it too late to vote for none of us?” You heard Richie mutter from beside you. You discreetly elbowed him in the side, ignoring his pained grunt.

Bill looked like he wanted to argue for a moment before he seemed to realize that none of you actually had any intention of letting him storm Neibolt House alone.  

By the time you made it down into the caverns beneath Neibolt, you felt like you had already lived through dozens of nightmares.  

Between trying to help Bill pry the spider disguised as Stan's head off of Richie and listening to Ben's screams coming from rooms away and Beverly getting attacked and nearly drowned, you were starting to wonder if you would ever be allowed to complete the Ritual of Chüd. You were half-sure Pennywise would end up killing you all first.  

As you were throwing your token into the fire, you felt a wary anticipation start to overcome you. If this worked, then Pennywise would be gone forever. If this didn't work, then all of you would die horrible, violent deaths.  

You noticed a brief, sad smile flit across Ben's face before he threw his token into the fire. He glanced first to Beverly before his eyes met yours where you were standing opposite him. He gifted you with a sincere smile before he turned his attention towards where Richie was sacrificing an arcade token.  

You had a moment where you began to wonder if this was even real before you joined hands with Richie and Bill and listened to Mike speak about the ritual.  

As the deadlights descended and you started to chant with the group, you started to let yourself truly believe that this could be the end. If the ritual worked, then Pennywise would be gone. You wanted that more than anything, so you said each word with increasing conviction, hoping it would be enough to put Pennywise away for good.  

"Turn light into dark. Turn light into dark. Turn light into dark," you kept saying over and over, believing that it would be enough.  

It had to be enough.  

Of course it wasn't enough.  

When the ritual quite literally blew up in your faces, you knew that every hope you had of defeating Pennywise was nearly gone. You didn't know if there was anything else that would work, but your only way to survive once he attacked was to run. Pennywise had transformed himself into a giant spider that was big enough to nearly fill the cavern. There was no way you could possibly fight that and hope to survive.  

Mike seemed to be overwhelmed with guilt after Pennywise pressured him to admit that he had left one important detail out of his explanations regarding the ritual. The first and only group to attempt the Ritual of Chüd had all been killed because they couldn’t succeed. Mike had assumed that if you all just believed hard enough, then you would be able to kill It. You heard him apologizing profusely as you dodged a swipe from one of Pennywise’s legs.  

You ended up getting split up from the others. Richie and Eddie disappeared into one cave while Ben and Beverly retreated into another. You were about to bolt after Eddie and Richie, since it seemed like your only possible escape that didn't take you right past the killer clown and spider hybrid, but Pennywise had other plans for you.  

You felt something heavy slam into your back before you went flying. You barely had a moment to pull your arms in close to your body in an attempt to not break them on the rocks before you felt yourself hit the ground hard enough to knock the breath out of you. Your momentum carried you down an opening in the cavern's walls and right through a hole. You felt the odd sensation like you were flying for a moment before you landed on something soft.  

You didn’t even realize that had you closed your eyes during the fall, but once you opened them, you weren't entirely convinced that you were actually awake.  

"No," you whispered when you were met with the sight of your childhood bedroom. You had spent many nights in this room feeling like you were helpless against the lingering shadows on the walls. There were the nights when you swore there was someone standing at the foot of your bed and watching you in the dark. Sometimes the voice belonged to Pennywise and sometimes it was a wheezing, groaning croak that reminded you of every zombie movie you had watched with Richie after he dared you not to get scared.  

You willed yourself to move, but it felt like you were paralyzed with fear. You felt the sheets wrap around your ankles and wrists, anchoring you to the bed.  

"Look what you did to me," you heard a voice rasp from near the foot of the bed. You caught sight of curly hair and torn clothes. A hand reached out towards you, the skin mottled with decay. "You did this to me, Y/N."  

"No," you whispered again, silently pleading with whatever deity was listening to get you out of this.  

"Look at me," Stan snapped as he took a step closer to you, gifting you with a better view of him.  

You closed your eyes and resolutely shook your head. You felt fingers dig into your chin before your head was jerked sharply to the side.  

"Look at me. Look at what you did to me," Stan commanded with a conviction that was strong enough that you almost couldn't help but open your eyes in obedience. "You know what's going to happen to them now. They're going to end up like me. And it's all your fault," Stan spat before he offered you a sickly grin that had you attempting to pull your chin out of his hold.  

His nails dug into your skin and you could feel yourself begin to bleed from where he was cutting into your skin. You struggled against your bonds, a panic beginning to overwhelm you. You had felt trapped for years with the certainty that you might be subjecting your loved ones to their final demise and now Pennywise was playing that scenario out for you in the cruelest way possible.  

"No, no, no," you denied as you kept struggling for freedom. "I didn't mean to. I didn't want you to die, Stan," you cried.  

"You did this to me. To us," Stan snarled before he pulled away. He gestured towards the floor where you could make out the sight of several bodies. "You shouldn't have called us here. You've killed us all."

"NO!" You screamed when the first body pulled itself off the floor. You saw the glasses and dark hair and knew immediately that it must be Richie. You couldn't hold back the sob that fought its way free at the sight of the torn and bloody visage of your brother. His eyes were clouded over and his neck had been torn out.  

It wasn't long before the other members of the Losers' Club rose from the floor and started advancing on you. You could hear their hungry, ravenous moans as their hands all stretched out towards you. You could just imagine what it would feel like as they tore into your flesh and you hurried to free yourself from the bed. You twisted and writhed and finally managed to free one of your hands.  

You could feel nails scraping down your leg and you bit back a cry of pain. You weren't going to give Pennywise the satisfaction of hearing that his torture was working. You could feel blood running from the cuts and pooling onto the bed below you before you finally managed to break free.  

There was a door on the other side of the room that you were desperate to reach, but it would take you right through the undead members of the Losers' Club.  

"Fuck," you hissed, before you decided to try your chances. You bolted over the bed and pushed past the clawing hands and sound of clicking teeth as more than one of the members tried to take a bite out of you. By the time you made it to the door, one of your sleeves had been ripped away and you had deep scratches down your arms and along your torso. You were also pretty sure someone had gotten a lucky bite in, because your shoulder was burning and aching in a way that was nearly enough to distract you from your escape attempt.  

You didn't even bother looking back as you opened the door and fell through it right into the cavern you had left behind what felt like years ago.  

You only had a moment to notice the bright light filling the cave and the sight of Richie caught in the deadlights before you were taking off across the cavern. The image of the reanimated corpses of the Losers' Club was still fresh in your mind as you watched Eddie attempt to save Richie by spearing Pennywise through the head with the broken piece of fence Beverly had picked up earlier that night to use as a weapon.  

You pulled to a stop not far from the pair when you realized that Eddie was exclaiming that he had saved Richie. You were keeping a wary eye on Pennywise, but you still managed to catch sight of Eddie leaning down and kissing Richie.  

You were stunned for a moment, ridiculously happy for your brother and Eddie even if it was the wrong moment to get carried away, before you noticed Pennywise shake off the hit from Eddie. You had a moment to see Pennywise's grin just before he moved to strike. You barely had to think about it as you took off towards the pair, managing to tackle Eddie just before he would have been skewered through his chest with Pennywise's claw.  

You thought for a moment that you had managed to save Eddie without any consequences, but it didn't take long for the searing pain in your shoulder to make itself known. You felt like there was something hooked right beneath your clavicle before you were pulled back and flung across the cavern. You hit the ground with a sharp crack, crying out when you rolled right into the cavern wall. You felt like you had a hole in your shoulder, but that couldn't be right. The blood that was steadily pooling beneath you argued otherwise.  

You realized that you might have saved Eddie, but you sacrificed yourself to do it.  

Your vision went hazy for a moment before you heard someone calling your name. There were hands on you and for a dizzying moment you thought it was the zombified members of the Losers' Club coming back to finish the job. You kicked out at someone before the words began to register.  

"Fucking fuck, Y/N! That was my nose!" Richie yelled as he attempted to help Ben pick you up off the ground.  

"It's okay," you heard Beverly assure you. "You're okay."

"Don't die, Y/N," Eddie pleaded as he helped the others carry you into a cave where Pennywise wouldn't be able to readily reach you.  

"Eds," you croaked as you struggled to hold onto consciousness. You reached out to grab his hand, holding it as tight as you could. "Worth it," you assured him with a grin that probably looked half-crazed as you did your best to stay awake and aware.  

"Fu-fuck! Fuck!" You heard Bill shout as he joined the others. "That's a lot of blood."

"Hey, Y/N," Mike whispered. "You need to stay with us. We can't do this without you."

You felt something press into your shoulder and you couldn't hold back the scream that clawed its way free of your throat. You felt the sharp agony as Ben tried to keep pressure on your wound, having sacrificed his overshirt to try to keep you from bleeding out.  

"Just stay with me, Y/N," you heard Ben murmur. "Don't leave me. Mike's right, you know? We can't do this without you. I can't do this without you. I need you, so you’ve got to stick around."

You managed to suck in a shuddering, pained breath as you met his eyes. You knew you were fast losing the battle to stay awake and you weren't really sure if you were going to make it out of the cavern. Your blood was quickly soaking Ben’s overshirt and the pain started to recede as an alarming numbness began to overtake you.  

You could hear Pennywise taunting you and the other Losers, but all you could really focus on at that moment was Ben.  

You saw Ben bite his lip, looking unsure for a moment, before he brought his hands up and cupped your face in them. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against yours, prompting you to bring up the arm that currently didn’t feel like it was about to fall off to grab a fistful of his t-shirt and reel him in even closer. He felt like your only anchor to consciousness at that moment and you were reluctant to let him go.  

"Ugh, my sister, man? Seriously? Didn't you have the hots for Bev?" You heard Richie wonder with a tone that warred between disgust and exasperation.  

"Beep beep, Richie," you heard Beverly mutter.  

When you felt like you were struggling to breathe, you carefully pushed Ben away. "I'm sorry, Ben Handsome" you whispered before you felt your eyelids droop.  

"No, Y/N, stay awake," you heard Ben urge.  

"Is she dead? What's going on?"

"Fuck! This can’t be fucking happening."

"No, come on, Y/N. Don't do this."

Awareness stayed with you in little bits and pieces. You could hear Pennywise roaring and the others yelling, but they now sounded far away. You could hear something rumbling before your body began to shake. It took you a really long time to realize that you weren't shaking, but the cave around you was as it started to collapse. There was the unmistakable sound of rocks clattering down to the floor and then more shouting.  

You felt trembling fingers on your neck and others wrapped around your wrist. There were hands under your knees and someone pulling you to stand. You felt weightless for a moment and for one brief, disorienting moment you thought you were flying.  

You felt hands on you again and voices drifting across you, but before you could shout or try to avoid the reach of the undead, you finally allowed the darkness threatening to overwhelm you to fully embrace you.  

You didn't really think you were dead. You still felt and heard and experienced. There were flashing lights that had you wishing you could close your eyes, even though they were already closed. There was the prick of the needle as it slid into your arm and a warm voice talking just above you.  

"We'll have to bring her in for surgery now. I'm sorry, but you have to stay in the waiting room."

"But that's my sister," you heard Richie exclaim. "What the fuck do you mean I have to stay out here?"

There was something cold rushing through your veins and a metallic taste in your mouth. There was the drifting awareness and then nothing.  

You jolted awake, your eyes flying open as you attempted to take better stock of your surroundings.  

"Holy shit, you're awake," you heard Richie mumble from your side. You glanced over to see that he was rubbing at his eyes just under the rims of his glasses. He looked exhausted, but there was a delighted, relieved grin on his face that had you automatically smiling back at him in answer.  

You wanted to ask him what the fuck was going on, but he was suddenly out of his chair and striding over towards the door.  

"Hey, guys! She's finally awake!" You heard Richie yell before he was stepping out of your room.  

You barely had a moment to realize you were in a hospital room before the rest of the Losers' Club filed into the room.  

"I'm glad you're okay, Y/N," Bill said as he came to stand beside your bed.  

"Yeah, you had us all really scared for a while there," Beverly chimed in as she reached out for your hand. She squeezed your hand and offered you a reassuring smile.  

"Move," Richie commanded as he brushed past Bill and Beverly. "Don't you ever fucking do that to me again, you got it?” Richie admonished you as he pointed his finger right in your face, as if he was scolding a child and not his twin sister. “I just fucking got you back and I'm not about to let you die because of some stupid, fuckin' clown."

"Pennywise," you breathed, startled to finally remember the clown that had terrorized you all for so long and the recent events that took place in the caverns beneath Neibolt House. "What happened? Is he dead?"

"He's dead," Mike confirmed with a nod of his head. You turned your head and met his eyes where he was standing at the foot of your bed. "We did it."

"I'm so sorry, Y/N," Eddie piped up as he moved to stand at Richie's side. You didn't fail to notice the way Richie's hand immediately reached for Eddie's, their fingers lacing together as Eddie crowded further into Richie's side. “I feel like you almost died because of me.”

"I meant what I said," you told him with a small smile. "It would have been worth it."

"Y/N," you heard from the doorway of your hospital room.  

You looked over to see Ben standing there, an expression of stark relief clear on his face.  

"Why don't we give them a moment," Beverly suggested as she reached out to start steering Richie and Eddie away.  

"Hey, that's my sister!" Richie protested, before he seemed to relent when Beverly whispered something to him. "I'm watching you," Richie promised Ben before he let himself be led out of the room by the rest of the Losers.  

Ben came to sit down at your bedside once it was just the two of you left in the room.  

"Do you, uh, do you remember anything? From before you passed out?" He wasn't quite meeting your eyes, but there was an awkward shyness that seemed so familiar that you couldn't help but grin at him.  

"I remember trying to save Eddie," you muttered before your brows furrowed as you attempted to remember more. "There was a lot of pain. I think I lost a lot of blood," you said as you frowned down at the bandages you could see covering your shoulder. "I remember you," you confessed with a softer smile as memories became clearer. "And a kiss," you whispered before Ben finally met your gaze. "Did you mean it? Or was it only because I was bleeding out?"

"I meant it," Ben rushed to reassure you before he hesitantly reached out to take your hand. "I meant it," he whispered as he let his thumb sweep over the back of your hand. "And I have a proposition for you if you're open to it."

You quirked an eyebrow at him, not able to fight off the smirk you felt tugging at your lips. "While I'm still in a hospital bed? Ben Handsome, I didn't know you were that eager to seduce me."

You noticed the blush that bloomed on Ben's cheeks before he shot you an amused grin. "Not that kind of proposition," he remarked with a fond expression and shake of his head. "I was thinking about what you'd do now that Pennywise is gone."

"Oh," you breathed in understanding. You honestly had never thought of what you would do once you were free to leave Derry. All of your plans boiled down to just that. Leave. But you didn't know what you would do once you stepped foot outside the town for the first time. "What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I'm overdue for a vacation and you're probably eager to get out of Derry. You've been stuck here for so long and I know you've got to heal and probably some physical therapy, but we can go anywhere you'd like. It's your choice, but if you'll have me, I want to explore the world with you." He took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for a possible rejection. "So, where would you like to go?"

You were stunned for a moment with the realization that whatever was forming between you and Ben wasn't just going to be relegated to Derry and near-death experiences. Ben was actually serious about this. Serious about you. And while it seemed a bit sudden and you were sure there was so much left to discuss, you couldn’t help but feel excited by the idea that he wanted to see you and spend time with you and take you far away from the town that housed all your nightmares.  

You felt a grin slowly stretch across your face before you squeezed his hand. "I've got the perfect idea."

Later, nearly a week after Pennywise's demise, you joined the other members of the Losers' Club at Jade of the Orient for dinner. You were surprised that you were all allowed back after the property damage from your last dinner, but you were given another private room to hold your meeting of the Losers’ Club.  

This dinner was a complete turnaround from the first one, however. Just a week before, you were all talking about what you had spent the past twenty-seven years doing. It was rife with news of divorce, separation, and uncertainty. It was tainted by the knowledge that Pennywise was back and wreaking havoc on Derry yet again. What should have been a nice reunion was overshadowed by the hauntings of your pasts and the tragedy that was soon to follow.  

Now, you were all looking forward to whatever the future held in store, because you all realized that you actually had a future to experience. There was no more uncertainty and no more monsters to fight. You were allowed to live now without the specter of Pennywise hanging over you all.  

Ben kept a firm grip on your hand through most of the dinner, as if he had to remind himself that you were really there and alive after suffering a near-fatal injury. Richie and Eddie were just as obnoxious as ever, but Eddie had taken it upon himself to kiss Richie whenever he wanted him to shut up. By the stunned and cautiously delighted look on Richie's face every time it happened, he didn't mind.  

Everyone seemed eager to discuss their plans for the next few months. It seemed that Richie still planned to finish out his tour and Eddie was going to go with him. Mike claimed that he wanted to finally check out Florida after being stuck in Maine for so long. Bill said he had a movie to finish and a new book to write. Beverly told you all that now that so much of her past had become clear to her, she wanted to figure out who she really was. She wanted to strike out on her own and learn how to depend on herself, but from the few, brief glances she shared with Bill, you started to wonder if there was more going on there than they had shared with the group.  

By the time you were finished with your food and waiting on the check, you felt lighter than you had in decades. With Ben at your side and the knowledge that Pennywise was no longer a threat, you felt like your future was open to you for the first time in your life.  

You heard Bill clear his throat before he raised his glass. "To the Losers' Club," he said with a fond grin on his face. "To finally defeating Pennywise," he continued with a glance at each of you around the table. "And most important, to Stan," he finished.

"To Stan," you all joined in, raising your glasses in a toast to your fallen friend, before you all took a drink.  

"To Stan," you repeated with a sad smile as you thought of the friend who should have been sharing this victory with all of you. You wished more than anything that he was there to see the nightmare finally laid to rest.  

But you couldn't help but hope that he knew somehow that you and the Losers' Club hadn't let him down. You had defeated Pennywise once and for all and the townspeople of Derry were finally safe from a threat they weren't even aware of after so many decades of suffering.