#bbhs au

“Yo.” Vanoss snickered when his surprise greeting made Delirious jump in his spot on the grassy hill. Hands fumbled with the leather wallet Delirious held, which had been what had made it easy to sneak up on the student without him knowing.

“Wh-what the hell! Don’t jus-just jump up on someone like-like that.” The frown was a common look for the other student recently. Vanoss tried to ignore it when dropping down next to him, enjoying the softness of the grass. He wasn’t sure why he’d sought out Delirious; they hadn’t really hung out alone since their blowout argument. It just felt...strange. The tension was hard to ignore between them, and despite his best efforts, Vanoss’s mind couldn’t fully forget the kiss that Delirious had given him. Back then, he’d been angry and mortified, unable to understand why the kiss hadn’t felt as repulsive as he wanted it to. They’d fought, then reconciled, but the cloud of apprehension that surrounded them was unable to be ignored. 

The worst part was, it wasn’t fear or disgust that made Vanoss so tense. It was confusion, uncertainty, and the subtle need for answers that made him avoid situations like the one he was currently putting himself in. It was clear, from Delirious’s inability to meet his gaze and his body twitches, that he was also nervous. For someone as neurotic as his classmate, that wasn’t normal. Delirious went into situations without abandon, which resulted in more disaster than success. But he did it with a good heart, and his candid nature was why most people generally enjoyed his company. It was why Vanoss had liked him, even when Delirious gave him the cold shoulder at first. Or, he’d thought that was why he’d always looked for the loud student, but now... 

“Not my fault you're deaf,” Vanoss teased, hoping the words would be taken as a joke. The flustered noise that came from Delirious made him laugh, some of his previous tension melting out of his shoulders while listening to the other’s reply.  

“I’m not! You’re just a-a ninja owl!” 

“That doesn’t even make sense.” 

“You don’t make sense,” Delirious grumbled, glaring toward the school’s athletic fields. Before Vanoss could ask what the other was doing alone, he picked up on the weird way Delirious yanked the wallet closer to his chest. It looked out of sorts, a dollar and the edge of some piece of paper hanging out the top as if Delirious had been looking through it. But why would he need to do that? Wouldn’t he know his wallet best? Curious, Vanoss leaned closer, holding his hand out.

“Hey, let me have a dollar.”

“Why?”

“Because I owe Wildcat money.” He wasn’t sure if that was true (probably was, he always ‘borrowed’ his friend’s cash when he forgot his lunch), but it was a good enough excuse for Delirious to believe. Delirious flinched back, hands clutching the leather tighter in obvious anxiety. 

“Uh, I-I don’t have money,” he answered, despite the dollar bill hanging out of the fold. 

“I can see it.” 

“Well, I- there’s just- hey, don’t-don’t get so-” Vanoss shut down any other excuse when he pushed closer, his arm brushing against the firm shoulder next to him to reach for the wallet. The proximity seemed to distract Delirious’s reflexes, and he only tensed after Vanoss had gotten his fingers around the wallet in his grasp. “Wait!” 

A spasm from Delirious’s wrist when their fingers brushed sent the wallet flying to the ground in front of them, rolling a couple feet down the hill. Random items poured out that had no business being there, like a gum wrapper and a paper that’s ink had obviously been ruined by some type of liquid. The dollar popped out as well, but that wasn’t what caught Vanoss’s attention.

“What is…” He was moving before he could think of finishing the sentence, unsure of how to process the final item that had spilled from Delirious’s wallet. The photo was old, edges crinkled and the image faded from the years that had passed. Seeing himself so young was surprising, but what truly caught him off guard was who else was in the photo. His little arm was wrapped around a younger boy, the blue eyes and wide smile far too familiar. Their faces were covered in mud, as if both had been playing for hours in the rain, but neither looked upset. If he was being honest, he looked...happier than he’d been in a long time. And as strange as it sounded, Vanoss remembered the moment captured in the photograph. He’d been young, so the face and name of his long lost friend had eluded his terrible memory years after he’d moved. But the feelings he’d had were permanently settled in his head. That day had been one he’d cherished. Delirious had never mentioned knowing him when they were younger. Except the picture proved he knew, from day one, who Vanoss was.

Why hadn’t he told Vanoss the truth?  

“What is this?” Vanoss asked, slowly turning to Delirious in shock. Guilt and pain rushed through Delirious’s wince before he moved to grab his wallet, trying to throw everything back into the leather. 

“Nothing.” 

“It’s not nothing, you...you keep a photo of us in your wallet? Why?” Vanoss’s eyes were wide while he stared at Delirious, who panicked and tried to shove the incriminating picture back into its spot. But stubborn as it’s owner, the photo refused to be hidden again, crinkling instead of sliding into the crevice.

“I-I just- it fell in there.” The embarrassment owned his friend’s voice, and the blue eyes that refused to make contact with him proved that this wasn’t something Vanoss was supposed to know about. Then again, with the strain in their recent friendship, the fighting, kissing (which they still hadn’t talked about) and the aftermath of the break-up with Ohm, Vanoss could understand the other’s fear. 

“Del.” His voice tripped up on the nickname, not having said it since their fallout. The ghost of pain that shadowed Delirious’s face proved he’d noticed Vanoss’s hesitation in using it, too. It froze the frantic rush to hide the evidence, and Vanoss reached forward to cover the hand that clutched the picture. “We need to talk about it.” 

“I can’t, so w-we should just forget you saw-that you’d seen it.” Delirious answered quickly, and the tremble of the fingers under his own proved to Vanoss that it was fear coloring his friend’s tone. He didn’t want to hurt either of them anymore than the mess of their previous fighting had. But Vanoss knew if he let this moment go, if he let Delirious shove everything back down, it may never come back into the light of day again.

“Does this have something to do with why you kissed me?” Vanoss finally asked the question that they’d been avoiding for weeks, ignoring how warm his face felt to stare Delirious down. A quiver of Delirious's lip proved he didn’t want to answer, but Vanoss held out long enough to force him to respond. 

“Vanoss, if we’re fr-friends you won’t-” 

“Are we friends?” Vanoss asked, watching Delirious jerk his head up in shock before continuing. “None of this feels friendly. Friends don’t have the tension we do. Friends don’t keep secret pictures of each other in their wallets, or spy on each other in bushes.” 

“Wait, what?” The blink proved he didn’t know about Vanoss’s first moment of realization regarding his feelings toward Delirious. But that could be talked about after, along with the picture and everything else they’d hidden from one another. For now, Vanoss brushed his thumb against Delirious’s hand, feeling the softness of his skin. It was just enough encouragement for Vanoss to push his own comfort levels, meeting Delirious’s stare head on. 

“Friends shouldn’t kiss, shouldn’t think about each other or feel butterflies when they touch.” Delirious’s eyes flickered down to their hands at Vanoss’s confession, which hadn’t separated despite the obvious tension in the conversation. He didn’t pull away, and when Vanoss felt the other’s thumb hesitantly hook around his, he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Friends shouldn’t think about each other when they’re with other people. Because friends shouldn’t have...these types of feelings.”

“Vanoss, I…” Somehow, he knew what Delirious wanted to say. That he didn’t deserve Vanoss, that he’d broken their trust and ruined something good between him and Ohm. Maybe that he was worried what others would say about them getting together. What if their friends turned their backs on them? There were lots of problems that could come out of Delirious admitting what he’d been so desperate to hide before his slip up. Probably more if Vanoss accepted his confession. But Vanoss, feeling the clench of his heart when seeing Delirious’s shoulders slump, knew he didn’t care about anything but the boy sitting next to him. 

“You keep saying that we’re friends but you look at me for a moment too long for that to be true. And I don’t mind that. I...I don’t think I want you to look at anyone else.” Slowly, Vanoss leaned forward, unsure if he’d be pushed away when his forehead brushed against Delirious’s. “That doesn’t feel like friendship to me. So if you kissed me because you like me, then you have to tell me. Don’t pretend you don’t feel the same way.”

“The same? Like, as in- yo-you like me?” Hope that had been so rare recently in Delirious’s eyes sparkled, and Vanoss glanced away to hide his own embarrassment. 

“Don’t act so surprised-hey!” Vanoss shouted in protest when he was pushed backwards, gravity bringing both of them down the hill. Grass and dirt stuck to Vanoss’s jacket when he finally stopped rolling, the heavy weight of Delirious on him making it hard to breathe. The dizziness of the fall had him taking a moment to try and catch his breath. 

But a second later proved the attempt was useless; his lungs lost their ability to function when Delirious leaned down, quick to capture his lips in a kiss. This time, there was no frustration, no bitter edge to the taste of the mouth pouring unspoken affection into the connection. Delirious’s hands were gentle, not forceful, cupping his face, tilting his head up from the ground to seal their lips closer together. A rush of endorphins clouded Vanoss’s mind, but his mouth didn’t need much prompting to accept the kiss. The murmur of athletes and students cheering on the fields in the distance were simple background noise to the quiet breeze that swept over them, lulling Vanoss’s body into a relaxed puddle against the grass. Delirious settled over him as one kiss turned into two, then another when Vanoss fisted his hand in the hoodie and pulled him closer. Finally, the sharp noise of the afterschool bell pulled them apart. Vanoss opened his eyes quickly, wanting to catch Delirious’s first reaction before he hid it. The awe he found staring down at him was unexpected, but a good sign.

“I like you!” The blurted out confession made Vanoss squawk in surprise, sure his face flushed in embarrassment. 

“Don’t just shout it out like that!” He snapped, but Delirious’s smile proved that he didn’t mind the scolding. Carefree as the guy that Vanoss had fallen for, Delirious laughed loudly, pulling both up into a hug that Vanoss melted into much too quickly for the confession not to be reciprocated.

“I really like you, Vanoss.”

“Yo-you just said that, idiot.” He leaned his forehead onto Delirious’s shoulder, trying to hide his words into the thick fabric. “But...me too.”

They had a long way to go, which Vanoss knew from the slight nips of guilt still tugging at his heart. There was no telling what would happen when they left the hill they confessed on. Friendships were still tentative with their group, and neither knew how the others would react. They could have chanced everything for one moment of happiness. For now, they felt strong, but what if that wavered when reality set it? All of these thoughts were a possibility.