#beginner actor

The Hunters of Artemis rescue the demigods (and Grover, he's also here)

romeo and juliet (may 2024): -messed up like, a bunch of lines and stuttered a bit (as long as you play it off no one will notice anything wrong) -blocking was shit on one of the nights (made up for it via actions/dialogue clarity) -was kinda quiet (just be louder next time, that's all that matters) -couldn't find the vial for like half a minute and i was worried they didn't put it there (pretended to play it off as hesitating to give the vial) -had a paralyzing ptsd episode on one of the nights right before the doors opened (and i will not stress this enough: always rely on your fellow cast and production members. they are there for you.) -had a really upset stomach (just don't eat dairy or whatever you're intolerant to prior to performance night/day. or if you do make sure to take a pill or something to help with it, like a lactese/lactaid)

Like, I have some good experience and have done some good courses and have some nice beginner-y stuff to put on the CV, but I just don't know...

I've always wanted to act, and I am pumped that I might get the chance but I have all these strikes against me, like I have a physical semi-disability (And I have some complicated sick stuff), and I'm in that age range that they usually cast people that are 18 to play the roles for people my age (Roles where the character is like 14-16 they usually get people that are 18-19 to play because they can work longer hours) and I'm like in that mid weight category where I'm not skinny and I'm not big which is just awkward, and I feel like I'm going to be so crushed when I get rejected for roles, and it's such an awkward industry... I mean, you have no guarantee of a job so usually you need a back-up, but I'm doing all this stuff for acting, which means I'm not as focused on school, which means I am kind of balling up my academics... 

Ack, I'm like, holding my head, trying to figure this stuff out D: Acting is my passion and my dream, I need to do this but I'm not even guaranteed getting into this course, and if I don't I will feel terrible, and I know that's a part of acting, but still, I'm 15 and no 15 year old can be totally fine with being rejected.

I have to try. I'm going to try. But I still need to finish my CV which is SO DAMN HARD to finish for some reason, and I need some good head-shots (Goodbye my dear money)... 

I don't even think there was a point to this post. I apologise. No I don't. But sorry.