I have pretty severe OCD, and I read an interesting post on OCD rep in Better Call Saul.
Iâm not reblogging the post, because itâs an old post, I donât think my input would necessarily make that personâs day / life better; but if I understood them correctly:
They felt that when Chuck uses his history of having OCD symptoms to manipulate Jimmy, this justifies the resentment other characters felt towards Chuck (for requiring them to accommodate him vis. his âelectricity allergyâ).
(For context, Chuck does this when heâs attempting to prove Jimmyâs fraud on the Mesa Verde case. )
I watched the same show, and didnât feel this way at all.
I think itâs because I didnât think that the resentment of the people around Chuck required justification.
Iâll preface the next part by saying that when I have been at my worst, my OCD has been as severe as Chuckâs is on the show.
My brain fixates on the possibility of germs, rather than on the dangers of electricity (though honestly, before I ever saw Better Call Saul, my rogue amygdala had actually briefly experimented with that exact OCD theme), but the outcomes are fairly similar.
I spent the first two years of the pandemic in a state of extremely high paranoia, refusing to leave my apartment, surrounded by $1000 worth of humming air purifiers.
It was very much Electric Blanket-era Chuck.
I think I see the resentment that the other characters (the HHM staff, and Jimmy) sometimes feel towards Chuck as reasonable, because:
I know that being around someone with severe OCD can be taxing. My own friends and loved ones are very accommodating towards and patient with me, but I know itâs not always easy, and they are probably quite frustrated, at times.
I feel that Chuck is coming from a place of extreme ego and privilege by refusing to entertain the idea that he is mentally ill; rather than asking for legitimately required accommodations in a situation of desperation, or demanding them because he has experienced a total loss of perspective, I feel that Chuck is content to impose his OCD on others. To do that protects his ego from the pain of admitting he is not in total control mentally, and is less difficult for him than the painful work of actually attempting to cope with OCD.
I see some of Chuckâs self-righteous privilege in myself, at times, but itâs very much tempered by the shame and horror I feel about asking someone to do something I know (deep down) is unreasonable. I still sometimes give into that temptation, but I try not to.
To be clear, I am not talking about instances where I have asked Unreasonable Things(tm) of people around me when Iâm either:
a) so far into a spiral that Iâve honestly lost all perspective and donât even realize Iâm being unreasonable, or
b) when I can feel a bad panic-attack -type situation coming on and truly need a small-to-medium-level accommodation from a friend to arrest it
Iâm not really ashamed of either of those situations. Embarrassed, yes; grateful to the kindness and patience of those who saw me through that time, yes.
But not ashamed.
What I see in Chuck, I guess, is something else; the worst possible iteration of me, perhaps.
And I guess the reason I donât really feel that itâs unrealistic, or an unfair portrayal, is because I have known someone like that.
I have lived with a person who was like Chuck, in terms of their willingness to externalize their symptoms.
And it was fucking awful.
That person was my dad.
He almost definitely had OCD, but, like Chuck, he refused to acknowledge he was mentally ill.
He saw himself as uniquely brilliant and rational; completely in control of his own mind. Whenever his preferences clearly conflicted with what other people felt was reasonable, he blustered to the effect that he was The Only Sane Man.
Rather than admit he was anything less than entirely reasonable, he imposed his paranoia (about germs) and his preferences (for completely unblemished surfaces and surroundings) on everyone he could control (my mother and I).
It was miserable. It was unfair. It alienated everyone from our nuclear family (relatives, neighbours, and any potential friends), and it contributed a lot to my social isolation as a child.
It almost definitely also contributed a lot to reinforcing the same OCD fixations that I now struggle with, almost four decades later - symptoms that are more debilitating than any I ever saw him experience.
So yeah. Thatâs why I feel that Better Call Saul is not bad OCD rep.
Thank you for coming to my TedX Talk.
(Postscript: Chuck is honestly less awful than my dad. I feel a lot of sympathy for him, as a character, and was honestly shocked and upset by his death.)
(Postscript 2: I think I accepted his manipulation of Jimmy as just a manifestation of the kind of Machiavellianness that Jimmy himself often embodies. [As opposed to an indictment of people with OCD, or a vindication of everyone elseâs resentment of the imposition that his symptoms represents to them.]
My dad is also highly Machiavellian, so thatâs a characteristic that can definitely coexist with OCD.)
