#aw shit.

I just realized I actually meant to add Boggart to that list. Whoops.

I never thought about this bc I try to get my hands on Duke everything (ask me a single title tho I dare u 😭 goldfish brain) but it really is ONE story that post has not left my mind since I saw it like everyone else has their definitive ‘this is x character’ stories or arcs for better or for worst, like u ask who is tim Drake and you’ll get like 10 main things yknow but for Duke it is ONE FUCKING STORY! Everything else builds upon it but u only really need war I’m so sick

That feeling when you realize you might just be a mercenary.

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///Damn, it's already night time... I guess I'll just plan to sit in the back of class tomorrow and watch all 3 NATM movies again/////

*SUDDENLY AND VIOLENTLY REALIZES THAT ONE PERSON IN HIGHSCHOOL WAS ACTUALLY LOWKEY ASKING ME FOR PLATONIC FRIEND SEX AND I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL NOW*

I feel sort of dissatisfied right now. Kind of paralyzed. I have all these responsibilities that I've been shirking and as more and more piles up, I continue to shut down. I wish I hadn't been so ambitious because I can't handle it. I'm stressed because I'm letting my club down. I'm stressed because I'm a shitty mentor to my first years. Stressed because I'm not doing my readings (in spite of getting decent grades because of self-imposed guilt). Stressed because I'm not focused on my research. Stressed because I haven't got over the fact that I hurt people and my guilt is worth a rat's ass in all honesty. Stressed because racial politics have me analyzing my own privilege. Stressed because all I can think is "I will disappoint someone" instead of "I made it" at the end of the road. I'm not perfect and I look at that and catastrophize. I want so badly to be perfect so that no one can take a flaw and insult me or belittle me over it. Things would be so much easier if I could learn not to expect the worse of literally everything. I can't handle it. What is my worth if not measured by what I produce.