#atatn

Happy Valentine’s Day! To everyone but especially to the most lovely couple I know. My most favorite couple in the world, as you all know. Behold: The Ultimate Elaia Fluff! This was a concept I’ve been wanting to do forever and finally just got up and went for it! Introducing the Elaia family. A papa bear Elias, mama bear Laia, and their twins(?) Nothing but the best for the greatest couple of all time 🥺♥️ What would you guys name the happy couple’s kids?

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Sorry this took me a while! I have been preoccupied with school!

Laia Of Serra:

Elias Veturius:

Helene Aquilla:

Musa Of Adisa:

Avitas Harper:

Livia Aquilla:

Afya Ara - Nur

Izzi Of Serra:

Marcus Farrar:

Keris Veturia:

This post includes spoilers for A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir.

Did I enjoy ATATN very much? No. It was too slow paced for my tastes. But did I love how Sabaa Tahir portrayed Keenan and Laia's relationship in the book? Yes, I did. I am in love with the way she portrayed a toxic relationship. On first glance, it doesn't even seem toxic but then you see the subtext and go "this is brilliant." I made incoherent notes on that brilliance for this post.

For those who don't know, Laia and Keenan are a couple of sorts from book two in the An Ember in the Ashes quartet by Sabaa Tahir. We do not like Keenan. Here is why.

Love bombing

Keenan was hot and cold with Laia all through book one and just generally giving her mixed signals. He would be aloof and then bomb her with attention and make her doubt her emotions and feelings. He'd make it seem like he cared and then retreat again in his cycle of manipulation when Laia got dependent on him. He used her loneliness when she was vulnerable when Elias left for Kauf and slept with her. Then he used magic to befuddle her mind and manipulated the shit out of her emotions.

Invalidating her emotions

Making her feel like she should let go of negative emotions, instead of openly expressing and feeling them like positive emotions. Making her feel as if sadness is a luxury, when it's not.

Making her question her capabilities

This seems like it's sweet on first glance, but it's not. He used his magic to manipulate her, to befuddle her mind and to make her question herself. Then, in a position where she couldn't lean on anyone else because she was alone with him, he put her in an even more vulnerable state by making himself the only person she could trust. He made it so that she couldn't even trust herself more than she trusted him. He's making her feel like she's not ready and capable and making her dependent on him instead of herself. Her inner voice figures it out but his magic wins in the end and she tricks herself into believing he's right.

Making her feel like shit for having a voice

Laia questions his authority. Can't verbalize her doubt because he's breaking her spirit. 'As if she's growing smaller day by day' shows that she feels inferior and that she thinks she should be thankful (she shouldn't) that the Great and Wise Keenan is helping her and is with her. She trusts him and his abilities over her own, which is not a good thing.

Making her trust him

He does the stuff he did and then acts like he cares so she doesn't question his authority again. After all, why would he wanna harm her if he cares about her well-being like that?

Making himself her only relief

He took away her comfort space, the coat Elias gave her, to make him her only respite. He took away her comfort space and introduced a new one that's moreso based on him so he can take her further away from who she truly is.

Loss of sense of self

She's conflicted. She wants to be herself but she has no energy to fight back because of how he's hurt her. She wants to be herself again but she can't because she isn't even aware of the fact that she isn't herself and it's all because of him and this is brilliant.

Beaten and bruised

He told her this toxicity is normal. That this is better than independence because she can't handle independence. That she screws stuff up when she's not babied and infantilized and made dependent on someone. She completely loses trust in herself and places it in Keenan, as that was what he wanted.

elaia headers

I don’t mind Helvitas’s ending in A Sky Beyond The Storm. Their relationship always made me uncomfortable considering the first time they meet is him beating her for five days and beating her so bad her father was horrified upon seeing her. It wasn’t a light beating either, even made a joke out of it, and her family ended up having to nurse her back to health afterwards.

- “He was your ally. Your friend.” The Northman pulls something from his pocket. It clinks, but I can’t see what it is. “The moment he was to be executed, a series of explosions nearly leveled the school. Do you expect anyone to believe that was a coincidence?”

At my silence, the Northman motions for the legionnaires to dunk me again.

- The legionnaires yank my head from the bucket, and I draw a deep gulp of air. The interrogator tips my face up with a firm hand, forcing me to look into green eyes that glimmer pale and unfeeling against the silver of his mask. 

-  “Very good, Aquilla.” His words are deadly quiet. Immediately, I think of the Commandant. The softer she spoke, Elias once said, the more dangerous she was. I can finally see what the Northman pulled from his fatigues. Two sets of joined, metal rings that he slips onto his fingers. Brass beaters. A brutal weapon that transforms a simple beating into a slow, bloody death

“Why don’t we begin there?”

“Begin?” I’ve been in this hellhole for hours. “What do you mean, begin?”

“This”—he gestures to the bucket of water and my bruised face—“was me getting to know you.”

-  I try to answer him, but I’m in too much pain to do more than moan. The legionnaires dump me on the floor. I lay curled in a ball, a pathetic attempt to protect my broken ribs. My breath escapes in a wheeze. I wonder if death is close.

- “Aquilla.” The Northman sounds … different. Tired. “You’re out of time. Tell me about the girl.”

“I don’t—”

“Otherwise, I have orders to beat you to death.”

“Emperor’s orders?” I wheeze. I’m surprised. I thought Marcus would visit all sorts of horrors upon me himself before killing me.

“Doesn’t matter whom the orders come from,” the Northman says. He crouches down. His green eyes meet mine. For once, they are less than calm.

“He’s not worth it, Aquilla,” he says. “Tell me what I need to know.”

“I—I don’t know anything.” The Northman waits a moment. Watches. 

When I remain silent, he stands and pulls on the brass beaters.

- “Father?” What in the bleeding hells is he doing here? Is Marcus using him as leverage? Planning to torture him until I give up information? “Your Majesty.” My father’s voice as he addresses Marcus is smooth as glass, so uninflected as to be uncaring. But his eyes flick to me, horror-filled.

- “Six broken ribs, twenty-eight lacerations, thirteen fractures, four torn tendons, and bruised kidneys.”

Helene was even so traumatized by it that when Avitas so much as moved his hands she would flinch. Then as time progresses he never brings it up again. Never apologizes. Never sits down and talks about it with her. Granted that still wouldn’t magically make everything okay. I’d still find it very problematic but at the very least it still should’ve been acknowledged. That’s not to say he’s a bad guy. As all masks had to do horrific things in their life. So I don’t think Avitas is evil or anything like that. I actually think as a friend he’s fantastic. I do not hate him. He’s done many good things and has been there through some of the roughest times to help out and battle through. He clearly is kind and does believe in the cause he’s helping.  It’s just this concept of their relationship is not okay to me. As well as the fact that the reason she caught his eye in the first place was because he realized that she was close to his brother so that peaked his intrigue. They just started off on the worst foot that I can’t look past it. It feels wrong to romanticize a relationship that had started with trauma and assault and try to pass it off as okay cause he ends up deciding to team up with her and be nice to her afterwards.

Its very triggering actually.

It’s just a very sensitive topic for me.