#bemineagain

Mahal ko,

I just woke up. Grabe, I took pills again. Hindi ako makatulog, Mark. Let me be honest with you, I feel so empty. My friends keep messaging me, asking if I’m fine, and ako na mismo yung hindi nagrereply. Or if I reply, ibang topic na lang. Kasi damn it, I hate myself for feeling this again.

It’s not your fault, okay? It’s mine. I should’ve been more careful. I was doing okay, but then I got too hasty and too excited. But that’s okay.

I miss your Bicol Express. I even dreamed about eating it with you. I miss you.

Okay ka lang ba? Do you feel at peace now? Are you happy with her? I hope you are.

Kapag hindi, maiinis ako. Kasi dapat masaya tayong dalawa ngayon. I should be the one making you happy, Maraya. I prayed last Sunday at mass. I told Him to take away this pain. It’s just so hard to accept.

Mark, I think about you all the time.

Are you eating properly? Do you shower? Do you drink water? Are you missing me? Do you still want me?

Yun lang. I had to change this letter because I woke up feeling empty and I miss you so much. I want it to be me. Ako dapat for you. I know it. I can feel it. I may not be perfect, but I know I can make you the happiest man.

You’re still my best guy. Walang magbabago.