#tallied

 One night, the Avengers were having a small party with just a few people to celebrate your initiation to the team and the success of your first mission. You started chatting to Nat and it wasn’t long before the subject of your tallies was brought up.

 “I just don’t get you, Y/N. Most people I’ve met have so few tallies but you have so many…”

 You looked at the marks on your wrist and gently run your fingers over them. All of them were red except for one which was scarred.

 “I just… fall in love easily…” you quietly replied.

 “But how can you do that? Allow yourself to get hurt over and over again with the same result every time,” she asked.

 “Because… I keep hoping that it’ll be different next time… that one day I’ll meet my soulmate…”

 Nat listened to you as you traced the scarred mark.

 “You know this one, as sad as I was when they died, what hurt even more was that the mark never went black… maybe it was for the best though. I can’t imagine how it would have been to meet my soulmate only to have them die in a car accident…”

 “But why do it? Why put yourself through all that pain?”

 “Because I don’t want to be lonely… It’s you I don’t understand. How can you not even have one mark?” you asked.

 “Love is for children,” she dismissively replied, sipping her drink.

 “That’s so sad…”

 Nat looked at you with confusion.

 “To close yourself off to one of the greatest experiences a human can ever have…” you softly explained.

 “Look at you… you let yourself fall in love and it only got you hurt…”

 “But with pain, comes experience… Pain is another very human emotion that we need. You know even though I got hurt, I enjoyed falling in love… being close to another person… I wouldn’t change anything,” you wistfully smiled.

 Your words made her think. Could she be wrong? Could she be missing out on a whole experience? But opening herself up meant being vulnerable. She couldn’t afford that.

…

 After that night, you and Nat started growing closer. You would spend hours talking, sometimes staying up the whole night. Often you would bring her little things that reminded you of her and at first, Nat thought maybe it was because you were friendly but after a while, she came to learn that you did them more often for her than anybody else on the team. On movies nights, you would cuddle up together. On missions, you had each other’s backs and patched each other up afterwards. She started to form an attachment to you.

 Then one day, it happened. Nat woke up with a red line on her wrist. This scared her more than anything. She couldn’t possibly be in love with you, that was just for children. Nat thought about your words… about how living a life without someone to love would be a lonely one. But… there was that possibility she could lose you. Nat wasn’t sure her heart could handle it. She thought of asking Clint for advice but that would mean actually admitting she was in love… to put the words out there for the universe to hear. Nat wasn’t sure she was ready for that. For now, this tally mark would be her own little secret.

…

 For weeks, Nat was able to strategically hide her mark with long sleeves and thick bracelets but there was only a matter of time before it was revealed. Nat had also tried to distance herself from you but found herself unable to stay away.

 It was during a mission that it finally came to light. Nat had been terribly distracted and was badly hurt. You managed to take out the bad guys and get her to safety.

 While she was in hospital, you paced the hallway, waiting for news. It was while you were wringing your hands that you noticed the change in your newest mark. You had noticed some time ago a new red mark had appeared next to the scar. It gave you hope that maybe Nat had returned your feelings, that maybe this time you wouldn’t get your heart broken again. As you looked down at your hands, you saw that this new mark had turned black. Could it be true? Had you really found your soulmate at last? You only prayed as you waited for news of Natasha that your new mark wouldn’t turn into another scar.

…

 Nat had remained unconscious for days while you stayed by her side. You spoke to her, read to her, held her hand, hoping she would come out of it soon. The others tried to convince you to leave for a while but failing that, they at least made sure you ate.

 Finally, Nat opened her eyes, filling your tired soul with relief.

 “Y/N?” she groggily spoke.

 “I’m here. I’m here, Nat,” you assured her, wiping away the tears that had suddenly formed in your eyes.

 Natasha smiled weakly at you but when she realised her mark was uncovered, she started to panic. She grabbed at her arm, desperately trying to hide the tally mark but you gently took her hands. Her line of vision followed from your hands, up to your inner arm where your collection of tally marks. She noticed you had a new black tally mark that matched hers.

 “You… you knew?” she quietly asked.

 “Of course, I knew…”

 “Why didn’t you say anything?”

 “Because I know this is new for you and it scares you… I knew when you were ready you would come to talk to me about it…”

 Nat fell silent as you carefully helped her to sip some water.

 “I… I am scared, Y/N. I’m scared of losing you, I’m scared that you’ll lose me… scared of letting myself get attached to you…”

 You gently kissed her forehead.

 “I’m scared too, Nat. When I was waiting for news, I was terrified that my new black mark would turn into another scar…”

 Nat held your hand and softly squeezed it.

 “What do we do?”

 “We go through this together, Nat. I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine… we’re soulmates and now that we’ve found each other, I don’t want to let go…”

 Nat kissed your hand.

 “I don’t want to let go either,” she smiled, tears coming to her eyes.

 “So, we go through life together…”

 Nat smiled and nodded.

 “Together,” she repeated.