How A Bard Kills a Giant
The party encountered a Bullette herder recently (A Fomorian with 3 Bullettes) at the base of the mountain while they were trying to take a long rest. 4 of the 6 had their armor off when the attack happened.
The Bard (The Always Fresh, Never Frozen, Fiddlin' Fucking Fred) gets up, mad as hell, and casts Phantasmal Killer against the Giant. When asked what the Giant sees, the Bard scratches his head and shrugs, "I dunno what he's afraid of, but I would assume it's school."
The Sorcerer, also mad as hell, casts a Wall of Fire around the same Giant.
So this Giant, while it's Bullette's rage against the machine of this party, stands there in a circle of fire being burned alive while memories of a school he never attended haunt him. At the end, as the Giant was 100% gonna die, I asked for a roll-off to see who kills the Giant so we could end the session.
The Bard wins. I ask how he kills the Giant.
"I dunno, I would like his torment to be so bad from the psychic damage its taken from its days at school."
"Describe a day at school."
"Alright, well first he gets there and the principal starts making fun of him, calls him the Hunchback of Nostradamus, cause his hunchback is so big he can see his future; then he would make it to gym class, but he can't get changed into his basketball jersey because his hunchback is just so big, and some people call him the turkey smuggler because he looks like he's got a whole ass frozen turkey under his jersey, the one folds over so you never know what number he's playing. Then the basketball comes to him, but you know he can't see too well, so it hits him on the side of the head, which then gives him a bruise on the other side so he REALLY can't see for the rest of the day. Then he gets to social class, and he can't read because he's an illiterate hack......and then lunch, I don't know; he sits there by himself with his swollen, dumb basketball eye, still wearing the jersey because he can't get that off because of the smuggled turkey. It's not really like a smuggled turkey it's just like a backpack with a turkey in it. Yeah...then he's gotta go home to the trailer park after and that's not good for anyone, let alone the Hunchback of Nostradamus: didn't see that in his fucking future I bet.....then he dies."
Edit: Yes, the Bard got an inspiration for this one. 1000% inspiration.
