peak lines from random fanfics(all crack)
“Did you even hear what I said?!”
“I did, but I didn’t like it, so I’m choosing to ignore it for your sake,”
Some asshole in clown makeup gets a lucky shot eventually, and Peter takes a bullet to his right thigh. It’s a huge bummer because that is definitely his favorite thigh.
“ I was reclaiming it, Pretender. Ever heard of the concept? ”
“How about you conceptualise my foot up your ass.”
Damian has the most amusing reaction to the shitty joke when he turns to look at Peter- like he’d just eaten an amalgamation of mysterious slimes.
holy shit, girl, why are you arguing with an enraged gunman who hates your guts???
A thin white person smile
“Get out of my apartment, I beg of you.”
The cousin clause activated automatically after she didn’t say “no” within 72 hours of me asking via interpretive dance.
Peter was now weighing the pros and cons of throwing himself into oncoming traffic.
SLBP :ITS NOT FUNNY IM GOING TO BE SLAUGHTERED BY THE INSOMNIAC MALE DOMINATRIX
"Me and my mini BJ are here to help!"
No, he was definitely going to have to kill himself.
"Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom. How ironic that it should be the two of you standing here together to face me. Ironic, yet fitting."
"Tom Riddle. I'm fairly certain you're a pedophile."
And no, said father was not a Muggle, where are these dreadful accusations coming from? They are distinctly not fabulous.'"
"Definitely a grim. Looks like you're going to die, Harry," she said casually.
"Your concern is touching, really,"
"I vish I vas back at Durmstrang…" Krum confessed.
"That's a common first reaction," Harry assured the international Quidditch sensation.
the Actual Goddamn Accords give me agita
“I bet there’s a cockroach crawlin’ in here jus’ dying to get its little leggies on Steve Rogers’s itch.”
Her eyes widen. “You wrote a paper on Steve and Bucky’s hidden love affair?”
He squints at Peter. “So you’re saying there’s absolutely nothing at all that made your tummy roll when you watched Sam rubbing his little Falcon fingers all over your aunt’s arm before?”
“I hate every word that just came out of your mouth,”
Tony stares at him and then drops his face into his hands, screaming delicately.
He is my adoptive parent, apparently,”
can you tell i have no social life nor sense of humour and find literally anthing funny yet ?
i can probably provide links if u r really curious but just remember kids: i have awful taste in literally everything *insert thumbs up emoji*
