#awkward lmao

[pt: all roads lead to autism (for us) end pt]

So we found out recently that we're autistic and now we're recontextualizing everything in our lives.

I think we'd be a trans guy either way. However, our "schrǒdinger's femininity", as we call it, caused by a simultaneous connection with femininity (even if it's just because we've been forced in the Woman Box for our entire life) and disconnection (caused by alienation because we're autistic). It's Autism.

Disconnect from gender as a whole? It's Autism. The typical, western allistic view of gender doesn't really fit us. We do (kinda) and don't fit the binary. It's all a blur. That's why we prefer autonomous and abinary-like labels, such as outherine, autonine, and maverique. (and autigender, of course. Because It's Autism)

Also shouting out mid-binary/midbinary and midabinary. ¿Por qué no los dos?

We also connect with the concept of xenogenders because of that disconnection. They also don't really fit? It's like a game of tug-of-war between our connection to anthrogenders and our connection with xenogenders. That's where diastine comes in.

We like the little boxes (because they're easier for our autistic brain), but we also don't like boxes (because we struggle to tell what's relevant, so matching our experiences is Too Hard). It's schrǒdinger's boxes. That's why we love centrigenders. We can be in two boxes, but also not in those boxes, while being in-between the boxes. Centrigender is our brain in gender form. It's Autism. Same with proximal genders and neogenders (neoboy, neomasc, etc.. Lovely simultaneous connection and disconnection. Us.

Speaking of love, our attraction is a huge fucking mess. Yeah, we're aspec-everything, but narrowing it down further is Not Happening 1) because we're plural and everyone has a different experience with attraction and 2) (you guessed it) autism. What's a friendship? What's romance? What the fuck is happening? It's Autism. We Cannot and Don't, until we Do.

We're also gay and straight and queer for everyone. No, we're not omni. That would be too easy. Instead, we get a garbled mess of vaguely queer feelings. It's static. It's not. It's chunky fruit juice.

Our nonhumanity/alterhumanity is very clearly autism. It's the result of growing up Feeling Different, but not knowing and not learning The Social Skills, so now we're alien copingkin. We also get Vague Divine Feelings, as a treat. Yippee!

Last, but certainly not least: plurality. We're all Autistic(tm), of course. If you take one look at our main sidesystem, it's very obvious that we're neurodivergent. Past that? We don't really know. We id with quoigenic, unknown origins, and the like because we don't remember how we formed. Thinking back on it? We wouldn't be surprised if autism played a role. Again, the alienation thing. That + other things we don't want to talk about (because tmi) caused us to retreat into ourselves and daydream and talk to ourselves. That could've easily caused a system. Again, who knows? Not us.

Was kind of a strange experience since it wasn't like, an injury or anything, my body is just naturally fucked up