#bbd fic

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- - - - - - - - - - A few weeks later; a smaller but still ‘sold out’ venue. “I love this building,” Gerard said, talking to the audience about mid-way through his set. “It’s old and full of stories and secrets,” he caught the eye of the blonde standing just offstage. “Just like me.” She smiled as the audience “aww’d” (at the implication of him being old) but cheered afterwards. “Do you guys wanna know a secret?” Gerard asked the crowd, getting a cheer in response. He noticed the blonde as she furrowed her brows in confusion, and he flashed her a smile. “Of course you do.” Shelly watched him move slowly around the stage. She had no idea what he was going to share - he hadn’t mentioned anything to her, or any of his stage crew about this kind of antics. That she knew of. It was entirely possible that the crew that she’d spoken to before the show had lied to her after all - she always asked if there was anything about the night’s show that she needed to be aware of or prepared for. “I know a lot of my audience, for every show, are My Chem fans,” he stood with his hand on his hip, a position that was very familiar to the watching blonde, as they cheered. “So I’m assuming that a lot of you were around for a portion of that. If you ever came to a My Chem show, then you might remember a particular young woman and her dedication to getting us as much time with you guys as possible.” Much to her surprise, there was a noise of positivity coming from the crowd. And it took her longer than she would ever admit to, to realise that he was talking about her, ‘cause she was too preoccupied looking at him. “Some of you may have met her, some of you may have interacted with her on social media. But most of you probably know of her - I know we used to talk about her in interviews all the time, forever singing her praises,” he grinned at the long-running joke. “I wanted to continue that today, because I was incredibly lucky to get her as my tour manager again, for the entirety of this tour, and she has been working just as hard as she used to to keep up with me and to keep making sure that I can still have time to meet and interact with you guys, and if we can’t make the time, she’s the reason I get all of your letters and gifts.” He turned to face where she was standing before holding out his hand. “C’mere Shelly.” She looked at him with wide, slightly terrified eyes and shook her head. She was used to working backstage, out of the spotlight so to speak, after all. “Please?” The crowd echoed the word and she sighed, rolling her eyes at him and cautiously stepping onto the more visible parts of the stage, making her way over to stand closer to him. Before she got close enough for his microphone to pick up her voice she spoke to him. “What are you up to? This is embarrassing; I’m going to get you for this.” Gerard smiled at her and she sighed again, as her expression softened. He covered the mic with his hand and leant forward to talk near her ear. “Don’t hate me.” She frowned again and watched him straighten up and turn to the crowd. After a beat, she did the same and immediately recognised a few faces, waving at them a little shyly, her arm tucked into her side as she mouthed a “hi!” Her smile widened when they waved back. Gerard watched this, a grin on his face. “She loves you guys, most of you love her; I believe we were ‘shipped’ together once upon a time,” he glanced at her to see her covering her face in embarrassment. “I probably should’ve paid more attention to that, ‘cause I think you guys saw something that we - that I didn’t.” This last bit drew her attention back to him and she frowned, trying desperately to read his face to try and figure out what he was up to. He cleared his throat and continued. “We, as My Chem, love her. We, as individuals, love her. But… And this guys - ” He paused and turned to look directly at her. “This is the secret.” Shelly quirked an eyebrow at him. “I… I’ve loved her the longest. The hardest. I love her the most.” There was another loud ‘awww’ from the audience and she couldn’t help but smile. “And I don’t want to waste any more time.” She glanced at the audience before looking back at him with a frown on her face. “What does that mean?” “Ashely,” he said, still close enough to the mic for it to pick up and project his voice. He chuckled at the glare she shot him for using her full name. “Shelly, you have been the brightest light, the biggest supporter, the most loyal presence, the most help and the kindest voice - I have ever met.” “Stop,” she whispered, her hands covering her cheeks to try and hide her embarrassment. “You’ve seen me at my worst, at my lowest point and you still stayed. You didn’t just stay, you dropped to the ground, grabbed both my hands, pulled me back to my feet and held me steady until I could do it on my own. You could’ve walked away and worked with someone else. But you didn’t. You stayed and were rewarded by being by our - my side, at my highest and at my best.” Her hands had dropped to clasp in front of her and her expression softened as he spoke. She remembered that he still sometimes didn’t like speaking about how vulnerable that time had made him. He was proud of getting through it but, sometimes it was still hard. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to thank you enough for that.” “You never need to,” she said, surprised when her voice sounded louder than she’d anticipated. There was a soft “aww” from the front row. “Everything you’ve ever done for the band, for me, has always come from a place of complete and utter selflessness - you’ve only ever wanted the best for us, for me. All you’ve ever done is care. All you’ve ever done is put us first, even if it meant hurting yourself. All you’ve ever done is love us.” He swallowed a little before continuing. “All you’ve ever done is love me and it took me far too long to realise it. But, now I know and I promise that I’m never going to take that for granted.” She didn’t really have time to react to all of that before Gerard cleared his throat softly, away from the mic, and she watched him smile that beautiful smile, right at her before he hitched his suit trousers up at his knees. It was like someone had hit a slow motion button. That’s what it felt like to her at least, because it seemed like the crowd had realised what was going on long before she did - she could hear the noise from the side of her they were on but there was no way that she was processing exactly what kind of noise they were making. She was too busy staring as Gerard fucking Way dropped to one knee in front of her. He looked up at her, the gasping and the cheering of the crowd beside them almost drowned out the “oh my god” she was repeating softly like a mantra. Or a prayer. But she’d never been the praying, religious type really. He’d honestly never seen her look so wide eyed. Well, until he reached inside one of the pockets of his suit jacket and produced a small, dark blue box. “Will you marry me?” At that moment, everything stopped. It was like the rest of the room held their breath, waiting, and truthfully, they probably were. Gerard certainly was. “Yes.” The word was more a rushed out sigh but the crowd saw the accompanying nod and positively roared when Gerard put the ring on her finger, stood up and wrapped his arms tightly around her as her arms wound around his neck and she buried her face in his chest. Gerard held her close for a moment before a quiet chanting caught his attention. He looked up and over to where the change in noise was coming from and put his hand to his ear. Shelly shifted and watched him, listening. “Kiss her! Kiss her!” The words echoed across the venue faster than the blush raced across her face. She hid her face against his chest when she realised what was being said and she giggled. “Kiss, kiss, kiss!” Gerard glanced down at Shelly and raised an eyebrow in question. “C’mere my pretty boy,” she said, knowing it was going to be picked up by the mic on his suit jacket. If the cheers before had been loud, the ones the crowd made when they kissed were explosive.

- - - - - - - - - - “I feel a bit… Stupid, I guess, asking this,” she started quietly, resting her ear over his heart. If she concentrated, just a little bit, she could feel it thumping away under her face and she found that comforting and grounding. “You always used to tell us that the only stupid question was an unasked one,” he ran his hand over her hair, pulling the sheets up to cover her up more. “I’m not saying that the question is stupid, though maybe it is a little,” she lifted her head to nuzzle whatever she could reach. “I’m saying that I feel a bit dumb for asking it. I feel a bit like a teenager.” “Mm, I understand that feeling. You’ve always made me feel like a teenager again.” She looked up at him. “But you hated your teenage years.” “Not all of them,” he played with her hair. “You make me remember some of the good times, and you make me feel the way I think I was supposed to feel.” “Hmm,” she thought about this for a moment. “I think I can accept that.” “Okay then,” Gerard chuckled and hummed as she nuzzled against him. “Your question? What is it?” Shelly sighed and buried her face against his neck, mumbling a little about feeling ridiculous. She glanced back up when he tapped her shoulder gently in order to draw her attention back to him and the question she was supposed to be asking. “Oh. I, um. So… I guess that I wanted to ask, I wanted to be sure even, um…” She was blushing and she knew it, which was silly considering what they’d just said and done. “What… Where… Hmmm.” “If I know you,” he said quietly as he held her a bit tighter, “and I think that I do, then you’re wondering where we stand now. You’re wondering what we are now, maybe?” She nodded against him, snuggling up to him almost and relishing in the feeling of him holding her tighter. “The whole thing makes me feel like an insecure teenager and that’s stupid because… I am very much not a teenager anymore.” Gerard laughed, making her shift on his chest a little. “Neither am I. I’m a little older than you so I’m definitely, most certainly not a teenager anymore.” “No, not this again,” she groaned before feeling him laugh again. “I’m not doing anything. As for your question though,” he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and hummed. “What do you want?” Shelly sat up, moving off of him. She settled on her stomach next to him and raised an eyebrow.. “What kind of question is that?” “Well, I don’t know. Maybe now you’ve…” He paused and coughed ever so slightly as he caught sight of what that position did to her breasts, before he continued. “Sated your curiosity, you’re not interested anymore?” “Gerard!” He shifted into a sitting position which caused the sheets to fall to his waist, exposing his chest and the marks she’d left there. He ran his hand through his hair, a bit pink in the face. “I… Well…” The blonde carefully pushed herself up from lying on her stomach and shoved the sheets aside before she moved into his lap. She straddled him and cupped his face in her hands, pressing her lips against his. His hand dropped from his hair to her hip, snaking around her waist to hold her tightly as his free hand went to her jaw before sliding back to tangle his fingers in her hair. He smiled against her lips when he felt her relax against him. She melted, almost. “I have,” she said softly a minute or two later. “Wanted this, wanted you for most of my life. Do you really think one ‘roll in the hay’ is going to be enough for me?” Gerard’s eyebrows rose and she kissed his temple, which just made him smile. “Shelly, I think the American in you is showing, with that kinda phrasing.” “I don’t know,” she kissed from his temple to his jaw, and he could feel the smile on her lips before he heard it in her voice. “I could have some more American in me. If he wants to be.” Not that he had really forgotten, but having her press her torso against him like that, just reminded him that they were both still naked, and the gentle reminder made him blush. It didn’t stop him pulling her a little closer though. “He does,” Gerard said quietly and a little bashfully. “But he might need a minute.” Shelly giggled softly, nipping at his earlobe. “Oh, baby, I can wait. I’ll wait as long as I need to.” “So, two rolls in the hay?” He held her a bit tighter with one arm, the hand of the other trailing his fingertips up her back. “Mm, no, more than - oh!” She squeaked softly and squirmed as his touch tickled her spine. “More than that.” “How many more?” She rested her hands on his shoulders and studied his face, frowning a little as she did so. He watched her for a moment before his eyes decided that looking at her lips was a much better idea. Naturally, she noticed this and she gave in and kissed him gently, but not for long. “As many as you want,” she said quietly. “I want to stay around for as long as you’ll have me.” “Shelly,” he said gently. “I never wanted you to leave in the first place.” She sighed and buried her face in his neck. She was quiet for a little while, and he could’ve sworn that he felt moisture on his skin, but as soon as he thought about saying something about it, she spoke. “I…” She swallowed. “I really, really didn’t want to leave, either.” “You don’t have to now; I don’t want you to,” he wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her against him as much as he could, if that was even possible at this point. “I’m not going to let you.” “I’m not going to, I don’t want to. I want to stay.” “Then stay,” he whispered. “Stay with me. Be with me.” “Is that what you want?” Shelly asked, running her fingers through his hair. “Are you sure?” “Yeah.  I love you. I’ve missed you, of course that’s what I want. I just want you, in whichever way you’ll have me.” He closed his eyes and hummed, leaning into her touch. “Providing that’s what you want too.” “I do,” she said quietly. “I do want that; I do want you. That is what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted.” “Okay,” he kissed her gently. “Good. I’m yours then.” Shelly giggled softly for a moment before her tone turned serious. “And I’m yours. But I’ve always been yours. I just never wanted to admit it.” She paused and frowned at herself. “No, that’s not true. I wanted to admit it, I just never felt like I could. Never felt like I was allowed to.” Gerard’s expression softened even further and he squeezed her. He thought about it and he hummed. “Only mine? Like, I don’t have to share? I mean, I know you like - ” Shelly pressed her lips against his hard. “Just yours. Doesn’t matter how many genders or whatever I’m attracted to, I’m loyal.” Her tone hardened, just a touch. “I don’t cheat.” “Yeah,” his fingers were in her hair again. “Yeah, of course you don’t. I know, I’m sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate - ” She kissed him to hush him and when she pulled away he smiled and continued quietly. “Yeah, you always have been to us as a band.” He paused as smiled as she leant to his touch as he petted her hair. “You are a Leo after all. The picture of loyalty. You always have been.” She beamed with pride and blushed, ducking her head shyly before she spoke. “And I… I don’t have to share you?” “Absolutely not,” he shook his head. “I don’t want to be shared, and I know that you’re not that great with sharing anyway.” Shelly blushed hotly and whined. “Don’t call me out like that.” Gerard laughed and held her tightly, burying his face into the crook of her neck. Shelly leant her cheek against his head and hummed to him. They stayed like that for a little while. He knew she was still awake because of her humming and her fingers in his hair. She knew he was still awake because he was drawing shapes on her skin with his fingertips. “God,” he said suddenly, almost making her jump. “I feel like I have so much time to make up for, and not enough time to do it in.” “Hey, hey hey,” she removed herself from his lap and settled next to him, seeking out one of his hands to hold as she cupped his cheek with her other hand. “Stop that right now. None of that. Absolutely none of that.” He nodded against her hand, squeezing the other one. He sounded a little nervous when he spoke. “Okay. Are you sure?” “I’m sure,” she nodded. “Better late than never, you know? And I’ll take whatever time I can get with you.” “I’ll make sure that the time we have is the best,” he pulled her closer to kiss her again. “I’ll try and keep up with you. I’ll try and make it all worth it.” Shelly almost melted into him upon hearing his words and she kissed him back with as much love and affection as she’d been hiding for the last… However many years. She tried to kiss him with as much feeling for all the times she’d wanted to kiss him for the last… However long.  Although a part of her knew that she’d never really truely be able to verbally express how she felt and have it feel… Enough. And have it feel right. “Gerard,” she whispered. “Of course you can keep up with me. You’ve always been able to.” “I... Oh. You think so?” “I know so. If anything, it was me who couldn’t keep up with you.” He snorted. “Nonsense. You always had way too much energy.” “Physically, maybe, but I could never keep up with your brilliant mind,” she took one of his hands and placed it over the tattoo on her ribs. “Because only a brilliant mind could come up with words like this.” “I still want to make it worthwhile for you though,” he leant his forehead against hers and smiled when she kissed it before resuming the same position. “I don’t want you to feel like you’ve waited all of this time, just for it to…” He searched for the right words. “I don’t want you to regret this.” She sighed softly. “I could never regret anything involving you.” “Except not telling me sooner,” he whispered. “And I regret that too. But I still want it to be worth it.” “Oh Gee. It’s already worth it.”

- - - - - - - - - - Shelly gently pushed him so he was sitting on the edge of the bed, having already managed to quickly strip him of his jacket and belt as they were kissing on the way over from across the room. He pulled her back against him so he could kiss her for a while longer before gently tugging on the hem of her t-shirt. With a strange burst of confidence, she took a step back and stripped her clothes off, leaving herself in an, in her words “embarrassingly simple,” cerulean blue lace set. After taking a quick look down at herself, she blushed and covered her face. “Oh god, I wish I’d worn something nicer today.” Gerard pulled her hands away from her face and kissed the back of each one. “You look beautiful. I’ve always loved this colour on you.” She looked at him as he kissed the back of her hands, watching him, her cheeks still a pretty shade of pink. “Is that why you made my Killjoy persona’s main colour this blue?” “Mm hm. Went nicely with Siren’s hair.” “Did you ever share your art of her?” Shelly asked softly, watching him place her hands on his shoulders. She moved one hand to run her fingers through his hair as he nuzzled her stomach. “On social media or anything?” “I think I might’ve accidentally shared one of the sketches; I was sharing something on another page and her sketches or linework got caught in the picture too. Never her in all of her colourful glory though. Never her symbol or her colour scheme.” “Probably a good thing,” Shelly hummed. “Her colours are really similar to Poison’s after all…” “Her shade of red is prettier. Suits you better,” he lifted a hand from her hip to tangle it in her blonde hair. “Though I much prefer this. That’s why Siren had streaks. Or dyed ends. Or was in need of a re-dye; I mean, it was set in the desert. I don’t remember which I preferred, though I know I drew as many options as I could. Please never go full red again.” “Flatterer,” she leant down to kiss him again. “You don’t need to do that, you’ve already got me. You’ve always had me.” Gerard hummed into her mouth as she kissed him. He untangled his fingers from her hair and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her to him and pulling her close enough so she had to kneel on the bed slightly. It wasn’t until she was kissing along to his jaw to his earlobe that he mentally replayed something she said. “Wait, why would that be a bad thing?” “Why would what be a bad thing?” Her fingers were unbuttoning his shirt, just a little, so she could get to his neck better. “Siren and Poison’s colours being very similar to each other.” Shelly drew back and looked at him. “Because people would’ve misinterpreted that. Like, they were two sides of the same coin, like they belonged together, or were together,” she coughed slightly. “Or something. And that wouldn’t’ve been good, considering we were nothing of the sort and you were definitely not on the market.” “People used to ‘ship’ you and me anyway,” he said quietly, his cheeks going a faint shade of pink. “I think they have since Revenge.” “Did you Google yourself?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “No, Frank showed me some fan… Works? Some art and some - ” “Oh god, he didn’t show you fanfics did he?” Shelly groaned in annoyance after Gerard nodded. “I’m going to kill him.” “Wait, you knew?” Shelly held her hands up in defence, watching him shuffle backwards on the mattress a bit more. “Not during! At least, not for certain. You forget that I spent more time on our social media than you guys - I saw a lot of comments. Some good, some bad, some utterly weird. I didn’t see any…  Creative work until Frank showed me something one day. And then it was… You know when you notice something that you’d never picked up on before?” “It’s suddenly everywhere?” She nodded, moving up the bed to straddle him properly this time. “Yeah, that. But it wasn’t until the band broke up that I went purposely looking for it, out of curiosity.” Gerard hummed appreciatively as he let his eyes look her over, enjoying her change of position, and let his hands rest on her hips. “Why did you do that?” “Hey, there’s some talented artists out there!” Now it was her cheeks that were flooding crimson. “And some of the writing was actually pretty hot.” He couldn’t help it - he laughed but pulled her back to him to kiss her again. Not that she complained about this. Or at least, he didn’t think he could exactly call her winding her fingers in his hair and kissing him harder a complaint. “You’ll have to let me know what you like,” Gerard said softly, kissing along to her jaw and running his hands over her back. “I might be a little rusty, but I’ll learn.” “Your hands Gee,” she whispered, arching against him a bit. “I’ve always had a thing about your hands.” “I think I can work with that.” Shelly giggled and had to shift just out of his reach so she could focus on stripping him of his shirt, dropping it on the floor, or thereabouts, she wasn’t paying that much attention because she was trying to fend off of his hands. “Hey,” he protested quietly. “Nope, you don’t get to touch again yet. Just let me get this off of you; it's not fair that you have all this skin to mark up and touch and I don’t have anything.” Gerard hummed but let her have her way. When she dropped the shirt he looked at her with a raised eyebrow. She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Go on then.” Gerard reached for her and pulled her closer. He kissed the scar she had on her stomach, running his hand up her side until his thumb brushed over the tattoo under her right breast, though it was closer to her ribcage really - a familiar sight of black and red ink on normally pale skin. Not as pale as his own skin; she actually liked the sun, but she was still pale. He replaced his thumb with his lips, kissing over the words and the simple art. “Still so humbled by this,” he whispered, feeling her squirm and hearing her giggle as his breath tickled her skin. “So, so humbled. Thank you.” “Thank you for writing it,” she breathed, trying not to laugh. “Thank you for drawing the roses for me.” “Thank you for loving both my words and my art enough to get them permanently marked on your body.” “Any time.” Shelly giggled again and found herself petting his hair as he slowly trailed open mouthed kisses across her chest where the lace met her skin. His hands slid around her until he found her bra clasp. He looked up at her with bright, happy eyes and, in such a soft voice, asked; “May I? Please?” She swallowed and almost melted at the softness and the politeness, managing a soft “yes.” “You sure?” “Yes,” she nodded, her voice a little stronger. He concentrated for a moment, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip as he did so, which just made her giggle. Though that giggle morphed into a squeak as he slid her bra off of her and dropped it either on the bed beside them or on the floor; she wasn’t paying enough attention to figure out which. Her instinct was to cover her bareness, to hug and hide herself, and this made Gerard frown. “Why are you hiding from me, love?” He tucked some hair behind her ear. “I mean, it’s just me.” “No no no!” Her eyes went wide and her hands went to his face, cupping his cheeks and forgetting her own shyness. “What do you mean ‘just’ you?!” “I, um - ” “You’re the most amazing,” she kissed him once; “the most talented,” twice; “the kindest man,” three times, before continuing. “I’ve ever met, that I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, in my whole life.” Gerard looked at her. He just looked at her quietly for a moment. Like he thought she was the most magical thing in the entire world; like no one could ever match up to her. Like she was a work of art that he’d never seen before; that he'd only heard rumours and legends about. Shelly tilted her head as she looked at him, her hands having slipped to his shoulders a moment ago. She was about to open her mouth to say something when he kissed her again. He kissed her harder this time, one arm winding around her waist to hold her against him as he maneuvered her backwards off of his lap. She went with it, trusting him not to hurt her. That’s why she did anything he suggested after all - because she trusted him. So she wasn’t surprised or afraid when he got her pinned underneath him with very little effort. He kept running his fingers through her hair, making her hum in contentment into his mouth as he ghosted his fingers over her skin. She trembled and wriggled underneath him, even arching her back a bit when his hand cupped her breast for the briefest of moments before almost shyly dropping away, to grab at her hip. “Gerard,” she murmured as he kissed her neck. “Mm?” “Two things sweetheart,” she sighed softly as he found a particular favourite spot of hers. “Oh, okay… Maybe three.” He hummed. “Mm, what?” “One; that’s really nice, right there,” she felt him chuckle against her skin. “Two, you’re wearing too much.” Gerard glanced up at her before kissing down to the top of her breast. “Is that so?” Shelly tangled her fingers in his hair and gently tugged at the bright strands, mostly to move him back. “Yes, that’s so. Not fair that you’re wearing more than me.” “It’s really not by much though,” he tilted his head to her fingers, which were still in his hair. “What was the third thing?” “Nuh, are you gonna take them off or not?” She nodded to his jeans, but felt her whole posture soften when she noticed the blush on his face. “Gee? You don’t have anything to be nervous about, you know that right?” He watched her face suddenly go very pink. “What did you just remember?” “I um…” Shelly nibbled her bottom lip before clearing her throat. “I remembered a few of those mornings we woke up together, back on the Revenge tours. I think it was mostly when you’d had a really bad night, for one reason or another.” Gerard nodded. “I vaguely remember you staying with me to help me with withdrawals, or just because I couldn’t sleep.” “Mm hm. You… Um,” she went from pink to red. “You were always a very, ah, responsive and reactive man. Especially in the mornings.” It took a minute or two longer than he would’ve liked to get what she was hinting at but when it clicked his eyes widened and he swore quietly under his breath. “I am so sorry you had to put up with that.” Shelly giggled softly. “It’s okay. I’ve never really minded. But my point is, it’s not like it’s new to me, really, not entirely. I kinda know what - ” Gerard went almost the same colour as his hair and kissed her to shut her up. It stopped her words but not the quiet giggles he could still feel against his lips and tongue. “Mm, please just take them off.” He felt her tug at his belt loops and realised that he didn’t know when her hands had moved. “Or let me do it for you?” “I’ll do it,” his voice came out as more of a squeak when he felt her fingers on the zipper. He swallowed and gently moved her hands away. “I will.” “You want me to close my eyes?” Her voice was soft and kind, and he knew she wasn’t teasing. “Because I will.” Gerard shook his head and shifted away enough to remove the (apparently) offensive article of clothing. He noticed that she tried not to stare, she tried not to watch - really she did, but she just couldn’t help it. She bit her bottom lip when he caught her watching him and looked away guiltily, trying to avoid making eye contact with him, even when she felt the bed dip as he joined her on it again. She kept avoiding his eyes until she felt him gently place his fingers under her chin and turn her face so she was looking at him. “Better?” He asked. Shelly nodded, still pink in the face but looking rather pleased with herself. “Very.” He laughed and kissed her, feeling her fingers stroking his cheek as his arms settled around her waist again. “Oh! The third thing, the third thing - ” she whispered as she felt his fingers stroking the skin of her hip above the waistline of her panties. “Mm? What’s that?” “You don’t have to be quite so gentle with me, you know,” Shelly ran her fingers through his hair slowly. “I’m not going to break.” “I know, I know,” he kissed her like he couldn’t get enough of her. “But I want you to want to do this again. And again and again. With me, I mean. So for now, I’m going to be gentle.” “Gerard…” “And if you decide that I…” He swallowed and took a minute to collect himself and his thoughts. “If you decide that you still want me, that I’m good enough, then we can experiment with all the rhythms and tempos.” “Gee,” she cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Why wouldn’t I still want you?” He kissed her back for a moment before he buried his face in the crook of her neck. “Because I’m not as young and fit as I used to be.” Shelly let out an unladylike snort. “Well, neither am I.” “You are!” He protested. “But even if you don’t think so... I think you’re still really very hot.” “Oh, shut up.” Shelly rolled her eyes. “You’re still a fucking dreamboat.” Gerard laughed against her neck. “Oh, I am not.” “Yeah,” she pulled back to look at him. She hummed and smiled. “Yeah you are. I still think you’re fit.” “You might be a little biased though.” “A little biased?” She laughed. “I’ve been biased forever. There’s never been any hope for me.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you kidding me?” She held his face in both of her hands. “As soon as I laid eyes on this beautiful fucking face, my heart was already gone. It just took longer for the rest of me to catch up.” Gerard just stared at her. “What?” “You’re doing it again,” he said after a minute. “Doing what?” She looked genuinely confused and maybe even a little concerned. “Making me realise exactly how hopelessly in love with you I am.” Her eyes widened as her expression softened and when she spoke she still sounded like she couldn't quite believe it. “Really?” “Yeah,” Gerard nodded once before looking her over, slowly. “Really.” She caught him and then it was his turn to blush, but instead of looking away he held her gaze and licked his lips. “Can I show you now?”

He stood, slightly open-mouthed again, for a moment. “Shelly, I - ” “No,” she shook her head. “It’s fine. I know. I…” She rubbed the inner corners of her eyes and sighed. “It really is okay. Maybe now I can finally start to move on… Like I said, give me a bit and I can probably find someone to take my place in - ” “No,” he said. “No. No one could replace you. Ever. Don’t be ridiculous. And even if they could replace you, I don’t want them. I don’t want anyone else, I want you.” “Gerard - ” “No, you listen to me now. I…” He looked down at her, watching emotions cross her face, although the one that kept coming back was confusion. “Oh, screw it.” Gerard pulled her close again and lifted her chin to press his mouth against hers. It took her moment to respond but when she did, it was so gentle, so cautious. She kissed him like he was her first, despite the fact that they both knew he wasn’t. She kissed him like she was scared and unsure about what she was doing; she kissed him like she was shy. She’d spent years of her life - many years of her life, wanting to kiss this man and now she was actually doing it - it was like she’d forgotten everything she knew. But she must’ve been doing something right because he hadn’t pulled away in disgust - if anything, he was winding his arm around her waist to pull her closer, to hold her tighter, while his other hand tangled its fingers in her hair. It wasn’t until he started trying to lick into her mouth that her brain stuttered and froze. “Gerard.” He rested his forehead against hers. “Mm?” “I…” She swallowed, before carefully taking a step away from him. She looked lost and vulnerable again. “I need… Um… What exactly are you saying?” Gerard felt her move away far enough that he wasn’t able to keep his hands on her. His hands fell to his sides, and hers grabbed at her elbows as she hugged herself, trying to contain and control and, more importantly, protect herself. He let out a very soft sigh and ran his hand through his hair, just watching her for a few moments. “Come here,” he whispered, moving to take her hands in his, surprised when she loosened her grip pretty quickly and let him pull her back to him. Shelly looked up at him as he took her hands, but let him pull her close again. The way he took her hands was soft and gentle, but it wasn’t like he’d ever been anything else with her. That’s probably why she let him pry her fingers from gripping her elbows/arms with little to no resistance or fight. When he had managed that, she looked on as he kissed the back of each hand. He kissed the back of her left hand and put it on his shoulder, and her right hand went on his waist. She blinked rapidly as his hands went to her waist, pulling her back to him. “I… I need words Gerard,” she whispered. “It’s so easy to misread actions. I- I need words. I need you to tell me - ” He pressed his lips against hers again, just once to get her to stop talking. Although, because it was very difficult to kiss her “just once” when she chased after his lips like that, it took him a little longer to pull himself away enough so he could talk to her. “I can’t tell you anything if you don’t stop kissing me,” he said quietly, leaning his forehead against hers. “Maybe… Maybe I’m scared that you’re not going to tell me what I really want to hear, maybe I’m scared that you’re just going to open your mouth and before I can hear anything, I’m going to wake up again,” she swallowed. “I’ve lost count of how many times that’s happened over the years.” He held her a bit tighter. “I’ll keep it short then. For now. Or at least, I’ll try to. Okay?” Shelly nodded, feeling the tip of his nose rub against hers before his lips pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Okay.” “Alright, short version,” he smiled as she chuckled. “I’m sorry it’s taken so long; I wish I could change that,” he lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. “Shelly, I love you too.” Her blue eyes widened and he swore that they almost went at least two shades lighter. “You… You do?” She said. “You mean that?” “Yes, I mean that, and I do.” She looked like she couldn’t quite believe it, like she couldn’t quite believe him. She wanted to though, god she wanted to, but she was wary. Gerard could see the wariness, and he understood. “I do, Shell, I really do,” he took both of her hands in his again. “I am desperately sorry that I’ve made you wait so long to hear it. I wish I’d paid more attention, I wish I’d waited just a few more days back then, I wish I’d told you sooner.” “Waited a few more days?” She looked confused. “You said that by the time you realised how you felt I was already dating…” He hummed a little. “I feel like, if I had waited a few more days…” “Then maybe I would’ve said something?” She finished, watching him nod. “What about if I had told you the truth when I didn’t show up for your wedding or for the show that day?” “If you had turned around then and told me that you loved me, I would’ve dropped everything for you.” Gerard looked at her and swallowed. “All you had to do was tell me and I would’ve changed everything.” Shelly winced before she felt him pull her back into a hug. “I… Oh, god. I was trying to be professional.” “You did a good job,” he said softly, running a hand over her hair. “I promise. You did a fantastic job. And you still do.” “I thought you were happy,” she said quietly. “So I left it alone.” “I was,” his hand cupped her cheek and his voice dropped to a whisper. “But I would’ve been happier with you.” Shelly nuzzled into the palm of his hand, swallowing gently and looking up at him. “Are - are you sure? About all of it.” Gerard unwound himself from her and gently lifted her chin so she was looking at him. “I have never been more certain of anything in my entire life.” Her reply was a whisper. “Oh.” “And, if you’ll let me, I’d really like to show you exactly what I mean. But,” he added softly. “If you want to wait a little more, I can wait too. I’ve waited this long. I can wait a bit longer.” Her reaction to that was far more favourable than he’d anticipated.

- - - - - - - - - “What does this mean, Shell?” Gerard held up her phone, part of the conversation she had been having with Frank still on the screen. “Is there something you need to tell me?” Shelly blinked rapidly, looking very much like a rabbit caught in the the headlights of an oncoming truck as she tried to figure out what the fuck to do, completely ignoring the fact that he’d been looking at her phone. That was currently not her highest priority issue. “I… Um…” Shelly was very quickly attempting to remember the whole conversation she’d been having with Frank, so she could try and mentally go through it with a fine toothed comb. “Are you okay? Are you ill?” Gerard frowned and then worry and… Was that Fear? Whatever that second one was, both emotions were suddenly plastered all over his beautiful features. “Are you dying?” “No!” Shelly exhaled and huffed out a soft laugh. “No, I’m not ill, I’m fine, it’s nothing, honestly.” “It doesn’t seem like nothing,” he looked over the text conversation again. “The inclusion of ‘still’ implies that, whatever this is; it’s been going on for some time? And Frank’s known? For how long?” Shelly hummed quietly in agreement. “Yeah, um… Yeah, he knows. We message each other a bit. But he’s known for… Almost the whole time, I guess. Years?” “You’ve kept in contact?” He blinked rapidly. “Wait, years?” “Yeah,” Shelly swallowed. “Yeah, we’ve kept in contact. A little. Not well, it’s easier when I’m in the States. Like I said, I moved back to England for a bit and I got a bit, um, sloppy with communication because time zones are confusing.” Gerard felt deflated. A bit hurt, actually. “You… You didn’t keep in contact with me that much…” “I tried,” she whispered, hugging herself and avoiding his eyes. “I really did. I just found it really difficult.” He put her phone back down. “But why?” “I guess… I guess I was a little intimidated by your… Your wife,” Shelly stammered a little. “And I thought… I don’t know.” Gerard frowned. “Intimidated? Oh, Shell, she never would’ve hurt you.” “I just always got the feeling that she didn’t like me very much…” Shelly whispered. “I… Didn't want to cause any issues for you.” She shook her head. “Besides that… Everything felt strange and different and… It didn't feel the same.” “It didn’t to me,” he said quietly. “I didn’t feel like anything was different, on my end. Except that… You stopped talking to me and…” He paused, swallowed and sounded a little hurt. “I don’t know… It felt like you… You just changed.” “You changed too.” She said quietly, running her hand through her hair. “I don’t understand how,” he frowned at her. “Well, the only thing I can think of was before that, and the only thing I can think of is….” Shelly stood quietly, hugging herself again, but tighter, watching him as he stood up to pace.  This wasn’t unusual as he normally did most of his best thinking this way. Gerard’s eyes widened as his brain worked harder. “I got clean Shell, that’s the only thing - ” “No, it wasn’t that,” she interrupted quickly, horrified at the idea that he might think she considered him getting better, getting clean, to be a bad thing. “Of course it wasn’t that!” He seemed to untense at her correction but he stayed quiet, waiting. “I mean,” she sounded confused and frustrated. “Yes, of course that changed you a bit, but of course it was going to! If anything, it only made you a better version of yourself!” She rubbed her face and let out a little ugh before she continued. “I helped you with that, I remember that; I’m still so proud of you for doing it. So it’s not bloody that.” He listened, moving so he could lean against the wall. He folded his arms and watched her pace a little. “I…” She sighed deeply, stopped pacing for a moment and let her arms fall to her sides, her voice softening and dropping in volume. “Why would I hate something I helped you with? Why would I be against you getting better so you would be around more? Be around for longer?” Gerard relaxed just a little bit. “I… I guess that’s true…” “Besides,” she continued in that same, sad sounding tone. “You know how much seeing you like that used to hurt me. I would’ve given anything to make you better.” “But then you helped, and I did get better.” She hummed and nodded slowly. “And anyway! If you think about it, we were fine, for ages after you got clean too, so it clearly wasn’t that anyway,” she said. “Plus, like I said… I was, and still am, so proud of you for that.” Gerard thought about this for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah, that’s true…  So if it wasn’t that, then what was it?” Shelly huffed a little. “Look. It doesn’t even matter.” “Shelly… We used to be so close,” he said quietly. “We used to talk about everything. You helped me through so much…” Shelly avoided looking at him as best as she could. This hurt - this hurt so much. She didn’t want to have to dig all of this up. “What happened to us, Shell?” Gerard said softly. “What happened to make you think that I wouldn’t want to talk to you anymore?” “Nothing! Nothing happened. I never really thought - ” She sighed deeply. “Look! It doesn't matter.” “Then why have we barely spoken for the last however many years? Something must’ve happened - ” “Okay, okay!” She yelled, cutting him off. She knew that he was very much like a dog with a bone when he wanted to know something. It was that stupid, typical Aries’ relentless determination. “You wanna know why? You want to know what happened?” “Obviously!” He started angrily, his tone softening slightly as he continued; still unable to stay angry with her, even mid… Disagreement. Even after all of these years. “Obviously I want to know, that’s why I asked.” Shelly huffed and exhaled angrily through her nose, but she stayed quiet for a moment, trying to find the best words. In the end she figured that simply and honestly was probably going to be the best bet. There was just no other way. “You got married!” She wasn’t yelling as such, but she was talking much louder than he was used to, than she normally did. She paused for a moment, letting the words hang in the air. When she opened her mouth again, her voice sounded croaky. “You got married, okay? You got married and everything changed.” Gerard blinked rapidly as he watched her sort of stomp over to the window, looking out of it and turning her back to him. His brain was ticking faster as it remembered and as things started falling into place. “That was the first time you properly lied to my face.” She swallowed, hoping that he wouldn’t hear that. “Mm hm.” “I knew that you lied,” he continued. “I was just… Surprised that you looked me in the face and…” He waved a hand. “And just lied to me like that.” “I’ve always known that you knew,” she mumbled. “I just never knew why you didn’t call me out on it.” “Why did it matter to you? Why did it bother you? I thought you wanted us all to be happy? You were overjoyed when Frank married Jamia.” “I did want you all to be happy,” she said. “I do - I still do.” “Then why did you lie to me? Why weren’t you there? At my wedding or at the show that day?” His voice softened. “I missed you. I looked for you; both times. It’s the only show you’ve ever missed.” “Don’t you think I know that?” “I…” The tone of her voice had made him hesitate. “I never said you didn’t.” Shelly leant her elbows on the windowsill and put her face in her hands, attempting to prevent the tears she could feel forming from fully beading and escaping down her face. When she didn’t go ahead and speak, he continued. “I didn’t call you out because I thought you’d come and talk to me when you were ready to. I waited for that. It just never happened.” “Yeah,” she said, her voice sounding choked. “Because I was totally going to be able to look you in the eye and say, oh by the way, I wasn’t there because I didn’t want to see you get married. I didn’t go to the show because I didn’t want to see you wearing that stupid shirt.” “But… If you wanted me to be happy… Why?” Shelly buried her face in her hands again, wishing she could scream for a minute. Instead, she took a few deep breaths and exhaled slowly. “Shelly,” he said, moving a little closer. “Will you just bloody talk to me?” “I can’t do this,” she whispered, turning and starting to move away from the window. “I can’t do this.” Gerard watched her eyes dart around the room quickly. “Can’t do what? Don’t even think about leaving; you can’t just start, whatever the hell this is, and then leave it unfinished.” Shelly looked up and her eyes met his. His expression softened at seeing the look on her face and the tears starting to form in her eyes. She swallowed, her gaze falling to the floor faster than the tears starting to fall down her face as she hugged herself tightly. “Please don’t make me do this,” she whispered, wiping her eyes roughly. “It’s been this long; it’s been too long. There’s no point.” “How do you know? That there’s no point?” Cautiously, he crossed the room and gently placed his hands on her arms, just where the sleeves of her t-shirt gave way to her skin. “It’s been too long,” she repeated as her eyes moved from the floor to where his left hand was resting on her arm. “There’s no point in bringing it up.” “Frank seems to disagree with that.” Shelly laughed dryly. “Frank has always disagreed with that sentiment. He’s always maintained that,” she paused. “How does he put it? ‘There’s never a right time so just do it.’” She swallowed and shook her head, remembering a past discussion she’d had with the inked guitarist. “We’ve never seen eye to eye on that.” Gerard’s eyes widened. “How long is ‘always’?” “I… I don’t know,” she took a moment to think about it before shaking her head. “I really don’t know. How long have you known me? ‘Cause it’ll be that, minus a year or two, ish.” Gerard stood, still holding her arms so she couldn’t run away, but gently enough so she didn’t feel trapped. He stayed quiet for a few moments as thoughts swirled around his head. “Why, Shelly?” He said softly, trying to circle back around to his original question. “Why didn’t you - ” “Because!” She sighed, already knowing what he was going to ask, again. She stepped back quickly, pulling herself out of his hands and throwing hers up in exasperation. “Because Gerard!” “Because what!?” He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated but trying not to snap at her. “Because what?” “Because I was in love with you!” His arms fell by his sides and his jaw dropped. “You - ” She shook her head fiercely, hugging herself again. “I just couldn’t do it. I just - I just couldn’t stand there and listen. I didn’t trust myself to not say anything if they got to the part where they asked about any objections and - and I knew if I said something then, and then you’d hate me - ” “Shelly, I could never hate you - ” he started towards her again only to halt in his tracks at her voice. “Stop, let me finish!” She bit her bottom lip and exhaled in an attempt to calm herself. It sort of worked. “Okay. You wanted this, so you’ll get all of it.” “Okay,” Gerard nodded, lowering his voice to a whisper. He moved to sit in the nearest chair. “And you’d hate me,” she continued like she hadn’t been interrupted; though her voice was a little too fast. “You’d hate me if I spoke up, and I’d hate myself if I didn’t. Hate myself even more than I did anyway. But I didn’t want you to hate me - I would rather be hurt than have you hate me. Especially considering the fact that I have only ever wanted you to be happy - and I still do!” She added hurriedly. “I always have and I always will, and I will maintain that until the day I die! But at that exact moment I couldn’t be happy for you. I couldn’t be happy for you - I was feeling fucking awful. So fucking awful.” Gerard watched her take a deep breath and she let her elbows go to rub her eyes. “I felt awful because I felt so sorry for myself. I was supposed to be happy for you. You were happy. But I couldn’t even pretend to be happy for you that day,” she swallowed and looked anywhere other than at him, and when she continued her voice had dropped. “I didn’t want to stand there and watch you get married because I was in love with you and by the time I realised it, you were already dating her and I knew I was too late.” “Shelly, I - ” he swallowed when she shot him a watery eyed look. “I think I just became numb to it when I was still working with My Chem; I knew I was never going to be able to move on while you were still standing there in front of me, especially not looking the way you did then. Jesus Christ Gerard,” the last part was almost a groan but she swallowed hard and continued. “It was like everything was punishing me for being such a coward, like, oh look this is what you could’ve won.” He couldn’t help himself; he chuckled a little and had to bite his bottom lip hard quickly afterwards. He glanced up to check her reaction, and didn’t seem like she minded. Or, she hadn’t heard him. Either or. “It sucked. It really sucked. But, like I said, I think I just became numb to it. And then… And then you broke up the band,” she gulped. “And I was torn. Like, on one hand, I might get a chance to get over you and move on, but on the other… I wouldn’t be able to see you, any of you, on such a regular basis. And that hurt too, because you guys became more than just my charges; more than just the guys, or even, more than the band, I worked for. You became my friends; my family.” “I probably don’t need to say this,” Gerard started quietly, pausing to see if she’d yell at him again. When she didn’t, he continued. “But we felt that way about you, too. We still do.” “I know,” she said quietly, sounding a bit guilty. “I’ve been told. I kept in contact for the most part, remember?” He nodded. “Yeah, just not with me.” “I’ve explained that.” “How would it have caused issues? Any sane person would’ve realised that we’d been a part of each other’s lives for a long time, and just expecting us to cut contact would’ve been crazy.” “I don’t think I would’ve been very nice to her,” Shelly admitted, her eyes focused on the view out of the doors to the balcony. “I’m not very good at controlling my jealousy. Never have been, never will be. I think I’m too old and I'm too set in my ways to change that now. Besides, women just know stuff. It would’ve just been awkward, and I didn’t want that.” He leant his chin on his hand, his elbow on his knee, watching her and listening. He knew better than to interrupt her again. He’d learnt that a long time ago but had apparently needed the reminder today. “So, the band broke up and I moved home. I thought that I needed… Out of everything; the scene, the job, the state, the country. I thought that it would be better for me. I tried to move on, I really did. I met a great girl and I even got engaged!” She smiled briefly before she sighed. “But there was just something missing... I loved her, but… I just didn’t think it was fair. I just didn’t love her as much as I love you.” Gerard looked up sharply from staring at the carpet and was just about to open his mouth when she continued. “Because I do,” she sighed and her voice cracked. “I still do. I haven’t stopped. It hasn’t even pretended that it was going to die out over the years. It’s just been there, burning away at me and - ugh, what I mean is…” He watched as Shelly paused to gather her words and when she spoke, there was a gentle strength; a solid conviction, in her voice even though her voice was quiet, and maybe a little shaky. “I still love you. I’m still in love with you. I’ve never stopped being in love with you.”

- - - - - - - - - - They checked their luggage, made their way through security and came out the other side relatively unscathed. (Shelly might’ve spent a little too long watching Gerard take his belt off, but she wouldn’t admit it.) When they reunited after security, Gerard stuck close to her and they went to find a (probably overpriced) bookshop. They stepped inside and split up - it wasn’t that big, so it wasn’t like they were going to get lost. They’d just meet outside anyway. Shelly unwillingly found herself in the romance section, not entirely sure how that had happened. She shook her head and started reading the pretty, pastel back covers, wanting something that was going to be an easy read. Unfortunately, the few she looked at had plotlines that hit a little too close to home for her and… No. She sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose and went to look for Gerard. She wasn’t surprised to find him in the small, but full, comic book section, examining the titles on offer. She stood next to him and nudged him with her hip, grinning when he looked up at her. “Hey, did you find anything interesting?” She asked, looking over the spines as she spoke. “Um, maybe. You?” “I don’t know, but I think there’s this little, unknown title by a relatively unknown author,” she leant across him and pulled a book to be out of line by an inch or so. “Called The Umbrella Academy.” Gerard blushed and hushed her, nudging the book back into line with the others. He was smiling though. “Keep it down, will you?” Shelly giggled and moved to his other side to look at the movie and video game tie in novels, hoping to find something there. “Oh, you. Don’t be shy. Own it.” He turned to watch her as she moved and cocked his head as she spoke, staying quiet as she had to stand on her tiptoes to try and get something from a taller shelf. He could see she was struggling so, nestled up against her a bit and pulled down the book she was looking at. “There you go, tiny.” He gave her the book with a grin. “I am not - ” She pouted at him. “If I was wearing my normal shoes, I would’ve managed that.” “I know,” he gently patted the top of her head and went back to looking at the comics. “You’re lucky I - ” she swatted his hand away and had to bite her lip. “Damn it Gerard.” He heard her let out a soft ‘hmph’ and chuckled. “Are you done?” “I’m gonna go look over there,” she gestured vaguely while holding the book to her chest. “But, yeah, almost. Meet you outside?” “Sure.” Shelly darted off and Gerard picked out another book before going to pay and wait outside. She returned a few minutes later, tucking her bagged purchases into her cross-body bag. “What now?” He asked. “Er, we could go and find our gate, and see if there’s anything interesting near it? And if not, then we can at least see how long it takes to get there.” “Sounds like a plan.” It took them a little longer than Shelly would’ve wanted to find their gate, but, happily, there was a coffee shop nearby so they went to sit there for a little while. She’d shooed him off to sit down before going to get them both drinks. When she found him, he was sitting in a booth in the corner, flicking through one of the books he’d purchased. Shelly hummed to catch his attention and he looked up, smiled and put the book back in his bag. “Here we go,” she said softly, putting the tray on the table. “Thank you.” She settled opposite him and watched him doctoring his coffee to his tastes. She shook her head slightly and used one of the stupid wooden sticks to stir sugar into her hot chocolate. “Have you thought about whether or not you’re gonna take something for the flight?” She asked quietly. Gerard sipped his coffee as he thought it over again. He put his cup down and looked at her as she fiddled with an empty sugar packet. She was twisting it and tying it into a careful, delicate knot. He wasn’t to know that the state of the sugar packet resembled the current state of her insides and the tighter she pulled the paper knot, the better she felt. If only by a little and if only for a moment. “I don’t think I will,” he said. “I mean, I’ve got a book or two, and I have you, so I should be okay.” Shelly looked up at him, confused. He noticed and continued. “You’ve always had this calming aura, you know that,” he sipped his drink again. “The after effects of the stuff I’ve been taking for the flights haven’t felt as bad this time, and the only difference has been you.” She didn’t have anything to say to that. She just went pink. “So, um, what did you get in the bookstore in the end?” Gerard asked. “Oh!” Shelly rummaged in her bag and pulled out the carrier bag that contained her purchases. She pulled the book out that he’d had to get down for her, putting it carefully on the table. She then pulled out a pocket-sized but fairly chunky, notebook. On top of that, she put a three-pack of pens - ones Gerard recognised as ones she often used to say were some of her favourites because they lasted a long time, were a nice shade of blue, and dried quickly. “Sometimes I don’t want to scribble things down in my organiser,” she explained. “May I?” He gestured to the notebook, only picking it up when she nodded. “If I know you, and I think I do, this fits in your hands just right, is just the right thickness to feel worthwhile. And I bet the paper is good, and the cover under this plastic is tactile enough that you’ll find yourself reaching for it.” He looked up at her to see her looking at him. “Am I right?” The blonde nodded. “Yeah, on all points.” Gerard hadn’t really expected to get a ‘perfect score,’ so to speak. He gave her the notebook back and watched her put everything back in her bag and pull out her organiser. She flipped through it and not too long later they started talking about the phone interview he had later on. They had another little wander around the airport; or at least, the part and shops they could, just to pass the time. They stopped in another coffee shop close to their gate, where Shelly took a few minutes to unwrap her new notebook and start writing in the front. Gerard watched her doing this, more out of curiosity than anything. He looked away quickly when she caught him staring, only to look back when he heard her giggle. She went on to explain to him what she was up to - breaking it in so to speak. Her process turned out to be similar to what he did with new sketchbooks; crack it open, write on the first page; things like the date, where it was bought, any details that might matter later on. She said she was going to stick the receipt and the belly band in later on when she got a chance, and he’d smiled, as he also did that with the stickers that were often on the front of the sketchbooks he got; the stickers that often had all the details of the book - like the page count, paper type and paper weight.  It turned out they’d both been doing that sort of thing for years, but he’d never noticed her do it before. She’d gone a bit pink when he’d pointed this out and admitted that she kept her notebooks very much to herself when she was younger. If anything, she used to try and get small, skinny notebooks she could hide in her organiser. He was about to ask her why when she checked the time and suggested they stop by a bathroom before heading back to their gate. So, that’s what they did. “Hey,” she said, nudging him and making him look up from his phone while they were sitting in the chairs near the gate. “Are you sure you don’t want to take anything?” Gerard took a moment to think about it before he nodded. “I’m sure. I want to try.” “Okay,” Shelly nodded. “Well, I still have them if you change your mind, alright?” “Alright. Thank you.” She hummed in acknowledgement. “Do you want the window seat?” “Is that okay? I don’t mind if you want it.” “Of course it’s fine. I don’t mind sitting between you and the rest of the peasants.” He chuckled. “I could throw that back at you, you know.” “And I know why you’re offering that. It’s why you prefer the side of the bed nearest the door,” Shelly said quietly, her eyes focused on her phone. “Because you’re protective.” “Says the lioness.” She went pink again but she smiled. “Hmn. Well, I’m okay with you having the window seat.” “We could always swap if we need to.” “Mm, depends if we have someone sitting next to us or not. Us swapping mid-flight might annoy them.” “We’ll see.” Shelly hesitated, listening to something around them. She hummed and pulled their documents out of her bag before grabbing his hand and leading the way up to the queue that was forming. Not long later, they were on the plane and she’d made him take the window seat before settling in beside him. She made sure that he was belted up before she sorted herself out - that was a hold over from the days she had more than one of them to look over; she always made sure that everyone else was sorted out and happy before she sorted herself out. When she was settled she glanced at him and smiled. “All good? You okay?” He managed to smile back and nod. “I’m good.” “Okay. You let me know if you need anything. Even if it’s just a distraction.” He had enough time to nod again before the plane started to fill up a little more, and soon enough the air hostesses and the pilot were talking and doing their jobs. Once that was over and the plane started ascending, Shelly felt Gerard seek her hand out and squeeze it. “It’s okay,” she said softly, glancing to her other side to find that seat empty. For some reason that made her relax more than she’d anticipated. She squeezed Gerard’s hand back. “Hey, why don’t you tell me a bit about the books you got?” Thankfully, this worked and soon enough, Gerard was doing that adorable thing that he’d always done, where, the more excited and involved he got into a conversation, the more spoke with his hands. Shelly watched and listened to him faithfully, and honestly interested in what he was saying. When he felt himself run out of steam, he allowed himself to look at her face properly. She was still looking at him, smiling with a small sparkle in her eyes. He swallowed and dropped his eyes to his lap. It had been awhile since someone had listened to him with such rapt attention. It’d been even longer since anyone, but her especially, had looked at him like that. “Better?” Shelly whispered. “Yeah. Yeah, thank you.” Shelly giggled softly and nodded. “Anytime, you know that.” Gerard watched her find her own book and they both settled to read. He wasn’t sure how long they’d been reading for but after a while he noticed Shelly put her book down and rubbed her eyes a little. “You okay?” “Tired,” she mumbled. “I forget that flying makes me tired.” “Why don’t you nap for a little bit then?” He glanced around. “Other people are, and most people don’t care what others do on planes anyway.” Shelly frowned a little. “I don’t know if I can…” “I’ll look after you. You know that.” He rolled his eyes when he noticed her giving him a look. “C’mon, lean against my shoulder and close your eyes for a little bit. Just have a little rest. You’ll feel better afterwards.” The blonde hummed a little and sighed. “Are you sure?” “Absolutely.” She sighed softly and gently leant her head against his arm. “Let me know if I get too heavy or annoying or something.” “Don’t see that happening but sure, I will.” “Can you still move your arm enough?” She looked up at him and relaxed when he nodded. “Okay, good.” He felt her lean against him a little heavier not long later so he looked down. Her eyes were closed and she had a gentle smile on her face. He listened for a moment and… Yeah, she had dozed off. He smiled and sunk down in his seat a little so he could rest his cheek on the top of her head better. He knew that he wouldn’t sleep while she was, at least not here. If they were in a locked room, then yeah, he’d be able to sleep too but right now? No, he was determined to stay awake and keep an eye on her. To protect her, so to speak, even though he knew they were both pretty safe. She slept and he read, his cheek still resting against the top of her head. He’d forgotten how quiet she was when she slept, but maybe that was because he wasn’t used to it - he used to fall asleep before her or even on her most of the time after all. He remembered that sometimes she used to hum to him as he was falling asleep, and he wasn’t sure, but he swore that she sang to him once or twice. But that was a very long time ago. She stirred and shifted before making a soft noise. He hummed to her and removed his cheek from the top of her head. After he’d done that, she sat up and rubbed the inner corner of her eyes. She adjusted herself in her seat and stretched as best as she could. “Feel better?” He gestured towards a bottle of drink he’d gotten for her when a hostess had made rounds earlier. “Yeah, I think so, thank you,” she opened it and took a sip or two, leaning back in her seat with a hum. “Did I sleep for long?” “Hmn, I don’t know, I don’t think so. Time is a weird concept at the moment,” he smiled when she chuckled. “You seemed to need it though.” “I thought I slept okay last night. Apparently not.” “Or you had some sleep debt to catch up on?” He sat up a bit more and glanced out of the window. “Or that,” she shrugged a little. “Thank you, though.” “Any time Shell, you know that.”

They headed down to the hotel’s dining room and settled in their seats when they were shown to their table. “Is this a - ” “Buffet. All you can eat. Yeah,” Shelly glanced around the room. “I am familiar with this chain, and they do a killer breakfast. Go and get yourself some coffee. I’ll wait.” Gerard did as he was told with minimal coaxing and Shelly watched him cross the room, unconsciously letting out a soft hum. She was interrupted by one of the staff members checking in on her, mostly to see if there was anything she wanted. She stuttered, mostly caught off-guard, and ended up asking for pineapple juice, even though she was more than able to get it herself. She felt a little bad about that, truthfully, although the service was incredibly speedy - there was a glass of pineapple juice in front of her before Gerard returned with his coffee. And she hadn’t even had time to thank the staff member either. She was staring at a glass of juice when Gerard returned. Well, either staring at it or through it, he couldn’t quite tell. He put his coffee down and sat opposite her, just watching her for a moment before gently nudging her hand. She visibly jumped and looked up to see what was going on. When she noticed that it was ‘only’ Gerard, she relaxed. “Oh, hi.” “Hi,” he said quietly. “You okay?” Shelly nodded and hastily took a sip of her juice. “Yeah, I might go and get some food though.” Gerard nodded and watched her stand and walk off to investigate the options, rubbing her forehead as she went. That… If he was recalling correctly, the forehead rubbing thing was something she used to do when she’d gotten lost in her head. He watched her make her way around the different stations and had to direct his gaze to look out the window their table was next to when he noticed that she’d started making her way back. He heard her put the plate on the table and glanced at her. “You look stressed,” he said. “Um, thanks, I think?” She unrolled her knife and fork from the napkin before gently poking him with the fork. “Ow?” He rubbed his hand. It hadn’t hurt that much, if at all. “Are you okay?” Shelly salted her mushrooms before nodding. “Yeah, I think so. Go and get some food.” Gerard just sipped his coffee. “Gerard,” she pointed her fork at him, a bit of bacon on the end. “Go and get something to eat.” He quirked an eyebrow at her, smiled and then stole the bacon from her fork. His smile grew when he saw the look of surprise on her face. “That - that doesn’t count!” He laughed softly, took another mouthful of coffee and stood up, gently patting her on the top of her head as he went to do as he was told. She shook her head slightly and gazed out of the window, picking at her breakfast. She really wished they hadn’t woken up in the way that they did. It had brought back a few memories that she had really tried to forget. She used to feel awful thinking about back then, back when they were younger and she felt bad remembering them now. But she couldn’t help it. Finding out that he was still so… Affectionate when he was barely awake hadn’t been on her agenda, really. She honestly could’ve done without that knowledge because now it… She shook her head again and tried to distract herself with toast. It had just reminded her of the times he was wasted and sleepy. He had been even more affectionate with her than when she was helping him out. And the mornings after those times? Yeah, still just as affectionate until he remembered what had happened, or where he was, and then he just got embarrassed. But before that moment hit… She remembered a lot of sleepy, soft, single kisses to whatever bit of skin was the closest to him. Once or twice it had been her collarbone, but normally it was her shoulder and she would still be able to feel it hours later. Gerard returned in time to hear her sigh deeply as she leant back in her chair. He watched her rub her shoulder a little bit before picking up her glass again. “That was a big sigh,” he said, moving a piece of bacon from his plate to hers. Shelly looked up at him. “Hmn?” “You sighed. It was a big one. Are you okay? I got you a replacement piece of bacon, by the way.” “You only took a little bit, it’s fine.” She tried to wave it off. “Nope,” he shook his head before gesturing to what he’d put on her plate. “I always repay what I owe and I try to repay with extra.” Shelly opened her mouth to say something, but changed her mind - knowing that arguing with him was probably pointless, so she closed her mouth and shook her head. “Thank you,” she said quietly instead. “You’re a good man, Gerard.” He looked up at her curiously and tilted his head. “Not just because of the extra bacon, though that makes you almost god-like,” she grinned and then giggled as he almost choked on his coffee. “I… Um….” “Eat your breakfast,” she said, sipping her juice again. “Once we’re done, we’ll go and finish packing, check out and get going.” Gerard sighed as he looked into his now empty coffee cup. “I know,” Shelly soothed. “Another plane. It’s a relatively short flight though, and it was cheaper than driving. You know I can’t do long drives anyway.” “We could’ve taken it in turns?” He suggested. “Made a little road trip out of it?” She thought about this for a moment before going to reach for his cup. “Do you want another?” “I can - ” “No, eat your breakfast. I’ll get it. I remember how you like it.” “Okay,” he smiled up at her. “Thank you.” She returned his smile before wandering over to the hot drink station, preparing herself a cup of tea and making him a coffee the way he liked it. While she was waiting, she did briefly let herself think about the whole “road trip” suggestion. She added sugar to her tea and shook her head at herself. Her life was almost starting to sound like a stupid rom-com movie and that needed to stop. She knew how those films ended - and her life just wasn’t like that. She rolled her eyes at herself because she’d let herself get briefly distracted by thoughts that she should bury again, and took the mugs over to the table. “I’ll be right back, again,” she said as she gave his shoulder a gentle pat before heading back over to the food. Gerard watched her again. She seemed… A little off. And she was aware of it too - she was acting like she was trying to cover it, which made it more obvious. To him, anyway. You would’ve thought that after a couple of years, he might’ve forgotten some of her behaviour traits, or some of her little tells, but… No. No, he hadn’t. And the truth was, he hadn’t even tried to. More to the point; he hadn’t wanted to. “You’re staring.” He jumped, having zoned out a little and glanced down at whatever she’d just put near his coffee mug - a blueberry muffin, on a small plate. “They’re warm, hence the plate,” she explained, sitting with another plate of breakfast food. “I remember that they used to be your favourite.” He smiled and to her, that was worth the ever so slightly singed fingertips she’d received getting ahold of the baked treat. “Thank you. Yes, they were. They are.” She hummed happily and returned to her own food, sort of staring out of the window as she did so. Gerard observed this for a moment before sipping his coffee and clearing his throat. She turned her attention to him a bit faster than he’d anticipated so he glanced down at the muffin while he carefully peeled the paper case off of it. “I think there’s something on your mind,” he said without looking up at her. “And I’m wondering if it’s worrying you? Do you want to talk about it? Even if it’s not worrying you.” The blonde sat across from him said nothing for a minute, which made him look up. She wasn’t looking at him; she was looking at her breakfast with her brows knitted together. Her fingers were tapping against the ceramic of her tea mug, little clinking noises reaching his ears when the tips of her nails made contact instead of her fingertips. “Shelly,” he tried again. “Are you okay?” She frowned a little more and gently shook her head. “Yeah. No? I’m not sure.” “Do you want to talk about it?” She shook her head again, properly this time. “I don’t know what there is to talk about; I haven’t really connected the dots myself yet. I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m fine.” Gerard gave her a look that told her that he didn’t believe her, but that was okay, she probably wouldn’t’ve believed herself either. She sighed and went back to her tea. “Just… If you want to talk, or need to talk, you know I’ll listen, right?” Shelly nodded and tried to reassure him with a smile. “I know, Gee. I know. I’ll talk to you if I need to talk. I will.” He seemed to believe this, which made her feel a little guilty because she’d told him that lie before. After that one show she’d missed. The exchange had almost been the same too, which made her feel even worse. They finished their breakfast in a peaceful silence before heading back up to their room so they could finish packing their things. Gerard disappeared into the bathroom and Shelly dropped herself on the bed with her organiser in her lap to refresh her memory of the next leg of their travelling. Gerard watched her from the bathroom doorway for a few minutes, noticing that she still had that slight frown on her face. It wasn’t because she was trying to concentrate - no, she had a different expression for that. She bit her bottom lip a lot more when she was concentrating, for example. “What’s the plan, my liege?” He asked with a small grin. Shelly looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t called me that for a while.” He bowed to her and, still in the position, looked up, winked and grinned. Shelly shook her head and rolled her eyes, fighting to keep the smile off of her face. She lost. But then again, she never won that kind of fight when Gerard was involved. “Alright old man, you’ll get stuck like that.” “Hey!” He straightened up. “That’s a) untrue and b) mean.” “Yeah, yeah, respect your elders and all of that,” she waved it off, grinning. Gerard rolled his eyes and sighed deeply. “You’re impossible.” “Well,” she said, still smiling. “First, we make sure that we have everything, then we check out, then we go and catch a flight. We’ll probably be early enough to browse some stores.” “That’s good,” he sat next to her. “I think I want to pick up a book and try this flight without taking anything.” Shelly eyed him curiously. “Are you sure?” “I… I think so? What’s the itinerary like when we land?” He watched her flick through a few pages before scanning the words on the pages. “Providing everything goes to plan,” she continued quietly. “We land, we get to go and check in to another hotel, and you have a phone interview…” The sheets rustled and she looked up to see him looking over her shoulder, almost leaning on it. “Excuse you,” she murmured. “Do you mind?” “Not unless you do.” “Hmmm,” she pretended to think about it. “No, I suppose not. Do you have everything? Have you finished packing?” Gerard nodded. “There doesn’t appear to be anything else of either of ours lying around, but I would feel better if you checked as well.” “Okay.” He watched her shift off of the bed and have a look around; first the bedroom and then the bathroom. It took her a few minutes, and he was sure that she was probably checking all of the drawers and cupboards, just to be absolutely certain. She smiled when she returned and they gathered up their bags before going to check out. Much like when they checked in, Gerard stood aside with their bags and watched her, allowing her the space to do whatever it was she did, smiling when she returned to him. He refused to let her carry her bag again, earning a sigh and a roll of her eyes for his time. When they eventually settled in the taxi she’d booked to get them to the airport, he stayed quiet as she spoke to the driver for a few minutes, watching her buckle up, settle back and close her eyes for a moment. “Are you alright?” He asked, keeping his voice only for her to hear. She cracked one eye open and nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just taking a moment before we get to the airport. I still don’t like them very much. I’m okay once I actually get on the plane though.” “Unlike me,” he said with a grin. “I’m the complete opposite.” “Which is why we’ve always been - ” she paused, catching her words. “Why we’ve always worked well together, especially in airports.” His eyebrow rose as she caught and corrected herself, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he sought out her hand and gave it a short, gentle squeeze before putting his own hand back in his lap. She glanced down as soon as she felt him touching her, only to glance up at him when he squeezed her hand. He was looking out of the car window. The rest of the car ride was silent, and Shelly wasn’t sure if it was a comfortable one or not. She couldn’t see why it wouldn’t be. She paid the driver and they headed into the airport itself. Gerard followed a couple of steps behind her, admiring the way she walked with purpose, even in sneakers. She still had that stride, that… It was almost a saunter, he could see it. But it was still something else when she was in heels.