#avengersbingo

 One night, the Avengers were having a small party with just a few people to celebrate your initiation to the team and the success of your first mission. You started chatting to Nat and it wasn’t long before the subject of your tallies was brought up.

 “I just don’t get you, Y/N. Most people I’ve met have so few tallies but you have so many…”

 You looked at the marks on your wrist and gently run your fingers over them. All of them were red except for one which was scarred.

 “I just… fall in love easily…” you quietly replied.

 “But how can you do that? Allow yourself to get hurt over and over again with the same result every time,” she asked.

 “Because… I keep hoping that it’ll be different next time… that one day I’ll meet my soulmate…”

 Nat listened to you as you traced the scarred mark.

 “You know this one, as sad as I was when they died, what hurt even more was that the mark never went black… maybe it was for the best though. I can’t imagine how it would have been to meet my soulmate only to have them die in a car accident…”

 “But why do it? Why put yourself through all that pain?”

 “Because I don’t want to be lonely… It’s you I don’t understand. How can you not even have one mark?” you asked.

 “Love is for children,” she dismissively replied, sipping her drink.

 “That’s so sad…”

 Nat looked at you with confusion.

 “To close yourself off to one of the greatest experiences a human can ever have…” you softly explained.

 “Look at you… you let yourself fall in love and it only got you hurt…”

 “But with pain, comes experience… Pain is another very human emotion that we need. You know even though I got hurt, I enjoyed falling in love… being close to another person… I wouldn’t change anything,” you wistfully smiled.

 Your words made her think. Could she be wrong? Could she be missing out on a whole experience? But opening herself up meant being vulnerable. She couldn’t afford that.

…

 After that night, you and Nat started growing closer. You would spend hours talking, sometimes staying up the whole night. Often you would bring her little things that reminded you of her and at first, Nat thought maybe it was because you were friendly but after a while, she came to learn that you did them more often for her than anybody else on the team. On movies nights, you would cuddle up together. On missions, you had each other’s backs and patched each other up afterwards. She started to form an attachment to you.

 Then one day, it happened. Nat woke up with a red line on her wrist. This scared her more than anything. She couldn’t possibly be in love with you, that was just for children. Nat thought about your words… about how living a life without someone to love would be a lonely one. But… there was that possibility she could lose you. Nat wasn’t sure her heart could handle it. She thought of asking Clint for advice but that would mean actually admitting she was in love… to put the words out there for the universe to hear. Nat wasn’t sure she was ready for that. For now, this tally mark would be her own little secret.

…

 For weeks, Nat was able to strategically hide her mark with long sleeves and thick bracelets but there was only a matter of time before it was revealed. Nat had also tried to distance herself from you but found herself unable to stay away.

 It was during a mission that it finally came to light. Nat had been terribly distracted and was badly hurt. You managed to take out the bad guys and get her to safety.

 While she was in hospital, you paced the hallway, waiting for news. It was while you were wringing your hands that you noticed the change in your newest mark. You had noticed some time ago a new red mark had appeared next to the scar. It gave you hope that maybe Nat had returned your feelings, that maybe this time you wouldn’t get your heart broken again. As you looked down at your hands, you saw that this new mark had turned black. Could it be true? Had you really found your soulmate at last? You only prayed as you waited for news of Natasha that your new mark wouldn’t turn into another scar.

…

 Nat had remained unconscious for days while you stayed by her side. You spoke to her, read to her, held her hand, hoping she would come out of it soon. The others tried to convince you to leave for a while but failing that, they at least made sure you ate.

 Finally, Nat opened her eyes, filling your tired soul with relief.

 “Y/N?” she groggily spoke.

 “I’m here. I’m here, Nat,” you assured her, wiping away the tears that had suddenly formed in your eyes.

 Natasha smiled weakly at you but when she realised her mark was uncovered, she started to panic. She grabbed at her arm, desperately trying to hide the tally mark but you gently took her hands. Her line of vision followed from your hands, up to your inner arm where your collection of tally marks. She noticed you had a new black tally mark that matched hers.

 “You… you knew?” she quietly asked.

 “Of course, I knew…”

 “Why didn’t you say anything?”

 “Because I know this is new for you and it scares you… I knew when you were ready you would come to talk to me about it…”

 Nat fell silent as you carefully helped her to sip some water.

 “I… I am scared, Y/N. I’m scared of losing you, I’m scared that you’ll lose me… scared of letting myself get attached to you…”

 You gently kissed her forehead.

 “I’m scared too, Nat. When I was waiting for news, I was terrified that my new black mark would turn into another scar…”

 Nat held your hand and softly squeezed it.

 “What do we do?”

 “We go through this together, Nat. I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine… we’re soulmates and now that we’ve found each other, I don’t want to let go…”

 Nat kissed your hand.

 “I don’t want to let go either,” she smiled, tears coming to her eyes.

 “So, we go through life together…”

 Nat smiled and nodded.

 “Together,” she repeated.

"Last words, Captain?" you muttered.

"You don't have to do this. You're better than them." Steve looked you in the eye.

The edge of the dagger quivered slightly before you withdrew it, allowing Steve to fall to the ground, breathing hard.

"You're lucky this time, Rogers," you said before disappearing into the darkness.

It wouldn't be the first time you had clashed.  During one mission, an explosion sealed the main exits, and both Steve and you were trapped in the rubble. Steve didn't hesitate to help you up when he saw you trapped under the rubble.

"Why are you helping me?" you asked as you began to search for a way out.

There was no answer, but you continued walking; perhaps several hours had passed, so you decided to stop for a rest and started talking, and Steve learned about your past.

Have you ever thought about leaving  Hydra?" Steve asked, and you sighed.

"HYDRA is all I've ever known. But lately... I don't know."

"You can always choose a new path. You don't have to be what they want you to  be." Steve stepped a little closer, gently taking your hand.

Silence appeared, but it wasn't uncomfortable; you could feel your heart beating fast, maybe... However, you both knew you would not easily be allowed to be together.

"Steve..." you started but were interrupted by him.

"I know," he said softly. "We might not get out of here." He stroked your cheek. "But if this is our last night, I want you to know I don't hate you. I never did."

You felt your eyes fill with tears. "Steve... I..."

“Cheers Tony,” you raise your glass at your friend. “I hope you’re happy now. The world is on fire and the Avengers are torn apart. Good thing you signed those fucking accords.”

You down your drink, hissing as the burning liquid runs down your throat.

“What a shitshow, Cap. Being on the run must be fun,” you chuckle darkly. “Fuck you, Cappy. I hope being chased around the world helps you stay in shape…”

 Now, Christmas Eve, …

“Food is ready. I got all my favorite movies on Blu-ray. Security is on the highest level,” you look at your phone to check on your tasks. “I got enough food until New Year’s Eve.”

While you look around the cozy room, sighing as you are ready to spend Christmas Eve alone in your chosen exile your dog jolts up. He runs toward the door and grits his teeth.

“Cerberus, stop,” your dog immediately reacts to your command. He still grits his teeth and is ready to jump at anyone daring to break into your cabin, but he waits for you to allow him to do so. “I got this.”

You slowly step toward the door, grabbing the shotgun you hide next to the door. You unlock the gun, taking a deep breath.

“My dog can smell you out there. If you want to break into my cabin, you should know I do not hesitate to kill you. You better get the fuck off my lawn.”

“This is not a lawn, but rather a forest,” frowning you listen to the man’s rant. “Doll, I’m not in the mood to break down another door. I need to hide at your place for a while.”

“No can do, Capsicle,” he huffs as you refuse to open the door. “I told you to keep me out of your beef with Tony last time you contacted me. You made sure I had to leave the Avengers before shit went down. So, get out of my sight!”

“Listen, I got no time for this shit,” you gasp. Captain America, the golden boy scolding you for your fecal language just cursed. “Let me inside or I’ll break through the door, doll.”

“Fuck’s sake,” you unlock the door. “Can you all not leave me alone?” You open the door but press the shotgun to Steve’s chest. “No tricks, Captain. I won’t join your little club and there will be no support from my side.”

You step aside, hoping Stark and Ross won’t believe you support Steve and his little group.

“Can I come in now?” you still recognize his voice, and piercing blue eyes but the bearded Captain America stepping inside your cabin seems so different from the man you used to know. 

“Sure,” you huff. “Make yourself home and ruin my life even more. Why don’t cha?”

“It was your insubordination ruining your career, not me,” he snaps back. He looks tired, worn out, and just done with this world. 

“What happened to your suit? Don’t you wear stars and stripes anymore, Cappy?”

He huffs. “It’s still the same suit, just a little more worn-out…”

You look Steve up and down as he paces back and forth. “If you say so. So, what brings you here? How did you even find me?”

“I had to hide and didn’t find a better place,” he shrugs. “I remembered the cabin you mentioned, and came here, believing no one will be out here. I was wrong…obviously.”

“I never told a single soul about my grandfather’s cabin. No one,” you step closer to Steve to size him up. “How the fuck did you find it?”

 “You told me about it.”

“Like hell,” snapping your fingers for your dog you keep a close eye on Steve. “You owe me an explanation. If you do not answer my questions, you can go back out there. The approaching snowstorm will freeze your ass off, but I couldn’t care less.”

Steve squares his jaw. He didn’t come out here and made his way through the snow to answer your questions.

“Tony checked your background. Thoroughly. Your grandfather bought the property forty years ago.”

“That asshole checked my grandfather’s background too?” you sneer. “Typical. Stark likes to stick his nose into other people’s business. No wonder the Avengers broke up.”

“We did not break up,” Steve rolls his eyes. “We-I fucked up. I should’ve told Tony about his parents and what Bucky did.”

“Aw, do you want to make up with Stark now?” you smirk. “Do you want me to call him? Maybe you want to all come here and ruin my Christmas just for fun.”

“You love this, don’t you? Y/N Y/L/N always was all bark and no bite,” he sasses back, returning your smirk. “I came here to hide from the world once again. We’ve got no time for chit-chat, doll.”

“I’m not your doll, Cappy,” you wave him off. “You better tell me what you want. I want you on your way and for you to leave me alone.”

“You want me to go back out there,” he points at the window. Snow is mercilessly falling. You’ll be snowed-in in no time. “I won’t make it out alive out of these woods.”

“Not my problem.”

You sit down on your sofa and snuggle into your blanket. “Fine. I got separated from the others. Bucky is safe, but the others are still out there, fighting to not get caught by Ross.”

This time you roll your eyes. “Do you even know why Tony wanted me on the team?” you dip your head as Steve dares to sit on the armchair opposite your couch. “Do you?”

“He never told me,” Steve closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. “Can we get this over with? I’m so tired.”

“I’m a breathing polygraph, Cappy. That’s why I knew the Accords were bullshit and that your friend didn’t kill that guy,” you shrug as Steve gasps audibly. 

“What? I-you knew?” he splutters. “Why didn’t you say a thing?”

“I could’ve told him about it. But you,” you chuckle now, “made it impossible for me to get even close to Stark.”

“No. How could you not stop us?”

“Aw, you should see your sad face, Cappy,” you coo. “I called, though. I left messages. I sent emails. I even tried to break into the Avenger’s tower to talk to Stark. I didn’t even get close to him.”

“You knew all this time…” 

You nod. 

“I couldn’t do a thing. I knew the accords and Bucky would fracture the team. Stark didn’t answer my calls, and neither did you. While you and Tony fought at the airport, I tried to reach you one last time. The last thing I heard was that you are on the run and Tony brought a broken shield home.”

“If you know all of this,” he whispers lowly. “You know why I came here too…”

“No. I don’t,” you retort. “I cannot read your mind, Steve. All I’m capable of is telling you if anyone lies. That’s all.”

“You see, the world is close to its extinction once again. We will get attacked by a power beyond your imagination,” you watch Steve closely. “I need your help.”

“I can’t,” you switch the TV on and try to ignore Steve’s presence. “If you came here to ask me to join your team, you are mistaken. I won’t lift a finger for you, or Team Iron Man. Leave me out of this shit.”

“This is not about the Avengers or me,” Steve gets back up from the armchair. “It’s of importance that you come with me. Dr. Strange said it’s the only way to save Natasha, Tony and someone called Gamora...”

“He said the same thing to me a few weeks ago,” you laugh. “He lied, Cappy. He only tries to get the band back together.”

“Why would he lie?”

“He’s just done cleaning up your and Stark’s shit. Get your shit together, call Stark and make up.”

Steve chuckles at your attitude. “If you let me stay here until the snowstorm ends, I’ll call Tony.”

“Lie.”

“I’ll try calling him.”

“Another lie.”

“Fine. What do you want me to do? He won’t even take my call!”

“He’s waiting for you to make the first step. Give him that and he’ll be putty in your hands,” you grin. “Now let me watch my favorite movie and you can sit over there and look pretty…”

>> Part 2