Contributing the the palmetto bug hatepost numbers on here because I think most people do not truly appreciate the horrors of these motherfuckers. To be clear, I don't hate these shits, I *fear* them. There is a difference.
Anyone who has ever been in a real person's house in Florida for any prolonged period has dealt with a palmetto bug. If you're a snowbird, you don't count, that's not a prolonged period. If you're rich enough to live in one of those stupid McMansions that are killing the local economy, you don't count, you're not living in a real person house. If you live in Florida and meet neither of those criteria, and you have never seen a palmetto bug, welcome to Florida! How's the move treating you? Also, why the FUCK did you move to Florida? Are you crazy??
That said, if you have *not* been in a real person's house in Florida for any prolonged period of time, or you are new to Florida, or you do not live in Florida and are simply curious, please do the following:
Imagine the biggest cockroach you have ever seen. Imagine a cockroach twice that size. Give it huge antennae. Make it shit toxic waste when frightened. Give it functional wings. Make it randomly appear in your house in summer. Boom, palmetto bug.
There is no one species called a 'palmetto bug'. Far as I can tell, it's a cryptid summoned by the hubris of anyone who thinks they've adapted to bugs. Wikipedia will tell you it's a colloquial name for the Florida swamp cockroach, and while that is not entirely incorrect, I'm unsure whether that variety can fly. Regardless, those guys are called palmetto bugs because they can often be found on palmettos.
In conclusion! Palmetto bugs are like cockroaches' older, bigger, meaner cousin who flies a fighter jet. Except they are the fighter jet. They're terrifying. Thank you, and good night.
Btw, if you want a rant about palmettos, hit me up, I think the spiky palm babies are cool, and apparently they're a holistic treatment for erectile dysfunction? Who knew.