Autism in Love - an autobiography of my life (starting: Dec 2020)
Chapter One
New Beginnings
Romantic relationships are hard enough as it is but throw in a diagnosis of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and you are lucky to find a neurotypical (non-autistic) who can understand and accept you. In 2019 (Sedgewick et al. 2019) a study concluded that autistic women are far more likely to suffer abusive relationships due to social inference difficulties. They suggested that personal and sexual safety training may help to adjust autistic women to adult life and to make better choices when choosing a partner.
The same year I received my own autism diagnosis and, looking back, I had made the same choices these other autistic women had. From the age of twenty-one I found myself in toxic after toxic relationships, hook ups, and making decisions that my family cringed at me for. However, after another negative experience with a neurotypical man I decided to stop dating all together and focus on myself and try to build something that would benefit me.
Then someone flew into my life like a pigeon hitting a clear glass window. I was terrified. I’d spent a couple of years gathering my life back together with an extra dose of isolation by throwing myself into my work. Now it was crashing down around me. I wasn’t looking for love. It found me. I’d never been with someone like me before. He was funny, kind, attentive and most importantly: understanding of my autism and my needs. We clicked instantly even though we had never met in person and when I finally saw a photo of him with his bushy curls, glasses, short stature and broad shoulders my first thought wasn’t ‘he’s hot’ or something ridiculous. I thought: he looks like Leonard from The Big Bang Theory. I’d date him! Which to me is a big deal!
Due to Covid-19 our first date was outside with masks covering our noses that were pink from the cold nip in the air. We held hands and now and then Kieron would wrap his arms around me to show affection. I must admit this was all new to me. It still is. My ex partners had not been big on public affection. Having someone, anyone, hold me is like being strangled by a Boa Constrictor (Egeskow, 2019). But I kept quiet. This was what normal couples did, didn’t they? I thought. Despite Kieron’s public gropings (which I knew were out of love and not meant in anyway disrespectful. Everyone shows love in different ways, after all) I felt completely at ease. We spoke about anything, everything and we found that we had a lot in common, not just our autism.
Even though I was so happy, every time he asked me to be his girlfriend I would say, “ask me again in a week.” I wasn’t ready to give up my peace and quiet. I didn’t have to compromise, give my time up or sacrifice what I wanted for someone else. I wasn’t ready for the twenty questions quiz or the overwhelming drain that caused days of lethargy and butterflies when my parents shared their worries. In truth I’m still not ready for that but this amazing person has entered my life. Sooner or later, once Covid has ended, he will enter the chaos that is my large family.
