#autistic!roger

of course luvvie.  i hope this makes you feel better <3

I did make a mention of Beary from @disabled-queen-hc‘s world, because I love him more than anything :) (I also hope you’re doing okay, too! miss you lots!)

                                                             —–

When John presented Roger with the stuffed lion the Sunday before Queen first tour, he wasn’t really sure how to react. Now, Roger rarely did know how to react in general. There was a reason he was the spaz of the band and not Brian.  But…this was different. “And I just know how much you always seem to like holding Beary, and you know I appreciate you asking and all, but I just thought that you’d like your own maybe. Your own Beary.” John had been babbling and Roger only just tuned back in.  He’d been too busy stewing over his own response and combing his fingers through the lion’s mane.  

“Well not a Beary,” Roger muttered, now focused on the stuffie’s plastic nose and eyes. He tapped his fingernail over them, again and again. Nice sound. He did it some more and he felt John go from standing to sitting beside him on the sofa.  

“Unless this is a Beary in drag.” He looked up, finally, and smiled at John.  A real one–with his eyes and his body and everything. Legs bouncing and hands moving.  He didn’t want to admit it, but…he liked this gift.  Roger held up the lion and started playing with it, making it strike funky poses and bop to the radio playing in the kitchen.

“That’s why I got you the lion, Rog. ‘Cause we’re-’cause you’re a Leo–stop that!” He chuckled, hands swinging around happily. “Lions aren’t supposed to like rock n’ roll!”Roger gasped in mock disgrace and started swinging one of his little cloth arms around an air guitar like Pete Townsend.  Now they had both moved up onto their knees and were bouncing on the couch cushions, hair bobbing up and down in time.  John was so happy and bright, Roger wanted to tackle him in a hug.  “If Bearys can like rock n’ roll than so can lions!” 

“Your lion doesn’t have the experience to like anything yet.  He doesn’t even have a name. And you have to at least have a name to have experience.”

Roger frowned and stopped bouncing a moment, holding his lion out in front of him and studying it.  

“He…does have a name.” He argued from behind the furry mane. John smirked and raised an eyebrow, eyes brighter than stars.  “Oh? And what’s his name?” Roger reddened. He…knew this was coming, but he also hadn’t thought this far ahead.  “Ly. Short for…Lion.” He found himself clutching Ly tight and averting his gaze again.  Thank god his new stuffed animal was soft, because he was white knuckling the poor thing.  

“And don’t go saying it’s a bad name ‘cause your bear’s name is Beary and that’s not any better than naming a Lion Ly, so you don’t have any leg to stand on, Deaky.” Roger heart was beating fast, expecting a snarky remark from John.  And now would be the perfect time use it, too.  Roger was lost to think of any decent rebuttal.  He couldn’t feel things and be smart at the same time, not like normal people.  A gentle hand, wearing rings on three fingers, came to rest on the stuffed lion’s head, and pushed it out of the way.  John looked at Roger and Roger looked back from behind his bangs.  He smiled that gap toothed smile made of pixie dust and Roger suddenly felt calmer.  “I think Ly’s a great name.” John shrugged. “All I was going to say was that just because lion’s can’t like rock n’ roll doesn’t mean they shouldn’t.” A glint reappeared in John’s eye and Roger’s lips quirked up a little.  “Hasn’t stopped us.” 

                                                            —-               

Roger is a sensory seeker, so he’s definitely a gigantic cuddle bug. Hanging off people like a koala at all times.

John on the other hand is very to himself. Doesn’t touch people and doesn’t want to be touched. He doesn’t get anything from contact with other people and most times, he might even get distressed.

But, Roger has always been respectful of John’s boundaries. More so now that they’re dating. He always asks if he can touch John or asks permission to hold his hand. He never kisses him without a warning. He’s exceptional and John decides to meet Roger halfway too.

Roger almost blushes himself to death the first time John grabs his hand unprompted. He melts into a puddle of goo when John kisses his cheek out of the blue. And he’s on cloud nine when John initiates their first real cuddle.

Roger’s on the couch watching some car show when John plops himself on the couch next to him and snuggles up to his side. 

Roger’s looking at John like, “Is this for real?” John nods and lays his head on Roger’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him. He’s a bit stiff. A tiny bit uncomfortable. But it’s not bad. Physically, it’s not doing anything for him, but emotionally, it’s nice to be so close to Roger.

Roger meanwhile is dying. His skin feels like butterflies are tickling him with their wings and he’s all warm and his stomach is doing flips like when he’s really happy. He wraps his arm around John, loosely as to not overwhelm him, and he leans into John’s embrace, smiling so big and having to stop the urge to get up and jump. 

John does some happy clicking at the back of his throat and Roger mimics him. Roger giggles and nuzzles his head against John’s. This is fantastic.

It does end eventually, John getting fatigued from all the skin to skin contact. He pulls away, nervous Roger might be upset but Roger’s beaming. And now he has room to flap and bounce and jump. John claps and laughs watching his boyfriend happy stim like he’s never done before.

Oooooo here we go, ya'll! For those of you asking for autistic!roger headcanons! This is 1 out of 3.

Freddie: Why are you doing this to yourself

Roger, face in a cat’s fur: *mumbles*

Freddie: I can’t hear you

Roger, pulling away from the cat, his face red, covered in hives, his eyes and nose leaking: I said I love the texture

Freddie: Jesus christ, Rog! Let me get you some antihistamines.

Roger, pressing his face back into the cat: We must suffer for the things we love.

Roger:…

Freddie: *walks into the room*

Roger: I’M SO EXCITED FOR MY TOYS TO COME IN THE MAIL, FREDDIE.

Freddie: HOLY SHIT WERE YOU WAITING IN THE DARK FOR SOMEONE TO COME IN?!

Roger: THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE NEXT WEEK.

Freddie: ROGER WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

♚

Roger: If my packages don’t come soon, I’m going to kill myself.

Brian: This is the third time this hour you have said that and I’ve yet to see any follow through.

Roger: I’ll kill you too.

Brian: *shrug*

Roger:…Anyways when do you think my package will come?

Brian:  *screams*

♚

John: You ever heard of a man named Fortunato?

Roger: Who’s that? Is he a post master? Does he know when my package will come?

John: No…just wondering…

Roger: Do you know any post masters? When do you think my package will come?

John: …Come to my basement and maybe we can find out together. I have wine down there.

Roger: I don’t want wine, I want my toys. 

John: I have expensive toys in my basement.

“Oh! And this is the latest Audi has put out. I heard it shouldn’t even be street legal,” Roger says, pointing at a picture of a car in the magazine he had just bought. 

Cuddled up to his side, John nodded, his cheeks going pink. He wasn’t paying attention to a single thing Roger was babbling on about. John loved cars just as much as the blond, but right now, he couldn’t steady his hammering heart and his stomach was threatening to float away with how many butterflies where fluttering in it. His face felt hot and his hands were fidgeting. It felt like their first date.

The only issue being that they had just celebrated their 5 year anniversary.

“I mean, look at it! It has a double muffler. A double!” Roger said, wiggling excitedly as he talked about his special interest. John just hummed, pressing himself closer to his boyfriend, a hand over his mouth that wouldn’t stop smiling. Roger felt so warm. He had to push down a nervous giggle.

“What do you think, Deacy?” Roger asked, finally taking a glance over at the brunet, who was seconds away from melting into a puddle of goop and love. His eyebrows shot up as John’s eyes darted away from his coyly, John’s face almost glowing red.

“H-Hey. What’s this all about?” Roger said, not understanding what John was feeling.

John shrugged before burying his face into Roger’s neck. The feelings were bubbling in his tummy and it was far too much to handle.

“I like you,” he whispered, his hands flapping a little bit.

Roger beamed, tossing the magazine aside to hug his boyfriend.

“I like you too,” he said, his own ears beginning to burn brightly.

He’d be such a menace...oh lord. 

He has SO much to say and not enough words to say it. Couple that with his temper and you have yourself Roger “Fire cracker” Taylor.

“Me’s thinking about writing song about cars,” Roger says.

“Surprised you haven’t written one before,” Brian says, idly flipping through the newspaper.

“Yeah. Will be about loving car. Like girlfriend. But car.”

Brian scrunches up his face, his eyes peeking over the newspaper.

“Can...you...elaborate...” Brian says, suddenly wondering about all the time Roger spends alone with his car.

“Ok. Lyrics be about touching car. Looking at clean car. Loving it,” Roger explained, which only made Brian more afraid.

“Roger...Roger. What the hell? Loving it how??”

“Like man loves woman?” Roger replied, the innuendo he just made completely accidental.

“You shag your car, Rog?!” Brian nearly screeched.

Roger actually screeched, shaking his head. “No! Brian, why you be thinking that? Roger’s not shagging cars. He just loving them!”

Brian burst into a fit of mad giggles, smushing the newspaper against his face. He really didn’t mean to tease Roger, but his explanation was only digging him further into a hole. 

 “Please show me your lyrics, because I’ve become quite confused, Rog,” Brian said as he flicked away tears of laughter. Roger stuck his tongue out at him, retrieving his lyrics from the other room, shoving them over to the very mean guitarist.

It was worse than Brian thought. 

“Oh, christ,” is all he said as he read the lyrics, trying so very hard not to guffaw. Roger’s face darkened, swiping up the paper.

“You not understand, Bri! You not car man. I will be showing, John. He’s car man,” Roger said as he stomped out of the room.

You remembered Chrys!!!! 

That def could be a thing. Morphine is there to help Roger through the pain and Chrysanthemum is there to soothe him! Sometimes they change roles. During a flare up, Roger might use Chrys side as almost a massage stone, rubbing it into the afflicted area, hoping to massage away the pain. And sometimes he uses Morphine for some stimming. His fur is really soft and great to nuzzle. Also how squishy he is!

So the three of them do “hang” out often. 

John used to joke that Chrysanthemum was Beary’s wife. Now he jokes Morphine is Beary’s husband. Roger is just as exasperated with the new joke.

“The three of them are all married. They’re a happy family.”

“No, John. No. We don’t support bigamy here.”

“Beary says Morphine a perfect husband.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“And Chrys says Beary is a proper husband.”

“Don’t you dare speak for Chrysanthemum!!”

Besides the teasing, John gives Roger the courage to go out with Morphine and Chrys. Chrys is on a chain around his neck. Easy to hide. The big bear isn’t. But when Roger is in a week long bout, it’s not fair that he leaves Morphine behind despite needing him. So John is there to make Roger not feel scared to carry his bear around. 

“We’re the bear brothers!”

“Deacy please.”

“Brothers with bears!”