#beinganass

#tuesdaythoughts #facts #beinganass #bekindalways #ihavetoremindmyself

"Did you really just ask me.. to do Your HOMEWORK for you?.. As in.. what kinda shit is that. You pick up that crayon and get to working. I'll just sit here and... I'm bored. Where the hell is Peter when you need him? PETER!!!"

Life, and my bitches

“Thanks very much, sir, everything was fantastic,” Lou said to the waiter as he hands over the signed bill. “Not a problem at all, how about couple drinks on the house?” Lou and Karina both smile, and Lou speaks up, “How about a champagne for the beautiful lady, and Maker’s with a splash of water for the handsome man?” Karina appropriately rolls her eyes, and with a small nod, the waiter turns and walks away. Lou turns his attention back to his girlfriend, who smiles and places her hand on top of his. “Lou, I know we decided not to get each other anything for the anniversary of our first date, but I couldn’t help myself.” As she reaches into her purse, Lou smiles and bursts out, “I have to admit, I already know what you are doing? I was snooping a little and saw the Rolex box.” “Wait, what?” Karina says, confused, as she places the watch box on the table. Lou continues, “Don’t worry, I didn’t peek, but you weren’t exactly subtle when you snuck off after I tried that watch on last week.” “Umm, well that’s not exactly-“ “I couldn’t let you be so generous, so I might have splurged a little too.” Without another word, Lou whips out a white gold Tiffany’s necklace and places it on the table in front of Karina. “Tadaaaaaah-“ he says, beaming widely. “Lou, hang on a second-“ Before Karina can react, Lou snatches the box off the table and pops it open. He looks down, and his smile immediately begins to narrow. “What’s this?” Lou says, picking up a folded piece of paper from the otherwise empty watch box. He opens the paper and begins to reach aloud, “I’m such a FOURtunate girl to have met you, let’s make this relationship Facebook Official! I love you! –Karina.” He lowers the paper and stares back at Karina. “What the hell is this?” “Well, uh, hang on, I didn’t-“ Lou cuts her off, “What was all that sneaking around about?” “Well, I needed to get an empty box-“ Karina sputtered, realizing that there was no way to save this conversation. “And what about earlier this week when I asked you whether my sports watch was too grungy to wear to the job interview, and you were like ‘Hmm, a man like you should be wearing a nice watch’ all mysteriously?” “I wasn’t being mysterious, that watch is crappy – wait, what are you even talking about? Why are you upset, this was supposed to be cute.” “Look, maybe I’m being a jerk here, but you really made it seem like I was getting a new watch, and now I spent all this money...well shit, you know what I mean. You know I’m broke..." “Lou, honey I’m sorry, this was supposed to be a cute little surprise, I didn’t realize you were-“ “And another thing-,” Lou says, standing up, “It’s technically been 5 years since we met each other, so that little FOURtunate word play thing doesn’t even work.” They pause, a tense silence hanging between them. The waiter walks over holding two champagnes and nervously places them on the table before scampering away. “Lou, it was only four years ago,” Karina says quietly, and watches him silently count back the years using the fingers on his left hand. “Damn it!” Lou says, and picks up the whiskey and slugs the whole thing back, slamming the empty glass back on the table. “I said a splash of water, a splash!” He yells to no one in particular. “I’m getting out of here. Keep the necklace, I can’t return it.” Lou walks out, leaving a stunned Karina trying to figure out what had possibly just happened. She picks up the necklace and studies the small heart pendants. She picks up the other glass of champagne, sipping carefully and replaying the conversation in her head. “Everything okay ma’am?” says the waiter, reappearing at the table. “I really don’t know,” Karina replies, “I just don’t know.”