#audhd posting

I tell ya whaat

i yearn more than anything else for independence and stability. i swear to myself that i have goals and the means to accomplish them, and yet i am incapable of moving forward it seems. i feel so stuck. i feel helpless almost. knowing what you need to do yet your mind does everything in it's power to not do it. it's like, if i don't want to it won't happen. and this puts me in a horrible position. as an adult, i never realized how much this was a problem for me until i started college. even now that i am medicated i still cant seem to focus on what matters. my tasks, my tasks that are so small and yet i can't even force myself to do them. it's as if now that i am completely aware of my own autonomy, my brain only wants to do the things that bring me pleasure or satisfaction immediately. everything else becomes a chore. even now i'm avoiding my tasks. i'm cooked, seriously.

Wdym she downloaded the fan game I'm hyperfixated on AND actually understands it? We can yap to each other about fnaf for hours and never get bored, and I love it.

Freaking love/ hate relationship with lists, istg. When people tell you to write lists to help with your ADHD and getting things done but they don't realise it can make it worse seeing all your jobs written down, as you can see all the freaking jobs you have to do and how many there are 😩