#at 19

To who I was at 19-

The day you turn 19 is one of the gloomiest days of your life, it’s the day she makes you feel really worthless. It’s the year you make the most mistakes (or was that 18?) and the year you are faced so uncomfortably with all the parts you hate about yourself. This year is the hardest and you think you understand love, but your understanding of love will bloom into something so much more beautiful and meaningful, something stable and healing. And you’ll have genuine friendships, a healthy relationship with yourself, and find the passion of your life. I’m so proud of you for staying alive. Thanks for getting me (us) here. And don’t listen to what anyone says- you need to take a break from school and you WILL come back!

Me at 20-

You’ve gotten over the worst of it, but you still have a long way to go. Bad habits die hard, don’t they? And you’re going to drink so much on the day you turn 20 that you almost get alcohol poisioning. And while you still visit, you don’t live in that town anymore. You don’t realize it, but the days you’re shaking with anxiety and panic, the days you’re full of anger and fear, are so small and tame in comparison to all the days you’re going to be filled with love and warmth and joy. Don’t let the chemical embalances fool you. This is not who you are and this is not your destiny.

Me at 21-

😑😐 you definitely taught me to be more careful of who I date, to be more careful while driving (those cheese grits cost you points on your license...). This was the year you finally started working towards all those things you were so scared of. You also get your own room, like a real room, for the first time in a long time. You pick out great curtains and you go to the book store a lot. You also get that promotion you worked so hard for. And most importantly... YOU STARTED SCHOOL AGAIN!

Me at 22-